Teacher Told My DD (1St) She Was Cheating

I would talk to the teacher and ask how she "knows" your daughter cheated on the pre-test! If she says it was because your daughter spelled all the words correctly, I would take it up with the principal to move my daughter to a more "advanced" (still 1st grade) class, especially if your daughter was in a great pre-school or kindergarten that actually taught the kids how to spell and read.

It bothers me that some teachers accuse our SMART kids of cheating, but won't give them work that actually challenges them! It's the reason my 16-year-old was never in Public school. He has been homeschooled the whole time, and is now doing "post high school" studies with college credits. My DH and I are still considering whether to home school our 2 1/2-year-old or find a way to put him in private school. Either way, he is still going to get a LOT of attention to his school work from me!

Good Luck with this issue, and Praises to your daughter for her spelling skills!

~J.~

I hate that your daughter's teacher said that to her. Even if she did look at the words, maybe she didn't understand that she wasn't supposed to do that. Regardless, her teacher could have communicated the issue to her in a more constructive way.

If it were me, I would probably send an email to the teacher to clarify why she thought your daughter cheated. If she says she saw her actually look at the words, then you should probably talk to your daughter and let her know for future reference that she should not do that. I would reassure her that it's ok to miss words on a pre-test and that would be better than looking at the word list when she's not supposed to. She will have plenty of time to review the words between then and when she has the real test each week.

If the teacher responds that she just didn't believe your daughter could spell those words without cheating, I would be up front and honest and let her know that unless she actually saw her "cheat", you would appreciate it if she wouldn't give your daughter negative feed back like that. If she didn't cheat, that simple statement could completely undermine her confidence in that area.

Teacher's are not perfect of course, so when a teacher says or does something I don't agree with, I often tell my daughter "I'm sorry your teacher told you that. I don't believe that myself and what your teacher should have said is ..." so that my daughter knows how I feel about the subject and I can usually make her feel better about the situation that way without actually having to confront the teacher. Some things do require a note to the teacher though to clarify the issues so I'm never afraid to send one when one is necessary. In this case, it's important for you to know if she did cheat so you can address that with your daughter as well. In the process, you may find that your daughter's teacher isn't that great at communicating effectively with the children in her class and might need to be addressed further up the ladder as well, especially if it looks like it's a habit and not just a poor choice of words on this one occasion.

S.-
I am a third grade teacher and although it is hard to stomach, kiddos do "cheat". I suggest that you bring it up to the teacher in a professional manner without emotional attachment. I mean something like, "Mrs... my daughter came home upset last night because she said she was caught cheating on the test. Did this happen and if so I wish I had been contacted to help her understand the situation." From what you said she may be "the very defensive type".
As a teacher, if a student is cheating we automatically bring it to the parents attention for a variety of reasons. I hope this helps!

Hi S.-
I have found that my children are not always the most thourough informants! It is really important to communicate with your teachers on a regular basis! I have found that e-mail works great and allows me to control my emotions (which become intense when it comes to my babies!). I have also found that 9 times out of 10 the teacher had a great explanation and everything went smooth. This being said, we all need accountability! Sometimes a bad day can lead to off-handed comments, unjustified time outs, or grading discrepencies. I have set up conferences and phone conferences as well as written letters and sent e-mails. Most teachers are really appreciative of your concern and involvement in your child's life.
Ask the teacher what is expected of the kids during this pre-test, so that you can make sure your child knows the routine. Tell her how your child felt and your concerns.

I have a first and second grader and have found that volunteering to help out with class parties, reading center, and taking home projects to help the teacher works wonders! If they don't except your offers, just keep asking!! Some are slower to warm up than others!

Don't wait to talk with your child's teacher, it just allows you to imagine the conversation which is not truth! Be kind and concerned and see what she has to say!! I am sure it will be fine!

Take Care,
W.

I would calmly talk to the teacher about what happened. Having taught for 10 years before staying home with my kids, I know how kids can misunderstand what a teacher says. I would talk to her in person. Your tone can be misinterpreted in an email.
I'm writing this not only to you but to all who read this. I'm not sure why, but it seems like every time there is a problem with a teacher/child, a lot of parents who respond take the child's side and want to attack the teachers. Unfortunately, there are some really BAD teachers out there but for the most part, they are kind, loving people who make mistakes just like you and me. Don't assume the worst. And to those of you who keep bashing public school teachers, I've worked with some phenomenal teachers in public schools!

AAAAAAAAGH!!!!! I so hate the public school system and their testing. However, what kind of simple minded teacher would hand a 6 year old a test with the answers on the other side??? Is it a test in discipline or a test in spelling? A bright child will look up the answer if she doesn't know it, so if the teacher doesn't want the child to look, it should not be printed on the page, even if it is folded over. Obviously, if she knew the spelling words when she got home, she knew them when she was testing. Was the teacher just not willing to accept that she got a good grade? I would definitely overreact and go ask that teacher about the method to her madness.

I think you should take into consideration what the teacher told her. Obviously, the teacher did not think it was a big enough deal for her to confront you about, so that is a good thing. I'm sorry to say but, your daughter probably did look, maybe unintentionally..... Either way, it looks like she did not follow directions. The teacher could have maybe confronted your daughter so she could know that she was being watched and so she would have second thoughts about doing it again. I am a teacher myself, and I will tell you not to over-react. Just keep your personal feelings aside and talk to your daughter about "cheating." If you talk negatively about the teacher then your daughter will know that it pushed your buttons and could start using things liek that to her advantage b/c she knows how you will react. I hope this makes sense to you.... Your daughter is only in the 1st grade and that age is so squirmy and unpredictable. Just talk to her about it and move on. Hope this helps you put things into perspective! Sorry for the wordiness!

Hello, S.! I think your instict to talk to the teacher is right on. I know I would want to talk to her to at least get the other side of the story. Sometimes kids see and percieve things a little differently than an adult would. So, by all means, get the other side of the story and that way you will know for sure how to react.

C. C.

I taught for 15 years. I said things like, "Are you sure you're being completely honest with me?" or "Are you telling stories?" I never said lied/lie or cheated. Maybe you could suggest that, just in a casual kind of way? If you make a big deal out of it, it will become a big deal. Great that your daughter likes her teacher. She must have a rapport in the classroom with the kids that doesn't come across in brief conversations. It's different when the parents are gone and you (teacher) are with your kids (students). Fabulous too, that you didn't charge up to school. That could change how your daughter feels about her teacher this year and next, etc.

Let it go. If she seems to have gotten over it, then just let it go. If you would like to get the teacher's version, then do so through a quick, friendly email or phone call. I would probably want to hear from the teacher just to reassure myself about the situation because I would keep wondering what happened. Maybe you will find out that the teacher saw her looking at another paper or turned the sheet over to see the word and she said something like, "Sweetie, remember you don't look at someone elses paper during a test. That's called cheating." In that case, she was trying to teach the child, whether she really was cheating or not. But your daughter just heard that one word, and that's what stuck with her. I am not understanding why moms are having such a hard time with that word- if you look on someone else's paper or look at something you have been told not to, then it IS called cheating. And as long as the teacher explained what it means, then I don't think she was wrong to use that word.

Don't contact the principal or pull your kid out of class like others suggested. That would be a huge over reaction! It is very likely bothering you more than it is her.

Teachers work SO HARD. It is so sad to me to hear so many moms talking so badly about teachers and public schools and being so quick to jump all over them(I do not mean that you are doing this, S..)

If everything else seems to be ok at school, then your daughter will be fine and this too shall pass.

Best wishes as you figure out what to do.

That teachers response to me is completely intolerable. I would address my concers immediately with the teach , schools counselor and princible. Your should not have to worry about your child being emotionally damaged by a teacher. Calling names like that is a disgrace to the profession.

WM of 2 girls in big kid school.

Regardless of if she looked at the words or not, I would never tell a 6 year old she cheated.

I think I would talk with her teacher. If she is that concerned, have the kids take the test on a different peice of paper.

I would approach it as "Mrs. so and so, my daughter came home very distraught because of her spelling test. Can you tell me what happened? She got the impression that you were calling her a cheater. I understand that sometimes messages can get a bit garbled, so I wanted to check with you." And go from there.

I haven't been there myself, but that sounds completely inappropriate to me. That is an insulting thing for anyone to hear, especially a young child hearing it from their teacher, who is supposed to be their mentor and support them. She should have said 'Wow, you did such a great job! I'm so proud of you!' instead of immediately assuming she cheated because she did so well. Like you said, you can't be sure what happened because you weren't there, but I'm sure you're a better judge of your daughter's character and can tell if she's genuinely hurt by the teacher's commment, in which case I would think she didn't cheat. And you also know she was able to tell you the spellings easily. If I were you, I would probably tell the principal and try to find out the teacher's side of the story and go from there. Good luck!

I echo what most of the other mom's have said. Cheating is a pretty strong word for her teacher to have used. I think because your daughter brought it up at home and was upset by it, it is not over-reacting on your part to request to speak with the teacher about it. You want school to be a positive experience for your daughter. Establishing good communication with her teacher to understand what is going on in the classroom, your daughters behaviors in school, and how the teacher deals with her students and reacts to issues in the classroom is important. Best wishes. Let us know how it goes.

A child that age should never be placed in a position that "cheating" is easy to do. She doesn't have the maturity to make those grown up decisions so I definitely think you need to talk to the teacher. This is a teacher problem, not a daughter problem! For the teacher to bring attention to it was really poor judgement in my opinion.

I bet your daughter has no idea what "cheating" is or what she did to be called a cheater. Explain to her what the teacher means by cheating. Possibly she looked at the list or looked on somebody elses paper. I agree that the teacher shouldn't have said things in such a blunt way, but maybe just explaining things to your daughter will keep her from making the mistake again. Then, praise your daughter for being such a great speller!

Talk to the teacher. Ask her what happened, and then let her know how you feel - especially if it's because your dd did well, not because she was "caught looking". Spelling tests in first grade is about the dumbest idea ever, in my opinion.

Hello S.-

I dont like that term either. That is wrong to say to a child. Questions, etc. could have been asked to determine what happened. I would call and try to speak to the teacher over the phone to get the teacher's version of what happened.

P.S. I would be upset, but, get the facts first.

Take care,

S.

i agree that telling a 6 year old she was "cheating" was kind of harsh. i'll bet she doesn't even know what cheating is!! my oldest boy didn't! hopefully you can talk to her teacher and work things out. unfortunately YOU have to be the one to tread lightly here because you don't want the teacher to be upset with your daughter and think she is a trouble maker. trust me, i'll be the teacher doesn't even really remember, but WE tend to freak because it's something to do with OUR angels!!! i would just talk to your daughter and explain to her what tests are and that she can't look over at her neighbor's paper when she's taking one. people tend to think that kids are bron already knowing all the rules of life and as you well know they aren't ! :) i have a feeling she is a great kid and the thought of "cheating" mortified her! overall, don't make too big of a deal about it and it will pass! good luck!

Hi S.,
I would speak to the teacher. I think you should calm down first, but I think you are correct about the language. Ask the teacher what happened. If she doesn't explain it to your satisfaction then speak to the Principle. The teacher should be able to explain what happened and what she said. Don't let a lot of time pass between the incident because people and children forget quickly. By speaking to the teacher she knows how involved you are with your child and she will be very conscious of how she speaks to your child in the future. It doesn't matter whether your child likes the teacher or not. These are your child's formative years and if she doesn't hear the right positive words it could effect her later. Good luck.
S.

We had a very similar situation happen last year with our then first grader and her first spelling test. My daughter actually did cheat, but she did not know that that was against the rules in a spelling test! We talked to our daughter in depth about test taking and honesty and also sent a note to the teacher (who my husband works with) to let her know that we were aware of the situation and we talked with our daughter. This really seemed to help both lines of communication--with our daughter and the teacher--and we never had any "weirdness" with the teacher or anything. Hope this helps! :)

Dear S.,
You are a concerned mother, so no you are not overreacting. You mentioned her teacher was not personable, so I would be cautious about how you approach her, but you must approach her. If she did cheat, as a teacher I would bring this to the parents attention...mention this to her.

Good Luck and let me know how it goes!

Sincerely,
J.

I would talk to the teacher but the fact she said cheating she got it from some place. I would find that an opportunity to explain about what is cheating and how can we avoid it. Stay focused on our work and some times just having our eyes stare out can look like we are looking but not really. I do not think this will label her for life. Most children do not really understand what cheating is and it important to let them know at diffeent times in different situations how to avoid and how their lessons are not learned if they can not remember it witout. G. W

Anytime someone accuses our children of wrong doing or our babes come to us saying someone hurt them, it is a mom's natural reaction to overeact. They our OUR children. Other parents may have "bad" kids, but not ours. and How dare someone hurt out sweet innocent lil one's. I wouldn't worry about it. I can assure you every mom in the world has overeacted at least once when it came to their kids. I can name at least 5 times this week already. LOL.

I would honestly tell you that alot of these women that posted are right, some are not. I would sit down and talk to the teacher in a calm manner. Sometimes a very bright child may have been accused of cheating because they "shouldn't know how to do this" Some people tend to base children on a standard instead of looking at each child individually. BUT sometimes it is true that a child does cheat, may be unintentionally though. If the test is taken on the same paper as the answers, she may have flipped it over to look at. It was her first test so she may have not known any better. And likewise the teacher may have been trying to explain what cheating is and somewhere in between your daughter interpreted it to mean the teacher was calling her a cheater. Don't go in attacking the teacher just go in to talk to the teacher about you child's overall lesson's. How she is doing in math, reading, spelling, any problems with lessons or behavior. It shows the teacher you do care about your daughters education. You can also volunteer in the classroom. Parties, special activities, class projects, field trips, etc. Don't take your daughter out of the class. It only teaches your daughter that this is a bigger deal than it really is. It also can cause her to learn to distrust her teachers. Remeber she has 11 more yrs of school and 7 more months of being with this teacher.

HI S.,
you are not over reacting. I would most certainly talk with the teacher- she may not even realize how her choice of words an affect a little one- not knowing how much experience this teacher has..cheating is a word that can damage a little ones confidence ......... In todays climate moms need to be ever-present with the teachers and the classroom. It is good your daughter shared the comment with you so now you can watch more closely.