Okay so you could say our family is sports orientated. I have 4 kids 18,15, 11, and 5. My 18 year old cheerleads, my 5 year old does "baseball", but my 15 year old does cross country, basketball, and soccer. My husband is the coach type, he actully coaches my 5 year olds team. But my hubby always said he wanted a kid who did basketball and soccer, and I dont want her to feel like she has to becasue of her dad. Cause he is always taking her out to practice, or talking to her about sports, it really is never anything elese. A girl needs a dad sometimes, not a coach. Can any of you moms relate to this. I've talked to him about it, but it hasnt helped much. She is really great at them, has made it to state in soccer and cross country last year. But high school is stressful enough, but adding all those on, oh man, sometimes idk how she does it! its impressive! She did just get a surgery on her elbow recently because of hurting it in basketball, but as soon as thats healed, and everything is well, she'll be back. Any suggestions on how to adress it? thanks!
is she stressing or just you? My dd plays field hockey, basketball and track for high school, as well as travel soccer which is fall, winter (indoor) and spring. But she does it because she wants to.
Does she express that she is stressed, feeling pressure or wants a different relationship with her dad? Or are you projecting your concerns?
If the concerns are yours and not something that she is expressing or that her behavior is indicating is a problem, then just let them navigate their relationship together on their own terms.
If there is some clear reason for you to be concerned (you sense that she is feeling out of balance or pressured or she has come right out and said something) then help her to find her voice and balance. Maybe it's rec league for a sport instead of varsity or JV. Maybe she does nothing formal during the summer other than the bare minimum to stay conditioned. Maybe you can help them connect with something else (remind them that they like the same movie or comedians, or share an interest in photography or something).
The teen years can be really awkward for dads and girls - sports gives them a common, neutral interest that's comfortable for both of them. As girls grow up and start to look like women, it can be really hard for dads to stay connected because some of them are weirded out by the physical changes and because they don't want to feel creepy, they can pull back and disconnect a bit. Sports is their language, and it's probably enough to get them through these awkward years. She won't be around the house forever, and he won't be able to coach her past high school so if it's not a problem for her, let it be.
FWIW, the most successful kids that I tutor have good grades, are student leaders (student council or class officers), and are very competitive in at least one sport and participate in sports all school year (and most summer) or in the arts. This is a great time for her to test her mettle and stretch herself a bit - if she's healthy, getting sleep, eating well, has a social life and can keep her grades up, let her compete in as many sports as she wants at whatever level she wants.
Sometimes it seems like they just take on so much, doesn't it? My daughter is a high school soccer player also. As far as the concern about being overly busy, my daughter says she does better organizing her time during the soccer season than during the rest of the year because she knows she has less of it to waste, which encourages her to focus and to keep on track with her work. She's a senior in high school with 6 major subjects, all either AP or honors level, in an academically rigorous school.
As for dad's emphasis on sports, I remember when my brother's daughter was in her teens. She expressed an interest in picking up a hobby of his and he jumped all over that & did everything he could to foster her interest (which, in typical teen age fashion, lasted about 3 or 4 months). He figured that he really had very little in common with a teen age girl and he wanted to encourage something they could both enjoy so he could have something to talk with her about. He said he spent all kinds of time reminding her to clean her room, pick up after herself do her best in school, yada, yada, yada. Having something they both thought was fun really excited him. Could it be the same with your sports-nut hubby?
Who's stressin'?
My daughter is in 3 clubs, swims, youth group on Weds nights and volunteers at the homeless shelter once a month. She also has 4 AP classes and is getting all A's and B's.
She's happy busy I have two more just as busy. I have to juggle my time between the pool, soccer field, church, the shelter, the band classes, the PT sessions, Girl Scouts, BOy Scouts.
If your daughter is happy and loves her sports then she will be fine. Pretty soon she will be looking at colleges. THey love these kids, ones who arent' afraid to jump in, take part and lead.
does she enjoy herself & is she happy? That's all that matters....
My son used to do one sport each season....& was happy. He's now down to just Track & Field. Well, + + Band + + working toward Eagle Scout.....so his schedule is filled in!
I would just be happy that she has a father who is that involved in her life and can be a good role model. If she's happy playing sports, why stress about it? At least she isn't doing drugs or sleeping around! And Dad isn't an alcoholic, or abusive, or just plain absent.
If talking to him hasn't gotten you very far, why not talk to her about how SHE feels, and if she is enjoying this, or wants something else?
Is your daughter enjoying herself in sports? If she is...relax...I am willing to bet that if she didn't want to do them she wouldnt be going to the state level in them!! MY girls played fast pitch softball and our summers revolved around it for YEARS...and they have so many wonderful memories of that. Their Dad helped them with polishing their skills and coached on team and was a avid supporter of the other. Let your husband father WHILE being a coach...that seems to be working really well so far!!! I wouldn't address it at all...I would just be grateful that your husband is so involved in your childrens lives!!
Talk to her about how she feels. As long as she is enjoying them I really don't think you have anything to worry about. I did every sport I could in high school - volleyball, basketball, track, fastpitch. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I had a great time making friends and creating memories. She'll never get those years back, so let her do what she enjoys.
I think it all depends on whether this is stressing your daughter or not. On one hand, it's pretty great that your husband spends so much time with her.
If SHE'S fine with it and that's her "thing" with her dad, I wouldn't worry about it.
Are you thinking he should be doing things with her besides the sports activities like taking her shopping or to the mall? At 15, she may or may not be on board with that idea.
If this isn't a problem for your daughter, I'm not sure there's a problem. If she feels her dad is pushing her too hard or she's only doing things to please him, that's a different story, but I don't think you should assume that's how she feels.
I've known kids that are on every team possible in high school and they love it and keep their grades up and one or both parents are at all the practices and games. It seems like an exhausting pace to me, but they thrive on it.
No offense, I'm just curious, but what things are your 11 year old involved with? You didn't mention.
Anyway, if your daughter is a talented athlete and she's happy with her dad being so involved in it, I would let it be.
That's just my opinion.
Did your daughter express any dissatisfaction with her current extracurriculars or with dad's involvement in them? If not, let sleeping dogs lie.
Tell him just that, the girl needs a dad NOT a coach! Some dads think that they cant relate to their teenage daughters, idk where they got that idea! A dad can give their daughters a male perspective, something a mother can NEVER do! Just tell him he can be proud and help out, but not to over do it, because to much of a good thing, isnt a good thing! remember that! It sounds like he's just excited! Dads can very excited about the athletics in their kids life, thats why theres moms, to balance it out :) haha good luck! p.s - you're daughter seems very talented!
