Staying with In-laws Immediately After the Baby Is Born

i adore my in-laws, but i would rather roll in my own puke than be anywhere but home with a new baby.
help with the baby is great, but not nearly worth that.
i'd go home.
khairete
S.

Why cant you go home? Unless you have some sort of diminished physical or mental capacities, GO HOME! It 's not THAT hard to care for a newborn after the first few days recovering from the birth....

My husband is disabled and caught some virus at the hospital. He convinced me to stay at his parents' house and it hindered MY rest and recovery. I was unable to relax and enjoy bonding with my baby.

I would NOT allow this to happen again. I would tell them he can stay there and I am going HOME.

Well... why exactly do you need live-in help? I would NOT want to stay with my in-laws for that long unless there was some sort of emergency.

As for my baby, we moved when she was about 1 month old. It didn't disturb her sleep environment, we just were careful to help her adjust. Really, at that age, they sleep most of the time and haven't fallen into a true pattern anyways. Just keep her bassinet/crib the same if you are that concerned.

I would be more concerned about YOU feeling comfortable staying at the in-laws that long than anything else. I would claw tooth and nail to be at my own home during this time.

If I had my own home I would definitely not stay with my inlaws or anyone else for that matter. Why would you do that? Do you have a health issue or some other reason that you're not able to take care of yourself and your baby? In the old days pregnant and new mothers were treated as invalids. We are way past that now.

You, your husband, and baby need that time in your own home to bond together in this new way. You and your husband need to establish yourselves as the baby's parents. When you stay with someone else in their home they are in charge. Even if they don't mean to it is likely that they will take over the care of the baby. It's so easy for resentments to build.

My parents stayed with my father's parents when I was born. I was their first baby. it nearly ruined their relationship with the grandparents. My grandmother had her way of taking care of me and my mother wasn't confident enough to do things her way.

And as you said, you need the comfort of being in your space. This is a new and important experience for you. You need the comfort of your own home.

The baby does not need anyone else to care for her/him. You and your husband are enough.

Why in the world would you do that? I have never heard of anyone staying at their in law's after having a baby.

Don't you want to bond alone as a family in your own home? It's your baby, it won't need a bunch of caretakers, just Mom and Dad and a peaceful house. Don't over think this, I had both of mine at home and would not have traded those first few days of bonding with my new family for anything in the world.

Is there a physical reason, that you need help? (Ailment, sickness, etc.) If not, I don't understand why you would NEED someone to be there all the time. Especially, for an entire month!! Most parents do not have any help after the first week or two, and they all survive. I had a c-section and my husband only had 5 days off. I made it, and so have many other mothers who don't have much help. Really, help is great...but that fist month is so important for bonding, learning your baby and building your family. I would have gone crazy with different opinions, parenting styles, involvement, whatever else people do.

I would never do anything I didn't feel comfortable with, including (especially!) being in someone's home.

It's not about the baby it's about YOU.
The first month is an exhausting, HUGE adjustment.
More so for you, but how you feel WILL affect your baby.
I personally never would have made it outside of my own home and bed.
Especially because I was breastfeeding.
I can't imagine being anywhere else but my own bed! And I NEVER wanted "help" at that stage, other than my husband's shoulders to cry on, sometimes!!!

I would never do this.
You will want to be home in your familiar surroundings with all your things.
You won't necessarily need any one to stay with you.
They can come help when they can.
You will want your sleep when you can w/o anyone around to interrupt that.

His mom can drop by to help when she can for an hour or two.
If they live too far away, she can visit when she can.

Your husb can help when he can.

It's not better for the baby to have more caretakers.
It's easier for you, the mom, but you don't have to do that.
You can ask for help when you need it, have someone come by for a couple of hours.

Yes you will be tired but I think you'll like the peace of mind & quiet even better by yourself.

Here's to you & your baby.

For me, personally, I'd just as soon not have ANYONE but my immediate family (husband & other children) around right after I gave birth. I can't stand having extra people around, but that's just me. If you TRULY think you're going to need the help, then do it. But keep in mind that at some point, you'll have to go home and you'll be on your own. So if you think you'll get too dependent on the help, it'd be better off not having it from the start.

I liked being home when I had my babies! I would never go stay anywhere. I like to take care of my own babies by myself. I think bonding is important for you and your husband.
If your inlaws want to help out, let them visit the baby or take the baby to visit.
I guess its all what your comfy with.

I wouldn't, but that is just me.
I prefer to be able to relax in MY own space. If the relatives can't come visit, that is THEIR issue, not mine. Recovery after pregnancy, there are certain things I just prefer to have my own private bathroom available.. ya know? And my own bed and bed linens. And not feeling like I am not in control of when/how/where I veg out...

The baby isn't going to care one way or the other. Although, YOU might lose a little control over who is visiting/handling the baby if you are staying in someone else's house.

Just my thoughts.

ETA: unless you have some sort of physical disability or something that will REQUIRE additional help. We had NO family near us, and it was FINE. Actually, it was great... except when the family started cycling through and expecting to be entertained or go out to eat, or me to wait on them (more his family than mine). That got annoying really fast.
If you are a private person, you will NOT be comfortable at your in-laws. And unless you have special circumstances that physically limit you (beyond normal post pregnancy issues) then you don't NEED to have help. It might be nice if your own mom came for a few DAYS at your house, but I actually preferred to mostly be alone in those first weeks.

The baby won't care where you are, but YOU WILL.
How comfortable are you with his parents, especially his mom? Will you be comfortable nursing there? Will you be comforable sleeping most of the time (any chance you get!), or will you feel like you need to socialize/entertain your hosts by being a "good guest"? There's no way I would move in with my in-laws after a baby, unless there was some absolute, disabling emergency - and I LIKE my in-laws! With our first, we had my mom for a month and then his mom for 2 weeks, and it just seemed like we never had a chance to get comfortable on our own routine, and they were exhausting! With our second, my mom stayed for a week and it was perfect.
The biggest help that she provided was: keeping our 3 year old entertained -it sounds like this is your first, so that's not a worry. Took him to & picked him up from day care, went on walks with him to the park. For us, my mom made dinner, did the grocery shopping, did the laundry, she kept me company while I pumped, or did a midnight feeding, and she took one of the early morning feedings with what I had pumped. And she'd take a feeding in the afternoon too. During those periods when she took the feedings, I tried to just nap.
It's nice to have the extra help, but it is also VERY hard to be around people that you're not REALLY COMFORTABLE WITH - I mean, INTIMATE with. The first 4 weeks are complete survival mode. The only things that matter are: your healing process, feed you, feed the baby, change the baby, SLEEP. You'll be nursing 10x per day - about every 2 hours, you'll bleed (like a really heavy period) for about a week, and you'll hurt for a while. There isn't anyone I'd personally want to watch me do all that 24x7 for 4 weeks straight other than my husband, MY mom, my sisters, and 2 of my closest, most amazing friends. If your in-laws are the kind of people who will HELP, great. If they'll just make you uncomfortable, then there are other ways they can help that are actually more meaningful.

I would love to have stayed with MY OWN parents after my son's birth--they know my moods and my mama could dote on my baby and ignore me. But, I would feel too uncomfortable to put myself or my child off on my MIL in the same fashion.

I am thinking you know by now that staying at your home is best. Wow, some of these women had much easier experiences after birth than I did. It was physically very difficult for me. The every 2 hour nursing can't be done by anyone else so they really can not help there. Everything else needs to be your H's responsibility. I think he might be nervous about this responsibility. I agree with the poster who suggested your mil bring over meals and sit for 30 mins so you can take a shower and drive you to some doctor appts. That would be incredibly helpful. Other than that, you want your own bathroom and your H to take care of the rest.

If you really want to have extra people around, you can stay w/ you inlaws but I personally would not. I would go home and start getting into my own routine with my new baby without having to worry about who was around. It may be easier to have "all hands on deck" for care but you will be more relaxed and able to establish your own schedule better at your own home.

Oh, wow. Please don't do this to yourself.

If she wants to come for an extended stay, and she doesn't want to be near your cats, offer to help her find a studio apartment to rent for a month.

You want to be in your own home. You have your own body to care for, too. The bleeding, taking care of your stitches (if you have them), experiencing your milk coming in (and spraying, until you get the hang of it), insane hunger in the middle of the night (if you're nursing) and huge learning curve. Do you really want to learn all this new mom stuff, with an "expert" (as she will feel, having raised her own children) hovering? You're going to do some things differently than she did...and even the best intentioned MILs need time and space to adjust to this concept.

Here's the awkward part: if something isn't going the way you want (ie she isn't giving you the baby back when you want to feed etc) you're going to be in a difficult position. You are a GUEST. And yet, you are that baby's MOM.

Invite them to come visit and stay in town and long as they want.

Please don't do this to yourself.

Noway home was it for us never thought to stay with someone to help take care of the baby.Why does your husband want this?It's your baby together & the 2 of you work together to care for the baby & the yrs to come.What does she do for visits not come over because of the cats.This situation would be way too stressful for me & I would explode being in someone elses home & not mine on top of having a newbie

I wouldn't do it. You want your baby to get in to a routine in their own surroundings. You want to be comfortable in your own surroundings. And personally sometimes too many helpful hands is more of a pain in the butt. It's not better for the baby to have more caretakers around....As long as YOU are feeling ok and capable you will be fine. And in the event you need a nap or a break, thats where DADDY can come in :)

In my experience with all three of my boys it was best to be home. After my first I also learned really quick to say NO I am not attending a birthday party two weeks later....you're tired, you're bonding with your baby. And if you want to nurse ir's easier to be home around all of your things.

Stay home, enjoy your new baby. And if you need help have MIL take an allergy pill! Recovery anywhere but home just isn't the same. You'll even be glad to get out of the hospital where you're waited on hand and foot!

The baby will be four weeks old, he/she will likely sleep anywhere. Babies at that age don't really have habits or routines, so don't worry about that. The question is do you want to stay with your in-laws, and it sounds like you already know that answer.

If you like being bossed around...sure.

Better for you, your husband and your baby to stay in your home. The baby gets use to your home surroundings (including your animals). You would not be the first couple NOT to have family around. If your husband's mother can only come and stay for a little while (that may be a blessings). Perhaps some friends and neighbors may be able to give you a little help.

I was completely on my own after my first was born and I was fine. My husband was in a police Olympics event for three days once I got home from the hospital. I urged him to go ahead and go as our daughter was so long overdue and really messed up our plans. I figured that I would have help from our friends at church.

My mom had a trip planned way in advance with a childhood friend from another country. (She was with me up until I left the hospital.) My in-laws were out-of-state. Well, as it turned out, my church friends thought I had help as I had said all along that my mom would be with me. Who knew that my daughter would be so long overdue?

I was too tired, embarrassed, proud, etc. to ask for help from my church friends. They all kept their distance as they thought my mom was there, so they didn't even call. Internet was not around yet. My fault.

Anyway, my point is that we got along fine. We had a wonderful time and I could walk around the house wearing whatever I felt like wearing, my daughter and I stayed in bed if I felt like it, I showered when she slept (if I felt like it), I didn't have to worry about keeping anyone else awake if my daughter was up during the night, I could watch whatever TV I wanted to during the wee hours of nursing, etc. I cannot imagine having to fit in with someone else's routine in their home while I was recovering, learning how to care for a baby, worry about eating the wrong foods while nursing, etc.

It seems like the rules and routine in a home are determined by those who own the home. It doesn't sound like a great set-up to me, especially when you will not be at your best.

Now, maybe you have a completely open and close relationship with your in-laws and you need extra care that your husband and friends can't provide. It's up to you.

Who will take care of the cat?

Well, J., we sold our house out from under us and our new house was in the middle of construction. We would have moved into an apartment to wait it out, but I ended up in preterm labor at 24 weeks and everyone was afraid I'd lose the baby. My inlaws asked us to move in with them so someone could take care of me.

We ended up staying with them for 10 weeks, then the baby was born, and we stayed around another 8 weeks for the house to be done. So I had about 2 months with them with my newborn. The baby slept in a bassinet at the foot of the bed. I had a bathroom off of the bedroom.

When we moved into our house, my son slept in his real crib for the first time and loved it. There were really no transition issues at all. I had help those first 6 weeks before going back to work, and then in a few short weeks, moved into my new house.

My staying with family was born out of necessity, and I have to say that it was a great experience. My MIL and I bonded and I really appreciated that they wanted us to stay with them. If you get along well, I don't think there's a problem. What I WOULD insist on, if I were you, is that your husband have to handle the baby right alongside you, and not let him defer to other caregivers in the house.

Good luck making the decision.

Dawn

I'm pretty sure plenty of people do just fine in their own home taking care of their own baby with very limited help. That is the only way you are going to develop your own routine and family life. Will your husband not be around much? I don't understand the need to be around someone else all the time. Does his mom NEVER come to your becasue of the cat? If his mom wants to "help" she can bring over a meal and do a short visit so you can shower or take a 30 minute nap, whatever she can manage. YOU should be as comfortable as possible in order to adjust well.

No. Way.

:(

(Wait, unless you have serious restrictions that disenable you from taking care of the baby of course)

Go home to your own home. Baby will not know the difference where he is.
Trust me you will want to be home. No way would I agree to that. Sorry. You wants those first weeks to be able to enjoy your little one with your husband.

I would want to stay at my own home. My MIL, FIL, and BIL where all at our home when I arrived home from the hospital and they where staying with us. Looking back I wish my husband and I had atleast the first 48-72 hours at home with no one there but us and the baby. Considering we had not even been married a year and we where only 25 and 27, that first year was a whirlwind. If we do decide to have a second child we really putting our foot down on us being the only ones in our home when we get home atleast for a couple of days. I would not mind visitors for shorter visits but really set aside family hours and visiting hours kind of like the hospital. If you have a plan before hand it will make it easier once the baby comes unless there are complications and additional help needed.

I would have been miserable living somewhere else that wasn't my own home the first month my children were born. Heck, I even hated being at the hospital with my first and left after only 6 hours I think and it was the longest 6 hours that I had to stay at the birth center with my other 2. I would have been miserable being separated from my cats that long too.
As for messing with sleep etc. My kids slept anywhere we brought them, they didn't care, especially at that age. We weren't "home bodies" when any of them were born. Before my third was 6 weeks old she'd been to Disneyland, Legoland, the San Diego Comic Book Convention and a Wiggles concert in addition to trips to grandparents for visits and anywhere else we felt like going. She slept where ever we were.
Do what is best for you, which will be best for your baby. If you do not want to stay there then you will not be at your best to care for your baby.

Stay at your home and hire help, if need be.

If you are stressed out, the baby will feel it and sleep WILL be an issue for ALL of you.

I had all of my babies at home and usually was up and about doing laundry in 2 days time. In fact, with my 10+ pounder, I was back at work in 4 days with him in tow....since he was a month late, so I had already taken time off that was planned for after his birth. With my 11 pounder, it took me 5 days to get around like I hadn't had a baby.

You'll be ok and if you find that you aren't...then go to their home...but start at yours and see how it goes. You might find that your parenting and her parenting might not mix, so that can stress you out even further.

I would just go home if I was you. My family lived 18 hours away and my inlaws were 12 hours away. Its rough because of sleep deprivation but you will manage fine. I can't see how living with inlaws would be perk in anyway. I would probably go crazy but that is me.

When I first read this my thought was WHY??? Go to your own home, if they want to help have them come over to your house.

If you do not need the help in such a major way, then no, it's not worth the hassle to do all the uprooting. It's nice to have family to help. But honestly, you mostly eat and sleep and that's all the baby does. If they live nearby, his mom does not have to stay over. She can come for short periods of time and take some non-drowsy allergy medication.

My mother in law came down for a week and stayed at a hotel nearby because our place was too small, and she wanted us to have ALONE time, but also be available to help. Unless you are on complete bedrest, this seems to be the best solution. If they live close enough to get to you in an hour or so, they can come and stay for a few hours and then go home.

Two of our daughters stayed with us a few days after their first baby and it worked out fine for that amount of time but I know they would not have wanted to stay for a month. I could see staying for a week but it would be so much easier for you to have someone come to your home so you can get settled in and feel more comfortable. Maybe it was just me but I always felt a bit emotional and being home helped me to rest, etc. better. It shouldn't hurt the baby though as far as environment, etc. You'll still be working on a schedule, etc. If you do need help though please take it.

The baby will be fine, but I think it would be easier on all of you to be in own home. Can your husband take a few weeks FMLA off?

You already know your answer: "For me personally, I don't like the idea of staying in someone else's house." Trust your gut. More than likely, after delivering your baby, you will want to go home to your own house. There are other ways your inlaws can help: grocery shopping, running errands, making meals.
Above all, have your husband be the person who says, "No thank you. Here are other ways we'd love you to help." They are his parents & he should be the one having that conversation with them.

Good Luck & Congratulations!
T. Y SAHM of 5: 12, 10, 4, 3 & 11 months

I wouldn't worry about the baby at all. They just sleep! Bright light during the day and pitch black and night can be done at home or at in-laws.

I personally would only go if I had my own bathroom.

I find a BRAND new baby almost no work at all (simply nurse), but the other 4 little ones, yikes! If I had help with them, I'd go anywhere!

Send the cats to stay with Grandpa and have Grandma come stay for a week. You can go visit them when you get super tired so they can help with night feedings, etc.