This Morning, My Son Called Me Lazy :(

I agree with Grandma T. And I wouldn't do an apology note. That's unnecessary...you're mom, not the principal.

My 4 year old will literally sit at my feet jumping for me to close my lap top and finish my school work. When I do, he crawls in my lap and is asleep in 5 minutes.

My 6 year old loves for me to do anything with him from watching war movies to playing Uno.

My 8 year old just wants to show me her dance moves.

Kids want US. They don't understand how hard work can be or how exhausting it is to be an adult sometimes. Try for some one-on-one time with him and go from there.

I feel like this sometimes... That's when I pull out the Yahtzee or play Wii or watch a movie, cuddling on the couch with my kids. I have 2 kids. An 8 yr old daughter and a 3.5 yr old son.

I work full-time as well. My husband doesn't cook, but does help me clean. We try to do whatever makes us all happy and still decompressing.

You're tired, not lazy, but kids don't know the difference, and they are called lazy more than tired so that's the word he used. You don't need to wait on him, but maybe finding time to decompress WITH him quietly so he gets the us-time before he goes to bed, then taking the you time to read for a while after that. He can do for himself, but I think he wants you to BE with him, not DO for him.

Hugs to you!

I think he's asking for a little bit more of your undivided attention and had no other words to use except for "lazy".
Talk to him. Maybe taking him to a movie every Saturday or some other type of ritual will make him 'feel' better.
Kids want our time more than anything else.

Young children just see the world from their own eyes. At 7, he's only seeing you reading a book and not paying attention to him. He doesn't know that you work hard all day, or that you have bills to pay. And he does realize his worlds are hurtful, but he's hurting inside too and he's trying to tell you.

We went through (and still go through) issues like this. My daughter seems to think money just "grows on trees" and that she should have everything that her friends have. We had to do multiple talks about how daddy and mommy work hard for our money, and that we have to PAY for things like electricity, water--even our place to live.

Your son doesn't need to be forced to apologize, even though it was hurtful to you. Instead he needs information. He needs to know how hard you work--and WHY you work. And then you can tell him you need his help by being a "big boy" and doing things for himself.

My daughter is resentful whenever she is being made to do anything for herself. She used to get mad when I asked her to make herself a sandwich for lunch. She's 10, and perfectly capable of making a sandwich! We always handle it by again, talking about how hard we work as parents and then asking for her help.

We also demonstrated her place in the family and talked about everyone's jobs. It was an eye-opener for her to realize all the things we do as adults that she never thought about. Food just doesn't "appear" in our pantry, and daddy's wallet is not a font of dollar bills!

It's also your time to listen. Perhaps your son just needs a few moments of mommy-cuddle time. Maybe he just needs a bedtime story--or some kind of attention from you. Sometimes a little bit is all it takes, even when you're tired.

Good Luck!

A comment only hurts in relation to how true it is......
he is seven.. he won't ever be that age again.. kids need their parent's time and focus... you can do things for yourself, but don't forget, your son has been at school ALL day long and he too wants some undivided attention.. While you may think seven is old enough to understand that you had a long day at work..... seven is still VERY young. and going to school all day and then daycare is a lot of away time for him. You say your son wants for nothing. not true.. he wants for YOU .. your attention... in life, not everyone is going to want your undivided attention and love... but a kid does... so enjoy it now.. when he is older, he won't want it as much... When kids are young, now is the time to really relish the moments with them.. soak up all that seven year goodness....

I can't tell you how many parents I see picking up their kids from school and who don't even lift their heads to say, Hi love, how was your day.... what did you do at school/daycare all day.. nope, instead, they have their face buried in their IPhones..... texting away, playing games.... and all the while, the kid simply wants to know that he/she matters... that mom/dad ,caregiver is TRULY glad to see them..

this may not be you.. but sounds like your son thinks it is... I would take his words to heart.... and instead of personalizing it.. consider that most seven year olds speak from the heart.. he may not have framed the words the way you would have liked.. but I am sure he spoke from the heart...

I don't think that you should make him write an apology note. He was simply expressing what he feels. It doesn't sound like he called you a name or stepped out of line. Maybe he feels like you should be paying more attention to him. It doesn't mean you have to "do" more for him or be his servant or anything. It does look lazy when anyone spends a large amount of time reading or playing gadget games. Your son doesn't see you at work, he sees you at home when you are relaxing.

I like to decompress just like you do, and I totally get how you feel. I try my best to just put down the book or games more often and destress by a tickle fight, practical jokes, or just "being silly" with my son. Just taking the time to "connect" and have a good laugh really changes things, and doesn't take very long.

Best wishes to you! I hope you can figure something out that works for you and your son. :)

EDIT: Sending you a HUGE flower for your update!! It is always hard to hear that our kids might be feeling that we are not giving them enough of ourselves. It takes a truly GREAT parent to see it and to be willing to make those changes that our children need. Based off of your update you are a truly GREAT MOM!!!!!

Best of luck on your new job!!

Not sure that he is resentful of you making him do things on his own...What was the situation last night? Was that one of the nights where you came home and started reading a book or playing games on your itouch while dad made dinner?

Maybe you could read HIM a book or play a game with HIM. Sounds almost to me like he wants a little bit of your attention. You say that "he wants for nothing" but in the end material things do not make up for spending time with mom. When he is all grown up his memories are not going to be of all the "stuff" that he had, his memories are going to be of spending time with his parents...or of his parents choosing to spend time doing their "own" thing instead of spending it with him.

I work full time and when I get home there is a dinner to cook, homework to do, animals to take care of etc. My house is not clean (totally wish it was) because instead of spending all of my time doing chores I choose to do the necessary things and then spend the majority of my time with my daughter. I decompress after she goes to bed!

He is only going to want your attention for so long before he grows up and you are no longer cool. Give him the attention now and "decompress" when he is older.

Just my opinion.

He's away from you all day at school, and then he goes to after school care where he's away from you, and then when you get him home -- and while he's still awake -- you do your own thing.

Hmm, I guess I'd have questions for him. I wouldn't be mad though. I'd be glad he is telling you how he feels. I wouldn't let him call you lazy, but I'd ask him why he thinks that and what he needs. Is he looking for you to do his laundry or help with homework .... or is he wanting you to play a game or just hang out with him? If it's the latter then I think you should put down your stuff and hang out with him. Play games with him! And then play your own games when he goes to bed.

You could have a really good talk with him on this subject ... about how we have to learn to take care of ourselves and how he's getting older and needs to be more responsible. And remind him that while you give him more things to do, it doesn't mean you're lazy or don't care about him. It means you're preparing him to be an adult who has to care for himself.

No apology letter. He told you how he feels. He maybe used an improper word but goodness, he's only 7. Give him a break this time.

set aside half hour after you had your coffee and checked mamapedia (lol) and go play catch with him outside, or read him a book, or play a vid game with him. Try to connect a bit more.. I think he is confusing laziness with attentiveness. He misses you and wants that intimacy you used to have.

As you play catch or play with him in that half hour, talk to him and re-assure him. I don't think punishment is appropriate in this instance... try to get to the route of his comment. Ask him why he thinks you are lazy and what would he like you to do more.. I am sure (being a 7 year old) he will tell you..

Also when he resents you for letting him do things himself, remind him that he is still a little boy, and you are teaching him to be able to rely on himself (in a term he would understand) tell him that one day he will be able to do things like daddy. That's why it is important to learn to do things by ourselves.

My friend's son had to write an essay at school about his parents. He said they were "lazy on the weekends." My friend was so hurt! But he didn't mean it the way it sounded. He meant that since his parents run around so much during the week that they could relax and enjoy the weekend. His mom talked to him about how certain words could hurt and conveying his true meaning on paper.

Granted, your son might have meant lazy as being lazy, but I think you should talk to your son about what he meant. Also, what does he think you should be doing? You can talk about whether his expectations are reasonable or not. I think you also need to make him aware of all the things you do for him and your family. He doesn't see it (obviously).

I wouldn't make him write an apology.

Been there? Not exactly. But this morning on the way to the sitter my daughter said...mommy, if you keep eating bad things you're going to be really fat. All I had was a cup of coffee. Little jerk. :)

I agree that he wants your time. He's probably comparing you to all the uber-involved moms at school. When my kids whine about me working I ask them, "do you want mommy to buy food? How about toys? Do you like having a car to get to school or should we walk? Tell you what, I'll quit my job and stay home with you allllll day, but we wont be able to go anywhere or buy anything or have food. How does that sound?"

Frankly I don't think he meant to hurt your feelings. I don't know what context he said these words in, but if it was in a conversation punishing him for voicing his opinion may totally backfire and he will feel like he cannot tell you what he thinks without punishment. That is not what you want down the road.

Give him some grace and consider that he may not chose the best word, but that he wanted to convey something to you. Does he need more attention? Does he expect to "wait on him" or does he simply want you to play with him?

Have a conversation with him about this and get to the bottom of his feelings and I bet you will be happy you did.
Good luck!~

I think you may need to get to the root of the issue-what made him resort to character assassination? We obviously don’t have the entire picture but I understand the issue of time-there is never enough of it. I work full time with two small children at home and a wonderful husband who helps me when he wants to-(side subject). I include my daughter in task as much as possible so that I am not overwhelmed on the weekend trying to “manage” my environment and spend as much time with them as I can when they are awake. I unwind after they are in bed, this is also when we do date night or I go out on occasions with friends, when they are already in bed.
I give you this background because the hurtful words probably steam from time-your undivided attention is what your child is craving-undivided attention cannot be substituted with material things. At age 7 your child knows that their words were hurtful and an apology is warranted but at the same time getting to the root of why he feels this way will help make the relationship stronger

Is there a way you can destress on the way home from work? Do you have a 20 minute drive home that you can change your thoughts in?

It sounds like the son just wants mom to recognize that he is there without mom being on a game or reading when you first get home. He has dad there but he just wants mom. Take a few minutes to sit down with him and just really listen to him and repeat back to him what he said to you so that he knows you are listening to what he said. It sounds like you are there in body but not in mind and he feels this. I know easier said than done. I too was a working mom with kids young and had to learn a technique to turn off the working mind and turn on the mom mind and be there.

An apology note is not necessary he is just expressing his feelings.

Good luck to you.

The other S.

PS Working is part of life and maybe you two need to have date day so he gets a fill of just mom.

Oh no he didn't! When you get home tonight sit down with him and write out EVERY little thing you do for him (which is basically everything you do in your day). Then have a good long talk with him about family and personal responsibility. Talk to him about using his words to express himself without cutting the other person down. Get your husband in on this conversation as well. Don't be angry, be informative.

I would go with what Mary said so eloquently. Kids really resent things that take our attention away from them and this is likely how he sees your unwind time. See if you can't think of ways to unwind together. (I know this isn't fair to you, but parenting is hard.) Now that my kids are older I can do stuff like that, but even now it is hard to do unless they are thoroughly occupied too. Sometimes we'l just sit cuddle next to each other and read our own books. They like that.

Dialogue.

Forget the apology...and remember they don't have the filters we have. He just wants more attention. Sounds like a good opportunity to talk to him about how he is feeling.

Ha, oneanddone knows the filter drill...saw that after I posted :)

Earlier this week my 6 1/2 year old son complained while he was getting his stuff ready for school in the morning "Mom, why do I have to do all this stuff that is really YOUR job?"

I think it is par for the course at this age. They are getting past the "little kid" phase, and moving into a "bigger kid" phase and the transition can be bumpy. They want more responsibilities but sometimes the reality of the extra "work" can make them crabby.

I think you are doing fine. Maybe you could make time to sit with him for a few minutes and then save your decompression time for after? He probably wants your attention. I stay home with my kids, and still find that they want my attention... even if I've been paying attention to them all day.

Good luck,
J.

He thinks you're lazy? Where did he get this idea? Does he think all his friends are waited on hand and foot?

Well, yes, maybe some of them are, but how many?

What does the word "lazy" mean to him? Since he's six, he could have a very interesting definition!

If it were me, I would get curious. (When something like this happens, either you can be angry or you can be curious. If you choose to be angry, you can have a good vent but you've ended the dialogue with your son. If you choose to be curious, you might learn something.) I might say, "Joseph, I've been thinking about what you said this morning. In what way do you think I'm lazy?"

He might have had something specific in mind - for instance, that he wanted to wear a certain shirt and it was still in the laundry. In that case, you can let him know that it happens to everybody some time or other; it will even happen to him when he's grown up and doing his own laundry. He did have another shirt to wear, which is better than all his shirts being dirty. Or maybe he wanted a certain snack, and you hadn't stopped at the grocery store. What he was feeling in those cases was really disappointment.

If it's because you're on the couch playing games, ask him what he does when he gets home from school to relax. There may be some wiggle room for negotiation on this one; maybe sometimes you'll be willing to play a game with him instead of by yourself (and take advantage of this - it won't be too long before he won't want to play anything with you!).

Be curious. Listen to what he has to say. Maybe he has forgotten saying what *you're* still remembering so sorely! Maybe he went to a friend's house and saw that family interacting another way. Maybe he wishes he had some more time doing things with Mama. Six is pretty little, you know.

There is a tremendous opportunity for communication here. These chances grow fewer and farther between. Go for it.

Ah, kids! They completely lack filters.

I think it's more of an issue of respect and feelings than him calling you "lazy."

I think tonight would be the perfect time to review the concept of respect and how words can hurt--long after you've forgotten you've even said them.

I think by "lazy" he probably meant he wants time and attention. Please, don't make him write an apology note for him feeling this way. I don't think that would be right. I absolutely agree with Mary's answer. Sure, it might be a sensitive subject for you, but missing out on his mom (if that's how he feels) is a sensitive subject for HIM.

Perhaps he was just trying to say he wanted more one on one time with you. I'd sit him down and talk to him about what he really means and how he hurt your feelings. I'd have him apologize AND then I'd get up and play a board game or legos or something with him. Tell him you are going to make a weekly mom/son date night and another day a weekly mom/son play time...and schedule it in.

I feel for you. I will tell you, unfortunately it doesn't always get better. Mine is 15 and has....shall we say unrealistic expectations at times. Our response has always been: "It is our job to make sure that you are a productive member of society. That means you need to know how to do your own laundry, make a bed, wash dishes, etc." The other point we make is that we aren't asking him to do stuff because we don't want to, but because we are/have been doing a hundred other things. Family means everyone contributes. Sometimes it is just about making them look outside their bubble and giving them a glimpse of the big picture.

Me! I would have snapped on my child & than I would really show them what lazy looks like so that they could have a CLEAR understanding....

EDITED: but okay what Grandma T said sounds wise!

I think it was his way of reaching out to you for your attention. No apology letter needed. Talk to him! Tell him what he said can hurt somebody's feelings but that he has every right to talk about how he is feeling without calling names.
I think he just wants time with you and probably just used the wrong words - he is only 6.

I guess I disagree with the majority. I think the comment was rude, no matter what he meant. I teach four and five-year-olds and even they understand how name calling hurts. I also work full-time out of the home, and I know how we need time to decompress. Heaven forbid you get time to read a friggin book! I look at it like this....they tell you on an airplane that if oxygen masks drop, parents put their own on first. Because if they help the child first, they will not survive. So, if I don't take care of myself, I cannot take adequate care of my son. I would rather have quality time when I am relaxed and focused, not when I am spending time with him in order to make him happy. I think you should tell your son that Mommy isn't lazy...she works hard all day long so that there is money for toys and food and TV. When she has relaxed and her feet stop hurting she will be ready to play. And if he said I was lazy again I would ask him what he wants you to do and come up with a compromise. But I would definitely tell him he hurt your feelings with name calling and tell him he owes an apology, and help him try to find other words to say what he feels.

Even at 6 1/2 boys should learn how to be respectful when they talk to women. Especially THE woman...mom!

Don't make him write an apology note for stating how he feels. Teach him how to state how he feels more...diplomatically. It sounds to me like he just wants some mom time. Carve one day out a week in which you do some fun activity with him. Explain your situation to him. Tell him that you have to work. Tell him that it is important for you to have time to do things you enjoy. Explain to him that as he gets older he will be doing more for himself because you want him to be a functional, independent human someday. Of course you have to put all this in a way your child will understand. Realize he knows that it is a sensitive subject for you and so he stated it that way to get your attention. Good luck.

Don't make him apologize. His perception is his reality. Here is a simple way to have him see things differently. YOU initiate some time with him - come home one night (and do this at least once a week) and say to him - I'm setting the timer, no phones, no TV, no computer - for 30 minutes, we are going to do whatever you want! Hopefully he'll pick something realistic like legos, board games, kick a soccer ball, etc.. and then give him 100% of your attention. I find with kids - starting at toddler age, they THRIVE on one-on-one time with Mom or Dad. Have Dad do the same if he isn't already. I get that you want to wind down, I have those night too. In fact, if I had my way, I'd sit and veg every night! lol. But, it's just me and the kids and I find I get amazing rewards from them when I initiate play. I love to read so I'll tell my son (almost 7) to pick out some books. I tell him, I'll read them or he can read them to me - then I'm going to sit quietly and read my book.

Don't take anything he says personally. You already have M. guilt (we ALL have way too much of that). Be kind to yourself, it's fine to play with your Itouch, it's fine to want to read - infact, at least you do something productive to unwind. Just balance it out.

And to add - the word lazy sounds so ugly to us adults, I mean a lazy person sits on the couch ALL day in their PJ's and doesn't lift a finger, yada yada yada.... to your son it's just the word he chose maybe out of hurt to describe you not doing something he wants you to do. What he's really saying is.... Mom, thank you for everything you do for me, the people you work with are so lucky to get to be with you all day! I love you so much and just want to spend a little time with you :-)

Best wishes,
M.

depending on what time does he actually get home is how i would do things. for example if you guys get home at 6. have dinner, do all that needs to be done, and then you are doing your own thing, that just means he misses you. if that is the case have a date with hm 2 times a month for example, during which he gets your undivided attention. i work from home, but before my kids get home from school, which is at 3, i already have my dinner cooked or cooking so that when they get home i am not cooking, cleaning, but spending time with them. you just need a better schedule

Eh, he is 6...he has no perspective, except for that of a child with no life experience. A friend of mine was taking her 9 year old on a family vacation to Jamaica...and this kid didn't want to go because he had never heard of the place and just wanted to stay home and play video games with his friends. And she was like, who doesn't want to go to Jamaica? And she worried that he was going be upset about being made to go and if she should let him stay home with his father (they were divorced). But I told her to just take him and not worry about it - he really didn't know what he was talking about, and he ended up having a great time.

I would try to explain to him how hard you work all day long so that your family can have the money to live in the house you live in and the opportunities to do fun things. Maybe he could even spend some time with you at work one day to see what you have to do. And that he is a big boy who needs to sometimes do things for himself because some day he will be a grown-up and he will have no other choice but to do things for himself (his future girlfriend/wife will thank you!). Enlist his dad's help with this. Many kids these days grow up with a sense of entitlement because their parents are forever doing things for them and buying them stuff and taking them places and then they expect the rest of the world to act the same way. But maybe also you can designate a day on the weekend, or some time over school vacation, to do something special and fun with him, just the 2 of you, so he feels like he is getting some of the positive attention that he needs.

He doesn't see you when you are at work. He knows that you "go to work," but has no idea what that really means, what you do there or why you won't pay attention to him. You do not need to wait on him hand and foot, I don't think that any parent needs to do that. Kids should do for themselves as is age appropriate. However, I don't think it's unreasonable for him to expect you to play a game with him, read with him, watch his favorite show with him or spend time with him in some other way after the work/school day. I think that it is time for a discussion about how in a family, everyone does their part, including children. Tell him what you do for him and what you expect him to do for himself. He should know that it's not mom's job to do whatever it is that you expect him to do on his own. It's also important to remember that while you are exhausted from a long day at work, he's still young and probably very tired out from a long day at school and after care.

I'm sorry, I didn't read the other responses. The first thing I thought about is if these are truly his feelings versus the feelings of someone else. Could he have heard someone complaining or a conversation regarding you and your actions. I may be way off, but it was my first thought.

I think he should apologize but the dialogue should be focused on getting to the root of the issue and finding a solution. As a working mom, it's words like that we dread to hear. Best of luck to you!

I would leave it alone for now. If it comes up again then talk about it. It is also a good time to talk about families and how we all work together to help the family. We each contribute a little like his chores, you and your husband's responsibilities, etc. He sounds like he is an only child. Hopefully he is getting enough socialization that he is not thinking that the world revolves around him. It is difficult being an only child. My father is an only child and is very spoiled and cannot relate to his 5 kids. There are things you can do with him to ensure he understands the world around him better and his part in it and help him to be more sensitive to others. I would get him involved in some activities that help others.

I HIGHLY reccomend doing a "What I DID today" list. Not sure if sharing it with your son would be helpful or not, BUT doing one ALWAYS makes ME feel/sleep better. It think YOU would be amazed at how much you do in the day....

My opinion is regardless of reasons no one should be allowed to be rude. His offhand remark calling you lazy is rude. Period. At his age it is appropriate to point out he can use his words better. He no doubt would not appreciate being called a name, i.e. lazy, particularly if it was from a loved one, i.e., you or dad. I wouldn't make him write you a note or anything drastic since it is the first offense. I would tell him you will spend more time with him since you believe that is really the problem. But I would also tell him again he hurt your feelings which is not something your family does. Good luck.

he shouldn't have to apologize for how he feels. Kids sometimes can't describe exactly how they are feeling. He may have said "lazy" but mean something else. I am thinking it's that he might feel you are too tired when you get home from work that you don't spend time with him. It's his way of saying that he misses you, and wants you to know how much.

My son says that I don't pay attention to him. Most often this is after he gets home from school and I am answering an email. He also forgets that he just walks right in the house, no hug, or hi mom, just runs to the fridge. He then will watch t.v or do something else. I will then tell him that it goes both ways. Usually he gets the point, and we end up snuggled on the couch reading a book together.

Boys at that age are in that "i want my independence, and don't need mommy vs. I want my mommy" It's nice when they do say those things. I think it makes me feel better to know that he really does miss me and want to spend time with me.

i would talk to him about his feelings. You can then talk to him about yours. You both might learn something. I know I did.

Aw geez! :(

I don't even know what I would do in this situation. But, I would recommend talking to him about it. Make sure he fully understands the meaning of lazy and why it can be hurtful. I think the apology note is a really good idea! i would also explain to him that he is a big boy and is fully capable of doing some thinds on his own.

I think an apology note is a good idea. He is old enough to remember the remark and understand why you are having him write the note even though it's hours later.

FWIW, my 13-year-old son called me lazy this week too, as in "you're too lazy to make an appointment for me to..." and although I don't believe in corporal punishment, I swear I almost backhanded him one. I told him in no uncertain terms that I can guarantee that I am one of the hardest working people he will ever meet, that the world doesn't revolve around him and that the next time that thought creeps into head, I will stop doing everything that I do for him and he will know what lazy parenting looks like and I can guarantee that he won't like it. As in walk 4 miles to the hockey rink with your bag of equipment if you want to go to practice and arrange for a ride to the games if you want to play. Cook your own meals. Never get a ride to or from school, regardless of how cold or rainy it is.

Another friend's 12-year-old son this week told her that she is too lazy to cook what he likes for dinner, so she made him come up with a menu for a week, plan a grocery list, go shopping, and will be cooking dinner for a week.

Your situation is a little different - if I were you, I would offer him the option to do and evening chore in exchange for more time with you. Empty the dishwasher and set the table and you can spend 15 more minutes with him reading or playing or something. But other than that, he was out of line and should apologize, and no you don't need to entertain him non-stop at the end of the day.

Wow. I just wanted to compliment you on your "So What Happened" response. You seem very open-minded and willing to listen to other people's advice, even if it means you are the one who needs to change. I am really impressed. Sounds like you're a great mom who is just a little overwhelmed and tired and needed some encouragement to do the right thing. Good for you.

Yeah, a comment like that would bother me, too.
And the more I thought about it, the more irked I'd get.
Kids don't always realize how much we do for them.
The cooking, cleaning, shopping, planning, working (hey it puts a roof over their head, food in their bellies and clothes on their backs) and driving them around.
We'd all like a bit more gratitude and a bit less attitude.
If he's meaning he'd like to be able to do fewer chores, (well - wouldn't we all?) but helping out around the house is what families do.
In fact, maybe he should be with you and helping as you cook, do laundry, clean bathrooms, etc so he can see what you do.
And since the peanut gallery has seen fit to comment, he should know that as he gets older he'll be expected to do more chores to help - no grumbling allowed.
Instead of complaining, he'd better enjoy things as they are right now because there's a lot more coming his way in the future!

I would keep on having him do things for himself, BUT, I would be sure to spend fun, one-on-one time with him, because that is what he is missing most, not your waiting hand and foot on him.

Instead of punishing him, I would think about what he is really trying to tell you by saying that. And I think what he is saying is that he misses his mom.

When he is grown, and doesn't want to hang out with you any more, you will wish you had spent your "decompressing" time playing games with him, not playing games on your itouch.

Not judging, just an FYI. Monica, below, is correct.

I have!! But with my 13 year old step daughter. She felt like we were asking too much of her earlier this year. Her grandma was diagnosed with cancer, and we were the only "kids" available to help her out at the time. This ended up doubling our load. We all took the chores that we do at home, and did them at Grandma's, too (even the 4 year old). Tiff felt that this was unfair, and she really hated that she was expected to do things Grandma's way at her house, and our way at home. I basically explained to her that Grandma doesn't like relying on us any more than we like doing all of her house work, the only difference is that she doesn't have a choice. Not only was she dealing with the effects of chemo and radiation, she also has two broken vertebrae, so it hurts her to get around. I encouraged her to think of people other than herself, and I started sharing my chores with her. If I was doing laundry at Grandma's, she helped fold and put away. If she was washing dishes, I would dry and put away. We both did the same amount of work, we just did it together. Keep your head up!! And I would listen to Mary L.'s advice, she sounds like one smart cookie.

Good Luck!!