Son Repeatedly Asked for Birthday Gift

I would make him write a thank you and include a note from me thanking them for being kind and understanding toward my excitable child. Then I would let it go. What you might do next time is also take all the presents away from the party area and open them after the guests are gone. Then send everyone a handwritten thank you.

While I agree that rude behavior needs addressing, I can't help but think that the entire thing could have been avoided if your son's friend would have just answered the question the first time he asked. 6 years old kids typically don't have grasp on etiquette. Most kids are conditioned to believe that a birthday party means gifts, to a 6 year old his question was curiosity not rudeness. If the friend or the friends parent would have just said yes then he would not have asked repeatedly.

Birthday parties bring a lot of stress and excitement which reflects in behavior sometimes. My daughter would start behaving poorly when her parties or playtime started coming to a close. It took me awhile to realize she didn't want it to be over and that was her way of handling it. Once I put it together I worked with her to deal with it other ways. Kids are puzzling. ;)

You might consider him writing a thank you note with an apology for his behavior. He is learning social graces and part of learning is making mistakes. We all have had less than stellar moments with our kiddos.

Blessings!
L.

I don't understand -- they brought a gift, why didn't someone just tell your son the first time he asked that, yes, they had brought a gift?

IMO, six year old kids do silly things. If someone is offended by this, they need to get a thicker skin. I think a simple apology is plenty, along with a thank you note for the two gifts.

Your friends have a 6 year old of their own, I think they know how kids are sometimes.

Ditto Suz.

She really bought another present?? Seems to be a bit over the top. Call them up and say 'gee I am really sorry about Jimmy's greedy behaviour at the party. We have spoken to him about it, and he is also very sorry and embarrassed. Thank you so much for coming and for your thoughtful gifts.'

You could give one of the gifts to charity too.

Since your son is young, and this is fairly normal behavior, and you've already explained, and these are your friends who know and like you, I'd take all those points into consideration. I wouldn't go overboard with an apology.

The next time you see them, I'd kind of break the ice, so to speak, by bringing some humor into the situation. I'd say "oh, by the way, we've signed little Bobby up for etiquette lessons and charm school at Buckingham Palace, so he'll be sure to have better manners at his next birthday party!".

Since you've talked with your son about this, why not try some role playing with him? Have some basic manners lessons, where both he and you take turns acting out some basic social situations and how to respond. Some situations: someone shows up unexpectedly with a holiday gift at your home, someone forgot/refused to bring a gift, a gift is weird/wrong size, an elderly relative takes great care to make a grandchild feel special with a very simple but heartfelt gift, a gift is broken, etc. I'm glad you are aware of manners and want your child to be a polite member of society in the future! We need more moms like you!!!!!

Your son's asking is not a big deal. Kids his age have few social skills. Did you try just telling him to stop without explanations? If so, and he continued, my focus with him would be that he obeys. Later, talk about appropriate behavior when he's not excited and very much in the moment.

When he continued to ask, I'd have pulled him away from the party and in a stern voice told him to not ask again.

I would now let go of your sense of humiliation. His asking is normal. Most kids his age do not understand this concept. I also suggest these parents understand and are not offended. Surely the second gift was not caused by his asking. If so, briefly apologize for your son's actions in a light way and move on. I suspect the other parents aren't still thinking about this.

"OH MY GOODNESS!!! Did you see that horrible stage kiddo is going through? I can't believe he kept doing that even after I told him it was rude! I'm so sorry he kept saying that to your kiddo!"

I'd do a quick apology, and not overdo it because we've all had kids do things that tick us off. I agree with Suz that the constant repetition when told to stop would be more of a problem, no matter what the issue. It might have made sense to send your son to his room for a few minutes until he could control his mouth (or, if you were out at a venue, then into the car with a seatbelt on until he could calm down). I absolutely agree that he can write a thank you note for the gifts, and should - no matter his behavior, good or bad, he writes a thank you note. If he can't write so well yet, it's okay for him to dictate it to you, and then you write down what he says, no matter how childish (he's a child after all). It needs to be from him, from his heart. My child didn't get to play with gifts until the thank you notes were written.

We read on Mamapedia all the time about adults who have poor manners (no RSVPs, rude comments), so it's time for each of us to take the reins of etiquette and good behavior, as well as pure gratitude and appreciation, and start upgrading our own behavior and requiring it of our children. That might mean actually inconveniencing ourselves, or examining our standards. When we talk up birthday parties and make it about the gifts, we set our kids up for a "gimme gimme" attitude, when it should be about the celebration and being surrounded by friends who are actually happy we were born. If we have huge parties with 50 people, we set the kids up for a "spend-a-lot, get-a-lot in return" dynamic.

So while you are feeling bad and embarrassed, try to switch your focus to the other child who was made to feel bad and unappreciated. Always make it about the other person, and you'll help your child to be a more gracious host and appreciative recipient.

Same thing goes for Christmas or Chanukah or whatever holidays you celebrate - which might be a good next step rather than waiting for his next birthday which is way too far down the road. Instead of making a list of what he wants, make it all about what we are joyfully and happily giving to others. It's not just spending the money - it's choosing what someone will like, and going through the effort of wrapping and delivering, with happiness and not with a begrudging attitude that overtakes us with stress. You could also involve him in some charitable acts - collecting food for the local food pantry or donating outgrown toys and clothes to needy children, and where possible having your son participate in the delivery. It's very eye opening for kids and sets them up for the future.

Kids. They can drive us bonkers. Try to not make a bigger deal out of it than it is. :-)

When my kids get gifts at their party, we keep track and have them write a tailored thank you note (helping when they are young) to each person. Even the people that did not bring a gift get a thank-you-for-coming note.

If they are good friends just tell them exactly what you told us! Thank them for the first gift and then discuss the second gift. With their permission it might be good for you to work with your son to donate that gift to some one needier than he. Or just let it go.

This was around the age that before Christmas I told the kids that they had too much stuff and they would need to donate toys they no longer played with to those who had less to get Santa to bring them any more. I exposed them to ways to see how much they had and helped them learn how well off they really were.

One embarrassing behavior on the part of your kid should not hamper a friendship - we have all been there!

He's only 6. He doesn't get the social skills yet so I wouldn't punish him by putting the toy away like Suz T. suggested.

Just reiterate to him (look into his eyes when he's not distracted) & just say "at your party, we don't ask who brought a present. We just have fun & enjoy the company of our friends."

I did like what she said about casually saying to the friends "sorry little so-and-so was being rude. Thanks for coming." Casually mention this to the parents then move on. I'm sure they'll understand.

Don't over explain the situation after all, he is only 6 but do make sure that he knows that children don't HAVE to bring a gift to come to his party and that the gift is just a Bonus. The lucky part is that they came to the party to celebrate with him. Sometimes they just give a card, or sometimes, they just come out to celebrate.

Did the friend answer his question? If not, then if someone would have answered, he would have quit asking. I don't know why the other child's parent would have been embarrassed; it would have only been embarrassing if they had not brought a gift. If they did bring one, then just let it go.

Maybe your son was just excited to see which gift was from this particular friend. Completely possible the 6 year old giving the gift tells your 6 year old that he is so excited he's giving you whatever favorite item at your party on Saturday. Kids get over excited. I agree with the just answer him, yep here it is, now be patient and go play sentiment. Ignoring a kids questions is the same as them ignoring us sometimes.