Stay at Home Mom Needs Comeback!

LOVE Whizzy's suggestion! LOL

Before I was a mom, I worked FT professionally for nearly 20 years. Lemme tell you, SAHM is the most difficult, least appreciated occupation on the planet.

You could always say something like "At least you can punch out at 5, I'm on call 24/7"

Read this article. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/10/08/60minutes/main6...

It's a 60 minute story cbs did on Stay At Home Mothers and how a lot of mothers gave up high powered full time jobs just so they can be stay at home mommies.

Also see here at MSN money that shows stay at home moms "salary" if she were to be paid would be about $138,095. This includes the jobs of housekeeper, day care center teacher, cook, computer operator, laundry machine operator, janitor, facilities manager, van driver, CEO and psychologist.

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/CollegeAndFamily/Rai...

I switched to part time work after my first son so I feel like I am in both worlds. All I have to say is that anyone who would think you can take a nap has never stayed at home with a baby! At least at work I CAN TAKE A RESTROOM BREAK.

"Funny you should say that...I'm actually working on my resume. All this childcare has me beat and I need a break!!! Gawd I *can't wait* to get another job just so I can sit and browse the internet, chat with colleagues, have a coffee break and maybe take care of some customers who don't drool, poop, or always fight me on everything. Is your company hiring?"

Wow, there are a lot of strong feelings out there! I used to be a SAHM when my kids were younger so I know how that is! Yes, it is hard! But let me tell you, now that I'm working, there are no mandatory breaks, sipping coffee or luxurious lunches! It's hard work with lunch on the run and my cell phone ringing constantly. I would never be so rude as to suggest to a SAHM that she doesn't work hard, and I hope none of my friends would ever suggest to me that I don't, either. Let's call a truce, ladies, motherhood is a tough job no matter how you look at it! The goal is to love and care for your kids and raise them right. Hopefully we're all doing that in our own way. Thanks for listening.

In general, I don't believe in justifying a decision that you've made to someone the decision does not affect. IF you MUST respond, I vote for the direct or sarcastic approach.

"What makes you think I get to take a nap?"
"I saved a bonbon for you, would you like it now?"
"As a matter of fact, I can't IMAGINE having to work...I do work."

That being said I do work outside the home. I didn't have much choice after my husband left me while I was pregnant...but I enjoy my job. Just because someone isn't suited to be home with their kids 24/7 doesn't mean they shouldn't be a parent. Crappy parents are crappy parents, regardless of their employment status. Not everyone is suited for every job--in or out of the home.

My kids are teenagers - I still get the nasty comments.

I just smile... and seethe... and say, "Yes, I'm home, but I'm never home doing what needs to be done. I'm here at school, or at church, or on a field trip - volunteering so that my kid AND YOURS can get the best possible educational experience. So, when I ask you to volunteer for 2 hours at a dance or at a football game once a season, I get a little bit annoyed when you say no - that you work. We all work."

I would say ..."Oh my YES!!! Napping is a wonderful part of my day! So is letting in the staff for the day...you know what staff i speak of...the housekeeper, the dishwasher, the nanny, the gardener, the driver, the laundress, the window washer, the teacher, my husband's personal assistant, and the accountant...without all of those people i wouldn't be able to sit on my rear end and watch my soaps all day....OH WAIT A MINUTE....I AM THOSE PEOPLE!!! WOW, can you imagine having more than one job?? WOW, YOU are sooooo lucky to only have ONE job! OH, and your day ends at 5pm??? lucky duck, mine is 24/7 without vacation time or sick days....you are definitely soooo lucky.....and you get paid too??? wow.....

I am a working mom and I can completely admit I have those thoughts all the time about SAHMs! I never voice it though. I hate when I get home from work and sign onto Facebook or something similar and all my SAHM friends have pictures of going to the park, the zoo... posts about going out to lunch, shopping, taking naps, getting cleaning done... the thoughts I have are merely fueled by jealousy. I will never say that a SAHM has an easy job, I know what it's like to take care of my 14 month old all day; but I work 40+ hours a week and do all the things a SAHM does but in a shorter amount of time and have less time spent with my child. Working mothers get criticized a lot too because a lot of people feel they are "letting someone else raise their child" or they are greedy. Some people don't really have a decision to work or not work, some HAVE TO WORK (like myself.)

Hi V.,

I was a Nanny for many years and I know first hand how hard you work. I support women who need to work, because for many it is necessary for their family, but I also know that Moms who stay home are not doing less, they work hard too.

I am one for sarcasm, something like, "thoes bon bons won't eat themselves".

Good Luck hard working Mom!

R. Magby

I don't know what I was thinking.... I am not sure why I gave up that 8 hour break for a 24/7 job!

I wouldnt take the comments so offensively. The fact is you can take a nap. Do you take naps........ maybe not.because you are busy taking care of the house and everything. But you can take a little rest if you wanted to. Does that imply you do not do anything all day. I dont think so. I dont think when they are making those comments that they think you just sit on the couch all day eating bon bons, They know how hard it is raising kids. I know 3 SAHM who have said I can't imagine having to work out side of the home and manage to take care of the kids and house too. Because the are so busy. Not saying working outside is harder than being a SAHM. But they even understand how hectic their mornings and days would be if they had to work outside of the home and do both. If anyone comments I would just say Oh I know I can't imagine.I'm so busy and so thankful I get to be home with my baby cause I still dont get everything done sometimes!

Really? Your MIL? Maybe she would prefer if her grandson were raised by a teenager that had no actual ties to your OR your son (hence, no true emotional attachment) that was just trying to save money for her next couple years of college. Doesn't that sound promising for your child/her grandson? You should ask her.....
True story - I was a nanny for a year and that's why I did it, although I guess I was 20 at the time. I've never left a job and felt so profoundly that my employer was completely missing out on what was really important.

I am sure if the people commenting on your decision to stay home took care of your 9 month old (I have a 10 month old boy!), they would be assured of the hard work that it is to care for another life. You are a blessing to your son and be confident that your decision will have lasting benefits for you and him. My advice, just smile and nod, because no one understands the work of a stay at home mom until they do it. Be encouraged! I am proud of you.

"I dream about having a job outside the home -- mandatory 15 minute breaks, a lunch hour to myself with no one hanging all over me. Sounds relaxing!"

"It is nice being home. It's a lot harder then working outside the home.. since you get no breaks, no lunch hour, no help to turn to if you get overwhelmed.. but at least no one else is raising my kids, and I get to see every first - crawl, walk, smile. I'm very lucky we can afford for me to be here."

"Working outside the home would be nice - the luxury of going to the bathroom without someone following you would be a treat."

"Work 'too'? I guess you've never stayed home with kids. Working outside of the house would be relaxing compared to staying home.. that is of course unless the workforce has changed and bosses now throw screaming, crying, temper tantrums, expect you to change their smeared poopy diapers, occasionally do absurd things like paint themselves in your favorite lipstick for no reason?"

My husband and I had this talk when he would poke fun about me being home.. Only in jest - but I still let him have it! I pointed out he has a nice relaxing 30 minute commute each way, no kids.. nothing. Just alone in his thoughts. He gets mandatory breaks where no one is bothering him. And he gets to eat his lunch - undisturbed. Dare to dream. Not to mention how embarassingly long I go between showers sometimes. :P

Honestly if people are being rude, I would assume they are insecure about their own inability to stay home.

Good luck :)

Well, it took me a while to decide to respond this way, but I love it. When people ask me if I work, I say, "Well, yes, I work all day. I just wish I got a paycheck too."

that is a hard one, I am sure comments will come to us later after we sign off but I would either be serious and say, "I wish I could nap, you would probably have more of a chance at a nap at your job than I do running a household 24 hours a day!" or you could easily just go along with it to shut them up by saying, "yeah, it's great, I don't clean, cook, take care of the baby, make phone calls to the bills that are almost ALWAYS wrong each month, run errands, etc Life is great being lazy isn't it??" or you can serioulsy say, "well, the difference is that everything still has to be done whether you work or not. I just get to do things like cleaning and bathing and feeding during the day instead of at 7:00 at night" Another point that I have learned while staying at home is "well, if I worked OUTSIDE of the home instead of INSIDE the home, them my home would be just as I left it in the morning, no mess, etc AND I would have a paycheck to show for it!" or "yeah, I'm pretty lucky". As far as your mother in law, maybe your husband needs to tell his mom that the two of you decided TOGETHER that this is something you want for your family no matter what you have to sacrifice and that neither of you wanted your child in a daycare under someone else's watch....besides, if you worked, you would be out shopping and getting your nails done instead of just eating bon bons!!!

Lastly, don't let it bother you. I have stayed at home for 7 yrs and you will find that you eventually migrate toward people who are also stay at home moms and the friends that work you see and talk to less and less. You don't have as much in common. I have learned that this is a luxury that many ppl do not have, be proud that you are able to do this for your child. It is THE BEST thing you can do! Instead of hearing about your child's "firsts", you get to see them! Enjoy every moment, it is WONDERFUL. My family is so close b/c we spend so much time together. They go to school and then are with mommy. They spend their free time at home swinging, playing, etc instead of being at the daycare. Good for you!

You can't do this with strangers but if you trust your mother-in-law, ask her to care for your son for an entire day. That will shut her up for sure!

you go girl I wish I had comebacks to cause I'm a stay at home mom of two and run my own in home daycare and my husband thinks that since I can sit down for a little peace during nap time that I don't need any down time at night well I have news for him. I'll be watching this one to get some comebacks to throw back on him!!! Good Luck and us sahm have to stick together!!!

Who else is going to eat the bon bons, drink champagne, and schtup the pool boy? :D It's a tough job, but someone has to do it!

My point is that it's important to keep your sense of humor about it. Face it, people don't always think before they speak and I really doubt your MIL or anyone else is trying to hurt your feelings.

The grass is always greener on the other side.

I think rather than a snappy comeback a serenely confidant "I know, I am so lucky to be able to stay home with my son," will end those conversations quicker than anything. Because I think that, however misguided or socially clueless, most people aren't trying to make you feel bad, they are most likely trying to empathize with you. And if someone is trying to make you feel bad about the choice to stay home with your child, they are the one to feel bad for in that conversation.

I am a SAHM of three, ages 17 mos. to almost 7 years old. About 3 months ago I had a light bulb moment when I was complaining about the drudgery of my days. Growing up, the only career I was ever really interested in was being a wife and a mother, so now I have exactly what I always wanted and now I was complaining about it! I started trying to focus on the positive aspects of my life instead.

My husband works very hard so that I am able to stay home with our kids and I respect him immensely for that. And make sure that I tell him so on a regular basis, and he does the same for me. Making sure that I know that my contribution is noted and appreciated. My children are healthy, happy and well-adjusted little people. And maybe best of all, I am my own boss! If I decided that today is "pajama day!" because I don't want to make more laundry then I can. I can spent hours reading books or coloring with my kiddos, I can make playdates or go do fun activities on the spur of the moment.

But ultimately, the only thing that matters is that your choice to be a SAHM works for your little family and the rest of the world can go hang. If you are happy and comfortable in your own skin, then what can the rest of world say that can hurt you? Everyone is just trying to find their way and do the best they can, so don't personalize their frustrations or jealousy and take the high road, knowing that there will never be a tougher or more rewarding job than the one you are doing now! :)

I have a 3 1/2 yr old boy and just went back to work last year after staying home with him since birth. Mind you my work is seasonal so through the past winter I still heard the comments....I think my best come back was" Yep took my nap today while giving unexpected mid day bath do to poopy accident, then scrubbed carpet oh yes from the poopy accident and yet once again do to poopy accident had to do a load of laundry, so what kind of nap did I get, can you fill in the blanks S**T". You just have to make a joke of it because the reality to most working moms is, We do what we want when we want and we know that is far from the truth....

I am a proud stay at home mom as well. I have come to realize that the majority of working moms are just plain jealous! They can't afford to stay home. You could always respond to the work comment, with much sympathy in your voice "Oh wow, you're right. Thank goodness I don't have to, that would be awful." It's also a great time to compliment your husband "That's just another reason I love (hubby name here)Without his support on this I would be working and missing out on SO MUCH of (baby's name) life. I'm glad to be able to cherish every moment with my little one" Haha. You get the point. Basically you don't seem offended and lack of snapping back crossed with "sincerity" generally makes them realize they probably don't want to keep saying things like that to you without winding up feeling like an inadequate parent. I'm proud of my nap time! Sorry I'm not that funny, but if anything they should be defending themselves to you, don't let them get you down.

How about just say "I am very fortunate to be able to stay home with him and am thankful that I can do this". Coming from an always have been working moms view point I think a lot of the comments come from jealousy and or misunderstanding. Not that I think its right that some people do say what they do but maybe its good to have one person be the bigger person and say something nice in return to a mean (even though maybe a just misinformed and/or jealous) comment. Things have happened in this economy recently that have taken control away from many people and no one knows exactly how deep down that comment is coming from. You don't have to be defensive, it will just keep the battle going. It is your choice and being a SAHM or working mom isn't what makes you a good Mom anyway. Everyone's situation is different and not one way is right and will work for everyone. And like one poster mentioned, that working mom was probably judged by a superior acting SAHM, the same attitude you are getting from these working moms. It shouldn't be a war of the mommies but it certainly is. I wish it would end too. And to people who think that a working mom's job ends at 5 that is so not true...that's when we start and try to do what SAHM's have been doing all day (homework, cleaning, sports/activities, family time). It doesn't end either. We don't ignore our children after we get home from work WendyWooHoo. We working moms don't stop work after 8 hours, just the different job starts, similar to you. Neither way is easy but it is your life so we all just have to accept it. I too have nothing I can cut back on. Our idea of eating out is McDonalds once a month or barbecuing with neighbors in our back yard. I work because we have to eat and I am blessed to have a job in this economy and I thank God I have a job and a house and a nice boss who understands when things come up about kids. I would love to be a SAHM but it just is not to be and I find it very hurtful when people say that SAHM's work so much harder than working moms. We all are doing the best we can for our kids and it really is time the superiority complexes come to an end from both working for money job moms and SAHM's. Good luck though. Anyway, my point is that I don't think you should tear another person down just to defend your position.

Ok, you've gotten a ton of responses so you don't really need mine but I just wanted to say--you have my EXACT snappy response in your question! Whenever anyone has said that to me I've always said "Yeah, it's great. I just sit and watch the soaps and eat bon-bons all day!"

Try not to be hurt by their comments. I am a working Mom - part time -- and everyone seems to think all I do is nap and sit on the sofa with bon bons too -- especially with the MIL and her friends. (I have a 9 1/2 year old and a 4 1/2 year old). Stand strong in your decision to stay home and know that your child is getting the best from you!

Gotta love Whizzy, I think she suggested martinis recently.

How about getting some business cards from Vista Print (sometimes they are free). Mine list my title as "Czarina." You could be "Domestic Engineer" or "Chief Domestic Officer."

Tell your MIL to stuff it, maybe if you are lucky she will just vaporize. MILs are hopeless. My poor son's wife, when he has one, is going to SUF-FER. He will have to choose her or me. I am gearing up for battle as we speak, and he is only 7.

Wow. I am surprised by the nasty tone going on here. A lot of us do not get to choose our lot in life. It is difficult on both sides of the fence and we all need to acknowledge it and start supporting each other.

I work in order to afford a place to live in a decent public school district and be able to send my kids to college and afford a nursing home when I will need it, not for nice clothes and vacations like people here are insinuating. I hate being away from my kids, but in this day and age and in my state, it is hard to afford the necessities and give your kids the experiences that help them grow up to be well-rounded human beings.

I'd like for people to stop judging me for having to work, like it's entirely a choice.

On the other hand, I paid a lot of money for art school and graduate school and worked hard in my career before I had children, to get where I am. When my boys see me succeed, they get the message that women are valuable, not just in the home. Just like feeding them whole foods and reading in front of them sends the message that those things are important.

Do not disparage working women. We help to show your kids that they can do anything they want as long as they work hard. Just as stay-at-home moms show them they have that choice too.

Now, I do feel like I am personally constantly behind in cleaning, taking care of household issues and time management. That is what I feel like people are saying; can you imaging if you were working a job too? Not that what you do isn't important. Just that you can choose (of course we all know it is your child that dictates your time) when to clean and when to go to the park. You have a little less craziness in your life.

I am really tired of women judging each other not knowing anything about their situations. If we could stop this foolishness, maybe we could band together and get better-quality and more affordable child programs. Maybe we could actually get equal pay for equal work. Maybe we could get decent paid maternity leave. Maybe we could actually get things that matter to all women acknowledged by our representatives. Just think of what could happen if we organized behind our commonalities instead of continually divide and argue about our differences.

Tell them a mother's job at home caring for children is more important than any other job. You mother, are forming happy secure characters in your children for the next generation. AF

1. Ignore ignorant, un-informed comments.
2. Don't feel defensive. You know what your schedule entails.
3. Ask if they'd like to babysit sometime so you really can get a nap.
4. Don't try to justify your decisions, nor get highminded. The beauty of the feminist movement was that we all have choices and we should all respect one another's choices. We all are making sacrifices for our families. You can address those comments in that vein if you so choose. Personally, I ignore foolish comments. The debate of who has life the hardest is a waste of my very limited energy. You have a 9-month-old; your energy level is even lower.

Updated

"Can you imagine having to work, too?" Yes, I could. That's why I decided to stay home.
"At least you're home so you can nap" At least you're working so you can take long lunches and talk all day on the phone to your friends. Now, who's going to tell the next biggest whopper?

People assume SAHM do nothing. I have no time to nap I have three 6,3,2. It is crazy with messes they make all day and running around. i also work from home. At least they get a break and probably sit at a desk. Being with kids all day is stressful to. No snappy comeback but some love and support it is tough!
Good luck!
M.
Working from home and loving it!
http://www.WorkingGreenMoms.com

I know how you feel! It's so frustrating! I just mention how I'm over-worked and under paid. Just know that you're not at all alone! I say that I don't work outside the home. It's a harder job than the majority of jobs out there so it does get people defensive! Hope you have better luck in the future.

at least you get a break from your kids. or yes im very fortunate. or man i wish i could remember the last time i had a nap. you can be smart or you can be true and say the truth about whatever they have said to you.

I don't have a snappy comeback, but I would send them this article: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007...

It's hands down the best explanation of what SAHMs do that I have ever read, and it's funny to boot. I'm glad you posted this question, I think it's time to post this to Facebook again :)

I have two children under 4 at home and i work from home (i started my own business two years ago). i can tell you right now it is much easier to drop your kid off at daycare and go work with adults 8 hours a day than it is to stay at home and effectively parent your child. Society has gotten rid of the idea that a stay-at-home mom is a full time job. but, its a full time job that never ends (12-15 hour days). The difference is that at the end of your career you have happy, well-rounded children who grew up at home with their mommy. what do they get? social security benefits, maybe a pension plan and a plaque??

LOL. I know like I have time to nap. you could say: I dont nap there are too many talk shows on that I dont want to miss.

I'd tell them that I got a nap right after the maid was done cleaning the house and got the laundry caught up. I've done both, as we speak I'm going the stay at home thing because in this wonderful economy I can't even get a job in healthcare. At least when I'm at work I'm dealing with one emergency at a time, at home it's the made up one's of a 3 year old and messes that are left behind by a husband that "works so hard all day"

Obviously they are jealous! It is a wonderful luxury to be able to stay home. Too bad all moms can't do so; the world would be a better place. I guess you could say, "Yes - it's great to sit around and watch soaps and eat bon bons all day!" Or maybe simply, "Yes, aren't I lucky?" Please don't feel defensive; you are doing what is best for you and your family. Enjoy!

I don't have a snappy response to you, because I am a working mom. We could probably swing my staying home with my girls if we cut out A LOT of things, but I couldn't do it. Quite simply, you need a lot of stamina to keep up with a toddler (9 mos - you're just gettin' started), and I personally am much more patient and effective because I work. There was a study at some university a few years ago (don't ask which one) where they had pro and college athletes mimic 2-3 y/os for 24 hours...they couldn't keep up, and they were not even trying to answer the 20 million questions and repeat directions over and over and over like a mother or daycare provider does. Gosh, it makes me tired just to think about it - then there is the never ending laundry, food, cleaning, finding stimulating entertainment....I have every respect for moms who choose to work in the home (and those of us that choose to work out of the home). Obviously, your MIL has forgotten those years with her own children if she remembers it as peaceful and quiet.

Stick to your guns, and do what works for you and your family. You might say something like, "Yeah, in my spare time I might even get time to eat a cookie, or or maybe even get a shower while he is sleeping..." Enjoy your son.

S.

Dear V.-

Just wanted to share a funny...true story!

I worked before marriage and children...then thru the first three...then became a stay at home mom...then had a few more kids. Anyway, I got tired of 'career' day at school, and other 'working professionals' being asked to come in and 'share' their careers. By this time, I knew the principal quite well, and asked if I could come in and share my 'career' as a stay at home mom...he said yes.

I came in with a large bag of props...and had on a big bath robe...fuzzy slippers...pink foam curlers...and a hair net ( think I even found bon bons...they DO make them BTW). I shared my educational background...and outside home careers...and then began to bring out my 'props'...they included everything from a plunger to a chef's hat...to a feather duster...to a stethescope to a tire iron. I also have a medically fragile child...and emphasized that my education...though NOT in a medical field assisted me in knowing WHAT to ask docs...and how to handle her needs as well. I also had a nice outfit on under the bathrobe...and in essense...dispelled the 'myth' of the SAHM.

I had many questions from the kids...and at the end got LOTS of applause from kids...and other parents.

Was too funny...but in some small way perhaps made a point.

Take heart!
Michele/cat

I WOULD LOVE A NAP - can you take care of the kids while I do that?
Wanna come over so I can go to the bathroom by myself?
Really? You eat Bon-bons at YOUR work?
I would LOVE to have a paycheck - wanna trade?

I can't tell you how many times I've heard this line. I pass it off and say things like - WOW!! I nap during the day? When does the laundry get done? Grocery shopping, lunches, dinners and everything else?

I know there are PLENTY of people that think this. My husband did ONCE - I could've killed him that day - and I believe the jury would've said NO GUILTY!!! :) Any way - he thought this until he was laid off for 6 weeks and was home with me and two kids - an almost 3 year old and an infant. Boy did his opinion change quickly!!

There are many women who envy SAHM's - they would LOVE to be able to do it but can't afford to. Others knew they would NEVER give up their careers or paycheck for a kid - even if it was theirs. It's a PERSONAL CHOICE that one makes. Is it really any of their business? So what if you eat bon-bons during the day?! GO FOR IT!! Give your kid(s) one too!! ENJOY LIFE!! Don't worry about what negative nellies have to say. they will always have something to complain about. As long as you are happy with you choice - so be it.

I don't know if I have a snappy comeback for you but just wanted to tell you that I've been the working mom and I've been the stay at home mom as well. Being a working mom is a lot easier. When you work, your daycare provider is the one who works on getting your child on to a schedule most of the time. When you work, no one is at home making messes for you to clean up constantly. When you work, you get raises and bonuses for doing a good job. These moms who go to work really are just naive about what's really going on and they probably just saying what they say just to have something to say, not because they have put any real thought into it.

Hang in there and don't let thoughtless comments from people who are not in the know get under your skin.

actually i have an answer coming the other side of things, i work and i am a new mommy. so, i have gotten more then my share of nasty comments
from people who seem to think that my life would be sooo much easier if i
simply stopped working. one woman said " gee..why are you working ?
you are a mom now ?" and my response was.. "GEE..BECAUSE I HAPPEN TO LIKE TO EAT, YOU ____@____.com ! subtle and me dont get along. one person asked what i did over the course of my day..and i went through my list of things accomplished over the course of that day, waited until their eyes glazed over, and then walked away with a smirk on my face. dont believe a word your MIL said, i am willing to bet she had a live in maid
and walked five miles to school, uphill both ways
K. h.

It's a jealousy thing. I was a stay at home mom for three years and I've been working the last four (I had my third within the first year of working). Being a stay at home mom is SO MUCH HARDER than me going to work. Yes, I have the stress of deadlines, and not being there for my baby all the time, and coming home and having to clean after a 9 hour day at work...but I get to go to lunch by myself, and go to the potty by myself and just have quiet time. If I could, I would go back to being a stay at home mom in a heartbeat, but it is the hardest job there is. Don't let anyone make you feel down or make negative comments. I wouldn't even worry about going back at them with a comeback...know that you are doing the best you can for your son and that you are lucky enough to have the hardest job on earth :). Us working moms do get jealous sometimes, and that's all it is!

Snappy comeback!?!

Use mine...it fits most of these annoying comments.

"at least you're home so you can nap"

Jealous?

"can you imagine if you had a 'job' too?"

Jealous?

"well, I have a 'real' job outside the home"

Jealous?

You catch my drift Val?

What'd ya mean? Stay at home? I'm employed full time but nobody bothers to pay me!

I read somewhere once that if a woman was paid for all she did domestically, that her wage would be somewhere around $75,000 a year. I think that was about 20 years ago, lol!

M.

My favorite was from my best friend. I love her. She's the best, but she is single and has no kids. (I have 3 ages 5, 3, and 1). Recently she asked me "really, what do you DO all day?". It was an honest question because she had no idea, but I had to laugh. I responded with "watch Oprah and eat bon bons". Then I asked if she wanted to babysit :)

It's funny how we judge and question each other. I'd make light of it and move on.

Congratulations on your new baby.

J.

I think all of us SAHM's have been in your shoes. I've been home for 4 years. I don't have anything funny, but I defend myself by saying I am raising my own kids instead of daycare raising them & although being a "working" mom is difficult, being a SAHM is just as (I think MORE difficult). My mom often makes comments about my sister having to work, and it's so hard for her. I always defend myself, but have to be careful about it!

"Can you imagine having to work too?" -- Yes, wouldn't it be great to actually get a coffee break, be able to go to the bathroom by myself and get paid too!!!

"At least you're home so you can nap" -- Yep, just as soon as I finish folding the laundry, emptying the dishwasher, vacuuming the house, washing the dog, making the grocery list and paying the bills.

Good luck, I'm the only SAHM in my family so I know how hard it can be.

K.

go to momsalary.com!! it said that my annual "salary" should be $177,000.00!! I've done both...Full-time mommy and SAHM!! SAHM is way harder and more isolating. However, as a FT worker I thought the total opposite. Let grandma give it a round for 1 week, she'll be begging to go back to woek. Being a now SAHM, I realized all the little things I missed with my first and it saddens me. but, let me tell you the potty training, schedule making and tantrum throwing was WAY easier as a FT worker...cause someone else handled it!!!!! Being a mom in general is hard work, 24/7 365days for at least 18 years with NO vacation, and for the first 5-6 years NO ALONE TIME!!!!!!! Good luck honey! HAPPY MOTHER"S DAY

I have to admit I am one of those working moms who is very jealous of all the SAHMs. It is a daily heartbreak to leave my 23 month old daughter for the day and not be there to witness all of the things she learns every day, and to deal with the daily situations that help her grow into the person she is becoming. Unfortunately I have to work - we live cheap, no dinners out, no starbucks in the morning, etc and just manage to make ends meet with a bit left over to put into college savings every month. We are also supporting my mother and helping cover the tuition for my young brother in law - two committments that we can not walk away from. So I get up and go off to work every day where I do get to work in a private office, talk to colleagues and, in general, have a more laid back day than when I am home on the weekends chasing my little girl around. But I am missing her every moment I am away.
So I am one of those women who have probably made the "Can you imagine having to work too?" comments because I feel like I am not meeting my daughter and family's needs as I should be. I come home from work and fix dinner for everyone. Then I get maybe a couple of hours to play with my daughter. That is in no way enough for me. But then it is off to bed. Once she is asleep it is chore time - laundry, cleaning up, packing lunches, etc, cause I either do it late at night or I cut into the limited time I have with my daughter. If I was a SAHM I think I could do some of the chores while my daughter was napping, cook healthier dinners, clean up the house, etc. I was out of work for a little over a month and loved being home. Had a laundry day, shopping day, bathroom cleaning day, etc. Ran around with my daughter, explored the backyard for bugs, and got chores done without feeling guilty or exhausted. I did not nap nor did I sit on the couch watching tv. But at the end of the day I was happy, much more relaxed and could actually watch a little tv at the end of the day with my DH or just snuggle up with him to talk about our days.
Be happy and proud to be a SAHM and know that these comments are never meant to belittle what you do. They are just spoken by women like me who wish more than anything that they could find a way to be in your shoes.

Say something like "Sorry I had the curlers on to tight, what did you say?"

I am still amazed by how rude so many people are. The people that say those comments to you are just jealous. I have working friends who actually enjoy working and have honestly told me that for them personally, they feel they are a better mom when they can try to really focus on their children evenings and weekends but feel they would be too drained by their feisty toddlers if they spent their time with them on 24 x7 basis with no adult interaction. They fear that if they were in that situation, they would actually enjoy their children less so working is the right choice for their family and allows them to be the great moms that they are. These women would never say comments that a SAHM is lazy etc because they believe that it would be too exhausting.

The moms that make the rude comments are the jealous working moms….the moms who work but would LOVE to be SAHM. I know this because I am one of those moms. I don’t say rude things to SAHMs but I will admit that I am jealous that you have more time with your child than I do (and my salary goes to items like mortgage and electric bills, so no, cutting out restaurants and Starbucks will not reduce my budget enough to where I can stay at home). I was able to stay at home with my son only a few months. And the days were long and exhausting etc. And I am with my son 24 hrs per day every weekend so I still have a glimpse to what that life would be like. Yes it is tiring, but you know what – I look forward to this exhausting weekend of 24 hr a day focus on my son all week long. I work full time and see my son for 5 ½ of his waking hours each day Monday – Friday and most SAHMs get double that.

While a lot of the suggestions for comments below were well meaning, I think most are so off the mark that they would not give near the impact you are seeking. It seems like they forgot the “Mom” part of “Working Mom “when they talk about how their job is 24 x 7. I work 24 x 7 too – just with two jobs instead of one. 8:45 -5:15 I am a project manager. The rest of the time, I am mom. My day does not end at 5. There is no working mom fairy that comes to our homes and cleans them, washes our dishes, laundry etc. No one prepares the meals for my family (I serve his breakfast and dinner and make and pack his school lunch). No one else is paying my bills, playing taxi driver, washing the dog etc. So by using this as a comeback to some rude comment, you really are not getting anywhere. I would probably think – wow it must be so nice to be at home with your child all day that you don’t have to feel guilty by taking an hr or so to do some housework. See, at my house, I still have to do all of those things…and they get done between 9pm and 1 am each day. When I am not working – I am fully focused on my son (except I do have to do some meal prep). I would never consider cleaning instead of playing with him. So after he goes to bed, I get to clean and then I get to log on the computer and work a few more hours…because the days of 9-5 office work with breaks and lunches are also a fairy tale.

So if you really want to hurt the jealous mom with a quick comeback to her rude comment…try, “why, no, I have no time for naps but yes it is exhausting spending our entire day together. We had so much fun at the park, (library time, playdate etc).” It may not sound a funny but it will give the punch you are looking for. Try not to let the comments get to you. Realize how lucky you are to have this time with your child and just ignore the insensitive rude people as best you can.

I would not respond to any comment, never do.
I used to not be like that, needed to get my come back out.
I have learned, that if I respond to these things, that would be my ego talking.
I need to defend myself, I need to explain something......and it didn't help afterwards either, you were still left with frustration......
Now I just smile and that angry feeling goes away much faster......
I know what I'm doing my husband and children know, and that is all that matters to me.

I hate that you're experiencing that! My girls are 8 and 6 and I've been home since the younger one was born. If anyone ever says anything to me about being a SAHM I always say, "You know, they're only little for such a short time. When they are grown and gone I will be able to look back and see that I did not miss ONE thing - not one field trip, mommy's day at preschool, etc. passed by without me being there. What a gift - for both me and my kids." Funny, now that my kids are getting older and the little one is in kindergarten I am already looking back at when they were "little" - and I STILL have regrets (mostly about not appreciating it all more) They already don't need me as much anymore - and I can truly look at the years I spent at home and know I was there for them. Try to feel good and positive about what you're doing. I doubt you will regret being home with your babies :)

As a working mother, I am very sorry other working moms have to make such blindsided statements.

I will never understand this battle going on between a mother who stays at home or a mom that works. Plain and simple we are doing what we need to for our family. There is ups and downs to both, it's no different than any other life adventure.

"I am loving every minute of it and look forward to when I will actually get that nap everyone keeps talking about"