Super Active 15 Month Old Wearing Me Out...

There are a couple of things I notice right off-you said "He seems constantly cranky and rubs his eyes a lot throughout the day, and yet when nap time comes he fights it with a fury' You have got a baby that is stuck in a constant over-tired mode. Not napping, going to bed way late are creating this problem. Babies who are over-tired will run wild. They get wired when they are over-tired.

When you note the first signs of being tired you take him in for nap. When little ones get over-tired they get wired and can not calm down and unwind for sleep. You have to break this cycle and it is going to take time and patience given that you are dealing with a toddler.

You need to literally do and say the same things for every nap and every bed time. It will take time but he will learn what is expected and what to expect. Babies have to be taught to sleep. They don't just know how. At 15 months he needs to be in bed waaaay earlier than 9 or 10 at night. Try to get him in bed by 7:30. Start the bedtime routine with dinner time. Keep things consistent with what you do and say. This is going to take time. It won't be corrected in a day or even a week but he will get it if you stick to it. You can also check out Dr. Sears sleep book for toddlers.

My son was a wild child as well. But we went to the library every week for storytime (I took his drink and a snack and that's how I got him to sit for the story.) Your son is young so you can't expect him to sit for the entire time but at least a few minutes. We also did things like mommy & me gymnastics or music class. It was very taxing on me in the beginning but it made a huge difference in his behavior. My son was a bit over 2 when we started these activities.

**Edited to add:
I missed the part about him screeching at you. Try teaching him sign language! It is amazing to watch. I've been signing with my daughter since she was 8 or 9 months old and it is truly amazing how much she uses it. The Signing Time series is great but any sign we don't know we just look up on line and start using it. Funny thing too is once my daughter would start using the sign she would also use the word!

Our first son was/is like this. Super active and super destructive if not fully engaged. The only sure-fire solution has been to take him out in nature (somewhere near a creek is ideal) where he can wander around and touch everything. I cannot tell you how amazing the difference is after such an outing. He is calm, he is happy and he sleeps!! If you are not comfortable out in nature by yourself, maybe you can rally a group of moms with similar aged kids. Best of luck.

There is a great book series on child development by Ames called my 1yr old, my 2 yr old, 3 yr old- you get the idea. Irt does a great job of describing where they are denelopmentally and how that affects their behavior. It really helped us with our very active now 6 yr old daughter when she was younger. We get the next book each year just before her birthday to prepare. They have the books at Barnes and Noble and Amazon.
Also i learned when she was little that gross motor movement -running, jumping, climbing turns on the whole brain for taking in input and also rlaxes the body. Maybe the park right before naptime...Good luck. You can do it!

You have your hands full and are dealing with an awful lot. The only piece of advice I have is to put your son to bed earlier. Kids his age should be getting around 11 hours of sleep at night. Most kids his age go to sleep between 7 and 8pm. 9 or 10 is too late if he gets up at 6am. On top of that he isn't taking a nap . He is obviously tired if he is rubbiing his eyes and his behavior could definately be partly attributed to his fatigue. Put him to bed 15 minutes earlier each night. You'll have to tough out his crying. Once you put him to bed though don't go back in or you'll reinforce his crying. I can't emphasize this enough - use good sleep "hygiene". If you're not familiar with this term go on-line. I'd also consult your pediatrician. Good luck,

You got some great advice. My oldest was just like this (He's now four and has not slowed down much!) His energy level is EXHAUSTING - however, I do not think every child that is high energy has a "problem." Some are just blessed (and i do mean BLESSED) with the energy they will need later in life to tackle the problems that wear the rest of us out! I, too, read the spirited child books and found them very useful for giving me an aresenal to use to help ME deal with his energy level. My favorite quote from one of the books was, as parents we need to learn how to "use their superpowers for good rather than evil!" ;-D
Something else that we have done to help my son (and me!) was to get very involved in playgroups. Toddlers inherently have more energy than adults and seem to naturally know how to entertain each other infitnitely better than we do! Besides, we can't possibly own ALL the coolest toys in town - his friends have some, too! So we are all about letting the "experts" deal with it. I found our playgroups and activities through the local chaper of the International MOMS Club. (Google to find one near you.)
I agree to find parks, playgrounds, beaches, mallwalking, zoos, Discovery Centers, swimming lessons, Gymborree classes, music classes, and/or gymnastic classes - anything that will get kiddo out and running his legs. It will make him happier, he will have lots of opportunities for new stimulation, and if you are lucky enough to have a fenced-in park or playground you might get a chance to let him run (safely) while you take a break.
Also I agree that fighting the good fight earlier and more often for nap and night time is probably warranted. He does sound a little overtired. This will NOT be easy to start (read: maybe a couple of weeks) but it will be worth it in the end in that BOTH of you will have more rest and be happier with each other during the day.
Lastly, the time between when my kids got mobile and got verbal was the hardest time. It does get easier - especially after they start talking. Hang in there. You've almost turned a coner!
**** One more thing *****
As for reading to my son, that was a total DISASTER at this age. Don't worry about it. My oldest turned the corner on this when he was about 2 1/2 or 3. Something you can do in the meantime is to get books on tape/ipod. You can sometimes download them from the library. Get stuff you enjoy since he won't really know the difference and you can still keep your brain engaged. I got a couple of favorite books and play them a lot. He gets the exposure to the literature but he doesn't have to SIT for it and neither do I. Win/win. :-D

one parenting ah ha moment I have learned recently and it seems so ellementary: look at where you are at ( exhausted, strung out, tired, over stimulated, thirtsy, axious.....) and there is a good chance the rest of the home is feeling the energy and responding accordingly.
it's rude. and I can't stand this reality because it's my role as a mother to be exhausted, torn in every direction, disppointed because the activities I plan didn't stimulate and now there is a big mess. I struggle often.
but I am coming to understand that a happy mom is a happy family. focus more on your needs. if you need a rest, you can count on it that your son does too. if you get frustrated reading a book to him, I doubt he enjoys the event either. find a good place for the two of you. my daughter is active like your son and outside is where we both win.
good luck. 15 months is tough. 22 months is tough. 2 1/2 is tough...... ( I was so nieve when I was pregnant. all I smelled was roses. parenting is down right aweful at times. and then you learn to adapt again and enjoy it.)

I would work on the sleeping issue first and you may find that the other problems go by the wayside when he is well rested. Just like you or I are cranky and irritable and don't concentrate well when we are tired, neither will a little one. I love the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." I highly recommend it to any parent who is having sleep issues - it worked wonders for us and lots of other parents I know.

As for flash cards and not talking enough yet, don't stress too much. It will come. Really, I'd put the flash cards and learning games away until he's older and just do the books for as long as he wants to - don't force it or else it will become a battle and not enjoyable for him (or you). At this age, exploring the house and having you talk to him like you have been is the best learning game he can have.

Do things you enjoy to do with him. You will be a better mother when you are happy and relaxed. If that is just a walk in the park, great. He's seeing things for the first time and taking in more info than we can imagine - good exercise/stress relief for you and learning for him. Everyday activities are learning experiences for kids this age - you don't need to stress anything more structured than your daily routines. If you need to fold laundry and he wants to be with you, give him a basket of clothes to throw on the floor while you fold on the table. Also, get him interested in something and walk away. Learning to entertain himself is one of the best things he can learn at this point. He'll scream and throw himself for a while, but if you ignore him he'll either stop and play by himself or fall asleep - win/win situation.

Really though, I would work on the sleeping first because that may solve many of your problems. Having said all that, I'm on my 3rd 15 month old and I have to say that this is my least favorite stage. They want things but can't have them or express what it is. They are into everything and don't understand more than a stern no and swat on the hand and on top of that they give up that second nap. Luckily, this stage doesn't last for too long, and they get so much more articulate and independent very quickly. Good luck - this is a trying age for many mothers (me included).

He sounds like my first daughter-spoiled-with you and your time. You probably spend way too much time with him. I know it's hard to imagine but ask yourself this: if you had another child or 2 how much of this one on one time would he get? Babies and kids alike are a bottomless pit when it comes to time with mommy. The more they get, it seems like the more they need. He isn't learning how to occupy himself because you are rescuing him every time things get uncomfortable. My happiest child is my third. He gets less than half the time with me that the first got but the time we do have together he really appreciates.

Your problem is probably your relationship with your husband.
A little boy needs a lot of time with his Daddy.
Are you still married? Can you try to just make your home life fun?
Maybe if you pretend it is it will be come so.
Chores don't matter. Having fun does.
You mentioned your father's help. Keep this up and get the boy's
father to follow his example.
B. v.O.

You are a good mom. I think your son is used to being entertained 24/7 by you and doesn't know anything else. Each child is different and no two are alike and it is a learning process and we do what we think is best but then start doing what is easier but ends up costing us more in the long run. I think he needs to nap and be well rested. Have you ever seen super nanny she gets all kids to have a sleep routine. It takes time but does happen. Once you know he can understand you then start setting limits of what is acceptable and tolerated behavior. If you are consistant he will soon be too. Best of luck to you and your child and don't be so tough on yourself take time to breathe and relax and enjoy being a mother.

You sound like you're feeling really overwhelmed. I'm sorry! I do understand because my daughter has always been very high needs and active.

When you read to him, you may want to stick with the board books for a while. Maybe read to him when he is winding down, and wants to be near you but isn't so energetic.

Baby Signs might be helpful for communication purposes - as well as something fun you can do together.
He's too young (and energetic) for flash cards. I wouldn't even bother with them at this age.

Do you ever just take him to a park or other open space and let him run around like crazy? Give him a ball and some sand toys, sturdy stuff, and just let him play. Babies and young children do not need nearly all of the "organized" activities as everyone seems to think. Although perhaps a Mommy and Me class may be helpful for you. Maybe he would enjoy the time with other little ones and you can get ideas from other moms.

My daughter fought sleep for the longest time, and still does occasionally. It's not easy, you have to catch them around the "usual" time they get tired and notice the signs before they get *overtired.* Also, use whatever tools you have to get him to sleep. Nurse him, rock him, walk him in the stroller, whatever works. The "right" way to put a child to sleep is the way that gets them to sleep!

Sometimes the "right" way of parenting (I don't believe there is a "right" way - at least not the way mainstream American culture sees it) isn't what works for the *individual child.* Every child has different needs and is born with a different personality. One-size-fits all simply won't work. Try to be more flexible. Also realize that sometimes at the end of the day, you won't have accomplished everything you set out to. Forgive yourself and move on so you can rest easy!

"Raising Your Spirited Child" is a good book you may want to read.

Good luck!

Our son, who we now know has ADHD, was this way at that age (not to scare you, but there can be very early signs that go beyond "active toddler" -- the drives-you-into-the-ground Energizer Bunny it's so extreme and not like other kids variety -- so write all of this down in case you need it years later).

One thing you might try is an early bedtime. The trick is to get it timed to when they're not overtired and enough time to give you a break at night. Our kids' bedtimes when they're young is 7 pm and we start the routine around 6:30/6:45. Give it a try. If he's not overtired, you may find he goes to sleep better because he's just naturally sleepy.

Also, get a hold of all of the "spirited child" parenting books. They can give you some survival tips. Remember, too, that you're not a bad parent and his extreme activity level is not your fault -- some kids are just wired this way and I've been in your shoes and got through those tough years. You will get through it, I promise. By reaching out for advice, you're showing you're not a bad mom ... just a tired one who's doing the best she can.

I'm very interested in the answers you get because I just logged on to post about my 13 month old daughter, she acts very much like your son. she used to nap very good and go to bed very calm; she is up by 730am and does not stop until 9pm, she sleeps all night BUT the price I pay for those hours of sleep are almost 14 hours of non stop care, trying to distract her every half an hour, she doesn't even eat in her highchair I have to sit on the floor and feed her bits of food when she comes to me and then she is off again.
just as your son she is cranky and rubs her eyes constantly, she is obviously exhausted but won't nap, sorry to ramble with my story, I wish I could offer advice but please know you are not alone. it's exhausting and I I sometimes think it would just be easier to work and be out of the house,
have a good night, I will be checking your post's answers I hope you get many.

Someone on here once sent me "The Sleep Sence Program", It was really great!! maybe they will see this and send it to you or maybe you could order it online. My DD who is 16 months was a mess and would go to sleep really late every night, what I learned was that she needed to be put to bed at 7:30 or 8:00 even if she did not seem sleepy and it helped me to see the early sleepy signs. once that routine was set she started sleeping longer at night and taking longer naps durring the day. Also she started gaining weight and that is a huge concern for us too. Good luck!

Also I learned that when they are over tired they become frantic and get crazy frantic energy boosts. just food for thought, my DD was way more active late at night, how about your DS?.

hello!! It seems to me you are giving him too much attention, and when he screams etc he knows that you will give him what he wants ... and thats attention, just walk out the room, or just ignore him for a while, as with babies the more attention you give them the more they want YOUR attention!! and sometimes just ingnore him, as you will know if he really wants you or the attention you give him all the time, he will soon learn when you walk away from him and not go too him!! it may seem hard for you to do it but you will be surprised how he will get better I.m sure
Good luck for you and your hubby and your baby!!!

HI C.,

Well, first things first: you ARE a good mother and you WILL survive this stage. If there's anything I've learned in 4.5 year of parenting (and some days it seems I've learned nothing at all) it's that tough periods pass.

I second the idea of working on his sleep issues quickly. For a very active kid, I would guess he's not getting anywhere near enough sleep. The tough thing is, that when kids are overtired the will fight sleep harder and harder.

"healthy sleep habits" was a helpful book for me, too.

Sign language class/learning would also probably help lessen everyone's frustration, too.

A couple of other things I would suggest is to have a consultation with your ped, to make sure there aren't any developmental issues. Once he's given a clean bill of health, try doing more physical activities with him: go to the park, run, play in the sand. Take a gymnastics class, or a music class where he can get up and run around. Or try swim classes. Anything that gets his body moving will help.

A good mommy and me class would probably help you feel a whole lot better, too. You'll get an idea of what other kids his age are doing, and how other moms are coping with it. If you're in the area, South Bay Adult School has wonderful classes! Lynn Harris is the teacher for your son's age, and registration for fall and summer classes are open now. Sign up right away, if you can. This class helped me survive a frustrating time with my own kid.

At his age, as an active kid, sitting-down activities aren't likely to engage him for really long (I would skip the flashcards and learning games, and try playdough, blocks, etc.)

Finally, cut yourself a break, an realize that your house will be a disaster, laundry will pile up and you'll be "behind" on stuff for a bit yet. Toddlerhood is challenging, but you'll both survive it, and before you can really imagine, he'll be heading off to preschool and kindergarten. I know it seems impossibly far away, but you'll get there! Really!

Best of luck!
C.

Hello! I think you have gotten some really great advice and I agree that the sleep issue is the one to tackle first. Some people mentioned talking to your pediatrician and getting a full evaluation. I just feel compelled to share what we did with my son-it may not have anything to do with yours-but I have been so happy for my child ever since so I just want to share our experience. At fifteen months the pediatrician reccomended he be evaluated. We weren't too sure-our son is so bright and it is common for boys to be delayed in speech. We resolved to work with him more. Well we knew he hadn't made enough progress and before the eighteen month visit we researched the regional center. Sure enough, the doctor again recommended an evaluation, we got it set up. My husband and I both attended, this turned out to be important as a lot of the eval is through interview. The results were that he was far above age level cognitively and with his receptive language. So he understood us. But he was way behind in expressive language. Regional center was quick to get him tested, slow to offer therapy. While we waited we took the doctor's referral and had him evaluated at a facility that worked with both our rgional center AND our insurance. This turned out to be soooo important. Second evaluation was the same. Smart little boy who understands us, but can't express himself. Both also identified our son as having a mild delay in play skills. We ended up loving the therapy. Small group, three therapists,three kids, and three parents. The therapy was also a kind of parent help, they worked with us on how to help him at home. They started out with teaching him MORE sign language (thank God because my MIL was blaming the sign languauge for the delay) and we saw a huge change in our son. We learned how to help him learn how to play- with toys and with others or on his own. We learned how to support language development in a child that wasn't just "picking it up". And at the end of it all we are happier, all of us. Now he has normal two year old tantrums, it so doesn't faze us compared to what we were trying to cope with before! Anyway, I just wanted to share that with you. I was scared to have him tested...but it turned out to be such a relief to get some help. Weirdly (because I came to love the help so much) I had mixed feelings when his therapist determined he no longer needed therapy. He "tested out" but I think we will be fine, and his therapist is right, he no needs therapy. I hope you get some relief soon, and I think it is obvious that your son is well off with a mom who loves him so much!

I echo a lot of what was said-he sounds waaaaay too tired. As for naps, try laying down with him know this will be annoying later on, but first things first, he needs to sleep. My son would sleep 15 min if I laid him down but 2 hours if I laid with him.
The thing that saved me at this age was my sons bike. I found him one that fit and we went for walks every afternoon, for hours, and looked at the bugs and plants and birds and clouds. He learned the alphabet from license plates and colors from the houses and cars parked in the neighborhood.
He may be a people person too, my son would do anything to get people to pay attention to him-starting at about 2 mo old. Take him to the park where he can at least be around other kids and get some energy out while you relax for a moment. You don't have to stand there, you just have to be ready to respond when he's gotten himself somewhere he needs help. Give him some with mom time, without you being right there.
Good Luck.

First of all, keep up the great work! My second son was and is the same way. Some kids are just busier than others which was a shocker for me. My first son was so different. My busy one is now 2 1/2 and it is much better. He is talking now so I can reason with him more. Also, I discovered something that has helped us both. He is such an active boy and needs to run. I take him to the park every day. I bring a ball and he runs around and kicks the ball or sometimes he just runs for about an hour. Also, if you could get small breaks here and there it would help you. Do you have a mom, sister or friend that could watch him for an hour twice a week so you could get a coffee or window shop? Are there any girls "mother's helpers" in your neighborhood that could play with him for an hour at your house for a nominal fee while you take nap? Essentially you would be there the whole time but have some time to yourself? Bring snacks for him to eat while you are grocery shopping like goldfish and toys and he would probably like those big chunky legos for playtime. He is the perfect age for those and you can get a bag at Target. Some kids don't require as much sleep. When he starts rubbing his eyes put him in the car seat and take a drive. He will probaby fall asleep. Both my sons quit napping at a very young age. Make sure the vent in his room is not blowing on him and get some blackout shades for his room. The sunlight could be waking him up. Is he too hot or too cold when he sleeps? Are his sheets scratchy? Maybe he is hungry? Try giving him some banana and milk before he goes to bed to fill him up. Keep your head up because this too will pass. :-)

Have you talked to the doctor about this? I think your son probably needs a full evaluation to find out what is causing him to be so unsettled. It sounds like you are doing a great job in a tough situation, so don't beat yourself up about it.

This is going to sound strange, since your son gets up so early, but your son is sleep-deprived. When you get him to bed by 7:30, you'll have more time to yourself and he'll be less cranky.

Get this book: "The No-cry Sleep Solution" by E. Pantley. It was a godsend for us.

Good luck!

i'm so sorry to hear about your troubles, but hopefull it really is just an issue of lack of sleep.

My take is that he's going to bed WAY too late and, by that point, all his stress hormones are firing like crazy which may be causing him difficulty in sleeping at all. My 14 month old goes to bed at 6:30pm and sleeps til 6:30 or 7am. We followed Sleepy Planet's approach, which did involve a bit of cry-it-out, but it's been a blessing for all of us.

Good luck.

I actually think putting him in a daycare a few times a week, even half a day around nap time would be good. They have a routine (I know you do too) but they unlike us moms, won't give in and won't stand for defiance etc. And he will see all the other kids conforming to rules and scheduled play time, nap time, learning time etc. You will still be a stay at home mom but will have your sanity and rest back on those days at least so you are rested and equipped to handle the other days when he's home. We kind of had the same problem with out son but he is much better now. Also, at our church on Sundays he goes to the daycare while we are in service. It's a short amount of time but I welcome the break and it doesn't make the time in between school days seem as long. Also remember, daycare providers are trained to deal with all types of behavious in a loving but firm manner. Just be sure to let them know his issues and observe them beforehand to see how they handle tantrums and discipline etc.
Hope this helps and good luck and I was there once too.

I have just a couple of thoughts that may be appropriate or may not. I have 5 kids and with my first it was very hard to say no and make boundaries because i just didn't think she understood. I came to realize they need boundaries and for us to say no to the screeching and TEACH them how to behave and how to act. This is know is very tiring and time consuming... I am not saying you aren't doing this just wondering where it could fit in?
I agree with the sleep issues. He may fight it because he is extraverted and wants to not miss out on anything but he needs it. You set the time and stick to it.... He will get it and both of you will be happier for it.
The other thing is now i have a 17 month old and he is active as well. I am noticing that if he doesn't get enought protein... he is not fun to be around. Cranky, aggressive, fussy - you name it that's him. It is easy to give fruit and ceral's and things but what he really needs is the protein. Maybe that will make a difference for you as well.

These are just some thoughts, I agree with everyone that parenting is hard and demanding and we feel so responsible to "get it right"! Just love on him, give him guidelines, let him run around outside and play too. Read the same short easy book over and over. They have a very short attention span at this age!

Good luck and i know when you are physically tired it makes it all feel bigger. Just be patient with your self and take each thing and deal with it one at a time.

You really got your hands full mommy. My 17 month old gives me a run for my money as well, but what I would love to suggest is to try YOUR BABY CAN PRODUCTS it work wonders for me and my family.Every time she hears the intro it stops her in her tracks and gives me some time to do things. They have a promo to try it.I give you my word that you and your son will love it and he will learn and you will get some me all at the same time. Hope this can help!!!!!!!!