Stay Home W/my Baby or Go Back to work......uuuuuggggghhhh This Is Not Fun.

Why not work from home? I do - and it's awesome! I'm getting plenty of income - and it's just sooo fun, plus my kids are right here with me all the time! www.healthyhome4family.com

K.,
This is a HARD decision! I have an amazing 6 month old little boy and unfortunately, I didn't have a choice. Not working is just not financially an option for me. And it wasn't an option for me to ask my husband to get a 2nd job just so I could stay home. I felt that doing so would be cutting a wonderful father out of my son's life which definately is not in his best interest.
I am writing this response not to advocate for you to go back to work (because that is entirely a decision you must make and may or may not be the best decision based upon your circumstances) but to write on behalf of us working mamas. Please do not let others make you feel guilty if you do have to go back to work. No offense to you others, but many mothers on this website word their responses in such a way that it makes them seem as if they just "care too much" to allow someone else to watch their kids during the day (insinuating they care more than working mothers). I am a licensed Masters Social Worker and a mother who loves her child infinitely(as I am sure you do). I want to make it clear to you that you don't love your child any less if you must go back to work. This seems like pretty basic info, but a lot of Moms want to give you a lot of wholier-than-thou "if you really cared...." type of advice on this subject.
I will admit, I miss mine horribly during the day and will be sad if he takes his 1st step without me but that's about my needs, not his. He is perfectly happy during the day (actually-he loves being around the other kids) and at the end of the day, he knows who Mom is and how much she loves him. I attended daycare as a child and am super-close with my parents. I have never been confused as to who raised me. Plus, I figure I am creating a powerful female image for my son.
So, I'm really not advocating either way. If money allows, you would bet I would recommend you stay at home (because, why not?)But, if you have to go back to work- do what you have to do to take care of your family and don't let anyone else make you feel like anything less than a wonderful mother. You will make the best decision for you. So, I'm done now and I'll get off my soap box.

Follow your heart on this one. Having a single income household is possible these days. There are many people out there doing it. However, often they have made a choice to live without a lot of extras in order to acheive that goal. When we made a decision for me to stay at home, we had to take a close look at what we were spending. There are tons of frugal living websites out there. One of my favorites is www.hillbillyhousewife.com. For one thing, I really attacked what I was spending at the grocery store. I started using coupons and comparison shopping. I started making meals more from scratch than boxes. It's really not hard at all. I became an expert at casseroles. We curbed our eating out. (That part was hard for us.) We also cut back on stuff like cable, cell phone service etc. Also, since I wasn't driving to work, I was able to save on my car insurance. I was then considered a "pleasure driver".
Talk it over with your husband, crunch some numbers and follow your heart.

Wow! Suzi, a little on the defensive? Give this poor girl a break, it is not a crime to feel guilty about leaving your baby, or to be scared that something may happen if you leave them with someone else. Nice way to attack a new mom, way to go, gee, wish I could sign my kids up at your daycare!

K., you do what feels right and comfortable to you. I went back to work 2 days a week when my little one was 7 months old. I work opposite her Daddy, and her Grandmother helps out too. I don't blame you for being nervous. but it will give Daddy and Baby some much needed one on one time. And getting away twice a week has done wonders for me.

Good luck, and don't hesitate to message me if you have other questions!

I just recently have made this decision for the second time around, and it was even harder this time!! When I had my som two years ago, I was a pre-school teacher at a place that was a daycare as well, so I was able to take my son to work with me!! This helped me make my decision since I knew that my family could use the extra income. When my son turned one I took a job as a teacher at a school, so I could no longer be with him on a daily basis. This was hard, but since I knew all of the daycare providers I was a little more comfortable. Anyway, 3 months ago I had my second child, a beautiful little girl, and I was facing the same situation only this time it was a little different...I would not be able to take her with me to work. I decided, with a heavy heart, to go back to work in order to help support my family(my husband has a good job, but like you said it almost takes two incomes these days to do anything besides just get by). Here is where I differ from our friend Suzi...I send my kids to an actual daycare center. I found a new one closer to home and we just love it so far...it's in the same chain as the one I worked at just a different location. I find that I would rather send them there than to a home daycare because I know that, especially when they get older, they are being educated, not just sat infront of a tv as a babysitter. I know that there are probably some in home daycares that provide education, but unless you know the person personally, it's hard to be sure they are doing what they say they are doing. My son has learned so much from being with other kids and being taught different things at daycare. I know that, although I would love to be with them all day everyday, they are well taken care of and learning a lot where they are. Anyway, this is definitely a personal decision, but my advice to you is to way both sides, and definitely tour and ask around about daycare centers, in home or other, beofre sending your son there!! Good luck with your decision, and remember your not hurting your son by not staying at home with him, he knows that you love him:) and if you go to work and decide it's not for you, you can always change your mind and stay home!! Good luck, and best wishes to you and your family:)

Hi there K.,

I recently went through this same dilemma. I finally decided that being at home was the way to go. I have an at home business that helps our family make ends meet. It's a great program that I'd be happy to tell you about if you are interested. There is nothing more important than your family!

Good luck in all you do!

C.
www.EnhanceYourWayOfLife.com

I'm sorry but I think you should have a little talk or something with Suzi I don't know but she must have alot of built up anger all of her responses are very harsh and sometimes hurtful. I hate leaving my kids everyday but I have to in order to have the funds to do stuff. Just follow your heart!! S.

Hey K.,
I understand your dilemma! I have a home based biz that I work very part time, check out this website and fill out a form if you would like more information, I looked for over a year for a way to earn income from home so I didn't have to leave my 4 children . Good luck whatever you decide.
www.ceofamilies.com/D.
D.

Before my first son was born I thought I would go back to work when he was a few months old. Well, it is almost 4 years later and I still haven't put my college degree to much use. (I only worked for about 6 months after I graduated.)

So, now I stay at home with my almost 4 year old and 2 year old. Before my oldest was 1 I wanted to try for another baby so I could get them in school and go back to work. That is, if I want to go back.

I often wonder if our lives would be better if I went to work full time. We make enough money to get by, but that is about it. We save very little and we could be in big trouble if anything major happens.

One thing that helps a lot is my part-time job. It gives us a little extra money, and it gets me out of the house. I work evenings and week-ends when my husband is home. I have been working extra with the holidays coming up (almost 30 hours a week), but I have also worked as little as 10 hours a week. It's a retail job and they give me a lot of flexibility.

Like you, I just couldn't leave my babies in the care of someone else. Now I am thinking I will want to be home for them when they get home from school. Uuuuugggghhhhh!

A part-time job might help you. Just look for something you can let go of if things get too stressful. If you have to go back full-time be sure you are making enough to cover the cost of daycare and everything that goes along with working. I tried to work from home, but I couldn't get anything done.

We live with only one car and no cable. Our house is very small and in need of some updating, but it is all we can afford. I don't dress as well I I would like and our dog is over due for the vet. Still, I'm pretty sure my boys are happier like this then if I went back to work so we could have more stuff. All I can do is take things one day at a time and hope I am doing the right thing.

I hope telling you my story helps. You are not alone with this issue. Good luck.

K. - I understand your concern. I have 9 month old twins that I couldn't imagine leaving at daycare.. infact, I'd work nights or sell my house before ever doing that. I don't care how many years of training I've done or how much pressure other people put on me to "use my brain". Think about what's best for your child..... hired help or a loving parent? Do you want to only raise your child at nights and on the weekends? Somebody else will be doing the "mothering" from 9am to 5pm. These are such precious years that I'm not willing to miss or willing to hear about my childrens' day from someone else. If my baby falls down and scarpes his knee, I want to be the one giving him a kiss to make him feel better. I'm very passionate about this subject. With that being said, I'm also very lucky as I have a corporate job that pays decent and allows me to work from home (IT job). I don't sleep much as I only work when my children are napping and when my husband and kids are down for the night. It's a scrafice I'm willing to make to be home with my babes. Perhaps you can look inot WFH jobs. I know there are some great ones out there. A website I found and was encouraged by other to look at pretty much did me in. The stories are frightening: http://www.daycaresdontcare.org/

I completely understand and I felt the same way after my first son was born. Luckly at my job they let me just work weekends while my parents watched my son. Almost 14 months later I had my second son. After he came I stayed home.
Just recently I started working from home and so far it has been going great. Your not selling, stocking or doing any inventory. It is honest work and you will be paid monthly. If you need more info you can go to my website at www.workathomeunited.com/missouri
K. what ever you decide, go to work or stay at home, either way it will work out. Good Luck..

I know how you feel. After I had my son I didn't want to go back to work but we needed the extra income to avoid paycheck to paycheck living. After a month, I couldn't take it anymore, I needed to be with my son. Six years later I'm still a stay at home mom and wouldn't trade it for the world. There's no amount of money worth missing all the firsts your children experience and having that extra special bond.

Just wanted to say I think it is awesome you are staying home with your baby. The time goes so fast! I stayed home with my twins, and let me tell you - it wasn't easy financially sometimes! I've had to get groceries on $20 a couple of times and we drove one car and we had to turn down the casual "let's go to dinner" with friends. I never regretted it, though, as the thought of leaving my boys with someone else was way more painful. And just remember it is only temporary - now I work 3/4 time (while my boys are in school) we have two cars, a little extra money, and will soon be buying a house. And with a good and supportive husband (I have one too!) you will do just fine. Enjoy!!

I had to make the same decision. I am an 8th grade teacher and I have other people's children all day. I did know if I would be able to spread myself so thin, because a lot of time I am a parent, nurse, counselor, etc. to a lot of students. It took a while to get used to my work schedule and everything that goes on at home after work. For me it was a good decision. It all depends on your daycare provider. I started out part-time before I went back to work (paid for a full week) and that way everyone got used to the schedule. This also allowed me the chance to drop-in to ease my mind. Also, my daycare provider said that I could call her whenever I wanted. You have to ultimately decide for yourself. Some people make better parents by going to work daily and having their children after work and on the weekends. I never believed this until I spoke to several different moms. They were very honest and said that other people might look down on them, but it was a good decision for them. It is definitely more than a full-time job if you choose to stay at home with your little one. I wish you the best with whichever decision you choose. Take care!!

I just started my own home based business. I have a 3 month old that I couldn't bear to send to daycare. Its a great opportunity that allows me to save TONS of money on gas for the car, not to mention daycare, it saves me 30 hours per month just commuting alone! I assure you that it is 100% legit and the business and the product are truly something I am passionate about and believe in!!
If you are interested, send me a message and I can get you all the info you need to get started right away! I would be more than happy to speak with you on the phone too - just so you know I am a real person and not just trying to sell you something LOL ;-) Good luck with whatever you choose to do! Oh and CONGRATS on the little one!

K.,

I want to encourage you as you are trying to make the decision about being at home or working. It's a hard decision. Here are some things to think about: you can work all of your life. You can only raise your son for a limited amount of time. Yes, it's a challenge to live on one income, but it's not impossible. Choosing to live on one income can be about choosing relationships over material things.

I really want to encourage you to check out a couple of books: Professionalizing Motherhood is one and My Hearts at Home is another. Also check out www.hearts-at-home.org if you haven't already. There's a moms conference in Bloomington, IL in March 2008 and over 6000 moms will be in attendance. Consider going and being encouraged as a mom!

K. I know how hard that must be. When my grandbaby was born my son's girlfriend couldn't afford to be off work. She went back to work when the baby was two weeks old. Thank God that I have a home business and I could care for him. I worked everyday from home with him by my side. I live in southern Illinois. I also have twin foster girls with Autism and a 5 year old grandson who lives with me. I have worked from home now for 4 years, Before that I had a day care in my home for 6 years. Having a day care is an option but it does get old after awhile.

K.
www.workathomeunited/karla04

in my opinion, depending on what kind of work you do and how much money you make, its better to stay home. i couldnt offset the cost of daycare on what i would make if i went back to work. most places around where i live its over $120 a week and i was a college student (well still am) before i had my daughter. she was in daycare three days a week until last wednesday, after i pulled her out because of a disagreement with the owner over her care and the care of several other babies. i am going to school on those days and my family is helping me out watching her until christmas break. in january she starts at a new daycare i have been waiting to get her into for a year that has a great reputation. i am just saying that if i were you i would stay home as long as possible. i spent every minute with her until she was 10 months and wouldnt give that up for anything! you are the best care your baby will ever have and NOBODY can do it like mommy can. i couldnt wait for school to start and then when it did i just wanted to be home. i have looked into the work from home deal too with no luck. unless you have family or a close friend providing your child care theres no way i would do daycare that young either. i have seen too many in my search for my daughter's daycare where the very young babies basically cried all the time!

THat is one of the hardest decisions any mother has to make. I tried working 2 days a week and leaving my kids with my mom, but that just didn't work for our family (plus, by the time my 3rd child was born, it was a lot on my mom). Now, I have a part time job where I work 2 evenings per week and every other Saturday morning. That way I get a break from my boys, still get to be a stay-at-home mom. The big benefit, is my husband gets some one-on-one time with my kids. It's sometimes exhausting, but by cutting unecessary expenses-eating out, cable tv, movies, etc., we can make do with just the 1 main income.

Good for you for making the decision that's right for your family. Other people are right-you can work all your life, you only have babies once.

I understand your frustration from your point of view and I'm a mother too. So I know how you feel, truly I do.

But from the perspective of a daycare provider all I can say is GET OVER IT!

We work long hours for low pay because we love children. Why on earth do you think we would work such long hours with other peoples kids? Do you REALLY think it's just for the money?!!! That accusation is so stupid. I've heard it for years and years and years. After we feed and entertain and teach these kids with OUR own money, there is hardly anything left of what parents pay us to use on our own bills.

Ok..now my rants out of the way.

Look for someone that has been in the business 5 years or longer. The first 5 years is stressful, the people doing it in the first 5 years are still young and basically anyone in their early 20's is still a baby themselves. Sorry, but it's true. They haven't been moms long yet and their experience is very limited.

I think you need to be realistic. You are in love with your baby as you should be. But you are young and inexperienced too! Just because you "FEEL" like you are the only person in the world that can love and care for your son properly, doesn't make it so. Choose someone that has been doing this for a long, long time and has raised several kids of her own. Look at her house, her dress and mannerisms and see how you feel around her own children. Insist on meeting at least some of her kids. She may have older kids that come and go for sports and activities. But aim for someone that still has some children young and at home. If all her kids are grown or teenagers, she may be leaving the field in the next couple of years. Then again, if she only has a couple of kids, doesn't plan to have any more and they are nearing school age she may be quitting to be going back to work. That's the other problem with younger people. If the husband isn't making the lions share of the income, she may be pretty much forced to go back because the economics of daycare is so bad. You need somone that is reliable.

To pay for the best daycare with someone that has been at this a long time, you will need to pay out on the higher end of the pay scale and you may have to drive more than 5 minutes to daycare. Convenience and price should be the last thing on your list.

I'm sure some daycare centers that do babies take good care of them. But I wouldn't personally want to be in a room with 8-12 babies when 1 or 2 other people NEED to show up and might not. You should choose a home care situation at least until later and then if you are happy just stay. Kids really don't need to be over stimulated and forced to go through hour after hour of planned activities and ushered from place to place like they are in school already. They have their whole lives ahead of them. I think they should be allowed to be little for as long as possible.

If you wanna work, work. If you don't don't. But don't use daycare as your excuse. I see it ALL the time. There are good and decent people out there and if you are willing to drive and pay and meet at least a few people and make lots of calls, do your homework and do your own background check if you want, you'll be ok.

Suzi