The Love of My Life!

I dont know you or all of your circumstances. God brings and takes away people and things to and from your life for reasons. I would not be too quick to entertain these thoughts of being with this other man. You are married. If you are not happy in your marriage your first priority is to seek help from your spouse and a professional. Do not fool yourself into beleiving another situation with this other man would be better than you have with your husband.
Dear Lord please provide your guidance to this woman. Protect her and her family from Satans attack.

Wow, M. - you have a pivotal choice to make. What pressure! First off, I'm so sorry you're dealing with an unfulfilling marriage. There are few things more difficult in this life. Kudos to you for honoring your commitment for 10 years. I'm also sorry to hear about your heart condition. I'm sure that has to be extremely stressful!

Honey, things aren't always what they seem. The things our hearts tell us are often lies because they are very vulnerable to the ultimate Liar. ("The heart is deceitful and desperately wicked..." Jer. 17:9) I don't know your husband and I don't know you. All I know is that your vow before God trumps all...not because I say so, but because His Word says so. He gave us parents when we were little to show us that those in authority over us know more than we do, and obeying them keeps us safer. Well, we're grown up now and we still don't know all there is to know about our lives. The Almighty does. His insistence that we obey - in this case, honoring one's marital commitment - isn't so we can be denied "our heart's desires", but so that they can be transformed and fulfilled in a way we - and even our most well-meaning advisors - cannot imagine.

My response to you is not meant to be negative or preachy. I only want to pass on the hope I, who am so undeserving, have. I wish you the very best, M.. I pray and sincerely hope you find the fulfillment in your life that only the Savior of the world can provide. Ever need a listener - ____@____.com merry Christmas!

~ R.

You took a vow with your now husband. That vow isn't something to be thrown away from some "then loser" in your past to come marching in and erasing it. You don't get to just do what you want when it effects so many others lives. What kind of example is that for your children? If your ex cannot even support you all, then what the heck is he doing even asking for you back. He left you, he can do it again and then what? I think it is wonderful your daughter can have her dad in her life again, however you need to really think hard before destroying lives because of your heart going pitter patter!!! My ex left me and my children to go back to his high school love, moved 1000 miles away, told me he only married me because he respected me and always loved her. Well, they broke up within the year, she realized he was the same jack a** as he was in high school. I am now sitting here with our lives upside down at 43 with two young kids doing it solo 24/7, he is still in Texas and onto the fifteenth relationship since he left two years ago.
It isn't about you or what you want, sorry, you have kids, you made a vow before God and there are many people that have to deal with your choices. I say, I doubt your ex has changed all that much, those habits of leaving, not paying bills and being irresponsible are hard to break!! Why screw up your life? Just remember what choices you make have to be the ones that just aren't about what you want or what your heart is telling you...you have kids and they are to be number one in your decision making!!!

I think if you are not happy in your marriage than leave. The stress from being unhappy is probably not good for your heart condition anyway. I would be a little leary about the other man and just take things slow. I believe people should do what makes them happy!

Hi M., What a life huh. You never said why you and "the love of your life" broke up. I had the opportunity(?) to get back with the "love of my life" about 4 years ago. I had so much fun we were all so happy (we also have a son)he lives with his dad, but eventually the reasons we grew apart became a reality again, I had decided I would leave him again, and then my second husband (just like you ) came back into my life again, thought it was the "answer" to reunite with him (we've got kids too) but after a few years I'am really rethinking my ability to make decisions concerning my life as well as the kids. I think I probably would have been better off to go by myself with the kids. So I guess the moral of the story becareful what you wish for, because sometimes you do get your wish, but most of all are you thinking of your ex and rembering the good times without thinking about the "bad? Give M. some time to get to know herself first before she jumps from one pan to another pan. As for your heart stress possibly? Obviously you know you need to get it checked, but I think your scaring yourself thinking your ex is in your life as a sign your life is about to have some major health issues. Or maybe you know sub consciously that you should'nt be back together, hum interesting thought too! Good Luck

I would say to look to God's word, not anyone else's. After all, some day, when you are gone, you will be standing before God and be accountable for all the decisions you have made in your life. He will then decide about your eternity.

I am legally separated from a verbally abusive husband, but I have no plans to remarry. In fact, I like being on my own with my three kids. Leaving became a neccessity for me because his behavior was very damaging to all of us emotionally and someone was going to be hurt eventually physically.

However, he never committed adultery, so therefore, according to God's law, I cannot remarry. I cannot even get a divorce. I am okay with that because I have a very healthy self-esteem and don't need a man to "take care of me". My eternity is more important to me than the short time I am here on Earth. That is the lesson I want to teach my kids. God's law comes first.

Good luck. You have a hard decision to make. I don't envy you that. But, putting it into God's hands and putting his law first will make you happiest. He will take care of you.

J.

Follow your heart and be happy! Just roll your eyes at the people who judge you, it's your life and being miserable is not how you were intended to spend your life. Just remember that the grass is not greener on the other side, it is just grass. In other words, everyone has their baggage and you are looking for someone's baggage you can deal with. If you cannot deal with it, by all means, move on. Just don't fool yourself into thinking that perfection exists, it doesn't! Good luck!

Being a happily married mother of 2 I can tell you with certainty I would walk on water and climb mountains to see my family. In other words no one person could keep me away. I am happy your daughter will reunite with her father. Im worried about your expectations. Be cautious. Why now? Look at your own life and talk with your husband. You sound spiritual. You took a vow under God. Good luck with your decisions.

Hi M.,
I think you should think of these to relationships in separate instances. It sounds to me like you are saying because of the X, I can leave the current husband. If the X never contacted you, would you still have these feelings/questions that you could leave your current husband.

It is important that your daughter have a relationship with her father, but I have a question...why would a grown man allow his father to hold back information like a telephone number and address to contact his own daughter? That really baffles me. You have to realize, provided the father is still alive, he could get in the middle of the relationship again. Either the X allows the father to control his life, or he has made that his excuse as to why he never contacted his daughter.

If this were me, I would approach this relationship very carefully. Your daughter will have to break ties with her stepfather, whether they are close or not. Then she has to get to know her real father. Sure she is excited, but she still has to get to know him. And when all that goes well, then you can reunite with him if it is all right with the both of you. It sounds like you are very eager to get back together with your x, but your feelings are not the only one involved. Further, after 10 years apart, what has changed in his life? What baggage does he bring to the table? Is that all something you can work through?

Once you are back together with the X, what are your expectations of this relationship? You realize there are good things and bad things in every relationships. You sound pretty excited to get back to all those good things, but the reality is no relationship is an everyday walk in the park.

I wish you the best, but please think this one through and move slowly.

Please please follow your heart and don't listen to any judgemental advice from anyone. It sounds as though you are not happy in a loveless marriage. It doesn't make sense to me to stay. However, I agree you should be happy by yourself first and take things slowly with this first man. Jumping into something too quickly may prove to be disasterous. Good luck !

Life is too short to be miserable, and the kind of "example you are setting" to your kids by following your heart is just that, to follow your heart. My mom gave the best advice I have ever received a long time ago, and it is to never stay where you are just because it is easier, if something else will make you happier. At that time I was with a man who was my comfort zone, but we were both miserable. Do what makes you happy, and anyone who loves you will be happy too. As I said, life is just too short and too precious to waste time being where you don't want to be, thats not our purpose here on earth.... just do what your heart tells you will make it happiest!!!!!! Good luck!
PS- Don't worry about any of the bashing you that some people are doing/will do.... good motto and I keep saying it, but life is too short to even entertain the negative things people say to you-

they both sound like real winners and yo sound like you are just making do. you shouldnt have to do that you have a right to be happy. that doesnt necdcessarily mean going from one bad relationship into another. why did the first guy leave int he first place? and why is it so impoprtant for him to come back 12 yrs later? i think that should tellyou something. there isnothing wrong with your daughter having a relationship with her dad. she should but that doesnt meant that you have to be a part of it. regarding your husbamnd. it snot fair to him lviing a lie. its not fair to you but it more nto to him. you need to do the right thing and get over the first guy and let your current husband find thehappiness he deserves and you need to get on with your life too. it smay just be an infatuation becaue we usually want what we cant have. but you need to find yourself first before you can commit to anyone else. if yore nto happy you cant make anyone happy. it soundls like you are miserable and are talking like you are depressed. talking like youre gonna die. no one knows wehn were going to die and lots of people live productive lives even afte a major heart attack.

I say follow your heart. You are old enough and so are your children. One should never stay in an unhappy marriage for the children's sake. This does not help anything and in my experiences.. personal and from the experiences of my husband and other close friends.. unhappy parents who have a loveless marriage only makes things harder on the kids. Why shouldn't you be happy? Follow your heart. Good luck to you and your family and take care of yourself.

I don't beleive in the one I think you can choose to be in love with anyone. Sometimes it just takes effort. I would really think twice about getting rid of your marriage divorce takes a toll on you and your kids no matter how old they are. You might read The 5 love languages by Dr. Gary Chapman with your spouse so that you can start getting what you need from him and he can start getting what he needs and perhaps find that he is someone you can love.

M.,
I am 41 and am married to a great guy, who supports us financally and is here for the kids. However we are not in love , he is emotionally detached and I am miserable. I wish the love of my life would pop up in my life and sweep me off my feet. I guarentee you if the X is the one and you do nothing ,that on your death bed you will feel regret. Act now. Life is too long to be with someone that doesnt meet your needs.I would without hesitation move forward with what your heart tells you.Good luck!!
N.

Hi M.,

What strikes me as the most important thing to say to you is to relax and just take each moment as it arises.

See your former husband with an open mind and heart and let your initial instincts take you to the next step.

Being present is the only way to truly know what is the right thing to do in this situation.

Living your love fully with each and every person at all times, without seeing getting stuck in who is the perfect person to be with, may be the philosophy you need to see that being with the present husband or not isn't the question.

The real question is how can you love yourself the most and who will allow you to do that best?

Good Luck,
H.

M.,

As you know, marriage can be hard, just as a decision to end one can be difficult. But I firmly believe that no one benefits from a terribly unhappy marriage. Especially not your children.

Maybe the re-entrance of this other man in your life is a sign from above to remind you that you are not happy and that you CAN do something about it. A few times in my life I have found myself stuck in an unhappy or uncomfortable situation simply because I forgot that I had the power to make a change. Whether you end up with your daughter's father or not, you owe it to yourself and to your children to be as happy as you can be. Sometimes that means making changes that are "unpopular," but ultimately, you have to live with yourself and the effects of your decisions, so it doesn't matter a whole lot what anyone else thinks.

I know you can make the best decision for yourself if you listen to your inner voice. Whether you believe that voice belongs to God or your instinct or whomever, if you listen, you'll know what to do. Good luck!

Hi M., well I don't know what your going through. But have you ever stopped to think that your daughters child just wants to be a dad so he could move in and have you support him. And if your not happy with your husband, leave him. you don't need to leave him for your ex. just leave to be happy. I'm sure you can support yourself. and you have your kids for emotional support. go out with your girlfriend and have fun. Your never to old to have fun with the girls. Maybe you weren't ment to be married or maybe there's someone out there waiting for you. your soulmate. Well if you ever need to talk message me. Good luck.

Hi M.,
After reading your post and reading what some others have said, I must say shame on some of them for judging you, especially those "claiming" to be Christian women. The Lord does not judge, just as he asks us not to judge other people.

That being said, I don't know what you you are going through. My only advice to you is this, life is short. You need to think about yourself and your wants and needs, as no one else will probably do that for you. It's your life, and you only have one. Don't live with regret, because once your life is over, don't you want to look back and say you lived it the way you wanted to?

Ultimately, be happy, do things that make you happy. You said you had a heart attack. Perhaps use that to re-evaluate what you would like from life.

Take care, think about what you need for yourself. After reading some of the other posts, know that you are not facing this decision alone, there are other people out there who might be facing the same question you are.

Bless you and your health. I hope that you find all of the answers you need.

:) A.

I'm sorry to hear that your health is not the best and that is where you should begin. You should make your priority yourself and taking care of your health. Your children, especially your 11 year old, still need you. It seems to me that you need to get yourself back up on your own two feet and you will be happier for it. A man who was out of your life and more importantly your daughter's life with no contact and no support is back for his own selfish reasons. Blaming it on his father or anyone else is a poor excuse and a cover for his lack of being a responsible person. Letting him back into your life is just going to cause you more grief down the road. If he really loved you nothing would have kept him from finding you or at least supporting his daughter. Good luck to you.

If your husband will not talk to you about the problems in your relationship then I would divorce him. Your kids learn by example. They learn from your relationships. If your unhappy then you have a choice and a brain. Your an empowered woman and you can and need to leave. Now about your ex. Your ex has not been there for you and for whatever reason he has decided to come back. It is easier to blame everybody else(including his father)then to accept the blame for his mistakes. He is not going to change. My oldest childs father does that stuff every year and nothing changes. But the next time he disappears both of you are really going to be emotionally hurting. Actions always speak louder then words!