Three Year Old Who Gets Hysterical About Going to Daycare

Hi N.,

Behavior doesn't just change for no reason. It could be simply he saw something on TV that scared him and he's relating it to school or not being with you. My sister is a retired social worker who licensed daycares for 15 years and she will tell you ALWAYS drop in unexpectedly. (I know you're single and probably have a demanding schedule, but if you can't, maybe a family member or friend can.) Look for facilities that have cameras. Thorough interviews with the director and even some of the staff doesn't always prove thorough. It could be something horrible or just another child teasing him...

Please pay attention to this closely. Three year olds are too vulnerable and can't always articulate what's going on.

God bless,

M.

My three year old did the same thing, I finally stopped in unanounced and found her sitting in wet cloths crying in the corner witht the "teacher" yelling at her for spilling her water. Apparently the teacher would yell at her a lot. My daughter was a little active but she was also an only child. I pulled her out of that place immediatly. A friend of mine had her child sexually abused at another daycare. I would take the cues from your child. At home ask him to draw you a picture of what he does at daycare and then ask him to describe it to you. Also I would take him to his docter.

please get him out of that place something is not right.

N., I hate to sound negative or overly worried, but I see red flags flying everywhere! Something has happened or is happening to your child during school. Have you talked to him about inappropriate touching from others? I have daughters and I've always talked to them about how NO ONE but mommy and the doctor, and the doctor only when mom is there, are allowed to look at their private areas or touch them, and only to bathe or see for health reasons. With my son, I've been very worried. Boys just don't really get it because showing it off seems funny. He's only 4 but we still talk about it. When he had a urinary problem, I had to explain to him why the doctor needed to see his "weed-a-wacker", don't ask, my aunt names it this and teaches all the boys...He was fine, as long as mommy was there.

Again I don't want to scare you but something is going on. Probably not to the extreme of sexual, but another child teasing him or hitting him, or something, but obviously your child has something going on. Yes, they can get moments where they just want mommy, esp with you being a single parent. I'm a military wife so basically a single mom with an extra paycheck...which helps but still doing it alone. If he was fine when you picked him up, I would look at him just wanting to be with you. If he's still "out of it" at that time....it has to be something else. You need to talk to him and find out what happens at school that makes him unhappy. It may be a little tough, but keep talking. Is he ever the last child picked up? I would say do the surprise arrival idea, but with having to return to work, I know that never worked for me. They thought if I had arrived it was time to go home. Hysteria all over again. I wish you the very best and hope it is nothing serious at all. Our babies are our lives. May even be his best friend left...I dont' know. I know my son tells me everything that happens at school, but at 3 I had to ask alot. Good luck and God Bless

I would be cautious and try to do surprise drop-ins as others suggested. Kids can go through separationa anxiety suddenly even when they'd been fine previously. My son at 2 and 3 was fine getting ready and driving there but would pitch the usually fit when I went to leave. He was always happy to see me at pick up time though, but a little clingy. I think that is normal, but what you're describing doesn't seem right. Our fits in the morning got worse and he got very whiny at pick up time after a chronic biter started targeting him at daycare. The workers were aware of the problem though and I got incident notes almost everytime. The last time we did not and his normal teacher wasn't there, some subs were so I blamed that. We moved soon after so it wasn't a problem anymore. It could just be his favorite teacher or playmate isn't in his room any more, but it could be more serious. If another kid is picking on him the workers should at least be aware of it, so their denial is worrisome. Try to talk to him, but I know sometimes you can't get information out of them at that age. If you feel you should don't hesitate to find a new facility. I'm in Olive Branch and know many places in Memphis and could get many more recommendations from friends if you need to move him so feel free to message me.

N..

How long has your son attended this day care? Has anyone new started in the past 4 weeks? Have you talked to your son about what is bothering him? Ask him to draw it out on a piece of paper.

Do a scenerio of something that happened to you at work one time that upset you....draw it out on a piece of paper...talk about how it made you feel...how you handled the situation by going to someone else and talking about it....no matter if someone had threatened you or not...*keep it short and sweet to hold his attention*

Then, ask him to tell you a scenario of something that made him feel bad at daycare....He is three years old, smart enough to share information with mommy, tell him he is not going to get in trouble (just in case someone has told him otherwise) Tell him mommy always loves him and always wants him to feel safe. If anything makes him feel unsafe, let him know you are always available to talk to at anytime of day or night. Tell him the two of you can work together to make all the bad feelings go away.

I would definitely be doing some dropping in on this daycare just to be on the safe side. Everyday I dropped my child off, I would say something to the effect, if anything or anyone scares you today or makes you feel really bad. Ask to call mommy on the phone. Dont ask that person,,,ask another person...keep the conversation going daily with your child and maybe something will turn up.

Good luck!