Stupid Anxiety.. Help!

You don't say how old she is. Since you say she's teething, I assume she's a baby? If so, it's completely normal to hate being apart from her.

When she's a teenager, however...

Don't feel bad, my boys are 4 and 2 and I have only ever left them with 3 people, my mom, my sister and my mother in law... and I rarely do that.

Just know, thatt your parents and inlaws raised happy an dhealthy children as well that survived... I have to tell myself that too. It will be good for you to take short breaks though, as well as I'm sure the grandmas to get some time with the precious baby as well.

If you really have lots of anxiety, talk to your obgyn or Dr. it could be some postpartum depression, which is very common, but should be taken seriously.

A lot of separation anxiety in children is learned from the parents behavior, if you make a big deal out of leaving the child, it creates a fear in them which makes it worse. When you leave, remain clam and don't linger... they can sense your anxiety which only will increase their own, so you need to do this for your child, otherwise it can really snowball when the child is older.

here is a good article on that:

http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/infant-separation-a...
http://www.babycenter.com/0_separation-anxiety_12652.bc

good luck!

You said it yourself, you know that your anxiety is not rational, and if it is interfering with your life, you should look into some treatment. It is very effective and it will make you feel better. Your daughter's behavior is typical of her age, but you should be able to get some of that "me time" and not obsess over your daughter when she is safe, nor feel empty without her. You should also be able to leave her with your inlaws, who love her just as much as your mother does and you are depriving your daughter of having close relationships with both grandparents, and who knows who else in the future. Your difficulty will effect more than just you in the long run. Feel better, you will not regret that.

M.

I'm glad you trust your mother
to take care of your little girl every so often.
It suggests that you have
a close and loving relationship with your mom.

Maybe in time you'll be able to feel comfortable
leaving her with her other grandma and/or other family members.

Of course you miss your little girl.
The two of you have been very very close
for approximately 15 months.

How are you feeling physically?
Are you getting any exercise?

I wonder if, while your daughter is visiting with grandma,
if you might consider running a half mile or so,
just around your neighborhood.
Or more if that's comfortable for you.
Or maybe biking 3-5 miles.

The adrenalin produced by physical exercise
might help to reduce some of your anxiety.

Some moms run WITH their little ones.
They have a kind of stroller that works well with running . . .
it's got 3 wheels instead of 4. Easily handled.

About the anxiety in general,
have you found a mothers group close by?

You may find that, if you get together
with other moms every so often,
that many of them have had
some of the same concerns you do.
Everyone learns from everyone else's experiences.

S.

Oh, you are so not alone! My guess is that she's under 3 right? lol. I'm finally at the point where I'd like a few hours away, but I get freaked out about being apart from my little one! She'll be 3 in Oct. and she's my BABY!! It's getting easier, but it's still hard. I've only let her on one overnight trip and I couldn't WAIT to get back to her!!

I totally went thru this too. Looking back I wonder I I didn't have some post partum depression. I had such anxiety leaving my daughter. I justified not leaving her bc I was breast feeding, and wanted to practice attachment parenting. We belong to a gym and I couldn't leave her until she was 10 months and even then I worried incessantly about who was taking cars of her, the fact that they sprayed Lysol all over the nursery while the children were in there etc etc. The anxiety finally evened out to a manageable level but I still worry more than I would like to. I also started some counseling to help with my generalized anxiety and talked to my dr. For me I needed a small dose of an antidepressant to help even me out. I hope you find someone to talk to. I found most people did not understand bc they just experienced normal momma baby anxiety, for me, it was much beyond that. Know that you are not the only one whose gone thru this

My daughter starts preschool in a couple of weeks (she just turned 3) and while she's been babysat at home a number of times, it will be her first experience away from home and away from both of us (either myself or hubs has been home with her since she was born). My worry tends to be more of the "I hope she behaves herself and doesn't act up" variety. While she is in class, I plan to do things that I enjoy that I could not enjoy as much if I had her with me. Like a quiet cup of coffee at Starbucks. Or perusing a bookstore. Things that I was able to do alone before I had her.

My best friend has 4-year-old twin boys that just started preschool and she was happy just to be able to go grocery shopping without having to take them along. Don't get us wrong, we don't love our children any less, it's just nice to take a break once in a while. When I get a break, I am happier, I am in a better frame of mind, and then I am that much more able to be a better mom to my daughter.

It's harder when they are going through a difficult phase, especially if we tend to think that nobody could love them and care for them like we do. Keep in mind too that at least some of her anxiety could be because she is feeding off of you. I would try to look at the occasional separation as a positive thing, something that is good for the both of you. It is a chance for you to have some "me time" and catch your breath and it's a chance for her to learn that the world doesn't come to an end and she won't fall apart just because you are not around. Reassure her that you will be right back and that everything will be fine (which is what they told us at preschool parent orientation last night!). Be upbeat and positive, and eventually she will grow up to be a girl that is confident enough to know that she can take care of herself.

Just re-reading your post - any chance that some of this could be some post-partum depression? Any possibility you can talk to your doctor about how you are feeling? The part about how "ugly you feel" away from her has me concerned.

p.s. I would not listen to the person who just suggested that you have another kid. What? How does that solve anything? And where in there did it say you were not planning to have more than one? I did not read that anywhere! Everyone needs to do what feels right to them! Plus, it sounds like you might be dealing with PPD and/or some form of anxiety so I don't see how having another child is supposed to make that better! And what about those of us who have had one and cannot (or should not) for medical reasons have another? I realize there is adoption but why make someone feel worse for not giving their child a sibling?

I would suggest shifting your focus to keeping yourself healthy and keeping your baby happy. There are studies that link well-adjusted kids to a close mother-child relationships. I felt the same way for my babies.

You are focusing so much on your feelings and how your daughter is echoing those feelings (echo is the best word I can think of right now). Getting out, with your daughter, to where there are other moms -- just to talk, just to let your daughter play at the play ground or to take a walk.

Mentioning this to your doctor is a good idea if only to learn if anemia or depression is a problem for you.

There are lots of suggestions for handling a child's separation anxiety. Look at those and use some for yourself. For example, a beginning step could be to get in some me-time while your mom holds and cares for your daughter in the other room, while you exercise, do yoga, or take a long bath.

Good luck!

.

Hi,

I'd suggest a multi-mineral supplement, exercise, a healthy diet.

Good luck,
: ) MD

I also have anxiety and it's simply not fun to deal with. My best advice is to let her be. You don't want your child receiving your negativity in all of this. Children like animals know when something is not right. I'm sure you want to raise a healthy child. If you need counseling then get it, trust me it will make a huge difference in you and your child's life.

Lots of luck!

we took baby steps with our first. i would let him go to our neighbor/friends(they were in our wedding) house when he was little . he loves her and she had friends over and they all would play with him. i could go pop in and check or call and make sure everything was ok. he never had the stranger or seperation anxiety because he was exposed to ppl all the time. he will go to anyone. (exception we were going to a church and he cried every time we took him to the nursery...we quit that church, started a new and he is fine) we also have a seven month old daughter. the feeling is normal espically for little bitty ones.

my son spent the night at my brothers house while my parents were visiting (about 30 min away). my folks were suppose to put him in a play pin (he is 2 1/2) and they thought they knew better so they put him in the bed with one of my parents. sure enough he fell out of bed bonked his head and had a huge knot black bump on his head and cut up his leg on something too. NOW i have a hard time leaving him with them for extended periods. they dont take care of him very well. my neice is 5or 6 and can tell them what she needs. hes still babyish and cant tell them. so yeah some people its the gut feeling of oh no!! and others i am comfortable with. you need to find people to be comfortable with. try visisting the inlaws and letting them take care of your baby and you just watch. its going to get easier. and some people your going to trust more than others. the lack of sleep messes with you emotionaly too. its going to get easier if after a year your still very nervous i would talk to your doctor about it. congrats on your baby girl!