Tantrum Help

Lots of empathy has worked well for littles I've interacted with. The Happiest Toddler on the Block, by Dr. Harvey Karp, talks about this approach. You can also watch a few quick videos showing how he does it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ1428uYs2g&NR=1&a.... .

He demonstrates exactly how he "speaks" the toddler's language so they know he's heard the need they are expressing. This calms them and makes it easier for them to cooperate.

My granddaughter, who is about that age, does that on occasion. She's doing it as a little power game. She knows how to communicate her wants and needs, so her mama's response to a tantrum is to walk away without a word and deprive her of an audience. It works.

Now that I think of it, long ago on that "funniest video" TV show was a clip of a toddler having a tantrum. When his mama (who happened to have the camera, so this must not have been the first tantrum) left for another room, the noise stopped. In a minute he came into the room where she was, saw her, and started screaming and falling on the floor again. She exited. After another couple of minutes he noticed his audience was gone again and went to find her. Now there's a performer!

My daughter went through that when she was a toddler. I just put her in her room and told her quietly that when she was done she could come out.

Took a few times but after a few times it worked.

N.

He needs to be given a little more control & independence through choices he can make. Red or blue shirt today? Narrow his options to two that you like & let him choose, he will feel more control & you will still have the control. This can be same with fits...do you want to throw a fit in your room? or do you want to sit quietly for time out at kitchen table? This is also good for him to learn how to make good choices.
It also helps to acknowledge what they are saying by repeating it back... I know you want to go outside..we are not going outside till after we eat lunch. Just because little ones can communicate, they cannot always articulate feelings or thoughts.

To add, many people suggest sitting him in your lap with his legs under your (sitting indian style) and wrapping your arm over his in a bear type hug so he can't hit. He will flip for a little bit but will calm down. One of my friends had to do this when her child started having tantrums that were hitting himself (banging head on the wall, etc)

I also have a son who has had these behaviors as well (and was/is VERY advanced verbally/academically). He is now 9 and has much better control of them. The 1st thing we did that helped (not fixed) tremendously was taking Red dye #40 COMPLETELY out of his diet. When I 1st heard of this I looked up info on it and it fit my son 100%! It made his tantrums less often and he was able to pull out of them quicker. Also, an incredibly helpful book for me was 'The Explosive child' by Dr. Ross Greene. We have had to continue working on his behaviors in MANY ways, but still to this day when he has a really bad tantrum, I can look back at what he had to eat that day and always trace it back to something with Red Dye #40. Good luck, hope this helps! If you have any questions or need tips let me know. (If you can from here?) :-)

I agree with Peg and Jeanie. Harvey Karp's book helped me A LOT in communicating with my son when he's angry. It also talks about not giving your child an audience when they're throwing a fit. That if after trying to communicate that you understand their WANT and they don't calm down, you get up and walk away.

Another book I can recommend that I think complements Happiest Toddler on the Block is the Love and Logic Approach by Jim and Charles Fay. It's a very empathy pack approach to parenting without yelling. It addressed tantrums and certainly gives you a lot of choices on how to handles kids when they're at their worst.

GOOD LUCK!!

When he throws a fit, walk away into the next room. If he comes into that room and throws a fit walk away into the next room. A fit is thrown fot attention and to get his way. If you are consistent, he will learn that this behavior will not get him what he wants. Don't engage him or chastise him, just cock one eyebrow and turn and walk away. My brother threw fits at about 3 years old. My mom did just what I mentioned each and every time. And he was a hyper child. Needless to say, he had stopped in about 2 weeks he stopped. Good luck!

Our son went through a phase of throwing huge temper tantrums. The bear hug thing didn't work. It made him even angrier. Walking away helped as well as validating his feelings like Harvey Karp recommends. Another thing that helped was figuring out what the triggers were and eliminating them. Most of the time it was a lack of sleep. I imagine that is probably what your son's problem is since you mentioned the transition to a big bed has been an adjustment. Best advice, hang in there and I imagine it will get better once he gets accustomed to his new bed and is sleeping better. Don't give the tantrums too much attention or they may become a habit just to get noticed.