Stopped Breastfeeding & Feeling Guilty

Chances are, you are going to feel guilty no matter what anyone tells you - it's a motherhood thing. We feel guilty for what we aren't doing, what we are doing, everything! You are trying to make it through all the messages society gives you and your own inner feelings. I totally understand! I weaned my now-six month old when she was three months from breastfeeding because I returned to work, and I will always feel a little guilty about that. BUT, I am a teacher, and it is virtually impossible to find a free bathroom, have more than 5 minutes, and get all other work done throughout the day in order to pump, so I made the decision I felt, and still feel, was best for all.

Regardless, keep in mind that people who tell you about the health benefits of breast milk are correct, but may not work full-time or even part-time, making it easier for them to say that to you. It is not anyone's place to judge your decision. I have an issue with people who do that and don't know what your life is like day to day. As far as the colds go, your baby has been introduced to day care and would most likely have colds even if you were still nursing or pumping. My girls' doctor said they either field the germs as infants in day care or when they get to preschool and kindergarten; either way, they will get germs!

Finally, give yourself major credit for nursing for six months!! If I hadn't gone back to work, I would have done it for that long with both my girls. That is really good! Your baby will reap the benefits of that forever. Think of the quality time you will have with your baby NOT worrying about pumping, her latching on, or those issues. For working moms, that time is priceless and at a premium.

I hope this helps. Again, I understand the guilt - it is NOT fun, and I wish I had the answer to that... I doubt any of us do! You are doing great so be sure to give yourself a pat on the back once in a while!

Hello I am a mother of one who is now four. I went through this with my son. He stopped breast feeding on his own at 8 mnths. I wanted to feed until he was one, but he didn't want to take the breast and was to active for it around 8 months. So I was sad for awhile and he never got sick either while he was breast feeding, but when he stopped he had a terrible first cold and I felt so bad. I also missed to one to one contact I had with him and the bonding we did. The only good thing about it is he gained a better immunity to sickness from catching things early.

Jenn K

In my experience, babies/children whether they are breast-fed or not, tend to get lots of colds the first year at daycare/school. Chances are that your child would have gotten sick even if they were still breast fed.

Stop feeling guilty! I always bottle fed my daughter and she is and has always been a very healthy kid. You have no way of knowing if the colds would have been prevented if you were still breastfeeding. Trust me - you will have more to feel guilty about later on.

BTW - after 4 years of marriage, I was told I couldn't have children. 2 months later, I saw the same 2 lines and of course was thrilled like yourself. My daughter is now 12. Time flies!! Enjoy her.

OK, you are a great mom! Guilt is something you will get used to and grow very accustomed to. You are doing the right thing. Feel proud you even accomplishe the breast feeding, that is sooooo hard!! Your daughter is probably ill due to all the stuff that runs around at daycare, not the breastfeeding. Just think if this child was a third, with the other two in 1st grade and preK, they'd have every ailment in town. She'll be tougher in the long run, and so will you! Remember you are having major hormone adjustments with the breastfeeding wean, and you will actually feel better soon.
j

Hi J.,
I am a guilt ridden mom of two, a three year old and a 9 month old. Any time my kids get sick I wonder what I did wrong. I too tried a long time to get pregnant with my first and then went straight to infertility with my second. My first went to daycare and was sick all the time, even though he was breast fed. Half of the kids in his group were breast fed and half were not. They were all sick. Be proud of how long you breast fed, you did great! It is hard not to beat yourself up. My first child gained so much from going to daycare. He has developed into such an indepent 3 year old in such a great way. He is also now sick less often than the kids in his class that did not go to day care. You sound like a great mom!
Sincerely,
H.

Good for you for breastfeeding for 6 1/2 months!!! I still breastfeed my 8 month old and he does not go to day care, but he has had several colds and has been diagnosed with asthma. (which his risk should have been decreased due to the breastfeeding) Illnesses happen, and when your little one is older she will have immunities and will not be as sick as often.

I don't want to get on my own soapbox, but when I had my son, he physically could not breastfeed. I felt so awful. I pumped & fed him from a bottle for 8 months. Whenever I got around new moms that did not know it was pumped milk, however, I was criticized for not breast feeding. I was so angered by this feeling of guilt over what has become militant breast feeding campaigns. You are a good mom for paying attention to your daughter's cues. It sounds like she is ready to wean. Finally, while exclusive breast feeding for the first 6 months of life has shown to have effect on the child's long term immune system, the effects of breastfeeding after that point are inconclusive. Breast feeding is really about long-term immunological health - there is nothing to say that her two recent colds were a result of your stopping breast feeding. You've done a great job and you should be proud, not guilty.

Hello,

Have you thought about pumping and bottle feeding your daughter breast milk? Even as a formula sometimes/breast milk sometimes system? Just a thought...

Either way though, don't feel guilty...sick babies are building their immune systems. Being sick is really the only way to strengthen their little bodies...

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!

It's not the breastfeeding, it's the daycare, and stop feeling guilty. Every cold stregthens her immune system. And don't we moms have enough to feel guilty about??? Give yourself a break!

J.,

Stop being so hard on yourself. Congratulations for making it to 6 1/2 months! That's an accomplishment most Mom's can't match. My daughter never latched on so I had to bottle feed from day one. I desperately wanted to breast feed, so I pump instead. It's certianly not convenient but it works for us. She gets the benefit of breast milk while taking a bottle. I was really hard when she was first born but it made going back to work much easier. If you still have a supply, you could give that a try. If you do give it a shot and want to pump enough to meet the majority of her needs (my daughter still gets some formula when I run out of pumped bottles), then I recommend an electric pump. Take heart, my daughter has had one bad cold and a battle with the croup and most of her bottles are still pumped. All babies need to exposed to things to build their little immunes systems, and they will get sick. It's just par for the course. Good Luck!!

S.

Stop feeling guilty- 8 months of nursing is GREAT.

do NOT let anyone make you feel guilty for a choice you make regarding bf.. it's all personal choice.. I was intent on bf my child, tried it and after a week I was so sore, I gave it up.. but I felt so guilty because every doctor, nurse and lactation consultant I talked to made me feel like I had to do it and it was the ONLY way I"d have a healthy child.. my daughter is 9 and has had one minor ear infection (didn't even need meds for it) AND she has an immune system that won't quit! She's is amazing!.. My son, I did the same thing, only without the guilt.. I tried it, I wasn't producing enough so I stopped - with a lot less stress.. YOU have to do do what is right for YOU and your CHILD! NO ONE ELSE!!! I know kids who were bf for a year and they are always sick - so don't go by the health thing ... go by what is right for your family.. and don't beat yourself up by your decision.. good luck and lots of hugs

I second all the sentiments here, particularly Lenore's.

My experience, if it helps: I breastfed for 11 months, but had to start supplementing with formula when my daughter was 5 months because I caught a HORRENDOUS stomach flu that left me dehydrated and unable to effectively breastfeed her for a couple of days (I reached a new low when I had to breastfeed while holding a bucket - in hindsight, it's funny, at the time I was horrified and disgusted). After that, I wasn't producing enough to satisfy her, and had been having trouble producing enough since returning to work anyway. I felt enormously guilty, as you do.

In time, I realized that I did the best that I could. I also realized that the breastfeeding I did made a difference and the breastfeeding I didn't do really did not make a difference! Yes, she catches colds from day care - and did so even while I was breastfeeding her. She also catches colds from what I bring home from work. However, she's a great kid who is reaching all her milestones and that's what matters.

Congratulations on breastfeeding for as long as you did. 6 months is fantastic. Just keep up the good work, and don't regret a thing.

i breastfeed my daughter for 9 months.

Of coarse shes had two bad colds.she just started daycare! breastfeed or not, ANY child thats has been home and goes to daycare/school, WILL get sick, alot, especially within the first year. p.s. my daughter never had an ear infection, intill.....about...2 months after i stopped breastfeeding, she will be 2 next month and has had 4 ear infections. AND im a stay at home mom! my point is, babies will get sick. no matter what.

I wouldn't feel guilty....I think its the new age society of breast feeding experts that make moms feel guilty....they pressure that the breast is best (which I understand that it has many benefits, but it may not be "BEST" for everyone all the time). I tried to breast feed, but my nipples (pardon my bluntness) would not stay out for my daughter to latch on and the special shileds they give you were ridiculous...so I pumped until I had not milk left....(pumping doesn't produce nearly as much as actual breast feeding). So after about a month and half I went to straight formula. My daughter is very smart.....has no teeth issues....she had maybe 1 cold her first year....I had exclusively breastfeeding friends whose babies where more sick than mine was(its the daycare environment, not the lack of breast feeding)You feed her for as long as she would take. Nutrition wise, breast feeding doesn't provide as much when they begin eating baby food. So be proud that you fed her as long as your did, and I am sure that she received most of her benefits already because of the length of time you did feed her!!

i'm guessing that you stopped nursing over 6 weeks ago and are not producing milk anymore. perhaps if you keep in mind that you made the best decision for your family at the time you will find peace with your choice.
if you want to take advantage of the health benefits in breast milk in the future, you may consider pumping and sending milk into daycare. keep in mind that for babies, bottles are much less "work" than the breast since there is a more continuous flow of milk and often babies can get "nipple confusion" as it is called. they may have a difficult time latching onto the breast after trying the bottle but can certainly be successful on both breast and bottle.

bottomline, give yourself permission to be free from the guilt; you did what you thought was best at the time.
peace.

Hi J.
I am a 36 year old mother of two. The best advice I can give you is that parents are not allowed to give themselves report cards we will allows fail ourselves. From what you said though is that your daughter made the choice to stop breastfeeding eventhough you went back to work. Also remember that your daughter was probably always with you and not around other kids that are sick as much as she is now. She is also playing with the same toys others kids are playing with and probably in her mouth. Kids pass colds before they even show signs of sickness. I can't tell you not to fell guilty because we all do at times but just remember you are not alone! Good luck B.