Another teacher in my son's grade (2nd) lost her spouse last week. I don't know if he'd been ill or if it was unexpected. My son doesn't have this teacher for any of his subjects and I'm not sure whether or not she knows who he is. I will definitely bring in a card for her, but was wondering if there are any appropriate gifts to give as well, and whether or not we should give a gift. Everything will be left in the front office, not handed to her directly. Since I'm not sure how he died, I don't know of a specific foundation/charity that I could donate money to in his honor.
Any thoughts? I know I don't need to give a gift and that a card is sufficient, but if anyone has suggestions for a small and appropriate gift, I'd love to hear them.
Card and a donation to an appropriate charity. Oftentimes the obituary will specify one. Flowers and/or statues are inappropriate for a number of religions. I would NOT do that.
I would call the front office or contact your child's teacher to see if there's a preferred charity or a specific need.
A teacher's husband passed away in my daughter's elementary school. I only knew the teacher by her outstanding reputation. I sent her a card and gave her a book on losing a spouse. I still have never met the teacher but I got a beautiful thank you note stating how the book helped her heal.
can you ask the school secretary? she probably knows if the death was expected or not and a charity (if any that they would like donations to go to.)
flowers or a small cement statue delivered to the funeral are appropriate ways to give a gift at the time of death
A nice sympathy card is a thoughtful gesture.
If the school organizes a collection? Contribute.
Maybe ask at the office if anyone is handling that.
A sympathy card would be appropriate.
You don't give a gift after a death. Unless you are going to the home afterwards (in which case you take food) or unless there is a scholarship fund for the minor children because the family is left in dire financial straits, you cannot give anything at all that would be appropriate. I can't imagine any circumstance under which a gift could be chosen that would be helpful or appreciated - it most likely would be seen as tacky, actually. This is not an occasion to celebrate. Also, you probably don't know the religious tradition of the family - so sending statues or religious items or flowers could be exactly the wrong thing to do in that religion or culture. (For example, you never send anything to a Jewish funeral and you never send flowers to the home. Some religions wouldn't dream of displaying any kind of statue.)
Go on line and check the obituary, and see if there is a charity specified that the family would appreciate. If not, I would give to a charity connected with the school where the widow teaches. Sometimes there are foundations that allow teachers to apply for mini-grants to fund things the general budget does not. And yes, make it "in memory of" him (not "in honor of"). You could also check to see if there is a school wide effort underway - sometimes there's a scholarship fund or something to plant a memorial tree.
If none of this works out, I would give to a non-political and non-controversial charity that is highly rated for giving most of the money to programs and recipients vs. overhead and executive salaries. Do not give to any group that discriminates or has a particular religious agenda, lest you offend the family (so avoid Salvation Army or Boy Scouts - some people love them, some despise them). Charity Navigator is an excellent place to check: http://www.charitynavigator.org
Otherwise, send a non-religious card. If you aren't sure the teacher will know who your son is, sign your family names and you could put your son's classroom number as an identifier.
Here's another idea to consider: Meals are appreciated for people in grief. Since you don't know this teacher personally, nor any details about her family's needs, instead of cooking something, you could give her a gift card to a place that has take out food.
i don't think there is an 'appropriate' gift in this case.
a card is good.
khairete
S.
Have you asked your sons teacher? I would ask if there if anything the other teacher needs. Maybe a meal, maybe a donation to a charity, maybe extra help in the classroom when she returns, etc. But I would ask what she needs/likes. Even if the suggestion is a gift card, what places does she like.
It's so thoughtful of you to even ask this question.
We lost a teacher suddenly last weekend. He was a close friend of mine who I taught with for 16 years. His family has set up a scholarship fund that people can contribute to, so you never know what may have been set up for the spouse of the teacher you know.
I agree with calling the school if you want to send a gift or donate something, but I also agree that a simple card means a lot.
A card and gift card to a cafe or restaurant would be nice. I also like the suggestion to ask if there is a group donation or something planned. At our schools, many times a tree is planted on the grounds with a plaque.
