My son is 3 years 3 months and on day one of no underwear he went pee and poop on his own without saying a thing. I'm completely frustrated because we've had some regression, and disinterest. Day two we wore underwear and had 2 accidents with both pee and poop, and no self initiative to go and sit by self (I had to bribe him to sit and try). This entire time we've had no verbal proclamation of having the urge to go. Day 3 I was on him like a hawk and prompted him to sit down every one hour and a half. We had zero accidents but also zero bowel movements. We're now on day 4 with underwear with 3 accidents in underwear with both peep and poop! I don't know what to do!
I try and talk to him about pulling underwear down, going before, and the boy just won't have anything to do with talking about business in the bathroom. He just won't listen and try and change the subject (he's very good at this and can zone you out over 5 minutes)!
What should I do? I'm up to my nose in pee and poo rags. HELP!
Thank you everyone for the advice. I've read everyone's responses, and it honestly looks like potty training is not a follow the directions type of lesson, each child's personality makes this milestone very personal for everyone.
Well as for our young boy, I can't say we're officially trained yet. After about the 5th day we went about 3 days without underwear and the boy would go on his own. We then slowly transitioned into very loose underwear and he would tell us he had to use the bathroom. He does still does not initiate to go on his own without being prompted when wearing underwear.
During vacation to Disney we didn't want to deal with wet underwear so we put him in pull ups but treated them like underwear. For the first few days he stayed dry as we reminded him to use the potty every few hours. He would not use the big toilet to poop, so we did have accidents in pull-ups. I should have brought our potty.
Now we're back home, back to underwear during the day, and it's still a work in progress. Step by step I'm sure we'll be diaper free. I could just never see this be done in ONE DAY as the book claims. Good luck to everyone and thanks again for the advice.
Hi S.,
You should go to www.3daypottytraining.com. I used the method described there when my son was a little over three years old. It worked like a charm. Now we are diaper free both day and night. Please remember though, if he sees you getting frustrated he will keep having accidents. It's better to be very non-emotional about it. Good luck!
What's his bribe? I recommend minimarshmallows or M&Ms. Some kids go for a celebratory potty song, or even stickers.
S.,
Oh how I remember this! The potty power struggle. In all likelihood, your son knows that you really want him potty trained and realizes he has control over something you care about (usually it's the other way around, right!). He does not want to give up that power. I ended up in a power struggle with my son about this when he was 3. After reading books, calling into a radio show about having power struggles with kids, etc., we took a break (i.e., put him back in diapers) for a few months (though you might not have time for that long a break) to break the cycle. Then one week we let him know that, at the end of the week, there would no longer be daytime diapers at our house (you would have to say "in his size" because you have a baby) because we had no one in the house who needed them any more. Then we had him go around w/out pants (which he hated) and made sure there was always a potty in the room and that he knew where it was. He wanted to try with his pants on first, so we said sure, we'll try it your way first, and if it doesn't work then we'll try without pants. We tried to sound very matter-of-fact. He peed in his pants about 20 minutes later, so pants off it was. He cried, but we just said one time, "This was the agreement we made," and let him cry. We also had a sticker chart with stars for pee, balloon sticker for poop (he loves balloons and those stickers were larger), and gold star stickers for not complaining about going or for asking to go (and then successfully going!). We had him help make the chart so that he felt included, not like something was being done to him. We also had small prizes -- one for the first time using the potty, another for a week with no accidents, etc. When he first used the potty (he had actually been using it fine about six months earlier and then regresses -- even longer story), we congratulated him and clapped, hugged, etc. After that we just smiled, said great job, and let him put up his sticker because he needed to understand that he was expected to use the potty. Some people I know kept the prizes high up in the bathroom within eyeshot of the toilet. We also took him to the potty every 45 minutes for the first couple of weeks, and made him stay on it for three minutes (fun egg timer helped). We were told to do this because it can take kids a bit to relax and go and/or completely eliminate. There were also weekly activities that our son loved to do (like music class). We told him that, sadly, those places did not allow people who pee on the floor into their places. Unless he could go without an accident the day before, we would not be able to take him to the activity. We explained that we couldn't do anything about those rules, and that we knew he could do it. When he had an accident, we did not look or sound upset, just disappointed that now he wouldn't be able to do the activity on the next day. Yes, this punished us a bit, but it was way better than the potty struggle! When the next day came and he realized that he really couldn't go to the activity, we held him when he cried and let him know we were so sorry that the place had those rules. Then we reminded him that the activity the next day had the same rules. If he could get through the day without an accident, he would at least be able to go to that activity. Again, we expressed our confidence in him. And that was it. No more accidents. We have had one (maybe two?) in the 1.5 years since then. I think it really helped to have natural consequences for not being potty trained as opposed to ones that seemed to come arbitrarily from his parents. Also, don't bother with undies at first if that's a barrier. Just let him wear sweatpants. Try a break for a month. It really did not take more than a few days once the power struggle subsided (we kept up the timer for about a month, though). I wish you the best! K.
Hi there S.,
Hang on girl, it's going to get better! I am the mama to 4 little boys ages 9,6, and twins that are 4. We just completed our official potty training in April! My twins just turned 4 in March, so as you see it took us a while. The first thing I would do is stick with the wet feeling sensation pull ups, until you have regular consistency. I t will save your sanity, as well as your carpets and floors! The other thing I would try is to make going to the bathroom a regular part of your conversation through out your day. Explain to him the sensation of having to go pee and poop. With my boys I did it like this...I had them stand in from of me and I told them," when you have to go pee or potty ( insert your favorite term here!) you will feel a tickle below your tummy". I would actually touch them right at the bikini line if you will, and then have them do it. I also explained that some times when you have to poop it will feel like you really need to fart. Then I left it at that... Through out our day I would have them try and goon their own, then with mu suggesting, and I just talked about it as normal conversation. They could be out side playing and I'd say out of the blue, " what do you feel again when you have to pee?" Oh yeah, a tickle! It works! Kids must make the connection of having a sensation with the need to go. Once they can do that, it sticks! If they can't associate that tickle feeling with having to go, then it's just a lot of accidents and frustration!
I hope this helps!
A little about me:
I am 34, married to my best friend, and a stay at home mama to 4 beautiful boys! We are Christian's and I love the lord! I love to sing, cook, hike, camp, and spend time with my friends and family. I am also a home schooling mama! I love my crazy life, and I love my boys!
Just a few recommendations. Buy a mobile potty, one that you can pick up and move in front of the t.v. or into a play area by a play table, also buy one for the car. Do not put underwear on until he is 100% potty trained with random accidents. Underwear is a false sense of protection, kind of like diapers. Bribe him with whatever means possible and don't forget to use stickers, toys or food to get him to sit down. I have put my kids on the potty with food in their lap in front of the t.v. and let them sit there as long as they want. The car potty is awesome because it can be used when and where ever you are.
good luck
D.
I am sure you don't want to hear this, but I say he is not ready. Put him back in diapers and wait. I am a firm believer in when they are ready they will do it. Both my kids did it on their own and had no accidents from day one. Boys are tougher and generally start later than girls. My son was 3 years and 8 mos. when he started.
We also did a lot of naked time in the backyard.
Hi S.,
I too just did potty training. My son is 4, he had no interest at three to even try the potty. I was afraid if I pushed it would be an enormous battle and we would both be in tears. I talked to his DR. and she said he wasn't ready. So we spent six months talking about going potty, watching Elmo goes to the potty, and reading books about it. I kept telling him when theres no more school you are going on the potty. The first day was aweful. But I stuck to it and set the timer for every 15 minutes to start. Every time he went he got a sticker on a chart I made, and when he got 15 stickers he got to choose to do something fun with me, or his daddy. It worked great we are now in about a month and he goes on his own. He still has issues with the big potty, but is learning to pee standing up. Just stick with it and I know it's frustrating but try to stay calm. As my pediatrician said it will happen. I also used puppy pee pads on my furniture, and his car seat, just in case. It seemed easier because he was 4 and understood this is what needed to happen. I hope this helps.
Hi S.,
I just want to thank you for asking the question, and I really want to thank those of you who responded. My daughter potty trained quickly and easily and it lasted about 3 weeks and then she completely regressed now we are not only back in pull-ups, but she wants to be changed laying down like she used to do. We are doing what you suggested and waiting a while to end the power struggle and then we will try again.
I posted a similar question twice on this forum, but nobody responed to me either time. I have been reading everybody elses responses to try to get the information I was looking for and these are by far the best responses I have seen!
Good luck to you S.! I guess we are all in this together. It is nice to know that we are not alone on this rollercoaster ride we call potty training!
D.
Hi, S.,
This is one of the hardest things to get through...but only four days? Be patient with yourself and your little one! Think of it more as a PROCESS and focus on that instead of focusing on the end result of being fully potty trained. Take the pressure off your son and don't get too frustrated. I just (FINALLY) finished potty training my 3 year old after 10 loooooooong months and MANY MANY MANY accidents. We tried all gung ho, like you did for one weekend and it was abject misery for all involved. So I took a 2 week break and then started again (this was way back last August). For about one month, he was without pants on at home. Then I slowly tried having him be in underwear after that first month. It was about 50/50. Sometimes he remembered he needed to pee and other times he forgot and just peed. We did stickers to reward him for sitting on the potty. After several months of this (with several accidents), he eventually just went on his own, or we tell him to go if he does the potty dance (meaning he needs to go badly, but is trying to hold it in). Only about 2 months ago did he finally decide he was okay to poop in the potty. Until then, he would hold it until naptime and nighttime, when he had a diaper on and then poop at that time. So I had to make sure that the diaper wasn't put on too late, because he would have poop accidents if I didn't put him down for a nap at his usual time. EVENTUALLY, I noticed that as long as he was wearing underwear, he would tell me he needed to poop in the potty, but if I had him in diapers, again, he would not tell me. FINALLY, as of a couple of months ago, he quit pooping in his diapers completely and now only goes on the toilet. It has just been a slow and gradual process and I never tried to rush him or pressure him. Whenever he would poop in his diapers, I would never scold him. Sometimes I confided in him that, "Mommy doesn't like when you poop in your diaper, because then I have to clean it up! I would like you to use the potty if you can." and leave it at that. I decided not to let myself get frustrated or angry with him. Simply deal with things and try to make potty training a non-issue. To this day (about 10 months later), he will occasionally have pee accidents. This week he had three, which is an unusually high number. So, my advice is to just relax, don't let a power struggle ensue and don't focus too much on the end result, which you know you will eventually reach. Make it be about the process, so you will just accept where you son is at this point in time. I am sure he will start to show improvement once you take the "power play" out of it. Good luck to you!
Hi S.!
Potty training is JUST like a Roller Coaster Ride! I never thought of it that way :o)
Anyway, it sounds like you just started to train, and it all sounds normal! Total training can take almost the whole summer, especially for boys. Some can train faster~well, I've heard stories, anyway, but I don't personally know anyone who trained their child in less than 6 months.
Anyway, I'd just strap yourself in, put a smile on your face, and go with the "ride".....this can take alot of patience .
Good Luck!
Love, N.
maybe you should goto pull ups and then when he is ready then try again. I heard someone tell me that they bought special underware at the store their son wanted and used the whole " you dont want to poop and pee on spiderman do you?" then you wouldnt have any more spiderman underware...might try that but boys are the ones that are harder to convince. also if he is in preschool the help and usually when they see other kids doing it they get that it is the thing to do.
My son was almost 4 (or just over 4? cant remember now!!) when he finally was potty trained (where he'd go on his own or tell/ask for help when needed) and I did NOT want to fight it, be up to my neck in pee/poop rags as you put it, etc.
One thing I've heard is a big indicator of whether they're ready is whether they can stay dry all night and then get up and go to bathroom. That and the interest/willingness to do it. Sounds like your son is capable, but not interested/willing. So dont fight it.
My little sister (7 yrs younger than me) was the baby then the older baby with baby sister 2 yrs younger. Well she was about 4 and still getting diapers changed, not doing the "big girl thing" but one day my parent's friends whos daughter was the same age and even had almost the same name (anna/nana) so we had fun pointing it out how similar they were, and of course they played together, it was a long visit. Then (I clearly remember this) the other girl needed to go, and she went sitting on the pot with the door open and we could see it down the short hallway, my little sister was standing there (I think I was the one to either bring her there or just watched her standing there taking it in). She was watching and you almost could see the little wheels in her head turning.. hmm. After that, she was potty trained!
No cleaning, no messes, no bribery, no frustrations. Just a long wait, LOL. My mom didnt do preschool, she's not one to give in to peer pressure or worry what people think of her, she simply does what the child needs.
Where I lived when my son was born up til almost 3, all my mommy friends with boys said DONT WORRY about it until they're AT LEAST 3 while with girls some were ready earlier. So I didnt stress or worry about it - until I moved here and ahh, there were a couple boys a little younger than he already in underpants. I started to wonder if maybe I shouldn't jump onto the potty training thing and get him going but one day on a playdate at a playplace, the other little boy made a mess (turns out he was pee-trained but NOT poop-trained. YUCK!! WHY would anyone prefer to change poopy underpants than poopy diapers beats me) Anyway, so this little boy was naked, but I had a leftover diaper in my car so he put that on and played - very uncomfortably, but not naked! After that, I realized that some of the early trained boys were having accidents at night regularly. (Mine does but only occasionally when he is extra tired and/or had extra liquid!) So, stressing abt messes and being on top of him (that can't be fun for either of you?) vs happy kid in full control and putting up with some extra diapers a while longer...
Sorry this is so long!
HI S.,
You do sound frustrated and frustrating it is!! But as parents we have to be supportive about these things and not show how frustrated we are. It sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on your son to be potty trained quickly with no accidents, and depending on the child it just doesn't always work that way...
Here are some suggestions that worked for us. I hope it helps you too... remember that your son will potty train, but it takes some longer than others!!
We made potty training like a new big boy/girl adventure and something really special. I don't know your feelings on TV... we don't watch much, but the Elmo Potty Time video helps a bunch if you haven't tried that. We also made a ridiculous deal about our kids going on the potty. I mean yelling, hugging, tossing in the air... a big big deal EVERY time. Even if they just sat on the potty and tried we would hug them and tell them how proud we were that they tried to go and make it no big deal that they didn't go.... "Good job sitting on the potty sweetie!! Maybe next time you'll have to go pee-pee."
If your son likes and characters like Cars or Elmo or Spiderman make it a special day to go get bog boy underwear.
I disagree about putting kids in pull-ups when they start to potty train except for nap or bedtime... pull-ups feel like diapers and gives them no incentive to go on the toilet. If you have done that and you're trying to get away from those you can tell you son that on some certain date (one you pick) that will be the day that 3 year old boys don't wear pull-ups anymore. It's like a special day when he is too big to do that and get rid of them.
Good luck. He'll get it!
hello S.,
i want to thank you too for asking this question. my son will be 3 years old in october and we just found out that i'm pregnant, about 6 wks along! i so want to potty train him before the baby is born so i can get some sort of break from changing diapers and plus everything is so expensive now and i don't want to have to buy diapers for my son and the new baby! my son does go in the potty when he wants to, he's only gone pee pee though, never poop! i've tried to catch him going poop in his diaper and try to tell him to go to the potty, but he always tells me no. yesturday i caught him going poop and just picked him up hoping he'd get the point that he needs to go in the potty, i wasn't like frustrated with him i was laughing and saying "no, go in the potty" he thought it was kinda funny, but by the time we got to the potty he didn't have to go!! i have heard people tell me that he will go when he wants to, when he's ready, but i'm scared he won't be ready until the baby is born then we will be up to our knees in diapers!! i know he's pretty much still a baby at this point, but i don't know..everyone in my family is telling me to get him potty trained before the baby is born, and i feel so much pressure from them!! does anyone ever have that problem too? your family members telling you want to do or what you should do all the time....i'm just like "let me handle this the way i want/need to, i'm the mother, i know what's best" opinions are great...but i just hate when they tell me "you need to do this"...or "you should be doing this" anyways, i don't know how much help i was..hahaha...but i'm glade you did post this so i know i'm not the only one!!! good luck...
Both of my sons were slow to train and neither of them was fully trained until 3.5 years, so first of all, I sympathize with you, and second of all, please realize that your son is totally normal.
This might be messy, so if you're not up for it I understand. But if you can, you might try letting him run around without underwear for a day or two.
I also successfully used a sticker chart with my older. One sticker for every time he went on the potty with cool prizes at benchmarks. Bribery, yes, but it WORKED.
Good luck - I know this sucks.
Dear Cheryl,
Don't take this the wrong way, but I never had any trouble potty training my kids. A girl, and a boy. People say that boys are harder, but my son could not stand being wet or having an icky diaper. In fact, I had them in training panties very early on to keep them from getting diaper rash.
I had a friend who's son was 4-1/2 and still in diapers. I love her like crazy, but I think it was just easier to try to change him and put a diaper back on him.
If you have a trusted friend, or sister, or your mom, take your son to visit and leave him. The first thing I did was have the kid take his diaper off and put it in the garbage. No diapers at my house. It really helped that my daughter was the same age and had been long potty trained. Funny you mention the Pottycoaster Ride. We had the Potty Line. I would go first and the kids had to line up for their turn. Then, my daughter would go, wash her hands and it was the boy's turn. Even if he didn't actually go, he still had to wait in line, at least try, and wash his hands afterwards. No one got to be in front of the potty line unless they really had to go, and actually did it.
It literally took two visits and HE wanted to be at the front of the potty line. He peed, pooped. That's all it took. He wanted to get to go first. My daughter, already potty trained, was more than happy to let him know everytime she went and then let him go first. Anyone who had to go potty announced it.....then we ALL got in the potty line. And tried....then washed our hands, even if we didn't have to go.
Give it a whirl!
I am a mother of two boys, much older but I remember. Yes, it is a roller coaster, someone adviced me to not push them and they will come around in their own time. Well, they did and it was less stress for me and the boys. Part of it might be a control issue, I remember when they were that age they practiced their freedom of choice at every turn. I also switched off and on with the diapers and potty pants, eventually they wanted to wear the potty pants all the time. They are now teenagers and managed to get it. Good Luck
Hi S.,
It might help to have him go without bottoms at all (no pull-ups, no underwear, no pants). That's what worked for us. Granted, you've got to be on the kid like white on rice so he doesn't pee all over your carpet, but I found that my kids seemed to make it to the potty a lot more often when there was the sensation of air on their bare bottoms to remind them that they were not in diapers anymore, and they'd better not go pee-pee anywhere but the potty!
Good luck.
Hi S.. Don't think you're alone. My son will be 4 in Sept. he just got potty trained. Just keep on your son like you said "a hawk". My son still has some accidents like when we go into stores and he doesn't want to use the rroom there. It's hard. What really worked for us is treats and toys. Every time he goes #1 he gets a sugar free treat, every time he goes #2 he gets some kind of cheapy toy. Just get toys and treats he's really interested in. Don't give them to him unless he goes on the toilet. Don't yell at him at all just encourage him. If my son goes in his pants I just tell him that next time he'll do better sometimes I mention I'm dissapointed but I know he already knows. Good luck - don't worry it's not forever!
Hi, Just take it slow and make it fun. There is a great book Called How to potty train your child in less than a day. make sure it is the less than a day book. It is really good book and help me with my Son, he potty trained at 2 1/2. The book has you train a baby doll and have your child do the same and then takes you step by step. My mom used it with her 7 kids and it worked great. Your child will get it in the day but will still have accidents. That should get better soon.
Hope this helps.
It sounds like he is not ready. When he's ready it will happen quickly.
