Teaching Work Ethics

More than chores, more than modeling, is working WITH your children. Children can watch you slave away all day long or forced to work by themselves will learn to cut corners. Do it together (yes, it takes 4 times as long, but you're teaching, not getting chores done).

I had a friend with a downs syndrome son, who was told what he could be taught when to fulfill his potential. I was amazed because most "regular" kids don't do things at that age. So I followed her schedule.

My son was about 2 when he started "helping"-he put the clothes in the washer, poured in soap (once I filled it), turned the nob, etc. He put dishes in the dishwasher (I rinsed and told him where they went), put in the soap packet and turned it on. I have separate laundry baskets for whites and colors. He was about 2 1/2 and came to me worried because he didn't know where to put his tighty whities with blue sail boats.
He has always worked with me pulling weeds, scrubbing bathtubs, mopping floors. He has used power tools to build a club house.

He's 10 now and still has his moments when he doesn't want to do it, but when he does, he does it completely. I can trust him to handle any home appliance or item in our home (even my china). I joke that next week he'll be moving out on his own, because he's so self sufficient.

We've had other kids live with us-my nieces, friends kids, foster kids (all different ages and levels) and I work the same way with each one. They may not like to work, but they know how, and they know that I care about them enough to be right there with them working too.

Good Luck.

Basically, work habits are modeled. All the lectures (not that you can lecture a seven-year-old anyhow), all the admonishments, will not do the job. She will more or less do what she sees her parents doing. If she sees her parents caring about how they do things, AND loving her (very important!), she'll head in that direction.

Not everyone has the same personality, or the same amount of drive, but everybody - even the most laid-back - can have a good work ethic of his/her own.

Your daughter has to get her own passion. But she can pick up the habits and the good attitude from you.

You can talk with her about work as you do your work. "Let's check the dishes. Good - they really are clean. I like to do the best job I can. It makes me feel good inside." You already know that perfection should not be the aim - "the best I can do today" is better for us all.

One of my very favorite quotations about work (it's not one your daughter will understand until she is older) was said by Martin Luther King, Jr.: "If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, 'Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.'"

A child learns what s/he lives.

It is that simple. If parents are passionate, it is “contagious” to the kids. (Careful not to confuse passion with “crazy busy”)

To teach my child passion, I must be passionate.
To teach my child value, I must value others.
To teach my child the importance of doing “well”, I must “do well”.
You get the idea.

Kids will go through phases. They may love something one minute and not the next. It is possible for them to change their mind. And that is okay.

I have found that as a parent I can only do my best, be passionate about everything I do (even the dishes) and model the behaviour I want. I am their teacher and facilitator, all I can do is be who I want to be and show them what their life can be with focus, passion and love.

It wish I had some magic formula or phrase that worked every time, but I don’t. But I can share with you a couple of things I do.
Since my children were little, every time they walk away from me (going to school, to play etc) I say the following: “I love you. Play nice with the other kids. Make good choices”
Every night for dinner I ask the following: “What was the best part of today?” “What did you learn today?” “What did you do well today?” “What are you excited about for tomorrow”
When they lay their head down at night I say” I love you, who do you want to be tomorrow?”

I know that by being consistent I will get my message across.

PS I LOVED your question so much I am going to post it in my blog.
http://heyyougetreal.com/momblog/

B.
Family Success Coach

I think that rather than praising a child for being smart, praise a child for working hard. (And don't tell them they're working hard if they're not - you know your kid.) I've been reading a book by Matthew Syed called "Bounce," which is all about the science of success. It's very interesting because he looks at supposed child prodigies from all different fields and eras - from Mozart to Tiger Woods - and the ONE thing they all share in common is hard, hard work. And not just working hard, but being coached well, and enjoying the practice. Bottom line, there's no substitute for working hard. Nothing ever came easily to ANYbody - people who are extraordinarily good at what they do, are good at it because they've spent the time learning it and challenging themselves to get better.

I talk about this with my kids all the time. I let them know when I had a hard day at work, it's because I did something totally new that day, and because it wasn't something I'd ever done before, I really had to pay attention to that task, and maybe even had to re-do it a few times to get it right. This way they see that even as an adult, there are still things that *I* have to work hard at. Just because I'm great in math doesn't mean that I'm great at mechanical engineering. Just because I'm a good driver doesn't mean that I have any idea how to operate a forklift (just thinking of 2 things that really gave me a run for my money at work this week!). So when they are about to give up on a math problem on their homework, I remind them that in order to get it right, sometimes we have to do our best, get it wrong, and then learn why our answer was wrong. It's all a part of the process of getting better. And we can't rest on our laurels until we get it right each and every time - and even then, there's more to learn, guaranteed. It's important to try, try, and try again, and not become discouraged.

So, that's the dialogue in our house. I am curious to see your other answers!

If you find the answer, let us know! <g>

Seriously, I think the best place to start is at home, with chores. Whatever method you use, be consistent. Some moms like to sing while working, others dance. My family and I make it a race, since we'd all much rather do ANYTHING than house chores. The end result is that you have a happy, tidy home to share with friends. The self-discipline you learn from chores translates very well into school work.

The next best thing to do is model what you want. If your child sees you doing your very best first time around, then that's what she'll do . Case in point...I'm a fairly lousy housekeeper and my sons (surprise!) are just like me. Then, my best friend got me hooked on www.flylady.net as a method to tidy up my house and my life. Now, both my boys take much more pride in doing their chores because I take so much pride in doing mine.

If you're a hard worker, it's likely your child will be too. If you look for short cuts or make excuses for poor work, your child will too. There will, of course, be times when your child does poor work or looks for the easy way out. Don't let her off the hook. Let her deal with the consequences of her actions. For example, my youngest had one chore one fine Saturday: tidy his room (that means make his bed, put away his laundry and tidy all the clutter off the floor). It took him ALL DAY to not finish this chore. Consequently, he didn't get to play with his friends, with his electronics, watch a family movie. We kept saying "when you finish your room..." and he kept NOT finishing. It carried over to Sunday. By the end of day 2 of nothing because he couldn't finish his room, he realized that his entire weekend was spent in his room doing whatever he was doing and that he missed out on loads of fun. We missed him in our (at home) fun family activities, but we didn't let him off the hook. It's been several years since that incident, and my boys both need constant reminders, but overall, they have a fairly strong work ethic.

I've been a teacher for 19 years now and the most disciplined students are the ones who have regular responsibilities around the house.

Good luck!

As many of the moms have stated, you teach by example. I also want to throw in one little caveat --- sometimes "always" doing your "best" isn't required. "Perfectionists" are annoying! I like two quotes. Michael Fox said, "I strive for execellence; perfection is God's territory". Also, in a speech given at a Utah PTA convention (I don't remember his name), he turned around popular sayings. The pair that stuck with me was, "If something is worth doing, do it well", the reverse is, "If something is barely worth doing, barely do it". Learn and teach the wisdom of when to expend precious energy and time on doing her best, and when doing something just good enough is good enough. I'm still learning those differences too!

Maybe it is where I am currently, but I'd have to almost disagree and say that having a strong work ethic may or may not be part of one's personality.

My point being is that we have a 20 year old son, who lacks motivation and has since he was little. And he has had chores, was praised, scolded, bribed and punished. Nothing really mattered.
Our 16 year old daughter (I realize there is a boy/girl thing) is polar opposite! From the time she was born she has been focused, motivated and driven.
Both have the same DNA, raised in the same house with the same rules and expectations. Both witnessed my husband and I as well as our parents WORK HARD for everything we have. Including both my husband and I finishing our college degrees after marriage and children.

I think work ethic is like almost everything else in parenting. . . we live our lives as examples and give them the tools they need to be successful. What they do with that knowledge and those skills are up to them.

Best way to teach a good work ethic is to have one yourself and demonstrate that to your child.

Good luck!
-M