Suggestion Child Not Doing Homework

Hi T.,

My son was doing the exact same thing and organization was a large part of the problem. I purchased a folder (one of the plastic ones) that was for turn-in homework only. Each night as he would complete his homework I would ask him if he put it in his "turn-in" folder. Each side of the folder was for a teacher (he only had two teachers last year).

Then the second part of the problem was laziness/irresponsibility, so I came up with a system and made a deal with him. The system was that each evening I would go through the agenda and write the assignments on a 3x5 card. I would leave a space next to each one for initials. Each day as he had those subjects he had to get the teachers to initial next to the assignments as he turned them in. At the end of the day he gave me the card. At the end of the week if he had turned in everything he got a reward. His reward was that he got to go to the ceramic studio on Friday evening and paint an item. You could use whatever reward you want, but it should be something worth working for...I normally try to pick something I would do any way, but they don't have to know that! ;-)

We all know that positive reinforcement works better than negative punishment (I am not opposed to punishment when it is called for), but positive reinforcement gets the work done, and also makes the child feel a sense of pride and accomplishment! Make sure you follow through on the reward promised (rent a movie, rent a video game, pizza night, whatever) and make sure the reward is worth working for! Let them choose at the beginning of the week so he knows what he is working for. Put a chart up or mark stars on the calendar. It doesn't have to be a huge production, but just make sure your reinforce it.

What I figured out with my son is that he did not care about grades, so I had to find a currency he would work for. No one wants to go to work for free every day, we work for a pay check. This year he is in 6th grade and has a facination with caviar for some reason -- I think he read about it in a book. So, our deal is that he gets honor roll and I buy him some caviar to try. I figure it is worth me not having to do the 3x5 card every day since I want him to learn to manage without me. We shall see! ;-)

Good luck!

I guess I would also suggest a meeting with the teacher so the three of you could sit down and find out what the problem is and how to fix it. My oldest is only in second grade, but she has a homework folder that get turned in every day. The homework she completes goes right into the folder and into the backpack once it's done, so getting it turned in is not really an issue. I guess your son's class doesn't have a system like that? I also use taking away priveleges at home for problems at school, etc... once they are taken away they have to be earned back by a change in the behavior. And it has to be something pretty major to the kids.

You've gotten some great advice on how to handle this on the home front, but what about the teacher?? What has she done and what is she willing to do on her end to help get this problem resolved?? This is a two way street and you can't drive both sides at one time!! Some ideas at school would be he looses recess time, 10 mins for every assignment. He writes a papar to his teacher explaining why he doesn't turn it in and what he is going to do about it as well and you both make him stick to it!! What ever it is, you both need to be on the same page in order to nip this in the butt!!

Good luck!

If organization (system) does not help the problem, then I have a different take. First of all, you have offered him motivation (negative, at least), so I don't think discipline is the problem. Your son may struggle with something called motor planning or even attention to detail. These are common issues for many boys...and girls for that matter. I would suggest that rather than approaching him as if he is "bad" (I know that is not the intention, but our children already know they are not cutting it when they are making mistakes), find supportive tools.
Maybe Make a special boy bracelet (or anklets are popular - my son never takes it off) and put it on at night when he finishes his homework and the next when he turns it in, he can take it off and hook it on his book bag or move it to his ankle - something to give him a visual queue and an instant gratification like we get when we mark off lists.
Try to think about it like this "What if every day I dropped my kid off at school in the winter, I forgot his jacket. What if no matter how many times the teacher frowned at me and I got punished by having to go home and get it, I still forgot....what would I do?". That may be what your little guy needs too.
The therapist at floortimeatlanta.com are in my mind, geniuses at helping understand what our kids need so they don't stuggle. If you fail, consider seeing J. Carnes, Kathy Platzman, or Barbara Dunbar who are partners in that practice.

Best of luck, from another mom of a great 9 yr old boy. J.

GREETINGS,

I TRUST THAT ALL IS WELL. It sounds as though you are doing all the right things. If the homework is leaving the home with your child and you have validated that in the morning before he leaves. So it does not make it to the teacher. Perhaps, you can enlist the teacher to retrieve his homework when he first arrives for school. If he has many teachers, arrange with the first teacher or home room teacher to retrieve all of his homework for all the teachers. That will help initially but there must be a process to ensure that your son is part of the process in ensuring that he delivers his home work to each teacher.

You could set-up folders for each teacher/class and clearly indentify teacher/class on the outside of the folder.

Do positive reenforcement when he delivers his homework to the appropriate teacher.

If all fails, determine what he really really really likes and remove it until compliance.

If no results after all of this, you may have to look at why this is happening. Maybe he needs counseling.
Good Luck

T.,
I would go and have a conference with your son and his teacher. That way he can be a part of the solution. Maybe a discussion with the teacher about how important it is to get the homework to school will help the situation. Your son can see that you and the teacher are on the same page and that he can't get away with anything!

I have a daughter who is now in the 7th grade & gifted. This has been an off and on problem with her. The thing that we have done is to make sure that we do not cover for her & make sure that she knows not doing her homework has consequences. Be that taking away what is most important to her (computer) or making her sit in the classroom after school & finish & hand in her work on the spot. The beginning of the year is often the hardest when they are trying to get back into the school rhythm.

Well I could be completely off but does he maybe have someone taking his homework...or coul he be doing it for someone else? If you think this might be a possibility I would take his hw one day when he's not paying attention and maybe put a mark on it with a highlighter where he might not notice and let the teacher know what your doing, then she can check the papers that come in to see if any of them have the mark you put on your sons paper...just a thought.

HI T.,
Does your son immediately put it in his boobag or packpack? As sson as our son does it , I have him put it back in his folder , agenda book, or backpack or what it needs to go in.
We also have a routine set up and we stick to it everyday. He gets a snack , then he has to do his homework first before getting to play or watch Tv or any other activity. He also has to do it without whining. I hope this helps.
Kathy

Hi, I am a recently retired teacher, 6th grade, and we always had students with same problem. Suggestions: short-term rewards and then long-term reward. Make a poster; draw boxes for each assignment that gets accomplished and returned to teacher. Have stickers to put in box when task is positive. At first, reward for 5 (your choice) boxes. It could be a video game or TV show, his choosing of next place for eating out. I know someone who has a box of Legos because her son LOVES them. His reward is a handful of Legos. Adjust to your child, his age, his desires, and how many boxes you offer per prize. Remember, the key is short-term reward.
L.

If you see that he's doing it, but it's not making it to the teacher, it sounds like an organizational problem. Email the teacher and let he know that he *has* been doing it, and then work on organizational skills.

I remember having all kinds of problems getting homework to my teacher when I was about that age. I remember feeling so frustrated and embarassed, so an extra punishment on top of that would have only made me feel like more of a failure.

It must have just been something to do with the attention span at that age - easily distracted and forgetful, especially in the hustle bustle of the typical school morning.

I think the flylady website has lots of suggestions for helping your kids get organized, especially kids that are easily distracted. (You have to look around for the kid's stuff, because it's mostly geared towards women.) www.flylady.net

I am currently taking a class on studying and one of the things they recommend is that you break it up into sections, ie he does say 15 mins of homework at a time, then takes a 5 minute break, then does 15 more minutes, etc. Also the later he stays up to do it the harder it will be to get him to do it. So doing it early will help. And if the problem isnt actually doing it but it getting turned in , make him a folder just for homework, check it before he goes to school that the homework is in there , then the homework won't get lost in his binder or backpack.

Your son needs to learn the importance of turning in his homework. I would continue taking away privledges as you have been. The problem here is that the consequence hasn't been sever enough for him to change his behavior. Take away television, video games, toys, and etc. His free time can be spent reading or doing yard work or really anything that you see fit, as long as it isn't fun for him.
In the meantime, I would take his homework once it's been completed and would make arrangements with the teacher to ensure that he's getting the assignments. If I were you, I would take them to the teacher myself if I had to and this would continue, along with your son's punishment, until he's proven to you that he's responsible enough to handle this on his own.
Once you allow him an opportunity to turn in his homework himself then follow up with the teacher that day to make sure he followed through with what he was supposed to do.
It's important to be consistent with the punishments and if I were you I would carry out the initial punishment until my child was begging me to be given another chance to prove to me that he is responsible to tun in his homework. You need him to be desperate to get his privledges back because this means that he is miserable with the punishments you've handed out and the more miserable he is, the more effective the punishment is.
If you carry out the punishment until you get him to this point then I don't think he will continue to have problems turning in his homework anymore. Simply because he doesn't want to go back to his situation of having no fun and having to work and be bored for long periods of time.
This is what my sister in law did with my niece when she was 10 years old and having this same problem. My niece learned her lesson and she no longer has issues with turning in her assignments!!

Good Luck!!