Switching Teachers Continued

Updated on January 24, 2011
C.C. asks from Apex, NC
8 answers

Hello Ladies! You all gave some great advice and I believe I have done everything that I should do in this situation. We are still in a bind with this teacher. My daughter is still not doing well with this strict teacher. She yells at my daughter and students and is intimidating. Over 2nd quarter I spoke with the teacher twice, had my daughter meet with the school councelor and took my daughter to see the doctor twice. The visits with the teacher didn't get me anywhere and she was defensive and didn't take ownership in anything. She even singled out my daughter at recess and asked her if she thought she was mean. My daughter was so embarrassed! The teacher then proceeded to tell her that she was NOT going to change. After visiting the doctor my daughter was diagnosed with acid reflux and gastroitis. I told the doctor the situation and she even thought it was a good idea to try to switch teachers. She wrote a letter stating the diagnosis and that they are all due to stressors at school. I plan on giving the principal this letter on Monday. On Monday if they don't let us switch teachers I plan on taking my daughter out of the class and seeing about transferring schools or homeschooling at last resort just to get through the rest of the school year. Any advice on the best way to speak with the principal? Any feedback would be great and please no judgemental comments. Thanks so much!

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So What Happened?

Thank you once again for all the advice and support! I really do appreciate it. I talked with the principal today and she is refusing to let my daughter switch to the other 4th grade teacher. What do I do now? Who do I contact? There is more than one superintendant as we have "area superintendants". There has to be someone to go to that is above the principal.

More Answers

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

Focus on what your daughter needs without blaming the teacher. Suggest that the teacher's style of teaching isn't working for your daughter and therefore she needs a different teacher. You can use the good old personality conflict argument.

I suggest that you first talk with the school counselor. She knows the principal and may have suggestions on how best to approach him/her. She may also be willing to go to the appointment with you and also recommend a change. Also talk with the counselor in a manner that does not negatively criticize the teacher. Ask for her support in changing teachers without blaming the current teacher. Be as positive as you can while being adamant about changing teachers. Stress that your daughter's health is the cause for the transfer.

After your post of what happened. Go to your area superintendent. The one whose in charge of your school. And.....if you haven't talked with the counselor I suggest you do so now. She knows the system and has a better understanding of how it can work for you.

And......the principal or anyone in the office can tell you who the superintendent is in your area.

4 moms found this helpful
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S.T.

answers from New York on

Sounds like you've taken the appropriate first steps by talking to the teacher, the counselor, etc. It's definitely time to talk to the principal. It's very, very rare that administrators agree to moving a child mid-year - but ultimately, if you're not for your kid - who will be? You have to go about this is a very non-accusatory way. You want the best for your child, your child is getting physically ill regarding the teacher's approach. Trust me, the administrators and the other teachers know which other teachers are the bad teachers, the screamers, etc.

(Keep in mind this teacher may not have always been like this but for all you know she is dealing with a tough personal situation like her own serious illness, a very sick parent or spouse, a grown child with a drug problem or a mental illness, etc. She may be under a lot of stress and her threshold for stress has plummeted. So she may have always been an OK teacher in the past but this year she's just in a bad way.) Regardless, in any event, your child should not have to be sick as a result.

As another mama suggested, write it down, make bullets, practice like you're giving a speech. Don't make accusation but do give examples. Don't "threaten" but tell them you are considering home schooling if your child continues to feel sick.

Finally before all of this examine your and your child's emptions carefully. As the mom of a child who struggles with interpreting cues and interpersonal interaction, I've learned that the possibilty exists that your child may be at a tough developmental stage and could feel this way with a new, different teacher too. Imagine the stress if she does get moved and then runs into a similar problem with the new teacher? My son was convinced his 4th grade teacher HATED him. Almost daily, he told me how she yelled all the time, embaressed kids in front of everyone, etc. When I mentioned some of these things to the special ed teacher who was often in her room she could not understand what my son was seeing. Two years later the 4th grade teacher invited all of her prior 4th grade class to a beach party since they ahd been her final class before she retired. She told me how very fond she had been of my son and how she pushed him to perform because she knew he was capable of so much more. He learned so much that year and really grew a lot - he would have missed that with another teacher. His perception of the situation was off-kilter and I'm glad I didn't push to move him but instead helped him with coping skills and helped him to learn how to deal with people who don't always "mesh" with his personality. It was one of many life lessons.

Ultimately, however, you're a tax-payer and you are entitled to have a non-hostile learning environment for your child. Pray about it and then move with soft words. Soft words can be VERY powerful. Good luck mama!

3 moms found this helpful
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N.S.

answers from Chicago on

I would be as non-accusatory as possible of the teacher because the principal will probably back the teacher. Just simply state that while she may be a wonderful teacher, her style does not mesh with your daughter's so much that your daughter is becoming physically ill. Let the principal know that while you fully support teaching your daughter to get along with all types of personalities, you've tried and it just isn't working.

Let him know that switching is the last resort and you hope that he will help you as much as possible.

I'm a teacher myself and when parents come at me all yelling and accusatory I immediately take the defensive, even if I don't mean to. It's just a natural response. If you can establish that you are both on the same team with the students' best interest in mind then you'll get further. The old adage that you catch more bees with honey than vinegar!

That's not to say that you have to let him walk all over you! You can be firm in what you want without being accusatory. You really have done all you can!

Try to use the phrase "I really could use your help." Studies have shown that it works better than demanding that a person do something!

I'm so sorry that your daughter has to go through all that and I hope that you can switch teachers! I homeschool and it's wonderful for me but it's not for everyone. If you end up pulling her out let me know and I can point you to many resources. It's a big commitment and decision so I hope you can work things out with the school!

2 moms found this helpful

A.G.

answers from Dallas on

Everyone has already given great advice, but one other approach might be to say that your daughter would benefit from a different teaching style. That way you aren't attacking the teacher directly; you are simply pointing out that we all learn differently, and your daughter needs a different approach. The letter from the doctor should help tremendously. I'm a teacher, and I can't imagine you having any trouble switching classes now that you have a doctor's note. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful
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A.D.

answers from New York on

Is this what your daughter wants? If so, just state the facts (write bullet points of all incidents and have it with you in the meeting). If you have a doctor's note I do not see how they could not comply unless they do not have any room in the other classes.

Just make sure your daughter knows what is happening and what changes will be.

Best of luck

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N.G.

answers from Fayetteville on

Corina,
I'm not familiar with the first part of your inquiry, but I'm so sorry for you and especially your daughter! We've been through almost the exact same thing when my son was in first grade. My suggestion is to talk to the principal in an organized, non-judgemental and respectful way to plead your case. Request that any staff that has been involved with your child's issue be present (counselor/nurse) so that all may be allowed to add their observations and professional opinions. If the principal will not pull your child out of that classroom, you need to speak with the school superintendent. Remember that YOU are your child's best advocate and must do what you feel is in her best interest. God bless!

1 mom found this helpful

T.F.

answers from Los Angeles on

If they don't let you switch I would pull her out of that school. I went through this in first grade-the teacher was stern and very critical of me-I had diarrhea every morning before school. I was put into another class with a more nurturing type teacher and was so much happier. You need to do what's good for her.

1 mom found this helpful
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K.W.

answers from Fayetteville on

This happened to my son last year! His teacher went as far as to call my son a liar!! My son would call us during the day crying, I would have to go to school and get him because he would vomit, or he would come home at the end of the day very upset because his behavior card had been moved to yellow.( you know the cards green=good...yellow=warning...red=letter home or principal)! I don't know why she did this. I would call this women and she would be so to face to me and say, Well I don't know why he would say that I called him a liar, I would never say that to 1 of my students. I told her this isn't the first time and there wouldn't be anyother reason he would come home and just say you called him a liar. I mean he was in 2nd grade! Finally after getting no where with her I went to the principal and had a long meeting with him and then he had a long meeting with my son and then he had a talk with the teacher and of course she denied everything. And guess what he had a write up the next day, she said he picked on a kid at recess, are you kidding me. So the next day I was back on the phone with the principal! I told him if he isn't moved to another class I would go to the head of the school board with my issues and then pry into the classroom and she if she has called any other student a liar but he or she has been to scared to say anything to his/her parents! Within a week my son was moved and we didn't have a problem the rest of the school year and he actually got an award for " The Best Student of the Year", now what does that say about that teacher! Sorry so long but I seen your post and it hit a nerve! Good luck and don't give up! Please don't take your daughter out of school, its important she stays in, but do threaten that you will go to the school board if nothing is done about the situation! Good Luck hun!

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