Son Almost 4 with Another on the Way I Don't Know What to Do.

Don't worry about it...your son will be fine with having a new sibling! Just be excited when you tell him and include him in lots of stuff, like buying the baby a present/clothes...talk to him often about his new brother/sister (when you find out what your having) and let him no that he gets to be the cool big brother and how fun it will be to have someone else to play with and let him know that he will be "mommy's special helper" when the baby finally arrives!

It's not easy having more than 1 child, but its do-able! My oldest was 4 yrs old, and my middle child was 2yrs old when I had my last baby...so that's 3 kids under 4 yrs old...and I planned it that way, it was great!

~Just my opinion but your son will likely continue to have accidents as long as you are still allowing him to wear diapers...if you really want him to get the hang of it, you have to put him in big boy underwear only! Is he waking up in the morning dry? If he is then I would just go straight to underwear, if he is waking up wet, I would switch to pull-ups ONLY at night and underwear ONLY during the day!

Congrats on the new baby! Don't stress Mom, it will be fine!

My daughter was almost 3 when we had our 2nd. I was terrified how she was going to take to the new baby. We had her go to some of the doctors visits so she could hear the babies heart beat as well as the ultra sound appointment so she could see the baby in mommies tummy. We tried to prepare her as much as possible by letting her know that it was going to be her baby to help with. It did take her a little bit to get use to her new sister, but what really helped was when she got to show her new sister to her cousins and they adored the baby which made her think that the baby might not be to bad. Our baby is now 5 months old and is now our 3 yr olds best friend they love to play together. Just don't worry about it you will be ok. Money does get tight with 2 little ones but somehow you will find a way. You will be surprised how creative you can get. The whole potty training thing will come with time. Personaly I think that it is difficult for a little one to learn to go in a toilet. I mean they went their entire life going in a diaper so it is going to take some time for them to learn to go in a toilet. We just ended up taking our daughters diapers away and leaving her in underwear. Yes she does sometimes have an acident but that is to be expected. Good luck with everything and congratulations on the new baby.

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My Daughter was 3 going on 4 when I had my 2nd child.
I spent a TON of time, ON her... while I was pregnant, to prep her. I spent a lot of time talking with her about it.... telling her what a baby does .. that they wake/cry/I need to nurse it.
We took tons of photos of her with my growing tummy and she LOVED that. I included her in things... and made sure she was SECURE in everything and allowed her... to talk about it, how she felt good or bad and for her to ask me questions.
I told her she is and always will be my FIRST "baby."
She talked to my tummy, and sang to it... hugged it etc. She 'bonded' with her baby brother in my tummy already.
So that when baby was born and came home... she was ALREADY prepared. Because I prepared her for it... BEFORE baby came home and WHILE I was still pregnant with her baby brother.
I also took her to my prenatal visits, which my Doctor encouraged.. and he even taught her how to use the Doppler heart monitor on my tummy. She LOVED that.

Once baby came home, she was secure about it all and LOVED her baby brother.

You NEED to, prep your oldest child for the baby, WHILE you are still pregnant... and talk with him about it and spend time with him on it... BEFORE baby comes home. Or it will be too much, for a young child to adjust to, all of a sudden.

all the best,
Susan

Don't take a hard time potty training as bad parenting. Some kids struggle with it.

My kids are only 16 months apart, but I think as long as you make a baby exciting (talk about it as a really good, exciting thing) your son will pick up on it and be proud to be a big brother. Also, maybe showing your son that he isn't a baby anymore with help with the potty-training.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! on getting Daddy on board about spanking.
You've done a very good job.

I like the story about feeding the fishes, too.
Nice.

There are some wonderful books at your public library
about introducing the new baby to the big brother or sister.
You can read them together.

You'll be just fine.

S.

I would have him checked out by his ped. 4 and not potty trained i would be concerned, i have a 4 year old in my daycare who is in kindergarten, I also have a 18 month old that tells us when she has to pee, and tell us she is poopy after the fact but she's only 18 months old. I think you are giving him to much control with the potty training, leaving it up to him weather he wants to use the potty or not, that's not the way to do it. As far as the new baby goes involve him in everything, so he feels apart of the baby's life not jealous of the new baby. 2 In diapers can get expensive, J.

Just relax and please try to include him in everything that you do for the new baby. My son came first and then my daughter, they were only about 18 months apart, so I included my son in picking out some things for the new baby, we also got him a new I'm the big brother shirt that he wore proudly...Since he is older he understands you and will be able to help you with alot of "stuff" from bringing diapers, to helping you "watch" the baby while you need to start supper or wash clothes. Maybe even some small treats (pennies for his piggy bank) for "babysitting". Everything you include him in will make him feel so important and not left out!! Also, be patient with the potty training, I know it can be very frustrating, but it sounds like he has come along way. My daughter was the same way, she went poop on the potty one time and then she was done, it scared her and she was three. A few weeks went by and we only put a diaper on so that she could poop and then one day she decided that she didn't need it anymore. She became comfortable again in her own skin and did it on her own!!
Hopefully this helps, but if not, take a deep breath and count to 10!!
Have a wonderful time with your son and new baby.

I haven't read the other responses, so I apologize if I duplicate. First you do not have to feel the need to explain to anyone why you are pregnant with #2, planned or not, money or not I was 24, single & had a 4 yr old & yep here's #2....yes I knew what b.c. was, but like you said things happen! From everything you said, sounds like this little "guy" was meant to be for some reason. Anyways, my first was difficult to potty train & one day I just took th ediapers away & put him in underwear & said that was it. He told me I will just poop in them & I said that's okay I will just change them. A couple of times of pooping in them & he did not like how it felt without the padding & he was going on the toilet. I did reward when he went. Works more often than not, but it does fail sometimes & you have to be prepared to clean up the mess...I have also incorporated the you made the mess you need to help me clean it method when the first failed, not in a hateful, just in a matter of fact way as if you were picking up toys. Now as far as my two who ended being 5yrs, 2mths apart, aaahhh...they hate each other..they are both boys & this scenario has been played out in my family at least 3 times & the ones that aret he same sex & right at 5 yrs apart, fight like cats & dogs until they are old enough to respect each other, think adults! (unfortunately) I have spoken to one or two moms who did not have this. It wasn't so bad when the baby came because my oldest was starting kindegarten & had his own things going, but as they got older & started "being into the same things" it's became nothing but a competition every day in my house. As far as being mean to the baby or anything like that I didn't have any of that, but he also could have cared a less....he did tell me once he would have rather had a puppy. They are also both boys, which are naturally more competitive. I saw a counselor once for sibling rivalry, when my youngest was 3 1/2 & he told me there was no such thing only kids who don't play well together, YEAH RIGHT! Two kids are never as easy as one because they always have someone to fight and argue with, but things will go just fine & you will adjust with whatever each day brings because that is what we are wired to do. Your son may surprise you & be a caretaker of sort. You really can't predict, but either way things will work out fine!

Our son's are 3 1/2 yrs apart and it is the perfect age gap, (so far, lol...baby is only 8 months old). Big brother loves being a big brother and he takes great care of his litlle brother. He was still in diapers when we found out I was pregnant and one thing I did to help potty train him besides bribing was to explain to him that the new baby was going to need some diapers, so he needs to get potty trained to save some of the diapers for the new baby! He thought that was a great idea and agreed to save some for baby. He was potty trained in a weekend and poopy trained in a week.

Don't get discouraged if he regresses a bit after the beby comes, even if it's several months later. I think every kid goes through this when a new baby arrives! Good luck to you!!

Congratulations on baby #2! Don't stress. Your son will be potty trained before the baby comes. My son was resistant at first too. I just spent an entire weekend at home with him and constantly by him. I put him in just underwear and a tshirt. If I saw him start to have an accident I ran him straight to the potty. I also reminded him over and over and over to let me know when he has to go potty. It clicked by the end of the weekend--for the peeing. He would not poop in the potty still. Refused. Wanted a pull up to poop in. I let him do this for a while. I didn't want to pressure him if he wasn't ready. I eventually got tired of it. I did not punish him for going in his pants, but I did use bribery. Sounds wrong I know. But it worked! He LOVES dinosaurs. So I bought a ton of them. I showed them all to him. I told him every time he poops on the potty like a big boy, he gets one of his dinosaurs I bought him. It worked. He started pooping on the potty right away and did every time after that. Eventually the dinosaurs ran out and he kind of forgot to ask for them since it had at that point become habit to go like a big boy. Good luck! Your little guy will get it.

First about the potty training. It is 'training' as it says, which means you train him to go. I would take him every 30 min. or so. Set a timer and just say 'time to go sit on the potty'. Reward when he goes and don't yell or get upset if he has an accident but let him know it's not the desired result. I used stickers with some of my kids, a small gift when the training was finished for some, and small food reward with some ( like a mini marshmallow or small piece of some favorite food that is SMALL.) It should only take a day to potty train a child this old if you do your part and are serious about getting out of diapers.
As for the baby coming, I have 8 grown children and believe me I got many rude comments along the way. You have to ignore people who don't have the sense to mind their own business and think they can say whatever they want to you. I never would have commented on their lifestyles whether I agreed or not so they need to learn to do the same. When they don't, just ignore it. Hard to do at times but you can do it.
When I would bring a new baby home to our kids they all loved the baby but it's in how you prepare the other kids, how you respond to the baby, and how much you show that you love both. None of our kids were jealous outwardly except one and he was very happy with the baby but when he got a little bit bigger and on his level it was harder for him. Still they are fine now and all of our 8 kids were very close to the one next to them in age. Still are friends today. If I'd favored one over the other or made the older one do everything and take care of the baby or other things along that line, there could have been real issues. I would just tell your child that God is sending him a brother or sister to love and play with and that he can help you and share in this wonderful experience. It's not a time to bring out any negative feelings of any kind as he'll pick up on them.
I hope you enjoy the new baby, get the older son potty trained quickly, and can have help from family and friends during the first weeks home with the baby too.

First of all congrats on baby #2! I can't believe people punish (taking toys away,etc.) their kids for not being potty trained! I have a 40 month old, a 22 month old, both girls, and am due with our 3rd in a few weeks, finally my boy. My oldest was potty trained fully by the time she turned 3. her baby sister is on her way because she sees her big sis in underpants and going on the potty. Girls usually do train faster. My friend's that have boys all tell me it is a longer process with boys. I think you will get him trained faster with positive reinforcement rather than any kind of punishment. Everytime he drinks something after a few min take him to the toilet and let him sit or stand until he has to go, but no more than a few min. Constantly ask him if he needs to go on the toilet. Either keep him bare bottomed or put on underpants. If he pees on himself he will eventually make the connection that it doesn't feel good so he'll be more inclined to go on the potty, but you can't put a diaper on him or he won't be able to make the connection. As far as bringing home a new baby I agree with what some of the others have already said. Get him involved with the baby even before he/she is born. Tell him all the things he can do to help you take care of it. How you are counting on him to be a good example for the baby and that it's his baby too! Whatever your bedtime routine is with your son as far as kisses and hugs go include your growing belly! Let him kiss your belly and talk to the baby. Even read the baby stories. When I brought home my 2nd my oldest cried everytime the baby did. It lasted for about a week. Other than that she was totally fine. You just really have to make them feel included. Mine are almost 18 mos apart so she couldn't really "help" with too much but I always made sure she was in my lap when changing a diaper or sitting right next to me and the baby during feedings. He may regress a little but with reassurance and lots of extra attention that usually passes pretty quickly. You will get the hang of it, having 2 is a lot different than having 1, but your son is a little older so it won't be as hard as u think it will be. Hang in there! I remember being terrified about bringing home a 2nd baby when my oldest was still a baby herself, but it became 2nd nature really fast. We always imagine things a lot worse than they actually turn out to be! Don't be so hard on yourself!!!

Updated

I am 26
i had my second when my oldest was 2
and I am having my third and my oldest is 4 and my little one is 2

he will be fine when the baby comes...you just haveto let him interact with his new sibling and teach him how awesome it is to be a big brother...

won't your son be going into a pre- school by then, when the new baby is born...????

at 4 I would be taking away toys///tv time/// whatever///treats/// if he wasn't using the potty (last resort) I wouldnt force him but there would be a consequence if he doesn't go on the potty....
do you pick him up to put him on a changing table to change his diaper...I would stop that all together and go to the bathroom and do all the diaper changing there...in the early stages I always told my little guy to go to poop or pee in the bathroom while he was wearing a diaper at first , then he woudl sit on the potty for a minute, then he would wash his hands, then he would get a sticker or a hug...that was it..I did that every day every twenty minutes...for a while..sometimes I eased up, i knew he had to eventually get it..

it will be wonderful with the new baby...

I just had my second almost 6 months agao and my son turned 3 in aug. I have never pushed potty training on him. he would go sometimes and sometimes he wouldnt. About a month before his 3rd birthday i kept telling him that 3 year olds dont wear pull ups anymore. 3 year olds wear big boy underwear, etc. I didnt know if it would work or not. He had been poop trained for a while. The day after his birthday party he wanted big boy undies on and has been in them ever since and only had 2 accidents at nap time. You could try that aproach. Sometimes the less you push the more they will want to. I found that pull ups are a joke and waste of money. As long as my son had a pull up on he would not go potty but as soon as he was in underwear he goes every time. It will be hard at first when the second baby comes but it gets easier. I had a really hard time at first and cried a lot. It took me probably 2-3 months to actually show affection to the baby in front of my son. The one thing that has really helped is to be on a night time routine. I have it now where my baby goes to bed at 7 and my son by 8 and that way i still have a good half hour to 45 min with just him for bedtime. He loves that. It took a long time to get to this point though, but i LOVE having 2 kids now. It is hectic, but so much fun watching them togeather. My baby girl adores her older brother and he adores her as well. They are so cute togeather. Just keep you 4 year old involved in as much as you can. Reading, helping you feed the baby if you bottle feed, getting diapers, and just making him feel important. My pediatrican even told me at first that if you they are both crying to tend to your older one first because he is the one who's feelings are affected more. Then tend to the baby. Just give him lots of hugs and cuddles, make sure he knows you will always be there even though the baby needs your attention to. Good luck and CONGRATS on baby 2!!

im working with a child( whowas abused, getting guardian ship of.
We leave him on the potty he pees, we say he cant get off till he poops. once he does he gets a sticker, It teaches him" idid good i get a reward" once he starts doingit allthe time, u can focus him onto another"set goal" without even trying
doing- this with a 4-5yrold now

Susan H has iven you some great ways to encourage your oldest to bond and be ready for the new baby- my only suggestion in addition to hers would be to check with the hospital where you will be delivering- many provide sibling classes. My daughters went thru this class before their brother was born and it really helped them know what to expect, how they could help with the baby, they picked out a little gift to give the baby, and even got a tour of the maternity ward so they wouldn't be afraid when they came to visit me and the new baby. They also received a certificate at the end of the class- it was great!