When my daughter was a baby, we used the Ferber method to sleep train her. It worked wonderfully; she was putting herself to sleep after two days and so far she has never had a sleep issue at night. Now we have a second baby, and plan on doing the same with him in a few months. Our concern is how to do this with our daughter in the house. Because it is a loud process, we can't do it after she goes to bed. But I don't want to do it when she's awake, as she likes to comfort him when he's upset. Do any moms have experience with sleep training a baby with a toddler around? Am I worrying for nothing, or should I make arrangements for her to be out of the house (at grandparents, etc.)? Thanks.
Thanks to all the moms who have been there for easing my worries. We're still a few months away from starting, but it was nice to hear so overwhelmingly that it's not a big issue.
I think your daughter has it right... you SHOULD comfort a crying baby, not allow them to cry by themselves. Maybe you should reconsider sleep training for a more gentle approach.
Cynthia-I have no advice, but I am so so so interested in your responses because we'll be in the exact same boat in a few months with our baby and three yr old. I was thinking an overnight stay would be necessary for her, too. Maybe it's not....
best of luck to you :)
I have used the Ferber method with all of my kids. The first was 27 months old when the 2nd came along and my 3rd followed 19 months later. So I've had experience sleep training with other kids in the house. The baby was always just one door down from my other child(ren). I found that my older kids were better at coping & sleeping through the noise than I thought they would be. It actually ended up not being that big of an issue. For naps, I would just explain to the older child that the baby was going to be crying a bit and that they were okay and we would be checking on them often. At bedtime, I would put down the older child first & warn them again that the baby may cry for a bit before he fell asleep. I found that for those few days - that's all it usually took us as well - the older child did just fine. If they were tired enough, they would fall asleep despite the crying. The only thing I really avoided was starting the sleep training in the middle of the older child's nap. I found that disturbed the sleep cycle. But if the older one went down at the same time or just after - so they were falling asleep with the crying going on - they did just fine. Good luck!
Hi Cynthia,
I had the same problem with my boys. But what I discovered was that my older son just did not notice the baby crying at night. I would give it a try and see if your older hears anything. Good luck!
My daughter and son are 17 mos apart too! I was paranoid that they would wake each other up (as the older one did occasionally wake at night - just started this after the baby came). I learned over time that she was capable - and still is today at 33 mos (he's 16) of blocking it out most of the time - and going back to bed if he woke up.
I worried much more than I needed to, and honestly by keeping them separated (often keeping the baby in another room as he was colicy) made it worse. They will adjust much faster than you think.
I understand your concerns, but if I had to do it again -I would just follow the rountine you would like to and take it from there. Don't assume it will be as difficult. I made it worse than I needed to.
What exactly is the Ferber method, and how old was your daughter when you began this?
~Thanks,
A little about me:
Stay at home mom with a 3 1/2 month old son.
Hello Cynthia -
We trained our little one to sleep at 5 months (should have done it sooner, but I was having milk supply issues so I let him ask for milk at nights up until 5 months). At that time, our daughter was 2yrs. 1 mo. We didn't do the Ferber method, we used a method promoted by Dr. Hull's Common Sense Sleep Solutions (http://www.drhull.com/index.html).
It did involve crying (a lot of it), and we, too, feared it would disturb our daughter's sleep. But, it didn't. She either just ignored it (she got used to it as the sleep training lasted for 2 weeks) or she was already asleep and it didn't wake her at all (again, because I'm sure she got used to it).
They both sleep really well now (well, actually she takes forever to fall asleep these days, but once asleep, she's asleep!)
I think the training time will go by quickly and I'll bet your daughter will adapt just fine. Good luck! You need the sleep!
I'm not familiar with the Ferber method. We've just put our kids to bed from the start with no problems. We did recently wean from the paci at a year. It didn't go as smoothly as we had hoped, so we had a few rough nights. All three kids are in one room for another few months, so it was a problem at bedtime. However, we found our almost 3yo had absolutely no problem going to sleep with his sister screaming three feet away from him. The almost 6 yo did have a harder time, but seemed to make up for it in the morning by sleeping a bit longer. I'd just explain the importance of good sleep and that she can help her brother learn to sleep well if she will help support you in this. We find our boys are all about being a good example and showing or teaching the baby things like this. GL!
My oldest two children are 17 months apart. I had severe sleep issues with my first child, and was determined to do things differently with baby #2 to get some sanity in my house! I came across a magazine article in a baby magazine, but don't remember which one - so I can't really give credit where it is due - but it SAVED my life! It basically stated that babies starting at about 2 months or so are tired about 90 minutes after awakening. You have to watch for cues - rubbing their eyes, fussiness, drowsiness, etc. There is about a 15 minute window of time you have to wrap them up and place them in bed, awake. If you miss that 15 minute window, they get overtired and very fussy and are unable to soothe themselves to sleep. I tried it and it worked like a charm. Everytime I missed that window of opportunity, I would have to then rock my baby to sleep because he was too overtired and could not calm himself. It changes as they grow older, as far as the time frame before they get tired again after awakening, but it was a very peaceful way for my children to go to bed from an early age. I really don't even think we really had to go through listening to crying, because I also would give a pacifier. (Although the technique also works without a paci. There would probably be some fussing to listen too for a few days). It worked wonders on my second and third child, and I am trying it again with my 4th who is now almost 6 months. It is a little trickier this time as we seem to be home alot less. Anyways, good luck. I think I ended up putting whatever child went to bed better first (which was #2) because I then spent another 2-3 hours getting my first child into a sleep routine.
i could be wrong, but from my experience you are worrying for nothing. (we all do it). just explain to your daughter what is going on (ie: you are teaching the baby to sleep on his own) and that she is not allowed to enter the baby's room or go over to his crib or whatever you can't physically stop her from doing. at first we had our second baby's crib in our room with a lock on the door. but once we could trust our oldest (2 yrs older) to leave the baby alone at bedtime, we moved the crib into his room. occasionally he would go over to the crib and pat his brother comfortingly, but mostly he just stayed in his own bed singing to him. we thought for sure our oldest would not sleep with a crying baby in his room because he was so difficult to get to sleep himself, but he actually did fine! he fell asleep even with the noise of the baby and didn't wake in the night when the baby did.
now our 3rd baby is in our room, but the boys learned early on not to enter our room when she's asleep, so now that we're allowing her to cry for a few minutes at bedtime, the boys don't even get involved. they stay in their room and ignore the crying if they're awake themselves.
Not sure we put a bed in our living room since our children will be sharing a room once we can get the second to make it through the night.
it depends on the kid, but for us my older son would curl up and go to sleep in the same room while his younger brother cried. then we just had to work with the younger one to get him used to bedtime. This hasn't lasted, now they play together, turn the light on and I have to hit the breaker switch to get them to go to bed, but if I do this soon enough it seems to work out. Sometimes older brother would want to sleep in 'dad's bed' and then we would transfer him later when we went to sleep, so that could be an option also. The hardest part for us was that the youngest is a very light sleeper, so sometimes he'd get frustrated with being waken and not want to try going back to sleep. Is Ferber where you sit with them and let them cry? If so, it may take some adaptation.
I have done this twice now, the first time was with a 6 year old boy and our second son the second time was when my second son was 2 and my daughter. Both times, I set the schedule to put the baby to bed first. Just be sure to have your husband take the 2 year old and keep her occupied. Should work like a charm.
We did the same thing you're doing except the toddler in a boy and the baby is a girl. We put the baby down a half hour before the toddler and then just settled him into his bedtime routine with the baby crying. It only lasted a few days so it really wasn't an inconvenience and he didn't seem bothered by the fact the baby was crying. We just explained that the baby was upset because she doesn't want to go to sleep yet (which the toddler totally understood) but she would cry herself to sleep in a few minutes. We took him farther away in the house from the noise - like into his room to read books instead of in the living room, which was closer to her room. Distraction is king! Good luck!
We had to put our baby in a pack and play down in the basement. He was over a year by then, so we knew that he could sleep through the night. Not so sure about a wee little bairn though. GOod luck!
I have 4 children and have got each of my children to go to bed on their own from about the 2st month on. Getting a child used to being rocked, cuddled or nursed to sleep for a few months and then breaking them of the habit can be difficult, however, I do not recommend sending your toddler from the house while you do it. This could cause resentment issues toward the baby because she can very easily catch on that it is being done for reasons including the baby.
Good luck! Make it a GREAT weekend!
S.
