Smoking Mom Question

Hi Kate! I'm K. and I'm also a smoker :)

I sometimes feel reluctant to let people know I smoke too, just because some people are sooo judgemental.

But the way I see it, I smoke, it doesn't make me a criminal or a bad person. If someone doesn't like me because I smoke, they aren't getting to know the real me.

I wouldn't come right out and say 'Hi I'm so and so, and I smoke'. It'd kind of make it like you were at an AA meeting lol.

And who knows, some of those women might smoke too! I wouldn't look to deep into it. You can still be someones friend, and smoke. Just don't smoke around them.

not liking you because you smoke would be as silly as you not liking me because I like to drink wine after the kids go to bed. :) Nobody's perfect and everything has their vices, and anyone who pretends to be perfect is dishonest. I don't know you but you sound like a wonderful person, and anyone who begrudges you for something so silly is probably missing out on a good friend.
Take care,
Lynsey

I'm a smoker too and I have to say that I feel the same way sometimes, but if someone doesn't want to be my friend b/c I smoke then I don't consider it any loss.
I know it's bad for me. I don't smoke inside or around anyone that doesn't smoke. I go outside and throw my butts away or if they are not a smoking house, I will actually put the butt in my pack to throw away later so that it doesn't smell up their trash and house.
Befriend them! Take a chance!

I am so sick of people that make smokers feel like they are the worst people on earth. So you smoke...so what. I do not smoke but I would not look down on you at all. I have a few extra pounds on me. Would you not be friends with me because of this? Sheesh. You sound like a nice person. Please remember that people that are worth knowing will look past the smoking thing. For your own health you may wish to quit down the road,,,but until then you are welcome at my house (as long as you don't smoke in it...we have ashtrays for smokers outside) and I promise I will not even think of the fact you smoke. God Bless

Sounds like you are doing the right thing by not smoking around your child. So if you choose to smoke, and you do it responsibly, then that's your decision. It's interesting to me that our society goes on and on about smoking, but yet being fat/obese is just as deadly in the long-term. Yet we tiptoe around this issue to preserve people's feelings. No one really says anything to those parents shoving McDonalds and Ho-Hos down their child's throat, and kids these days are just getting fatter. It's just a double-standard. Anyway, I'll get off my soapbox for now. :)
I would be your friend as I just don't see that it's a deal breaker for our friendship. Being a friend means accepting your friends as they are. If they can't do that, then you have just weeded out someone in your life who probably wouldn't be a very good friend to begin with.
Hope this helps!

I work at a hospital and you might be surprised how many doctors and nurses I know that smoke. I'm serious. I also have a friend who is a teacher who smokes.
We all know the dangers and that it's not good for you, but it's also really hard to quit.
I wouldn't worry about people "finding out" you smoke. Just don't smoke around them. You don't smoke in your car or around your daughter, so it's likely you wouldn't smoke around the parents of one of her friends from pre-school.

Not liking someone just because they smoke is a little extreme, if you ask me. I mean, I could see not wanting to be around you if you expect to light up in their presence and they want nothing to do with that, but I wouldn't be afraid to get to know someone better just because you smoke in your private life.
Just my opinion.

Here's my deal -I used to be a full-time smoker, and I quit full-time in 2000. However, I kept smoking whenever I had anything alcoholic to drink. SO, with my love of microbrews and red wine, I still smoke at least once or twice a week. My children have no knowledge of it. I've been at a number of "parental" functions when it was all parents and no kids and after having a few, I really wanted to smoke -so I did. Half the people never knew it becuase I went outside, but I decided -"Hey -I'm 40 and I do an awful lot for this group, so if they think this is the worst thing ever -I don't really care." I had a New Year's Eve party two years ago where I hired sitters for the kids in the basement and invited a bunch of "parent" friends in addition to our regular friends. I smoked! I never smoke in the house, but I just feel like -hey -no one is dumb. None of us think this is a health benefit, but a lot of us enjoy it sometime. If someone is so shallow that they decide to shun you because you smoke -NOT around kids, NOT in your house -but on your own time -then they're too shallow for me to deal with any way. Half the people I know who are SO anti-smoking are legitimately obese, so I feel like -just go ahead and go there! You don't want to tangle with me on whose heart and lungs are going to give out first! I found that no one cares! No one has anything to say about it and it's a non-issue. I'm sure it would be if I was lighting up around the kids, smoking in the house or car, etc., but that never happens. Many of us grew up with parents and everyone else smoking ALL the time! Not good -but here we are!

This is my advice-don't automatically go out and light up, but if you're in a situation where you REALLY want/need a smoke -go outside and have one. It's okay -and you may be surprised at who joins you!

We are not smokers and cannot stand cigarette smoke at all.
But, our past 'couple' friends that we used to hang with all the time smoked. They respected us. If we went to dinner together, they didn't smoke at the table. They never smoked in our vehicles, and always went outside to smoke. The only things we asked were that the butts were thrown away, not thrown on the ground, (trashy), and that they never blew towards our faces if we were outside together.
The only thing I could not get past was that the woman did not stop smoking while pregnant. She never tried stopping before they decided to have a child, or a second child. She just never cared to stop, even while planning to get pregnant!

Anyway, as long as it does not invade your visits, and your not puffing in their faces, it should not be a problem. If you're such bad chain smokers that you're constantly going outside to smoke, I could see it being an issue.

I DO NOT LIKE SMOKING (smoked in the past, grew up with smoke, lost my father to cancer b/c of it but thats beside the point!) I would still be friends with someone who smokes though, so you shouldn't worry about that AND just like with everything, if a friend does not accept you for who/what you are, then they are not a friend at all!

funny how taboo it has become in such a short amount of time, culturally speaking. when i was a kid all adults smoked. it was weird not to. i grew up thinking that tobacco was one of the wonderful comfortable smells of a man.
of course, tobacco was less likely to be laced with disgusting chemicals back then. i still enjoy the smell of nice pipe tobacco.
i smoked for years and years and finally (after a gazillion failures) kicked it thoroughly. now the smell makes me nauseous, and i cringe thinking that i smelled like that for so long and didn't realize it.
if people don't know you smoke, you are doing an awesome job of concealing it! but i feel sad that you need to. it's really not a sign of degeneracy and it's not a very nice statement about humans that smokers have become the easy-to-despise demographic. i wonder why we always have to have a few of them?
i'd be friends with you!
:) khairete
S.

I would be friends with you.

~I agree with the others who have said that if someone would judge you and not wish to befriend you because you smoke than they are not friend material.

I absolutely detest smoking.

That being said - if you were an interesting person and you seemed fun to be with, the fact that you smoke wouldn't bother me.

It sounds like you're a very respectful smoker as in, you're probably one of those who might say "Do you mind if I smoke?" before you would light up. Again, I'd have no problem with that.

I have a few friends who smoke and the fact that they smoke hasn't ended our friendship. Give it a shot, I say!

If they are that superficial babe you don't need friends like that. You'd be surprised how many moms smoke. I smoke every now and again, I used to smoke a lot more til the prices went up... I too never smoke around my daughter or in the house. One of my friends hates the smell of smoke so she isn't around when I smoke around her (does that make sense lol) but there's no tension there at all, she's not judging me. I personally would never judge someone because they smoke a cigarette when they aren't endangering their child. I think most people wouldn't just see you as a smoker, but for who you are... people who don't aren't friend material for you anyways. It's a cigarette, it's not like your snorting drugs or something. Good luck :oD

I agree with momma l. I too never smoked in my friends' cars if they did not smoke themselves and say it's okay

@dana K: wow! I can't believe ppl would smoke in a child's face. I personally developed an asthma condition for several years because my parents smoked in the house, when it happened they had to start smoking outside. It was normal for them, they didn't think it would hurt us kids (weird but true)

I would not just see you as the smoker, thats just not an issue for me personally.

Good luck.;)

I wouldn't care so long as you weren't doing it in my house or in close proximity to me, I'm pretty allergic to smoke :)

While smoking is not a favorite of others, as long as you are respectful about it, it usually is not a problem.

My husband smokes and I have never had anyone say anything about his smoking. He smokes outside on the front porch. We attend birthday parties with our daughter and have never heard anything said to us. As well, our daughters very good friends Mother comes over and borrows a cigarette all the time...she is a sometimes smoker.

I would love my husband to quit for two reasons, second hand smoke is not fair and I would hate to have to explain a terminal illness to our little girl. Otherwise, we still love him.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. I know where you are coming though. I smoke outside, not around kids (mine or others), not in the car and sometimes it does make me think twice about being around new friends. I say just be respectful about it. My husband and I have a habit of normally smoking together outside but when we are socializing we make sure to alternate the "break" so it doesn't look like we both just disappeared. Maybe have them to your house so they will see that it doesn't interfer with your children. I know it's hard letting other moms know bc people can be so judgemental but it's who you are. You know that your smoking doesn't make you a bad person so don't let others make you feel that way!

to be 100% truthful, i would prob not want to hang out with you much :( it doesn't matter how many times you wash your hair/clothes/hands or how much perfume you wear, the smell is just horridly offensive to me, it gives me headaches and makes me nauseous. that said, i don't think it makes you a bad person or less of a person or ANYTHING like that, i've just never met a smoker that didn't reak of smoke. sorry if it's harsh, but you asked for honesty! good luck!

I could absolutely see beyond it and be your friend. However if you do it in a way that my five year old can figure out what you are doing then I will have to have that awkward conversation with her about you that I had about her favorite aunts and uncles. "Yes ______ smokes and it is very bad for her body and I wish she didn't and I NEVER want you to make that bad choice, but once you make it, it is very hard to stop and please do not say things to ________ that would make her feel bad."

If you don't smoke in the house (and thus not in other people's houses) or around your daughter - then having a playdate with the best friend and inviting the mom over - smoking won't really come up. I wouldn't hide it or make it an issue. Don't worry about needing to be best friends with the mom - just invite her over once, enjoy each other. Be interested in her. Ask her questions about herself, what she likes to do. Everyone likes to have someone be interested in them.

Hi Kate,

It's not really something that you have to share. If you don't smoke in the house, I'm guessing that in order to get everything you have to get done in a day, you can't be outside all the time, lol. I have friends that smoke. They normally don't smoke around me unless they are terribly stressed because they know I don't like it. That being said, I'm not going to keep them from smoking if it will help their stress......

I personally would love to see you stop. Not for any other reason but your health. I'm sure you're family feels that way too but I know, from my friends experience, how hard that is. I'm sure they know how hard it is as well. Anyone living and breathing knows somebody that has tried to stop.....

Personally, I wouldn't make it an issue. Hope this helps...

M.

I am friends with a smoker who is like you, not around kids or in home/car. In fact i didnt even notice for a long time. She is one of my good friends. If you dont smell like cigs, most people will still be friends with you.

As for being an introvert, its hard i know as i am a navy wife and every couple of years have to move. So do what i do and take a deep breathe and fake the confidence til it feels real. People are drawn and like confident people. Start out with just some small talk while at the mall as the kids play in the play area. Or ask someone where they got their kids cute jeans, etc. Also, the phrase 'Oh i remember the (fill in the blank. ie first steps) stage, isnt so fun/cute is a good conversation starter.

Playgroups can be good too not just for the kids. For school age kids start with other parents in the class or certain after school activity

Also, i have only smoked one cigarette in my life and still feel the craving for one 10yrs later despite extremely hating the taste and smell of it. Its tied into mental picture of ourselves being a crutch and an image of coolness. Keep reminging yourself that your are stronger than you think ( you quit for the pregnancies), wear your feel great outfit for those times when you dont feel confident, and keep trying. As for times when i want a cig, i chew gum, have chocolate (godiva, my fav) or busy myself with something else.

I suggest that you have this concern because you're an introvert and lack confidence in yourself as a person. Whether or not you smoke is not a concern for most people unless you smoke around them. Parents will be concerned about whether or not you smoke around your daughter but since you don't your smoking should not prevent you from making friends, even with people who are very health conscious.

My daughter is the mother of two children. She's pregnant now and doesn't smoke but she does smoke when she's not pregnant. She's made several friends who are non-smokers. When she's smoking she doesn't smoke around most of them. And, just like you, she feels guilty about smoking but says it's too difficult to completely stop smoking unless she's pregnant.

I don't get it but then I've never smoked. I wish she didn't smoke but her smoking doesn't cause me to love her any less. I suggest that these potential friends will like you for who you are and not even be aware you smoke if you're courteous about your smoking. At some point you'll want to let them know that even tho you smoke you don't smoke in the house, etc. so that they won't be concerned about exposing their daughter to smoke. But you needn't introduce the subject of smoking until circumstances make it obvious. Let people get to know you, first.

You also might be surprised to learn that they also smoke or have friends and relatives that smoke. I strongly suggest that you work towards a friendship with people based on mutual interests and without regard to their or your smoking.

I am pretty sure these people will not care if you choose to be a smoker, especially since you don't smoke around anyone. I would just move forward with you regular habits and not worry about it. They may not even ever realize that you smoke at all. Not that you hide it from them, just that you are discreet out of respect of others.

In short, what kind of friends would they be if they dumped you for something that doesn't even affect them.

Good luck!

I am highly allergic to tobacco & wood smoke. Just smelling it on your clothes will trigger a need for my inhaler. What's interesting is that when my son quit smoking, I was able to reduce all of my allergy meds! I had no idea that just being around him was triggering me so much....& he never, ever smoked in front of me.

That said, I would hate to think that the other parents would be so superficial as to limit their contact with you just because you are a smoker. But please be very aware that nonsmokers are highly sensitized to the odor & may find that off-putting. Sad to say, but cig smoke stinks you up! So, ask yourself honestly: would you want to be around someone who smelled of B.O.....or would you limit your contact with that person?

My husband quit smoking by using Zyban. This was an easy "quit" for him, after failing with both the patch & the gum. My son quit thru having his ears "zapped", which is called auriculotherapy. This method also worked for many friends & family! I know you didn't ask about quitting....thought I'd just share the success stories with you! & think of the $$$ you'd save!!!

Really? C'mon. I'm a smoker--not in the house, not around my child, never in anyone's home--even if they say it's OK. Just continue to be polite about it. Wash you hands and brush your teeth like I do...after...every...single...cig. Good luck!

Former smoker here. When I smoked I was a pack a day smoker.
If you want to be friends with these people than try it out!! My great girlfriends were always giving me a hard time about smoking. Yes, they thought it was gross, but more than anything they wanted me to be healthy!
L.

Smoking is the kiss of death in Seattle Parenting Circles. ((Seriously, strangers get abusive to people who smoke, and parents... don't get me started. I don't smoke around parents and I've SEEN how they treat others who do. Intentionally walking close and hacking in their faces, telling their children to stay away from the 'bad nasty person' -huzzah for teaching bigotry!-, gunning cars and flipping them off, literally marching onto private property... smokers in my city are the "okay" group of people to harass, so people do.))

Point being, I've gone YEARS with some of my friends/ acquaintances before *either* of us find out the other person smokes. ((I'm usually the one that gets careless and outed, because I smoke on my front porch and people drive by and see me. Then, of course, it's a relief to both of us)). I chew nicorette when I'm working with kids, teaching, at playdates, at activities, in parenting circles, etc.

There are a few families who care less, and it is an untold relief! It's a group of parents who meet up for BBQs in the summer in my neighborhood and about half of us smoke. ((Like Shane said... the group is all doctors, nurses, and professors at the college and a mingling of grad student. It's not like we're stupid people. In fact, the science works against us, because living in a city is worse for everyone's lungs than smoking.)) Meeting new people at these parties is always nice, because the "gotta hide it so my son isn't shunned" vibe is completely gone. People know I smoke, and get to know me, and everything's fine. People who have a problem with my smoking avoid me. Easy litmus test that only involves ME and not my son.

Because THAT right there, is why I hide it. I don't care if another parent has an issue with ME... I care if my son loses friends over their parents having issues with me.

In other parts of the country, it's a complete non-issue. But in my city (the outskirts are more tolerant / less passive aggressive or judgmental), it's a HUGE issue. And to the best of my ability I try to keep my issues from being my son's issues.

So I would not only not have a problem with your smoking, but would join you out on the deck over coffee or conversation if I knew... but I'd do my utmost to make sure you never found out if I didn't know.

Hanging around with people that dont smoke is good for you because you will smoke less yourself. I quit on New Years eve.... 43yr old habit... and it sure feels good so far :)
As far as them not liking you because you smoke, how would they even know? If they dont smoke and you are visiting them surely you wouldnt be smoking much at all. If you have to break away from them to go have a relationship with your cig, it might make them think you dont value them much (you did make your cigarette your first choice, right?) and they would think it was rude. I know I've always felt bad that I have to go outside and smoke while everyone else is still in the house enjoying themselves and then you walk back in and REEK. I hope you find a meaningful enough reason to quit so it doesnt have to be an issue anymore.
BUT, I have tons of nonsmoking friends that always liked me despite the cig habit, so I'm sure you will be fine. Just dont get mad if they care enough about you to try to steer you into quitting, that's what people do when they care about you.

In my HONEST opinion, I would not be able to get past it. For one, I have a very sensitive sense of smell and can tell when someone is trying to cover up the smoke smell with perfume, gum, whatever. Also, you say it is not harming anyone but yourself, I disagree--there is now evidence that the smoke on your clothes, in your hair etc. carries carcinogens to those around you even if you don't smoke directly in front of them. So unless you shower and change clothes after every time you smoke, you are harming others to an extent. I would not want my kids around that. I'm not trying to be rude or mean, I am giving my honest opinion because you asked.

ill speak honestly for myself, since i really thinking people have really opposing opinions on this. unless you tell me, i dont know that you dont smoke in your car or house, ect. so i may worry about what if you do, and the fact i dont want my children exposed to it(and i was a pack a day smoker for years before i had children) so you really need to make that be known. my biggest issue though is i dont want my children to think smoking is ok, so i dont like them to be around it. would you smoke in front of others children? can you come over for a BBQ without lighting up for 2 hours? imo, the smoking issue is almost giving you a strike against you. you would have to be worth it for me to then pursue a friendship. i know that sounds a bit much, but there are lots of moms that dont smoke, so if you did, i would need you to be a great person to overlook it. also, the way you speak of your husband, sounds like that may not help the whole issue. is he friendly, courteous, will he not smoke in settings with others children present? does he socialize with new people? sounds like he definately wont help this issue.

You are a responsible smoker. You keep your home and car clean for your daughtar and that is wonderful. That, actually, would make me think MORE of you as a person because I understand how hard it is to quit. It's hard to not try to "convince" a smoking friend to quit, because when you care about someone, you want to help. That's probably the one thing you'd have to deal with is your well meaning friends trying to help you quit :)

OMG, move to Pittsburgh. Everyone here smokes and no-one seems to worry about smoking in other people's and their kid's faces. We only got smoke free restaurants about 2 years ago. And people still glare at you if you move away from someone who is smoking in line for anything. They smoke at outdoor children's concerts. You sound like a way more polite smoker than any I meet here so I would certainly be ok.

For me, it would depend on whether I could smell it on you. I have really bad environmental allergies, and even 3rd-hand smoke can make me really sick. Smoke tends to gather in the hair and clothes, and perfume can make it OH so much worse instead of covering it up, since many perfumes also trigger my allergies. I wouldn't avoid you because you're a smoker, per se, but because being around you would make me feel ill all the time, and let's face it, a new friendship can't withstand that, no matter how charming you are. I have had several friends who are casual smokers (smoking only occasionally) and I couldn't smell it on them so it didn't bother me, and I don't judge them for it - as long as it doesn't interfere with me trying to breathe clean air, I don't care what they do. Have someone you know who doesn't smoke and who doesn't live with someone who smokes tell you whether or not you're effectively covering the smell (no matter what you might think, you aren't a good judge, because the smoke affects and alters your sense of smell).

I think the precautions you take to make sure you don't smoke around your child (and thus MY child) would be foremost in my mind. If you don't smoke around them and don't smoke around me, I wouldn't not be friends with you for your habit. It sounds like you are being responsible so kudos to you. (My dad smoked a pack a day around me while I was growing up and I still worry about getting lung cancer one day!). However, let me also say that my dad died at age 59 of a heart attack most likely b/c of the smoking (he wasn't overweight or anything) and the drs all concur on this so if you can quit, do so for the sake of your daughter! You'll want to be around for a long time and if you can quit during pregnancy, you can quit now. And get yoru husband to jump on the bandwagon! You'll save $$ too. Best of luck :)

Hi Kate - I would certainly be your friend but I would really worry about you. I have had three out of four grandparents die from horrible smoking related illnesses and still both my parents and sister smoke so I just don't get it (I am not close to perfect by any means). I think in the long run it is best to quit although some members here on Mamapedia who I admire admitted to smoking as their vice. I don't think smokers are really fooling anybody if they don't smoke in their home...we can smell it, unless I am just super sensitive to the smell. Put yourself out there!!

While I hate the smell and think it is unfair to place children in places where they are at risk of inhaling second hand smoke, it sounds like you have insulated your kids from it and I am happy to see that. I would not decide against being friends with you just because you choose to smoke, but I would expect it not be done around me and my family either. I might point out however that you managed to quit for 9 months and thus, are capable of not smoking. It might worth thinking about quitting again, especially if you want to have another child as it might affect your ability and so that you are around for them as they get older, afterall the worst part (other than the smell) is the health ramifactions to you. In any case, get yourself out there and make friends for both you and your family, you will be much happier.

I have/had friends/family that smoke (and a few didn't smoke - they chewed). They are/were wonderful, sweet, thoughtful, generous people and it makes me mad as hell that I've been to at least 10 funerals for people I felt were dead before their time because of an addiction they could not kick. Let's see - cancer, cancer, stroke, cancer, heart attack, heart attack, cancer, cancer, emphysema, cancer. Don't you know how hard it is for the survivors to watch you die? Is it a wonder some people just don't want to make the emotional investment only to have to say goodbye so soon? In my mind, nicotine addiction is a very long slow motion suicide.
I hope your husband and you can kick the habit before it kicks you.

I don't think smoking has anything to do with friendship. I don't think twice if someone tells me they smoke. That's not my business. The first time they see you or "find out" that you smoke I would let them know that you don't smoke in the house or car. That is a concern I would have as a parent if my child went to your house to play.

I have no problem with people that smoke as long as they don't smoke in the house and if they are over that they take care of their butts and just don't leave them on my lawn or in the driveway.

Please forgive me if I'm repeating something -- I couldn't get through all the many posts! I won't even address the second-hand smoke issue and your child; it's good that you don't smoke in the house or around her, congrats on that.

But please do consider getting yourself and your husband, together, to a doctor, who will tell you the results for yourselves if not for her. My father died at 46 thanks to his nicotine addiction, or I'd have had him longer. My mom lasted into my adulthood but had grave health issues mostly due to smoking. You aren't smoking around your child, but you're putting yourselves on the list for shorter lives. I'm not judging -- I know this is an addiction you can't help, but you can find professional help. You must already have some misgivings in the back of your mind because you're expressing fears of the stigma of smoking. If you were an unrepentant smoker who truly didn't care you wouldn't have posted.

One other thing. You mention washing your hands and carrying perfume. But as the kid of two lifelong smokers, I guarantee that those around you still know you smoke. Hair captures scents all too well, so your hair smells like smoke, even after one cigarette, even if you wash it daily. And clothes retain smoke too. You won't notice it because you're used to it. But I can still smell a smoker who is within five feet of me, just from the hair and clothes. So be aware that parents of your daughter's friends may already suspect you do smoke. Of course good folks won't let that stop them being friendly, smokers are just people with an addiction to nicotine and that doesn't make them less fun, less nice or less good. But you may find as your daughter gets older that parents of some of her friends are reluctant to send her to your house on play dates because they're concerned about smoke smell at the least, and smoke exposure at the worst -- even if you are careful to assure them you don't smoke in the house.
'
And be prepared: She's little now, but one day when she's old enough she will either ask you to stop -- which will be much harder years down the road -- or you will discover she too smokes because she figures it's OK; she saw you do it all those years. So prepare an answer now to the question: "You do it, so why can't I do it?"

The only time smokers bother me is when they smell. Its not the smoking itself just the smell. Sometimes I can smell smoke on clothes and it makes me sick to my stomach. I will move away from a smoker if I can smell it on their clothes. I know these people are nice people but I just can't get past the smell. Since you are a smoker the smell isn't something you will notice as much as the person standing next to you. I am not trying to put you down as a smoker because I was a smoker so I know how it is but I just wanted to share my feelings when it comes to smoking.

Cigarette smoke makes me gag and I can always tell if someone is a smoker so it would make it hard for me. Have you considered stopping again? You can't make your hubby stop too but you can stop for good just don't look for excuses. Not trying to be rude.

As long as you didn't smoke around me and my kids things should be fine.

Honestly - no - I choose not to be friends with smokers and would not allow my children to be around smokers. It is not the same as obesity - there is no such thing as "second-hand" obesity. Your smoking does affect the health of others regardless of how well you try to shield it.

I cannot stand smoke. It bothers me when someone walks into a room and I know they've smoked b/c I can smell it. It's on their hands and clothes and hair. Yuck! However, I would NEVER say anything. Those are my "personal" thoughts and tastes but I do not judge others because of it. I would definitely still be your friend!! I would not say anything to you about it. I would not think less of you because of it. If you asked me to or told me you were trying to quit, then I would try to help you, if you wanted me to. I don't know how these friends you speak of will react but if they don't become your friends for whatever reason, don't give up on trying to make friends. I'm sure you can find other friends, whether smokers or non smokers! Also, I'm not trying to preach but you CAN quit smoking even if your husband doesn't. I did years ago! My husband kept smoking for years after I quit and then eventually quit, too. I'm sure my quitting made it easier for him to quit. Pretend you're pregnant again lol. I just kept telling myself I needed to "lead" and set an example. Also don't be afraid to tell your doctor you want to quit. Your doctor can help you with that, too. All the best!

Yes, I could definitely get past it assuming you were respectful with your smoking. By that I mean, you aren't going to smoke in my house/car.

I used to smoke. Many of my family members smoke. While it is definitely not the healthiest habit in the world, it certainly doesn't make you a bad person!!

Of course! Just because you are a smoker, doesn't make you any less of a person! I unfortunately am allergic to cigarette smoke-so i smell it immediately if someone is a smoker- i can tell. I can't be around someone who smokes. It as you know is in the hair,skin, fingernails, clothes etc. I am asthmatic and that is a HUGE trigger for me-so I can easily go to the hospital with a severe asthma attack if I am triggered by the smoke. So, I do have to say honestly-that if it was super noticeable or noticeable in general, I would have to really limit contact with someone. Not because of them as a person, but because it makes me so sick.

But I have friends who smoke and so when we get together its probably a little different then when someone else would (because I am allergic) but we usually meet somewhere outdoors--like a playdate at the park or going for a walk around the lake etc. Coffee house or restauraunt. I don't try to change my friends smoking--- I know they know the risks and so I just leave it alone.

Hope this helps, and put yourself out there! If someone gets all high and mighty about it- you wouldn't want to be friends with them anyways.....

Molly

They already know you smoke. No matter how much you try to hide it the smell is there. Of course you should quit. I must of tried a hundred times before succeeding. Now smoke free for over 4 years (cold turkey finally worked) and never even think it might be a good idea to start again. As for the idea of judging someone based on smoking. Not really, but I would honestly wonder what other unhealthy things may be a part of their lifestyle. I wouldn't keep the kids from being friends but may find other things I don't clique with. Hope that helps.

Hi Kate,

Being a child of a smoker, I would say that if they were really worth having as friends they would see through your yucky habit. I have never smoked but my husband did when we first met, I swore that I would never date a smoker, but not only did I date a smoker , I married him and had a beautiful daughter with him.He quit about 5 years ago, but still does on occasion (ugh makes me a little sad but hey we are not perfect) We've been together almost 7 years. So to answer your question.... yes I would see past the smoking. It is rare to find people you connect with , so I say when you do, hold on to them! My mother quit smoking at age 65! If anything quit smoking for your health! Hope this helped and have a great day!

I would still be your friend, but I would ask you to not cover up the smoke smell with perfume or cologne because as a person with allergies the combination is much worse than just smoke... Maybe carry a little bottle of fabreeze to spray your clothes with instead. I would also ask you to smoke outside & not around me.

Don't be afraid to talk to your new friend about it. A true friend will try to work around it:)