Teenager and Relocation..

hi you may just want to watch his behavior from now until its almost time to leave it may not have hit him yet that this is for real until he see's boxes and airline tickets. I agree with you when my family and i moved to Seattle when i was 14 i thought i would loose my mind hated the fact that i was leaving all of my friends, but i didn't show it until a week or so before we left. Hopefully he's ok with it knowing he'll be back! that may be the reason he's ok with it.
good luck :)

Why cant you except the the fact that that he is ready to go sympithise with him that he will miss his friends but ennphasise that he will be making new friends and perhapes learning a new language how do you feel about the move ? Good luck i moved across country when i was i3 it was tough but i servived and i am 86 and enjoyliving in no hills . Calif A. by the way my husband still works and we goto singapore for 2 weeks 3 times a year he and a colgue invented a wearable artificial kidney that they are producing there

I was 13 when my family moved to Germany. My father was in the US Air Force. I didn't care. To me it was an adventure. My parents told my brother and me that we would have a chance to go to the World's Fair (New York), see the Statue of Liberty and ride the subway. We looked forward to it and were excited to go. We drove across the US and saw lots of fun stuff along the way.
Make it fun for your kids. List all of the fun things he will have a chance to do. (My junior prom was in a castle in Luxemburg. My senior class trip was to London. My Senior Prom was in an old Roman fort in the "Grand Hall" where the Roman Govenor met with his subjects and held Balls/receptions.) We drove from Norway to Naples (Italy) and from Switzerland to Spain.
When I went, the people that didn't like Europe were the ones that stayed at home on the base. We rented a home from a German Farmer and we lived on the farm. We took all kinds of tours. The people that got out and around had a wonderful time in Europe. The castle Disney modeled Sleeping Beauty's castle after is in Germany and is open to the public. Learn to speak the language of the country you'll be living in. The locals will respect you much more and will be very helpful.
I couldn't begin to tell you how much fun we had and how many things we did. It would take pages. When you get a chance to go and actually live in Europe it is much more fun than just going there on vacation. If you want to know more, just write to me. When you go, you will either love it or loath it. And you make the decision.

Most 13 year olds have NO trouble expressing their protest to things they don't like. I don't know your son, but unless he has a history of hiding his feelings, you should assume that he's fine with it.

We made our FIRST move out of state (from WA to AZ) after 20 years of marriage...my husband was able to retire at 44 years old and we needed to get to SUNSHINE away from all the rain and dreary weather...with four kids. We spoke with each one of them and all were excited about moving...of course with SOME stipulations to fulfill once we were settled in...such as quads for desert riding and a boat for lake/water sports. We were most concerned about our daughter as she was just going to be a senior and it was getting closer to the time of moving and she said she just COULDN'T move with us! Oh dear, what to do...a friend offered to let her finish her senior year in WA and she did and it was o.k., however the other 3 were o.k. One son was just starting 9th grade at the time and our boy/girl twins were 13 and starting 6th grade. Our boys seemed to fit right in and do well, however, the 13 year old daughter began having problems, etc. The twins are hoping to graduate (early) this December and AZ is HOME (after 5 1/2 years now) but maybe DD would have had some problems whether we were in WA or AZ? Since it's only 3 years for you, I can see that it would be an exciting change for your son. Especially if you keep it exciting for him. Europe is a great place to visit (have not lived there though). Good luck and hopefully your son will fit right in and see it as a growing and learning experience and something he'll always remember.

My 14 year old tells me daily that she wants to stay in NC. We are only moving to VA this summer. Her best friend went to The Netherlands last year and loves it. Mine said she would rather move somewhere "cool" you know like the Netherlands, not VA.
He'll will love it and probably is just fine with this exciting move.

Interesting that you question your son's reaction. Does he have a history of lying to you, concealing his true feelings, telling you what you want to hear? If not, I wouldn't stress it. Are YOU ok with this move? It sounds like you're projecting your reaction or hidden feelings about this move on to your son...

Kids are far more resilient than we give them credit for. Count yourself lucky that your kid isn't pitching a fit and making you miserable.

It is our greatest struggles in life that shape and teach us the most. You do not need to protect your son from difficulties, certainly not at 13. Be honest with him about the move and trust him to deal with it in whatever way is best for him.

Good luck.
G. B.,M.A.
Child Development Specialist & Parent Educator
www.GilaBrown.com

I remember getting excited when I found out we were moving. I was 14. I was upset to leave my friends, but at that age - you're changing so much - a fresh start sounds great to some kids. the fact that he gets to participate in 'Grad Night' probably helped settle any emotions about leaving friends behind - its a good chance to say goodbye and a good mile-marker to look towards in the coming weeks as ya'll get ready to go.

i think the europe thing probably really helped. when i was 14 we moved to the beach - so i was thrilled.

'

.

I moved to Italy when I was 15 and was sooo excited! Just keep the dialog open, he might be fearful & nervous as the move gets closer, and enjoy the experience! I don't think you said where you were moving in Europe but their are some really good American schools if it's a base town, or there are International Schools as well. How exciting for you!!

W.,
If he knows and is aware that this is a good and favorable move for the family and he is able to do what he is interested in doing before he leaves, I don't think he is lacking expression or disapproval. I think you need to sit with him and ask him straight what he thinks and how he feels about it. At 13yrs old I moved here to the great USA! I didn't have any saying in it, but I knew it was the best for us to do and I knew we were never going back! In his case, he knows that in three years he will be coming back home, and three years go by really fast. So, this is a chance for him to go to a different country, meet other people, do new things, visit new places, and still be able to keep in contact with his friends, maybe even the possibility of him coming back for vacation or the holidays might be available! so he is most likely happy with the move. :)
Count your blessings! :) he could be giving you a hard time and he is not.
Blessings

Hi W.!

I think it's great that your family has this opportunity. Your son probably is REALLY ready because you have prepared him for this and probably have gone on many other trips. When I travel with my 16 year old daughter, we need to make sure she can communicate for birthdays, who is going to the prom and then for him to be able to share all of his wonderful experiencess...they are teenagers!

Best of lucK! I think it will be amazing!
C. W.

Hi, W.:

My family moved to Geneva, Switzerland for three years when I was 9. I remember being excited about it--a new adventure, etc. I went to the International School and had friends who were American, but also from the UK, Australia, Nigeria, France, etc. It really does open up your mind to other perspectives, which is a great experience for children to have. Plus, think of the great skiing/travel you have in store. Before I turned 12, I'd been to almost every country in Western Europe as well as the USSR (this was in the early 80s.) It will be such an amazing experience both for you and your kids. We moved two more times within the US after Geneva and it definitely got a harder each time--but there ain't no pleasin' teenagers. ha ha. Anyway, don't worry about your son--this could be the best thing that could ever happen to him--it's a once in a lifetime experience.

Best of luck!

S.

Many kids gets excited about moving. I was one :)

We moved when I was 13 and I was thrilled about it. I had been at a school where I was bullied, so the move worked out terrific for me. It may be that he's not entirely happy at his current school anyway.

The idea of moving to Europe also sounds pretty cool. I suspect he'd be far less enthusiastic if you were moving to the middle of nowhere, but Europe just sounds like a fun adventure.

Yes, he really could be happy and excited about it.

My whole life growing up we moved every 2-3 years. Yes, there were times when it upset me, especially as I grew older but the rewards were much greater - which I couldn't even see at the time. One of the last moves before I became an adult was when I was about 12. I can remember that one clearly and at that point I actually looked forward to it. I'm sure he has mixed feelings - it is the same about any "positive" major change in your life but he sees things on a much smaller scale.

Moving has added so much to my life. Now 40, I am lucky enough to have continued traveling my whole life and even took a job in my early twenties that was 100% travel. I am now settled down with a family and have a real sense of fufillment. Thanks to my parents taking the chance and moving the family (a huge undertaking) - I have an appreciation for much of the rest of the world and feel like I've done it!

And nothing is as good as actually living in the country. You get so many more experience and see what it is "really" like.

Let him have all of the feelings associated with it - it is just not a black and white thing. Just know that it will be a gift that he has with him for the rest of his life.