Tips/Advice For Being a Mom of Closely Spaced Kids

Hi R.,

First of all, congratulations on your new addition-to-be! My two boys are 13 months apart, with the youngest born 7 weeks early! We wanted ours close together, but not quite that close! The most difficult thing for me was that the youngest also had colic, so I had some pretty rough times for the first 8 months. The best thing that you can do is try to get on a schedule with your little boy, especially for meals and bedtime before the baby arrives. That will make fitting in the baby's routines a bit easier. My son used to sit with me while I nursed and read a book, or we would watch a video. I would have a glass of water and he would have a drink as well, so that he felt like we were all doing the same thing. I then also had him help burp the baby, so that he would feel that he could help in some way. My oldest would also bring me a diaper when the baby needed changing, and he would go down for a nap at two of the baby's nap times- mornings 10-12 and afternoons 2-4. He was a good sleeper, which allowed me to be with the baby, who was extremely colicky!

At dinner, I would put my older son in his high chair while I was cooking, so he could see what I was doing, and explain what I was doing (helped him tremendously with his vocabulary!) and the baby was usually in his swing. That way, I could have some one-on-one time with my son, and get something done. I'll never forget one night when my oldest was eating some Cheerios in his high chair, I was nursing AND stirring dinner on the stove, and my husband came in from work. He rushed over to help immediately! The biggest thing was that my husband did so much to help me-ALWAYS doing what I asked, form getting me a glass of water, changing or bathing the boys, whatever- he was amazing. At the time, we were near family so got lots of help from them. We moved here when the boys were 1 and 2, so I didn't have the family network anymore, but I stayed with the routines, going out to parks and activities, and that helped a lot.

Now the boys are 14 and 15 and even though they don't always get along and a re a bit competitive, they are good friends and will always have a close bond- they don't know what life is like without one another! Having one of each sex will cut down on the rivalry, but I still think they will be very close. The best advice that I can give is that, yes! it will be hard and difficult at times, especially when they are both in diapers; however, enjoy it while they are young- I'll never get those cuddles in the big rocking chair back!

Good luck and email me if you want any more info!
C.

Hi R., my children are 16 months apart. I had my son first, and then my daughter. Because my son was so young when my daughter was born he experienced no sibling resentment or problems. As far as he's concerned, she's always been here. My experience showed that I was very busy for the first few years, but as they both got older, they would focus upon each other more, and demands from me less. They're great friends. Don't get me wrong, there's still squabbling, but significantly less than I see with friends and family with children with larger age gaps. My nieces are 3 1/2 years apart, and the oldest would get extremely frustrated with her younger sib, because she couldn't understand the developmental differences between them.

Just expect being busy at first, and then realize you'll have more and more time as they interact with themselves.

Mine are 16 mo apart- 20 mo old boy and a 4 mo old girl. I just joined Little PEPers which is a PEPs group for people with an infant and a child under 3. Here is a link to their website:
http://www.pepsgroup.org/
We meet once a week with both kids.
Also, it's really not as hard as you are probably thinking it's going to be. My son loves his sister. I really try to shower him with praise and affection when I see him being sweet to her.

My brother is 15 months younger than me. Due to our personalities we've never been terribly close friends, but we do get along very well. We've always gotten along. When we were very young, I was (I'm told) always looking out for 'my baby'. If I got something, 'my baby' should have gotten one too! As our birthdays are 9/85 and 12/86, our mom separated us by two school years, so we'd have a little more separation in our friends and such - let us have our own space. I'm so glad she did. Anyway.. good luck!

Hi there. My kids are 13 months apart. I had a girl in Oct 2004 and then found out I was due with another. He was born Nov 2005. Having a boy and girl has a great advantage because you will treat each one as individuals. (My brothers are 12 months apart and were treated like twins). My advice is to take a lot of pictures because you will forget a lot. I had a hard time holding my baby being pregnant again. I relied on the stroller a lot. I would recommend a good stroller for taking them places for the first few years. I just gave it up last year. Have a plan of outings, as they get a little older. With them both being little, it's easy for them to get lost. I try and encourage them to stay together and play on the same things. They are now 3 and 4 and play together everyday. They chase each other and call to each other. I found that my daughter had a delayed vocabulary, but my son is advanced. I think they played to each other and she went down to his level. But now they are excelling.

We had many a day, the first year, of both of them sitting on me. I also found that I put my son down on the floor to play a lot more often compared to my older children. It's just necessary to be able to get anything done. Good Luck. I'm sure you will do just fine. The idea is always scarier than the actual outcome.

Hi R. - I have a sister and a sister-in-law who have kids 15 months apart. I was very involved with my sister's daughters from the time they were born. It was difficult on my sister's health. She tandem nursed, and was always sleep deprived. On top of that her husband was deployed to Iraq for 18 months! (She also has a son who is two years older than the girls.) BUT! It's not all gloom and doom! If you can do your best to provide yourself with good nutrition and have your husband involved during the night as much as possible so that you get a decent amount of rest, you'll be okay. The bright side comes in a few years. Both my sister's and S-I-L's kids are each other's greatest friend and playmate. Now that they're all in school they are still close, are interested in the same games and are on the same time slot in sports, which really is great! A friend of ours had twins, and she says there's a comparison there with her kids - they are really similar in so many ways, yet you need to really spend individual time with each and get to know their personalities, which are so different.

One other thing - my sister regrets that she hardly remembers the year to 18 months after the youngest was born. She wishes she'd spent more time just focused on the kids and trying to enjoy each day instead of letting herself get upset by and wrapped up in the hectic parts of it. Keep the baby books and camera on the coffee table!

Blessings on your preparations for this!

My kids were almost 2 years apart. It was really hard work and hard on me at first.

Enlist all the family help you can.

Rest now.

Protect your oldest' toys and explorations from your youngest' after your youngest begins to crawl and explore.

Make sure your youngest gets lots of snuggle time.

After my youngest turned 2 and every one was potty trained it got much easier and funner. No diaper bags! Hooray! We could pack up and just go. They were interested in same type of thing at the same level. It was cool.

Wow - that 's a great question-. From the vantage point of being 63 - I'll tell you that it works great or it is tough- depending on the completely random personalities of the two children. A dear friend of mine had two together deliberately - as she and her sister ( same space apart- 16 months) had been SUCH great pals- but her two boys were a tough combination- the older was a laid-back passive child - the younger a PISTOL who quickly moved into the position of ''' I can torture my brother and make him upset''' - and they played that game their ENTIRE childhood - . sigh ---
It should be a help that you have different genders- as they will each get attention for very different things ( all children do - but somehow we treat two little girls-- or two little boys-- more similarly- ) - Don't expect a problem- there may be none - just get ready for fun and take your vitamins--

Blessings,
J.