Son's Social Skills

My stepson is 9 years old also. At the end of October a boy at school told the rest of the kids at school that they could not be his friend. His grades went down and he started to be problematic at home (also on ADHD medication). After a huge blow up in our household about his behavior and a call from his prinicple he finally told us what was going on. We went to the prinicple's office the next morning to tell him what was going on. The prinicple talked to his teacher and the boys involved. It would have been better to head the whole situation off earlier and did not have to talk to the parents. The sooner the situation is dealt with the better. Good luck and god bless.

My son is 11 and also has ADHD. He has been on medicine for a little over a year now. We had him labeled as BD in the LPS school systems. This was a very hard decision, but has benefited all of us alot. I dont know if this is something that you have looked into. But I am in touch with the school alot, and tell them my concerns about his social skills. They have worked with me and given me ideas and programs that he can be in. As far as not being able to afford the extra activities....ask about scholarships. Most programs have them. You are right, this will help him out alot in so many ways.

If your son is like mine he has a good heart and good spirit and these are the things that you need to point out to the "teasers". You are his only advocate. Please let me know if I can be of any other help.

First of all, if the kids all go to church together, I would talk to the childrens pastor first, they can work in stories about teasing, caring for those who are different- whatever- and noone knows you told.The same has worked with my sons teacher at school- she just gave a "Hands to yourself" lesson to the whole class as a reminder. Kids will be kids, as bad as I hate to say that, it's true, and they(some) will tease no matter what we try to do.It is part of life and learning how to "get along" with many types of people for the rest of your life. As far as finding playmates, Parks are good and free- of course it's getting cold out now- but for future reference. My son seems to make friends wherever he goes- he's even a little overbearing at times. Good luck

I think you should bring something up to the teasers parents. If you don't want to feel like a tattler...you could always use a different approach at first. Something like saying "I know little *jason* wouldn't have meant this wrong but when he said XXXX or did XXXX my little guy took it hard"

I know I would want to know if my kids were doing or saying something that hurt another child. I would be mortified! They know better! The parents might not even realize it. unfortunatly if they do know, they probably won't say much to their kid, but at least you will have tried!

As far as having money for extra cirricular stuff, I know that feeling! Have you tried seeing if there are things with scholarships? I have done this in the past. Or talk to the place hosting the activity and ask about payment plans. I found if you ask, many were very understanding.

Hugs!

My son is autistic and has SIDS. I have not experienced the teasing but I did recently discuss ther topic with another mother at a TBall practice. She said that it is adults that she has problems with. (Her son has to wear braces on his legs.) The kids acccept her son and are either helpful or just ignore him. There's no teasing from them. It's the stares and snickers from young adults and adults. I was shocked by this. By I myself have noticed it. In school the older kids help out my son by leading to his next class, helping get what he needs in the classroom etc. When we are out shopping it's the adults that stare or comment loudly enough for me to hear. On one of my autistic websites that I frequent I found business cards that you can give them. For instance the autistic one says something like, "What you are witnessing is an autistic child. Please have understand and have patients while both my child and I learn how to...blah blah blah."

I guess it depends on the age of the children teasing. If they are young I'd say talk to the parent and let them know what you saw or heard. If they choose to ignore it then you really can't do much else. If they are older children hand them the card. Chances are they will show their parents or the parents will find the card and ask them about it. (This will bring the subject up so the parents get a hint at what happened.) Our pastor had a sermon on my nephew one day. He told a story abuot how my sister-in-law was pushed out of a church due to how her son acted. I think it raised awareness in our congragation. (I am a little worried that it was too direct but sometimes that is what people need.)

Well, I think if you attend the same church maybe you could talk to your pastor and he/she could help with the teasing. My father is a minister and I know that many parishoners come to him with difficult situations and he helps be a go between or even a solution. Anyway I know it is difficult as a parent to stay out of your childrens school problems! Now as far as activities, does your church have any father/son groups? Also I have to agree with the other mom, ask if organizations have scholarships or take payment plans. Alot of the church basketball leagues will, as well as the YMCA!
And now the medicine, I know people say negative things, so I wanted to applaud you for doing what was right for your son,even though some say meds are wrong only you as a mom knows what is best for your child. So no negative comments on my part, I am a firm believer in doing what is best for your child!!!
Goodluck

La Toya

I don't have an ADHD child but i do understand about the teasing part and barely affording "luxary" outings. Have u tried Big Bother/ Big Sister program to help get some activies out of the home don't know if they cost or anything. About the teasing I agree with the other moms i would address the pastor and see if guys could come up with a soultion. I also applud u for seeing that your child gets the BEST treatment for his ADHD. I'll pray that a you find a soultion to the teasing problem and outings.

E. P

Is your son also in counseling? I too battled with the decision to put my son (now 10) on meds for anxiety, depression, OCD, and mild adhd. We did put him on meds for a while and in the mean time he was learning the skills from his counselor to manage these problems without meds. He is now med free (other than vitamins) has lots of friends at school and is doing great, if he's not already seeing someone and if you have insurance that covers mental health, I could give you some referrals. I wish you and your son the best, I understand what you are going through and the struggle of knowing what to do.

J.

I also have a 9 yr old on several meds for adhd and totally understand your situation all the way around. School has been very ruff going from the get go with pier's and teacher's it seems as though as soon as they know they have been "LABELED " with ADHD or anything else, they are a target .This is not to say they are not unfocused loud and rowdy at times as we know they can very well be. But education is the key here all the way around for the parent's of these teasers, the teasers and the teacher's as well.
As parent's of these kid's we know that so many people pass judgement and blame on us for something they know nothing about. Raising a ADHD child or any child with a Social or developmental displacement his hard on the whole family and takes a beating on the child's inner self for things they are really can't control at times and are trying to make work within their mind.
Yes you do need to resolve this matter with a 3rd party such as your pastor for all involved your peace of mind your son's and their education.
Extra activities are a great way to get his mind growning and moving ina productive way also a great way to meet new friend's . There are a lot of thing's you can do as a family and for him to do that don't cost anything or next to nothing . Just check in the Sunday paper under thing's to do also check online , ask around at church post a bulletin get creative as long as it comes from the heart you'll find a way and it will all work out you'll see.
Never Give Up
Serenity

Hey. Have you considered in home care for him and his sibling? Sometimes more one on one can help. And I agree with speaking with your pastor about the situation at church and maybe he will let you set up a meeting together with the other childs parents.

Hello,
You have my sympathy. I went through much of the same with my son, who is now 18. I understand how hard the medication decision was for you! I struggled for a long time with that! I think the medicine helped, but the problem with it is that it is often given at school - so everyone knows the "hyper" kids. I would try to find a medication that he would take in the morning and not at school, if that is the case. My son switched to a time-release pill.
If I were you, I would do anything that I could to get him into some kind of tutoring program. You might check with the school to see what they offer or if they know of anywhere that gives free tutoring (junior or high school students?), or discounted at least. We kept waiting for our son to grow out of it - but he never did. He had trouble into high school. I think that if we had acted sooner, it would have made a difference.
Hope that helps.
B.

Getting him involved with some extra curricular activities with other kids his age would be very beneficial. if you contact the parks and rec department they can tell what is going this time of year. they can also set you up on a sliding scale for the fees...free or nearly free.

I am not in this situation yet. My oldest is only 3 years old, but I think you should speak to the other parents about this. I was thinking maybe with the pastor, like Serenity said, but do u think they might get offended bringing someone else into it?
I really love Jodi's idea about counseling & trying to get him med. free. I am a stay at home mom right now but I graduated with an Elementary Education degree & I was told numerous times by professors that schools arent set up for boys. Boys are too hyper to sit still that long & it is just hard overall for them. (yeah & I have 2 boys.... GREAT lol) I wish u & him the best. I am sure this is hard for the both of u!!!

Hi La Toya,

I know that you said that outside activity funds are very limited (and believe me, I completely understand), but would sports be an option? I don't know if the school has sports programs, but maybe you could check out Indy Parks and Recreations for sports leagues. I don't think it's that expensive. Even if sports is a no-go, Indy Parks has a lot of resources, some free and some not, that you might find useful. Online it's www.indyparks.org, and their phone number is (317) 327-PARK.

Also, about the teasing, you mentioned that you have an awesome pastor at your church, and that a lot of the parents of the teasers go to your church. You might want to talk to your pastor about it and see if he can offer you some sound advice. I'm sure he'd have an open ear and mind for you.

Good Luck!
L.