Son Doesn't Want to Stop Nursing!! I Don't Know What to Do.

M.,
sounds like he is just not ready to wean yet. I wouldn't fight it, but enjoy the snuggle time together.
smiles,
L., Brianna & baby

Hi M.,

Congrats on nursing your son this long and on continuing to meet his needs. Some babies continue to wake through the night until they are older. Even though he likely doesn't need the food at night, he does need your comfort. Right now he is still too little to understand some of the tricks that work to stop night weaning. If it isn't too much for you, you might want to continue comforting him until he is old enough to understand a little better. Once he gets to be 18-20 months you can tell him "the boobies need to go to sleep" and he will understand better, but right now he is still too little to understand. Another thing you can try is have your husband comfort him when he wakes - but if he truely isn't ready, it might be better just to keep meeting his needs a little while longer. Here is a link to weaning recommendations on Kellymom.com: http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/how_weaning_happens.html

Congrats again for doing such a great job meeting your son's needs!

J.
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Hi M.,

I am in the same situation as you. My almost 1 year old wakes up 1-2x's/night to eat, and I have a 50 hr/wk work schedule. I read the responses and I think what you should do is subjective. I do think that the babies subconsciously do this to get more "mommy" time since we are out of the house so much. I don't think it's a bad thing to keep feeding for bonding. However, this sleep deprived thing is pretty awful too. I think you'll know when you reach your limit, if it continues.

And regarding the person who criticized you for working, please don't take that to heart. They don't know you or your situation. I don't like leaving my baby every day either, but I also need to pay our bills (not possible on my husband's income) and live responsibly. I think being a role model to raise your child to be a responsible person...both socially and financially...in their given situation is the best thing you can do. Until we get paid maternity leave in this country, we have all have to make decisions within our own situations. I write a blog called "Pumped!" on working and breastfeeding on www.tastybaby.com I hope you enjoy reading it.

I agree a tshirt or something soft with your scent on it. In no uncertain terms give into his screaming, he will be fine. You may have to take a day or two off work in order to make it work. My SIL had to put vinegar on her nipples to get her daughter to not want them....whatever it takes I guess. Good luck!!

Wait til the weekend when you and your hubby have no plans and have him go into your son...don't give in, don't nurse him after a couple of nights he will be fine. Just pick the right time so that you both will be able to last through the sleeplessness. Good luck.

Hi M.,

My suggestion (if you aren't already doing it)is to make sure his belly is full before going to bed then maybe he won't wake up needing the nursing. Maybe give him a cup of milk. It definitely sounds like he is using it for comfort reasons though and that is the hardest kind of habit to break.

Good luck,
L.

You can't give in. It took my son 3 nights of screaming and then he finally got it. I think when you give in it tells them they will eventually get what they want. It was horrible but it was the only way for me. You could try letting your husband go to him with his cup instead, maybe that will work.

Hi,

My daughter is 16 months and I just weaned her from night nursing. She had stopped nursing during the night a few times before, but then it seems like she would often get back into the habit of it if I let her. So, she had gotten into the habit again for about 3 weeks. Anyway, my husband and I decided to wean her from it last weekend. It took 2 nights. The first night she got really mad at me for not letting her nurse, but I just held her and rocked her until she calmed down. Then I put her in her crib. Of course as soon as I put her down she started to cry again. So, I would leave the room for a few minutes and then go in again and pick her up until she calmed down. I didnt hold her until she was asleep, though, only until she was calm. It took about an 1.5 hours before she finally fell asleep. My husband and I alternated going in. The second night was the same, but on the third night, she was only up for 5 minutes. She continued to get up once for the next few nights and I always go in and pick her up and just hold her for a minute or two until she calms down. Then I put her down and she rolls over and falls asleep on her own. She's been sleeping through the whole night for the last 3 or 4 nights.

Anyway, I know that they recommend not to pick up your child, but I found that picking my daughter works for us. Especially after her being nursed, I just didnt feel right all of a sudden not picking her up at all. But, it did take 2 long nights. But, we are all sleeping better now.

You're bear is doing it for comfort and out of habit. It will take a while to get him to stop--but go slowly. Try and reduce the feedings by one per night until you are down to one or two feedings. Then spend a week or two getting them gone completely. He is also reaching the stage of separation anxiety, so make sure that you let him know that you are there for him.

Good luck hun!

As others have written, this is a comfort thing and, whether nursing or not, he shouldn't "need" to be waking up during the night at this point. The best thing for both of you will be to start of process of getting him to sleep during the night. It doesn't mean you need to wean him from nursing durng the day, if you still want even one nursing time a day, such as before he goes to sleep, but you need to wean him from waking up during the night. It won't be a pleasant process, so be ready for a lot more screaming and crying, but in the long run it will be the best thing for you and for him.

Good luck!

The overnight ones are hardest to stop. It is a comfort thing. Especially since you are working full time, it is his way of knowing that the bond is still there. I would say to wait until he is older to stop the night time feedings, especailly if it is only for a few minutes. I nursed my son until he was 20 months, mainly just at night in the end. I had to stop because I got pregnant and just could not handle the night time feedings anymore and it was hard. It took 3 nights of misery, but he was older and I was able to hold him and explain that mommy still loved him but that there was no milk left and that there was a sippy cup of water on the bed if he was thirsty. At first he screamed all night, but then it evolved into wanting me to give him the sippy cup (Nuby brand with a soft spout worked the best because it was more like nursing) and holding him like I would be if we were nursing. The AAP says to nurse to at least a year but longer if mutually agreeable. So, you have to think about why you decided on a year. He obviously is not ready yet, but if you absolutely are, then it will be difficult for about 3 nights (that seems to be the magic number), if you are not really ready yet, then wait a while, there is nothing wrong with it!

O.k. I tend to go against the majority here but with both of my daughters they woke up at least once during the night until they were 18 months old. I did not work out of the home though so I sympathize with you on that one! Have you tried pumping and leaving him a bottle in his bed? I guess the docs would have my head for that one but just a thought. I pray that you are somehow able to have your hearts desire to stay home with your angel! Maybe if you feed him the first time he will be secure and comforted enough not to wake up again. Maybe it is his way since you are out of the home for work to be with you. Little guys have this natural antenae knowing that you will be going in the a.m. so he is wants the security of his mommy in the middle of the night. Hmm, I hope I helped here and not added!!!! So sorry just thinking out loud.

K.

I think everyone gave some really great advice. I would also give your son a shirt or something with your scent on it to make him feel close to you, as it really does sound like he nurses for comfort reasons.

Hi M.

He really shouldn't need to "eat" overnight. I am sure you already know that. I think you have to decide wether you want to keep getting up or not, and it sounds like you don't. Maybe you could feed him his snack before bed, cup of milk/breast milk, let him nurse and then put him to bed and then try cry it out. When he wakes up let him cry for 10 or 15 minutes, go in and check on him, don't pick him up. Leave him and then go back again in 15 or 20 minutes and so on until he falls asleep. The key is not to make a fuss and don't take him out. It takes a few night's but eventually they stop waking up because they don't need to anymore. Make sure he has a lovie with him ( stuffed animal, blankie, binkie, whatever he needs.) You might want to wait until Friday night so you don't have to get up for work on Saturday and Sunday. Once you start this method, you can't go back on it because it will only make it worse. Good Luck with your decision.

I agree with the moms who say to ssend Daddy in at night, but I think your son is also telling you that he needs a little more snuggle time with you. Might be worth cutting back on some other things (house, meals, etc) and give him a few more minutes of mom time during the day. I bet he grows out of it soon, and the best thing you can do for him is be a happy, healthy mom.

Best of luck. And congratulations for nursing this long... you are an inspiration!

I'm sure this is not what you want to hear, but I suggest you simply accept things the way they are. Your child needs your comfort and he will not be this way forever. There should not be a "deadline" for a child to stop nursing. He will wean one day, but right now he needs the security and knowledge that you are there for him. Once you let go of your expectations and just give your sweet baby what he needs, you will both be much happier. Good luck.

I wanted to respond to this earlier but was caught up at work. I am not sure if anyone else said anything similar to what I am going to say.

First off, I loved bf'ing. I nursed my oldest until she self weaned at 28 mos & planned to let my youngest do the same. My younger one loved to nurse & hated bottles. I work outside the home so I ended up pumping until about 16 mos & I finally found something that she'd accept during the day (vanilla soy milk). Still, she nursed incessantly from the time we got home & through the night.

When she was about 18 mos or so, I noticed something looked funny w/ her teeth so I asked at my next dentist appt which was a few days later. They told me I had to take her to a pediatric dentist to see what was up.

The ped dentist said she was getting "baby bottle syndrome" from all the night nursing. I felt so guilty. The dentist said her teeth would just get worse if we let her continue & we'd have to come back & have all her teeth capped - sort of like a crown when you need a root canal. She'd have to be put under, etc.

So...I bit the bullet & would not nurse her to sleep at night or during the night. I slept in another room & would give her a sippy cup of water if she woke.

It was really hard but I felt like it had to be done. I still nursed during the day & evenings. But..after a while, I noticed that I thought something more was happening to her teeth. The marks were not worse but I just was too worried & I felt like I was teasing her by letting her nurse during the day but not at night so I weaned her finally at 22 mos.

It was hard but not nearly as hard as I thought it would be. She handled it much better than I expected.

I am not saying you have to wean but I just wanted to let you know about this as I had NO idea this could happen w/ bf'ing.

sounds like he may be having night terrors .. this is not uncommon .. and the only thing that will really calm him is nursing .. give him a sippy and then let him nurse .. cuddle him close while he's drinking from the sippy .. and while he's nursing 'back off' a bit, sit up straight, don't look at him as much .. just to check on him. He may just be looking for the comfort of nursing, not actual nourishment. So, make sure he gets the comfort component before he actually nurses. Hope this is helpful ..

M. -

Take a peak at the following web site. I found it very helpful getting our son night weaned completely. http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

Good luck!

I nursed my son for a year and a half. My intentions were to only nurse him until one. He was too attached to my breasts, I thought I would never be able to get him off. I had to put my foot down whether it affected my sleep or not. One day, on a weekend, I refused to give it to him. He cried until 4am. I felt bad but I knew it would pay off. The next night, he cried for 30 minutes and fell asleep. He got the point and never cried for it again. The first night was a long sleepless horrible night, but I had to get him off. I would say dont take him off until a night that you have nothing to do the next day, and just let him cry it out. Believe me he will get the point. It hurst to hear our babies suffer over something they want, but if you are ready to get him off, you have to not give in, because he knows he can have it.

Get him attached to a security "something" : blankie, shirt, stuffed toy. Experiment with items til you find something he seems to like to feel. Then hold it with him every time you hold or cuddle him. The idea is to give him something physical to reassure himself with in the middle of the night.
Every time you give in to him in the middle of the night it reinforces his screaming success. This is a well known psychological concept that covers much more than screaming at night. Short version: If you resist and resist and then give in, it reinforces the child's notion that if he keeps it up long enough, he will get what he wants. ( yes, I know you can't stand the screaming and he is hysterical and about to turn blue)
Can you spouse go in for a night or two or three?
The general consensus about habits is that it will take at least 3, probably 5 consecutive nights to overcome this and create a new pattern so he will sleep through the night.
I'd pick a period of days you can devote some time to this and plan the process.
Sorry, it's going to be tough on both of you.

About me... mom of 5 , grandmom of 6

Hi M.. I don't think this will ever end until you end it. Right now, your son knows that if he screams long enough, he will get what he wants. You may want to pick a night when you don't have to work the next day, but I would suggest you teach him that no matter how long he screams, he will not nurse. I think it's good that you offered other options (sippy cup, etc.), but you've got to take the upper hand here. Otherwise, your son may use this "learned" behavior each time he wants his own way. This is just one of many future "stand offs" You can do this!! You'll actually be helping your son to learn a necessary lesson.

At this point it is definitely a comfort thing for him. Try giving him some extra Mommy and Me time when you get home from work (NO distractions, just you two). Do that for a few days before you try weaning him again. I found the only way to wean at night and to keep my sanity was to have my dh go in when he woke up. Of course he would cry because that isn't what he wanted, but he quickly realized I wasn't going in (even if I was wide awake listening to him cry). Good luck.

Hi, This is not about food - he is too old to be waking up at night to eat. This is only about comfort, snuggling, warmnth , security ...
Just a habit that has to be broken and its hard but no is no and he will stop eventually.