Son Doesn't like to Say the Right Answer to a Question

Updated on September 28, 2008
J.S. asks from Plainfield, IL
5 answers

My 3.5 year old son started preschool in August. Recently, I spoke to his teacher and was surprised to find that she thought he didn't know his numbers or letters. Not only does he know them, he can count to 100 and can read a few words.

I have learned through interacting with him that when I ask him a specific question, such as "What is this letter?" He will not answer correctly. Sometimes he says another letter, sometimes he says "I don't know" sometimes he says something completely different that has nothing to do with letters. I thought this was just something he did with me as kind of a game, but as it turns out he does it at school. Then when the teacher assigns him letter learning related tasks, he gets bored and wanders off. The teacher thought she was having trouble engaging him because he wasn't ready but it is more likely (from my perspective) that he is bored.

Does anyone else have a child like this? What do you do? I usually just ignore the wrong answers or try to come up with a different way for him to demostrate his knowledge (like "Your sister is learning her numbers. Can you be a big brother and tell her what those numbers are?"). I told this to the teacher, but she said that he just gets shy and doesn't want to talk to anyone. She has not been able to get him to demostrate his knowledge of anything. She might think that I am mistaken about what he knows. I thought he'd figure out that giving the wrong answers was a bad idea, but he doesn't seem to care. Should I just give it more time and assume he'll get bored enough that he'll start to give the right answers?

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E.P.

answers from Chicago on

My daughter by-passed the terrible two's but entered into the really challenging three's. They are really practicing their independence and it tests your patience. Could be a phase, if it is a phase, it will pass if you truly think he is doing this on purpose. Ignoring it is a good thing. He'll get bored by not getting a rise out of you. Don't be too concerned about not being focused in pre-school. They really are very young at this age and this is the first structured school situation that he has probably been in - he may be ready scholastically but possibly not socially. That will come in time.

Have you ever had him pre-school tested? School districts do it free of charge at certain times of the year. They do speech, cognitive, small & large motor skill testing and other age-appropriate developmental testing. It's worth getting tested - check with your local school district for preschool testing dates. I'm certain your area has some type of testing program.

Good Luck!

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C.S.

answers from Chicago on

Hi J.!

My 3 1/2 year old daughter has been doing this since she was 2! You know how friends and family like to *test* your child's knowledge by quizzing them on things like colors, etc? Well, she always answered with the wrong color. One friend of our family would sit and try to teach her and she would keep answering wrong. It was almost embarrassing.... I didn't want to say "But... REALLY... she does know!" Anyway, I have found that answers wrong when she is either bored and doesn't want to be *tested* or when she feels put on the spot by others. I think it is quite common. Actually, preschoolers shouldn't be *tested* by being pulled away and asked questions. If you think his teacher still doesn't believe he knows these things, ask her to try to observe your child during play when he will be much more likely to show his knowledge. You are right to ignore the wrong answers. I usually use it as my cue to back off and engage in play rather than quizzing. You really don't need to change anything you are doing and try not to care whether or not he demonstrates his knowledge to others. Your son is most likely quite bright and enjoys engaging in this social game ;) Remember to always have fun!

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A.T.

answers from Chicago on

My answer maybe isn't going to sound as pc or nice as the others you have gotten---our daughter did it as well (she is now 5). Mainly she did it at home, but I caught her doing it other places. I told her it was ok if she joked around with Mommy and pretended she didn't know the answers but she needed to "knock it off right now" with her teachers. I told her that her teachers thought she didn't know the stuff--and if she thought it was funny..it wasn't; if she was trying to make her friends that don't know their letters feel better... it wasn't working. I knew she knew her stuff, I am very proud of her and I want her to show her teachers what she knows.

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K.K.

answers from Chicago on

Hi there! My son who will be five in November started doing this about a year ago. I knew darn well that he knew the answer to every question he would be asked by family memebers or teachers. I had the same conversation with is teachers " he doesn't know his colors", "he can't dress himself", etc. It was frustrating. he would begin to do it at home as well. I would just remind him that he knows the answer, ask him the question again, or just give him more wait time for the answer. I found that part of why he was doing ti was because his friends at school didn't always give the right answer so he would follow along with the answer they gave, he also thought giving the wrong answer was entertaining. There were also time where I ignored the wrong answer, he'd get frustrated becuase I wasn't paying him any attention, so he'd give the correct answer. Hope this helps and atleast helps you to know...you're not alone!

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A.L.

answers from Chicago on

My daughter won't even answer some of those questions. Her reasoning: "The teacher knows what color that is." She doesn't feel the need to tell somebody something they already know.

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