Sadly, over the course of my subscription to Mamasource, I have seen many postings regarding miscarriage. It can be such a secret sorrow, one that my husband and I dealt with twice before being blessed with our son. No matter at what point during the pregnancy the loss occurs, the emotions that follow can take you by surprise, and be shockingly overwhelming, seeming to come from nowhere, and usually without any direction to focus them. Personally, I became voraciously obsessed with finding a cause to my first miscarriage (the second was due to Trisomy 16), and also something to let me know that I wasn't alone in my mourning, reading anything and everything I could get my hands on. Unfortunately, there isn't much literature available to support families dealing with miscarriage, but I DID find one title that became one of my few saving graces.
I recommend "About What Was Lost", edited by Jessica Berger Gross, to anyone who may be dealing with miscarriage (ISBN 9780452287990, Plume, september 2006). It is a compilation of essays from twenty female writers sharing their experiences with miscarriage and stillbirth. These essays were like speaking to a group of friends I had known for years, and who, regretfully, knew my suffering as their own. A true balm to my soul.
Also, if anyone is dealing with a loss, please feel free to write me. I would be more than happy to listen, any time. Truly. Sometimes all you need is for someone to say "I am sorry you are hurting. I don't know what to say to help you, but I am here, and I will listen to anything you need or want to express." All the best to you, mamas.
There's also www.spals.com (subsequent pregnancy after loss), which includes a full range of loss. I've found it to be very supportive and informative. You don't have to be pregnant to join--it is a place to vent about what was, a current pregnancy and its stresses, and hope for the future.
Thanks K.!
K.,
Thank you for this information. I wish I had found it after I had a miscarriage...I am sure that you have helped so many women today.
Thank you so much for posting this. I suffered a miscarriage before I became pregnant with my daughter. I had a beautiful healthy girl afterwards. A few months ago I became pregnant, and it ended in miscarriage after 6-7 weeks.
Unlike the first time, I decided not to share this with anyone, besides 2 or 3 friends. I tried to pretend that it didn't bother me, and just move on with my life. But, there are moments when I am very sad by it.
My husband is wonderful person, and the love of my life, but his attitude is that it isn't a big deal, that we can try again in a few months And, he reminds me that I already have a beautiful, healthy child. The doctor made me feel a little bit better when he told me that I am healthy, and there is no reason I shouldn't have a healthy baby. I know all of facts, but still, I can't help but worry or feel sad.
To make things a bit more stressful, I have a couple of friends that are pregnant. I am so happy for them, but honestly it does make me a little sad to hear them talk about it. I don't want to be a jealous person, or to make them feel uncomfortable around me. I feel myself dreading hanging out with them. They don't know, so I can't blame them for being excited. I would be the same way! At this point, I feel ridiculous mentioning it to anyone.
Hi K.,
Thanks for writing this and recommending the book, I will definitely look for it to read. I have a beautuful daughter healthy and wonderful. I had a wonderful pregnancy with her but had a very, very traumatic birth experience with her. My husband and I wanted to have another one and planned it last year, unfortunetly I had a miscarriage in April, had a D&C and it was over pretty quickly, I got pregnant again very quickly and that ended in august also. The hardest part was the second miscarriage as I started bleeding at home and it just unfolded from there. I still think that I suffer from Post Traumatic stress disorder as the experience was pretty scary to see what happens to your body going through this.
This has all happened while not just one of my friends gave birth to a healthy baby but 3 of them did around the time I was due mine plus 2 are currently pregnant. So my timing has just been horrible and I was forced to deal with all these emotions at the same time. I get pictures all the time from my friends sharing them of their babies and alot of the times it hurts. I even had one share pictures of her sonogram with her baby, I did mention to her and she did apologize but the damage was done.
Anyway I was just wondering how do you deal with friends bombarding you with their pictures of their babies. I can't imagine me doing the same thing to someone who has gone through what I went through.
Thanks,
K.
Thanks for posting and getting people talking. I was lucky enough not to have had a miscarriage but both my children were in the NICU after birth (not serious or ongoing problems fortunately). It is hard to find other parents who have had a similar expereinces even though friends and family were supportive. Not everyone has the warm fuzzy pergnancy/birth/newborn experience.
Also, there must be some resources on miscarriages out there. I know I had a professor of Social Work who was researching this topic about 10 years ago at Indiana University.
Thank you. I was looking for the right words to say to a co-worker. Your post was very helpful.
I'm sorry for your losses and find your strength inspiring.
