Super Clingy Special Needs Kiddo

My son is also 4 with high functioning autism, he is VERY clingy for the last couple of years now. HOwever, when I drop him to school he has gotten better, I prepare him while on the way to the school, I say remember, mommie is just gone for a little bit and I'll be right back, I even give the visual of holding my had apart approx 10 inches and then put my hands together when I say then I am already back, this seemed to help my son and he even repeats after me, you'll be back in a little bit right? It seems to ease his fear of separation from me. Good luck, hope this helps.

There is a book called "The Kissing Hand."
It is a real good book.
Helps with a child going to school etc. and it is real cute.
You can probably see it and read the reviews on Amazon or Barnes and Noble.

Is everything fine at school and with his Teachers/Aids?
Any consistency or inconsistency there?

*Adding this: I have a son, (who is now 5), but who is not special needs... however, he goes through many phases of being REAL attached to me. It is just the way he is. He is close to me (and to my Husband too), but for some reason he is just REALLY attached to me. He is independent but goes through spurts of just needing me. I figure, one day a kid will not want to be around their Mommy, so I just relish it for the time being. They are little only for a short time.

Ah....Libster. So. Sweet.
Mine is typical. And 9. I get fleeting reaches for my hand and reluctant hugs when it's not too un-cool.
I can assure you this mom-open-affection thing has a limited shelf life. So enjoy while you can!
I love The Kissing Hand.
I love a code word you two share.
I love maybe a picture of you two in his back pack.

That's the million dollar question in our house too. My son is 5 and while he's very social and likes doing things like a "big kid" he does get clingly like wanting me to carry him in to daycare. Over the past year we have, after talking with his special ed teachers, daycare workers, and other professionals realized he has high anxiety. Unfortunately he won't share exactly what his worries are. So, I just constantly reassure him that he's always free to tell me what he's feeling, that I will always listen, that if I don't know what's going on I can't help him, etc. I've also implemented "special cuddle time" in the evenings. I remember being his age and, while I wasn't (at least I don't think I was/am) on the spectrum, i had a lot of anxiety and I remember being so scared of going to school or daycare because I didn't feel they really knew what I was supposed to be doing......(may be hard to follow as this is my 5 year old mind) - things like, "I brought my lunch, do they know which one is mine?" "do they know for sure which bus I am supposed to go on? Or are they going to send me to the right place?" "do they know what time I'm supposed to get picked up." So, because I used to have those feelings and know what would have made ME feel better - I try to reassure him, but I don't know if those are the same fears he has.

I tell myself all the time "one day he'll tell me what was going on in that head and I'll realize what a simple fix it would have been had I known!"

Libby, maybe he is finally realizing that school is for good now. You may find that he gets even more clingy when he goes back after the summer is over.

You have some lovely answers here so far, just lovely! I hope so much that you'll find calm soon on both fronts, the wild side and the clingy side!

Hugs!
Dawn

I *don't* have much experience with autism so my answer might be best in the "eh, that doesn't apply to me" category. That said, both my kids (and myself) go through tough/clingy periods during transition, including developmental leaps and/or periods before great growth (emotional or physical).

Not sure if that will help but sending hugs.

ETA: We've been reading the book "The explosive child", also not sure if it's relative to your situation but holey moley is it helping over here.

My son does not have autism, but he does have hyperlexia III (where kids display mild autistic-like symptoms until they learn to read). He had SPD but has officially outgrown his diagnosis.

Anyway, he was a total clingmeister for years. And the thing that really set it off was a change in transition. Driving to school instead of taking the bus? That would have triggered a World-War-3-level meltdown with him too.

The mixed blessing I'm reading is that he's super-attached to you. So many autistic kids, even very high functioning, can't form attachments at all. So that sounds really positive in a sense.

Finally, not that you asked, but I love, love, love your son's name!

I swear to you it is easier to just say he has issues. That and I find it funny when after a few minutes being around him they ask, what are his issues? Oh Autism spectrum mixed with half the alphabet. OH!

You are chasing a moving target. What set Andy off at 2 changed at 3,4,5,6,7,8....he will be 13 next month. The good news is he is now aware of what will set him off so he can tell his teacher and tell them what he needs to not lose it. :)

Generally what sets him off is being mad at himself because he can't do something, has failed to do something, basically he is loudly beating himself up.

In the case of dropping him off, he messed up his schedule. His schedule is gone, he wants it back. Morning is this this bus, teacher, school..... If you read my question yesterday about Andy's bus driver she knew full well that if she let Andy on the bus his day would be 100% better because he arrived at school on the bus. If not he would have controlled himself but the littlest thing could have set him off because he would be stewing about his lost schedule.

I don't have a special needs child but it sounds a lot like separation anxiety.
It's a stage all kids go through at one time or another.
Maybe it was just a delayed thing with your son.
But if that's what he's going through it could be a good thing.
Separation anxiety at any age is tough to go through.
At 9 months old my son would cry like his heart was breaking if I just left a room for a few minutes to use the bathroom - it drives you nuts!
They eventually grow out of it and become a bit more independent.