Take It Away or Not

Tell her to give her back her blanket, if she gets comfort from it and it's hers. THAN IT"S HERS! My oys still like their blanket in there bed at night and they are 10.
Why take it away!

No, not now, not ever. I'd get it back from the dad and girlfriend and make it VERY clear that should never happen again.

My son is 5 years old and he continues to need his favorite blanket to sleep at night. If he is watching TV he goes to his room to get it and then holds it on the couch. I don't mind that he wants to have it. If he goes to a relatives house to stay the night I will pack his blanket because it helps him to sleep better.

In these cases, I ask "how would you feel if you lost something special or dear to your heart"... That item could be something from your childhood you saved, given from a favorite relative, person or your child.

In my case, I would feel just as devastated. Can you blame her? If your daughter is sleeping away from you, that is her version of a safe place or 'home'.

I'd recommend a sit-down conversation for all involved taking care of your daughter to remedy this immediately - especially for your daughter's peace of mind and emotional well-being. Why stress her out so much like this?

ADDED: Sorry, I had to pick up my son from school, but I also wanted to add that your daughter is also too young to understand any reasoning behind the motives of why the girlfriend did this. You really have to come down to your daughter's point-of-view to fully appreciate what any of her special items mean to her.

My son finally adapted his white bunny that he received when he was in the hospital... it took some time before he ever really noticed it, but after preschool, he latched on to it! I use it as a 'puppet' and he unwinds with it, telling me about his day or whatever is bothering him. I would NEVER ever think about taking his 'bashy' away from him - or any possible keepsake.

Oh, by the way... my husband still has his old dolphin from when he was a child - it made him feel warm and fuzzy to give it to our son. Keepsakes like these can so easily be passed on in so many ways later on.

Ooooo! Please make sure that she understands that this was very wrong and she had no right to do it!! I hope she still has it! Demand it back!!! She needs it, especially with that sort of woman around with her dad. What right does a girlfriend have to make this decision. Please let her have it!

I think it is okay to keep a blanket forever if you so choose. My daughter had a favorite blanket and I would not let her take it out of the car once she reached a certain age (She could take it if she was staying somewhere for the night, like Grandma's for instance) I just did not want her dragging it in a store (germs) or thinking she would take it to preschool. But at home it provided a wonderful sense of security at bedtime. She is college age now in NYC and it resides in a drawer at my house. She really never used it much past the age of four as I recall, but I have known kids who keep their security object into adulthood and I see nothing wrong with it-----(better than overeating or smoking for instance)
By the way, this was not a decision a "girlfriend" should have made, or even your exhusband without consulting you; based on this action, it seems they have limited knowledge of child development.

I don't find that is right. How old is your daughter. My son still has his stuffed animal and hes going to be 7 in a week. Now i have accidently not guven a binkie when i was younger not knowing the baby still took one and broke them from that. But i don't think the blanket should be taken away because even when she gets older and doesn't want it or us it you can pack it away in a box with keep sakes i did that with my 9 year olds blanket. she occasionally asks me to make sure its still there.

T.,

My 8 yr. old still has his special Blankie. He does not carry it around anymore and talk it places. But it it is in his bedroom in his bed and he sleeps with it every night. When he is upset he will say have you seen my blanket. He lays on the couch with it when he is sick. No big deal it is his way of feeling safe. I say let her have it. You did not mention how old she is. But I would say if you think she needs to limit it than do it in small increments at your house. When she is comfortable with i than extend to your ex husband house. I never really did this except when he got to a certain age I no longer let him leave the house with it. He weaned himself when he was comfortable. Hope this help.

oh my ! It is not her place to do that! You are her mother, not this ex's girlfriend! Tell her that she was way out of line and give it back to your daughter! There is no harm in it. Hopefully the father will agree with you and understand that she has no place doing this.
Good Luck :)

I'd be fit to be tied if another woman tried to play mommy to that degree with my child. That is a choice that you & dad should have discussed and decided on NOT the girlfriend!

I'd insist the blanket be given back if it offers your child the feeling of security.

M. in Camden, MI.

T.; well thumb sucking can be just as harsh on a child if not more than a blankie, you cant take a thumb away, i would not worry about it, if she is sleeping well and have all her needs met she may not need the blankie in the first place, most kids use objects to help them feel secure for some reason or a nother, most kids attach themselves to some sort of object, and most kids grow out of it, she may be getting all the sleep she needs, and may not need it, its ok for it not to be there, the reason she may be attached to it is cause you want her to have it ? so when she is over there she can be comforted by the smells of home, everyone loves those smells, ahahah i would not sweat it, its normal in a split home to do things differently in one home than the other, if you want her to have it when at your house then by all means give it to her, she may not need it at the other house, and sleeps fine, i dont know youd have to find out if she does or not ? well any way , i would not stress over it too much, sounds like you are just being a good mom, and its hard to let them go to dads, so hang in there and continue to be that good mom she has come to love , D. s

Hi T.,

I don't think your ex's girlfriend had any right to take away your daughter's blanket. Some children need a security item wether it be a blanket, pillow or stuff animal. As they get older you may limit them as to when they can have it (like at home only or at bedtime only) but they should decide when they are ready to give it up all together. My cousins and I all still have our blankies, pillows whatever and we are in our 30s. Till this day we joke about it but when times are hard it's good to know you have it in the back of the closet to help you get through. It's the one thing that has been with you through everything!

Good Luck!!

You have to ask, what is the harm in the blanket? Your daughter obviously still needs it for security reasons. My son still sucks his thumb (8 years old) but at some point, he will stop. It is his way to soothe himself. No harm, no foul.

My daughter (now 24) had her blankey under her pillow until she turned 12 or 13. It was a great comfort to her to be able to feel it at night when she was trying to sleep. We discussed giving it up, and she would even hand it over to me, but when i'd go in her room, there it would be, back under the pillow. It did her no harm, made her feel safe in her bed at night, and she gave it up in her own time. My youngest (13) still has her stuffed seal, snowfur, that she has had most of her life. It sits on her bed, and when she's sick or upset, she hugs it for comfort.
This is a decision that your daughter needs to make, not the girlfriend of her father. Why put your child through the distress of taking away something that gives her comfort? You need to talk to dad, and get her blankey back, if at all possible, and he needs to set boundries with his girlfriend parenting your daughter.

I say give it back to your daughter, talk to the ex and his woman and let them know that it will be your daughter's decision as to when she will let it go. There is enough going on in her life (and the world) that she needs something to comfort her. She might give it up tomorrow, she might not ever give it up. My Daughter never attached to one thing but she does take a stuffed animal when she stays the night away from home, she is 8. My son attached to a Froggie (a small "blanket" with a frog's head) that went EVERYWHERE with him for a couple years, now he has it at home and takes it to sleep away but doesn't want to bring it when we shop or anything anymore, he is 4. My friend's children have their blankies and they are 10 & 4. One of my friends still has her stuffed toy and sleeps with it, she is married an in her 30s.

Kids attach to objects for different reasons, and give them up in their own time. I feel taking away a security item (other than a pacifier) is bad for the child's self esteem, it just gives thm one more thing in the long list of things they can't control.

I would suggest you work on the thumb sucking though, it can ccause all sorts of problems in the mouth.

I hape you can all come to the best agreement for your daughter.....good luck I know how sucky it is to deal with a split family.

Dear T.,

My initial reaction is absolute disbelief. How in the world could anybody take a comfort object away without consideration for the consequences. Your post doesn't detail if there was some sort of issue regarding this and also the age of your daughter. However, in my opinion, one should never take a comfort object away until the child is ready. One can reasonably limit the scope of the interaction but to remove it seems cruel to me. My dear son is 8 and he still sleeps with the bear he was given at birth. He doesn't take it to sleepovers and only sleeps with it at night by his choice. When he is ready to give "bobby" up he will let me know. Best of all to you and yours. :-)

S.

It's not your ex's girlfriend's job to decide things like that, what does your ex think of this? That just seems mean. If she said that the blanket ought to stay in the bed that would be one thing, but to take it away...awful.
I'm 29 and I still have my favorite stuffed dog although he no longer hangs out in the bed since the one time he got tangled in the sheets and accidentally went through the washer (he's VERY fragile).

Absolutely not.....Everyone needs a little security in world we live in today, and something as silly as a blanket can make you feel safe, then what's the problem. As long as the blanket stays at home, and doesn't become an issue if you have to leave it there, I see no problem My 24 year old niece still has her blankie, My kids have all kept theirs, but don't sleep with them anymore. Maybe it's becuase the wives have taken over..:) Good Luck

Whoa! It is SO not her place to do that. Being just a girlfriend does not give her permission to make decisions like that. Did she even discuss it with your ex first? Holy smokes! Did she throw the blanket away? I would be royally p...ticked off!
Listen, I'm 55. I have MY old baby blanket upstairs in one of my drawers. Why? I always liked it, and it's a keepsake. I have 3 boys. The oldest is 26. He rubbed the circumferance of his baby blanket until any blanket part is in tatters, but he still has it and it was not unusual to see him watch tv and have that border to rub. Just a couple years ago! My second son's wife is 26. Two years ago she actually took her favorite blankey on their honeymoon! My middle AND youngest sons still treasure their baby blankets.
Security blankets give us a feeling of 'safe', of familiarity, of family and comfort. There's nothing wrong with holding on to that despite how old one gets. Honestly? I've been tempted to get my 26yo another one. In fact...good idea for Christmas.
Your ex's GF is so far out of line, she deserves the heave ho. get your daughter a new one if necessary. She's in a 'broken' environment and needs every shred of comfort and safety she can hold on to.

I would be livid that this woman took your daughters blanket away from her and demand that she return it. This is not her child nor her decision to make. I never took my sons blanket away from him ever. He's 21 and although he hasn't required a security anything for years his tattered blanket is still somewhere in his room. Your daughter is much too young to have this done to her. Stand up for her Mom and have a conversation with her father and get it back. Sorry this sounds so mean spirited, I just feel that girlfriends should have no say in raising anyone elses children.

S.

Not my business, but it's not your ex's girlfriend's place to be taking away the blanket... I wouldn't take it away though, it's not like she has to have it all day, at night is not a big deal, we all need a little security sometimes...it's not hurting anything.

T.
how old is your daughter?and where dose she get off taking that away that is for a parent to do i would be off the wall .my youngest at the moment is $ and she still has her blanket not that she use it all night but she has it close buy and i will let her keep it as long a she wants it wont hurt give it back why make hher hurt if you don't have to

I wouldn't take it away.

Give it back. My daughter is 7 and she still has her 2 blankets. THey were originally my sons who is now 10 but she loves these blankets. You should see my husband and me frantically looking for these at bedtime if she has misplaced them. There is no harm and your daughter will give it up when she is ready. As for getting a new one... you can try but I bet it won't be the same as hers. My daughter has the Baby Morgan blankets and I don't think you can even get those anymore. What does your ex think about the girlfriend doing this? I would get it back right away and tell your daughter not to take it to dads anymore.

not sure how old she is...I am assuming she's pretty young... But I would take her right to the store and let her pick out a new special blankie or cuddly toy... And let the ex know that it was innappropriate for his g-friend to take it away... If SHE doesn't want daughter to have it then make it a standing rule of SHE takes it and puts it in a closet while daughter is there and then gives it back when daughter is on her way home... Then SHE is the only one dealing with the loss of her blankie or cuddly... Do not villify the g-friend to the daughter. Tell her something about you wanting to get a NEW special one for just at YOUR house... And she gets to pick it out. Or if shes really young just get her a new one with a similar texture and wash it a few times before giving it to her.

And where is the blanket she took away? ... You should get it back if possible. Its a keepsake.

This is just awful! They need to give it back right now! Security blankets are just that, security. They are breaking her trust by taking her blanket away from her. I still have mine from when I was little and while I obviously don't carry it around with me, I know exactly where it is in my closet and I have great memories of my childhood with that blanket by my side. It stayed with me through my parents divorce, through moving to a new school, and through the hard times of making new friends. My son now has his own blanket and I can't imagine him without it!

Hi T.,
I agree with everything Sue said. I would also be livid. I don't know how old your daughter is but my husband and I have had a conversation about blankies. My oldest is six and he has had his blanket since birth. My husband thinks it's time for him to get rid of it and I told him if he gets rid of it I would get rid of him....lol. I don't understand peoples reasoning of getting rid of it. It's not like he's dragging it to school with him. He has it in his bed at night. What's the big deal. I would demand she give it back to your daughter and explain (not defensively) to her that even though she's together with your ex doesn't mean she has ANY say in your daughter. Hopefully you have a good relantionship with your ex still and he will do what's best for your daughter. Good luck.
Chris

We let our kids have the blanket only when they are in bed. The only exception is when they are not feeling well then they can have it while on the couch. This blaket is probably what makes her feel secure in an unsecure world. It is very hard for kids when parent separate and when new people are introduced into their world. It is her constant and security. I would definatly get it back.

L.