This is really so stupid. BUT, I would love to know your opinions.
We arent much of snackers. I prefer my kids to eat 3 solid meals a day. A little something in between is ok, but we dont go overboard. I have a friend, M, that we visit with once a week. One week at my house, the follow week at hers. Her daughter is a HUGE snacker. She grazes all day long, and doesnt sit for a meal. She is 3.
When we go over there, M, offers my kids snacks the entire time. We were there all of 10 minutes, and my kids had blueberries and strawberries. Which is a perfect snack. Except, instead of a small bowl, they had a huge plate. 30 minutes later the kids were offered cheese sticks. 30 mins later, she offered the kids yogurt tubes. 20 min later it was time for lunch. You can imagine the kids didnt eat any of it. The snacks are all relatively healthy, but they dont need 3-4 snacks. One would be plenty.
When we got home, my kids were starving, they were cranky from the snacks, and lack of a solid meal. We ate dinner at 4:00. At bedtime they were hungry again.
This week, M and her daughter are coming to my house. I was at the grocery store yesterday trying to figure out what to buy for snacks. As soon as her daughter get to my house she starts asking for snacks. I dont buy the kinds of things that her mom does. When we go over there, M provides everything. When they come over here, I feel like I should do the same. It drives me nuts that I made dinner for everybody and nobody eats it b/c they are eating snacks all afternoon. Thats wasting my time and money. Spending food money on overpriced cheese sticks and sugar yogurt tubes makes zero sense to me.
I've thought about letting her feed her daughter whatever snacks she brings. But thats not really fair to my kids and makes me feel like a mean mommy.
What do you think? Should I say something to the mom? Or just I just let this snack insanity continue?
Thank you all for your responses. She is well aware of the snacking habit, as she has mentioned to me how much her husband cant stand it and wishes the daughter would sit down and eat a full meal. She uses food as a diversion, and has taught her daughter how to do the same. If there is small conflict with the kids, if she is shy, tired, frustrated, or whatever, she asks for a snack. Or if the mom's attention isnt on her, she asks for a snack since she knows that will bring the attention back to her. Its annoying. And of course my kids are right there wanting whatever the daughter is having. I really feel like its a bad habit. But like some body else said, its only once a week. And I guess I can think of it as a treat.
We get together in the afternoons. (last time I went to her house it just happened to be morning)
Our daughters are the best of friends, and it would be silly to let "snacks" get in the way of an otherwise nice friendship. In the big picture, it all seems silly. I'll work on it.
Thanks for the input!
I would model that I give mine a small serving of grapes (strawberries etc) if this girl is really eating out of boredom, stress, lack of attention, not hunger than a small snack will work and maybe your friend will notice!
As long as the snacks are healthy, I don't see that the once a week snacking is a big deal.
There could be a lot of reasons that your friend offers so many snacks. I'm sure to her, it isn't insanity, it is being a good hostess... or at least she is trying to be. She probably has no idea that it is affecting you this way.
What time of day do you have your weekly play date? I'm guessing it is in the morning time... I would talk to her (in a very nice way) and ask her if she could limit the snacks to just one, or maybe 2 at the most... as your kids won't eat a good lunch otherwise. Let her know that you don't normally allow your kids snacks within an hour of lunch (or whatever you want to say). If she has only one child, she may not feel the need to be as scheduled about it as you. She will probably be aware that it would be rude to offer them to her own daughter if yours won't be allowed to share them, so hopefully she'll feed her daughter something more substantial so she won't be so focused on food during your visit. And try to keep the kids occupied... outside if possible... usually kids will get involved in something and forget about food unless they are just STARVED. You also can talk to your kids BEFORE you get there, and let them know that they are only allowed ONE snack. That Ms. __ will probably offer several, but they are only allowed to accept ONE. Then tell them what you want them to say when they are declining ("no thank you Ms.__." or "No thank you, I am waiting until later." or "nothing for me, I'm saving my snack choice until later" or whatever).
As for when they come to your house, let your friend know in advance that you will serve A snack around x time and then lunch is at y time. You can (again, gently) let her know that you realize that she serves snacks more often to her daughter, but that you have a schedule you stick to. She is welcome to bring additional snacks for her daughter if she thinks it is necessary.
Hopefully, she will feed her daughter before arrival and also speak to her about asking for snacks. It doesn't mean the child won't ask, but you can gently let her know (the child) when she asks, that "snack time isn't until __ , right now is playtime!" and then show her to some toys or activities with your kids.
For what it is worth, some kids ARE grazers... and some kids adjust more readily to a snack schedule. Some do one thing for a while and then switch and then switch back: Her frequent snacking may be corresponding to a growth spurt or she may have a higher metabolism or or or...
you dont have to buy cheese stick ans yogurt tubes, buy the snacks you usually buy just a little extra
My daughter has "tried" to form the over snacking habit several times before. I know she is a "grazer" by nature and that's ok, but it needs to be kept in check (not like what your friend is doing). If for example, we had lunch at noon and dinner was planned for 5pm, then snack would be offered at 2:30pm. If my daughter asks for snack at 1pm (especially if she did not finish her lunch and is "so hungry"), I simply tell her no, snacks will be in and hour or so and I'll let you know when it's time so there is no need to keep asking me, I'll remember to get you a snack at snack time and you wouldn't be hungry now if you would've finished your lunch.
So have a snack time planned for midway between lunch and dinner time and when she asks for a snack tell her. If the mom disagrees, then she can give her a snack if she brought one. Same thing for your kids at her house. Explain to them that it will not be constant eating time when you are there and say it in front of your friend if you need too. It's okay to parent differently and still be friends.........
I think your house=your rules and your way of eating. It seems polite to offer a nibble of something to people coming over to your house, but it certainly doesn't have to be the snack buffet that your friend offers at her house. Maybe you could get a little veggie tray for everyone to partake of? Put it out when guests arrive, leave it out for awhile, then take it away an hour or so before dinner. Probably it won't do any good to say anything to the other mom; she'll just think you're judging her, and you can't control what she does in her home any more than she can control what you do in yours. You could always entertain exclusively at your house if the snacking bothers you so much, or you could agree on a neutral location to hang out.
I would find a happy-medium. If they are coming over at 10, serve a little "something" (appropriate amount of fruit or a cheese stick) at 11 and then serve lunch at 12:30.
If her daughter starts asking for a snack, just say something like "we'll have a snack in a little bit. Why don't you go play with Susie while your mom and I catch-up". Then serve sliced melon or something little with lemonade or juice as promised. Make a "big deal" out of lunch... maybe have the kids make their own placemats (butcher paper) so that they are excited to sit down and eat. Make it fun and interactive so she isn't so focused on the snack schedule.
As for going to her house... maybe plan on being there after lunch so that your kids have full bellies or leave early enough that you can have a late lunch at your home.
I'm a proponent of three "square meals" a day with an afternoon snack to keep up the energy, but grazing is pretty natural for toddlers and mine would do it all day if I let him.
