Sleeping Problems - Miami, FL

C.,

I can totally relate, my second child is 6 years old now, but ever since he was about 5-6 months I can tell he was going to be very active and hyper and my suspicion was correct, Now he is very very active and is a strong willed child and I would read all kinds of parenting magazines and would never fit the critiria for their advice. Anyway he would try to sleep with us all the time and I would give in especially cause I wanted to sleep, but then I would just keep taking him to his bed so he would wake up in his own bed and associate that he is in his own and bed and needs to be there. When he was 2 he would come every night still and I would just walk him there for like 2 weeks and eventually he got sick of me saying no. With kids you have to stand strong even if it breaks your heart, I wish I had been stronger earlier. You will get thru it, just stand firm. Someone once told me that kids are only kids once,enjoy them eventually they don't even want to be around you as teens, I have a 12 year old that slept with us till he was 5 and now he is too "cool".

Just to let you know ,you are not the only one out there!!!
I have a 26 month old who still will not go to sleep on her own,grant you she was born premature and had to also have heart surgery at 6 months after having a stent when she was only 4 pounds.
the first eight months of our lives were really tough and very touch and go.
Although she is wonderful now and her heart is repaired.She needs a closeness( maybe we both do) that keeps me full on 24 /7,but I know this is true of many other babies that were born perfectly healthy.
I still breast feed her to sleep and she has always slept with me,,she would not even consider a crib or to sleep alone no matter how or what I have tried.
I do not have much help and am a single mom, but I have a great friend(angel ) who watches her when I go to teach and work,the only way she goes to sleep with him is when he holds her.
If he puts her down she wakes up almost every time.
I have learned to live with very little sleep and really practice being present with her as opposed to trying to do or think about the things I need to do when I am putting her to sleep or for a nap, it takes anywhere from 20 minutes to 45 minutes.
I will not let het "cry it out 'I do not think it is very nice.She is very smart and feeds less and less and sleeps a bit more and more as time goes on. I am going to try to be completly done with breast feeding by the time she is 2 and a half,this may mean 3 days of pure hell! or she will have weaned herself by than.
for now,I treasure the fact that I have her her in my arms ,my bed ,my life.
One thing I know is this will NOT last forever ,one day I will be begging her to get up and out of bed.
It is very difficult and I completely feel you frustration and pain!
Try staying present the best you can and this really does make it easier and more enjoyable for sure.
Another way I can get her to sleep sometimes ( and not until recently)is in the stroller or the car seat,she does not sleep as long but I get a break!!!!
GOOD luck,let me (us all ) know if you figure something out that works!!!
I am also over 40 and I WOULD like to have another as I really do not want Lehla to be an only child, I feel if I did what I have done so far with her,A second one could only be easier!Thus time,though, I would like to do it with a partner for sure,
peace! and god bless you nanny,you are very lucky to havr this!!!

Hello C., I dont have any advice. My little girl is 10 and 1/2 months old and has slept we me seens the day we brought her home. Dad doesnt seem to mind. She has a crib and I started putting her in her crib for nap time but she knows that it isnt my bed or I should say our bed. She wakes up everytime I try to put her in it.

C.,
I am surprised that so many people are able to sleep in the same bed with their children. We do it when our kids are sick or scared and even then it's horrible. They both end up crawling all over me and rolling all over until by the end of the night, I'm practically falling off the bed and they have overtaken it but then again, my kids may just move around in their sleep more than others.
I have a couple of suggestions that have worked for me. One is that you can stay in the room with him until he falls asleep. Maybe start by standing by the crib and rubbing his back or just sitting in a chair in the corner of the room. Each night you can go a little further away from him. This worked really well for my daughter when she moved to a big girl bed and wouldn't stay in her room at night. She was 21 months but I've heard that it works well younger babies too.
The other suggestion I have is to let him cry. So many people seem so against it but a lot of experts say it's the right thing to do. He is old enough now that he needs to learn how to self soothe. Otherwise he will just keep on expecting to share your bed. You may feel like letting him cry is being cruel or mean but it's actually helping him to be able to comfort himself which kids need. I'm not saying not to comfort him, but letting him cry for a couple nights is probably the best way to get rid of the habit.
Good luck and hope you find the solution that works for you.

Hey C., have you tried just going in there and laying him on his side and walking out? Sometimes they start to make noise and cry a little, but they are not really awake. They just need to be laid down and they go back to sleep. Don't turn any lights on or talk, don't stimulate him at all. Just lay him down and walk out.

The only other thing I would try is to let him cry a little. I know you said you don't want to do this, but if he is just crying a little, wait like 5 minutes and see. Most of the time they just lay back down on their own and go back to sleep (again, they may not have even been awake). If he was younger, I would say don't let him cry, they need to know that are there for them. But he is old enough, it is not going to hurt him to cry a little. He is safe in his crib. This is the age when they start to get manipulative, they know how you'll respond to them. But of courese, if he is screaming hysterically then don't do this.

Also, I read your little comment at the bottom and I just have to confirm to you that having 2 is MUCH MUCH MUCH harder than 1. I am also 40, I have a 2.5 year old and a 6 month. And it is a LOT different with two. It feels like triple the work. My best friend is in the same boat as me (kids the same age as mine-and she agrees with me too) I also have a nanny who comes when I have to work, she is my angel. But she's not there when I am home. She had 4 girls of her own and she is always exhausted when she leaves from just my 2. I would not go back and change things, I love them both so very much, but I would recommend that you think seriously about having another and just know what you are getting into. At least you have a nanny all the time. You are sooo lucky!

And honestly, NO KIDS match the examples in the books!!

Good luck!

I don't have any advice for you . . . my 2 1/2 year old started sleeping with us when he was 18 months old and still is in our bed! I just wanted to say hi - It's nice to know I'm not the only older mom (almost 42) who found the biggest blessing in her life with her one (and only) child a little later in life than everyone else!

Hi C.,
My name is Kathy and I want you to know that I also let my son sleep with me for over 2 years! I also breast feed him till he was 21 months! I had him sleep with me for security purposes. his father threatened to steal him & send him to Mexico. But we have a bond that is NOT breakable to this day; and Jose is a 20 year old Marine in Iraq! But i also believe that a little crying is music, because it expands their tiny little lungs. he did go to his own bed when I bought him a car bed at age 3.
So I truly ask that God will bless you & guide you in your decision here! I think you sound like a great mom! Enjoy every moment with your baby- they grow up so fast!
Sincerely,
Kathy N.

One thing that helps my 2 year old sleep since she was an infant is the sound of an air purifier in her room. It drowns out any outside noise and cleans the air in her room, so it's a double positive. You also might want to try a CD of lullabies. When my daughter was having a hard time sleeping that helped her a lot. You can also try a night light or even a "wooby" as we call it... The good old fashioned Linus security blanket helps my daughter tremendously. You've probably tried all of these, but I hope this helps anyway. Good luck!
T.

My son is about to be 11 months old. If I put him in his crib and his not extremely tired or already asleep he will cry and scream. What we've been doing is setting up a routine before bed. I give him his bath, get him ready and then I take him downstairs to say good night to Daddy and Daddy has made him a bottle. He gets the bottle while laying in our bed and he either gets tired or falls asleep. If he just gets tired we lay there a couple of more minutes until I know he's at the point of no return then I transfer him to his bed. We don't like to leave him crying either, it's just not our style and this has worked for us so far. Hope it helps.

Hi C.,

Congrats on your beautiful baby boy. So many books are out there these days and many of them written by people that have never had a child of their own. Being a Mom is the most precious gift God can give us. It does come with a very high price. Always second guessing every decision you make. When I gave birth to our first baby my husband worked nights and I was afraid of having him in his own room all night, depending on a monitor, constantly getting up to listen to him breathe, feel his body, get up every 2 hours for feeding etc...So I did what felt right to me against all the books, my husband, his mother, the pediatrician you name it. I brought my little bundle of joy in my room in the bassinett, and my son and I bonded, many nights after the feeding we would just fall asleep in each others arms in my bed. I felt safe and so did he. When he was 2 months old I broke my back and had to move 3 hours away to my parents. I could no longer hold him, nurse him, carry him, bathe him....I was a mess. I was going through post-pardum and when he was 3 months old I found out I was pregnant again.
Talk about emotions raging out of control. All I did was cry, blame my husband for my pain, I was so unhappy. The day came when I had to move back to my home with my son and take the back brace off. I was so scared. I kept my son in bed with me every night trying to make up for the two months I couldn't care for him.
He is almost 4 now. He sleeps in his own room has a big boy bed and his own space, but he still crawls in my bed every morning and snuggles with me. If he wakes up in the middle of the night scared he crawls right up wraps his little arms around me and goes right back to sleep. It's safety and security for him.
When our daughter was born we did the bassinett in our room for the first few weeks then moved her into her room with the crib. My husband wasn't working nights anymore so he had more of a say. At a year and a half she escaped from her crib so the next day I bought her a bed. She never really slept with me. She wakes up in the early morning and crawls right up in my bed just like her brother does...if she has a bad dream or isn't feeling well right up by Mama and snuggles.
I embrace this and welcome it. I feel that it's my job to make my children feel safe and secure and if that happens to be on my pillow so be it.
I bring them back to their rooms put them back in their beds and they are fine. I bought both of them twin beds so some nights I lay by them on their beds.
Kids work at their pace, they are all so different. My son started crawling on Super-bowl Sunday, a year later Super-bowl Sunday My daughter started walking. She crawled for
about half the length of the living room floor pulled herself up on the couch and walked right to me. I was in shock. My son started talking at nine months my daughter didn't really talk until 2. They are night and day in many ways and are exactly one year and 11 days apart. Both raised on the same routine, both very very different personalities. Do your best and what feels right to you. There is no greater bond, and the time will never be given back. They are only babies once. You can train them on sleeping alone when they are older. Good luck. I also put something with my smell on it in the crib. I would keep one baby blanket on my bed all day and often would wrap him/her in it as we would rock together so when I finally got him/her down I put that on them and it smelled like both of us.
I have had the same special blanket that I sleep with since jr. high I know that sounds silly, but this blanket is so comfy. I stole it from my Dad. It is the perfect blanket, soft, satin edges, cotton, cool in the summer, but still warm in the winter light weight and cozy. My son asked me if he could lay with my special blanky on his big boy bed, I said Yep. He snuggles with it every night and I tuck him in with the perfect tuck every night. They just want to be close to Mama, can you blame them. My daughter was easier with going to sleep if she is tired she climbs up on her bed and lays down goes to sleep, no prompting, her and her blanky and the one that is on my bed...just the 3 of them too cute.