Thank You Notes

Like one other mom mentioned, I have also heard that you have a year to send thank you's for a wedding gift. The same probably applies to a baby gift. Anyone with children would understand the delay! :-) I would go ahead and send the notes even though it has been almost a year...

If it were me, I would send the thank you's with an apology for taking so long and send them to both hostesses as well. What have you got to lose? You might have something to gain by doing so.

Finish the thank you notes - even to the ones that you no longer speak with. My sister was married 3 years ago and is still working on thank yous. I was married 2 years ago and I'm still working on them. It's never too late to send a thank you.

I have been there and while the person who was no longer speaking to me was not hostess she was a co-worker. My daughter was 10 months old and i was cleaning out from behind the tv and found a stack of notes that had not been mailed. I sent them anyway. My co-worker and I did not return to our previous level of comaradarie, but we did at least become friendly again and the others were pleased to know that the gifts were appreciated. I did choose to include a note about what happened - and did receive some good haerted ribbing about it taking ten months to clean house, but I am very glad I sent the notes.

I think you should send them - along with another note explaining that you thought they were done and you sincerely apologize for the delay in getting these out. Even a year later, I think people would be receptive to hearing thanks for a gift they gave you. Even the people you no longer talk to deserve the thanks for the effort they put into your baby shower.

Good manners has no time limits. Just make a note on the back of the envelope letting them know they had slipped out of sight and you apologize for the delay. Your late thoughtfulness will be appreciated as much as if it was new and they will be happy to hear form you too. Always nice to know that a gift was received and appreciated.

As for the other two, can't please everyone. Might be a good opportunity to rewrite the note and express your appreciation for the shower. It was really thoughtful of them to do it and if you never said thank you...

Anyway, no need to ask for friendship or forgiveness, just say thank you for your thoughtfulness. If they want to pursue a relationship with you this opens the door a little. If not, you used good manners in the end and will not have this regret hanging on your shoulders.

Please send your cards.

Congrats on baby, C

Absolutely send them. It is the right thing to do.

I would absolutely send the thank yous to everyone. You can send the ones to the "non-friend" formally enough that it doesn't sound like a "Let's get back together" note, but sincerely and heart felt enough to sound like a "I appreciate all you did for me to make that day special."

You will feel better for it and the recipients will appreciate it.

VickiS

i would send what i could. i would add an additional quick note to them that you are sory it is so late but better late than never and that you do and did appreciate everything you have just been crazy and know they will understand. i would have to think on the broke-up friend. you may go ahead and send it again with a note in it sorry just found these. maybe nothing personal. i believe better late than never. people like receiving a note. even late, they know your life has been turned upside down and should giggle and applaud that you finished your task.

M. I've always been taught, and followed the advice of those far wiser than I am, that it's never too late to send a Thank You note. (or even a birthday card, Christmas card etc.) It's the thought behind the card that matters.

In your response you might make a little joke about being a new mom with so much to do, you overlooked mailing them or something like that. The friends will understand and probably get a chuckle from it. Believe me, they will appreciate it even more now than then.
L.

If I were you, I would acknowledge to all concern, especially the hostesses, that you thought you had sent the thank you's and that even though you are no longer friends you appreciate the effort of the shower. You don't have to gush, just acknowledge the effort, acknowledge the 'oops' and move on. To not do so would add insult to injury over the ending of the friendship. If you don't know the other person's last name, include her not in with your friend's note with her first name on it and ask her to forward it.

I would not send thank you notes to friends that you are not friends with now. That would be offensive.

I would give thank you calls, and explain that you didn't realize you hadn't sent thank-yous until now. Most people will be understanding and will be glad you called to acknowledge their kindness in gift giving.

This might just be a good chance to restart that friendship.

It appears you have one of two choices:

1. Chuck the leftover notes in the trash and forget that you failed to follow through properly.

2. Write new notes apologizing for the unreasonable delay in thanking everyone, including the hostesses, for their generous contribution to your happy event, enclose the original notes, and put them in the mail as soon as possible.

Best of luck.

Yes, send them, absolutely. Just be sure to add the explaination and quick apology from your post. I'm sure they will understand, especially if they are mothers. I would also send the thank you to the hostesess.

The first part of Romans 13:8 says, "Let no debt remain, except the continuing debt to love one another." How the recipients respond to your thankfulness, late or not, is not up to you. I encourage you to send the cards and to leave the results to God.

I'd send them, with a note that explains the delay. And I'd even send them to the people you aren't speaking with anymore. Who knows... maybe it will open the door back up for your friendship.

I would send, but add something funny like " now that the hormones have leveled out, I realized I forgot to say thank you for....the gift, or thank you for attending my shower, or your patience and friendship. Also include a picture your baby.

Whatever you do, don't beat yourself up about it....Life is short! Enjoy your sweet little girl.

I think you should send them all anyway. To the one who's name you don't remember-send it to the friend who can give it to her for you.
Is there a possibility that this friend perceived you ungrateful (partially due to you not sending a thank you note) and that was the reason for the split. Some people are really sensative and this could have festered in her for quite some time until she could no longer handle it. I'm sure you were really appreciative but she may not have perceived this. I know new moms also become really busy with their new role and are rightfully excited about it. This may have added to her hurt if she was feelign neglected. I am not saying this is your fault. I am just tryign to play devil's advocate and possibly shed some light on the other's perspective. It can be hard to maintain friendships during this time.
Either way a thank you note can only be seen as a gesture of thoughtfulness and gratitude. It won't do any harm and might possibly help restore a friendship.

I agree. Do what is right for you and own up to your transgression. At least people will be able to say you admit your mistakes and have nice manners. As for the former friend, she can toss it if she wants to, but then you will have a clear conscience anyways, because you did what you knew to be right.
Don't let her poor behavoir dictate your manners etc.
Good luck,
L.

I would send the Thank you notes. It's just good manners. I would also send the thank you to the hostess, it could patch things up and if not at least you knew you did your part. Good luck

I would, and I would include a computer generated apology (business card size), typed - along the line of I'm sorry this took so long to get to you - we've been working on this new mom thing.

Time is no excuse for not sending thank you notes.

Personally, I would send notes explaining what happened--that you found the notes and were horrified that you hadn't sent some of them out. IMO, a late thank-you is better than no thank-you. I would send one to both hostesses also, regardless of whether the relationship has fizzled. You do what is right for you to do, which is to send a thank you note. The ex-friend can deal with it as she chooses.

BTW, don't feel bad. This could've happened to Martha Stewart or even Emily Post!! :)

M.,

With a new baby, people are more understanding about late Thank you's. Go ahead and do them without writing in an apology. Don't be too brief. Include a picture of the new baby. Mail them. The next day, call each one and do your apologies in person. If you get voicemail, hang up and call them another time. Don't leave word. Apologize saying that you just put them in the mail, how much their thoughtful present meant to you, and you are horrified to have just realized that they hadn't been completed. Once they sound friendly, ask about them and their lives. They will probably accept all this even if you are a habitual procrastinator. With the ex-friend, I would send the thank you and then e-mail your apologies. Yes, you are risking their wrath at reminding them why else they are mad at you. Say that you just couldn't let the thank you go. If you value this friend, it might also be a good way for you to look hard at anything you might have messed up and apologize for that too. Maybe you hadn't been such a good friend to them OR took them for granted? I'm guessing they told you why so review what she said and don't blame the pregnancy. Of course, apologies are only good when they are not repeated again and again. Someone once said that more often it is not the things we DO that haunt us through life, but the things we DIDN'T do. So, good luck!

The proper thing to do is to send the Thank You. When you are filling them out start by apologizing for the delay. Maybe something like this:

"I will start first by apologizing for this being so late. Having a new member in our family has been such a joy that I just lost track of time. It seems like only yesterday I was opening your (fill in the blank) and sharing my joy of the impending arrival of (fill in the blank). Now that (he/she) is here, your (gift) has been such a help.
Thank you ,
Your Name"

As for what the person that you do not speak with will say. If nothing else she will at least know you are polite.

D.

SAHM of two: 18 and 5. Home Baker and Candy Maker. Married to the same wonderful man for almost 12 years.

There's a misperception that a "rule" allows brides (and new moms) a year to send thank you notes. That's not true--check etiquette books. The rule is that it's acceptable to send a GIFT within a year after weddings. The thank you notes should still be sent within a couple of weeks of receiving the gift.

That said, I agree with the other moms that it's better to send the thank you notes late than not at all. Tell the people how much you love and use the items they gave you for your baby. If you had already written the notes, but forgot to mail them, add a P.S. saying this.

Most people can understand a new M. letting a few things fall through the cracks during the early months of little sleep and so many extra things to do with a new baby. Most of us have done the same thing ourselves at some point in time!

As for the former friend who hosted the shower, you never know if your note opens the door to mending things and resuming the friendship. Even if you don't want that, it leaves you taking the high road and having done the right thing. I agree with others who said that you should keep that note simple, and thank her for the kindness, and not address the falling out of your friendship.

I agree with sending the thank you. A late thank you is better than none.

Don't worry about the ex-friend. You are just doing what is right.

I've always heard that with wedding gifts, the rule of thumb is allow a year to get all the thank yous out...I never heard a similar rule for baby showers though. Doesn't make any sense, does it? Seems you'd need MUCH more time with the baby thank yous! Anyway...I'd go ahead and send them all. A thank you note is always appreciated.

o.k. I saw this just today and had to tell you my idea(just incase the notes weren't sent yet). I also had a baby shower months ago and never sent cards. I have planned to send them with the first birthday pics and a note about thanking them for helping us through the first year with whatever gift. I hope you find a true friend who appreiciates you for who you are. You are obviously a caring person to put so much thought into sending the cards or not. :)

It took me a year an a half to get my wits about me after having a baby at 38 (my oldest was 18 at the time).

There is no excuse for not sending a thank you so I sent, not shower thank you's, but nice simple thank you's for "everything they've done for me". Then I apologized for having my head stuck in the sand and groveled a bit.

I think wht everyone is saying is there is NOTHING like simple appreciation. I was late yes...but I am kinda ok with better late than never.

And about that friend that "broke up" with you. I too had a friend of nearly 8 years "break up" with me right after my son was born.

If she (your friend) was any kind of friend to you...send the thank you to her as well. I did...and even tho I haven't gotten a response...and I doubt I ever will...I want her to know that her friendship means and meant allot to me. And it helps your heart too...

smiles to you.