We have two girls, one now six and the other now six months. With the first one, I read the book Secrets of the Baby Whisperer and followed its E.A.S.Y. method (eat, activity, sleep, you), which was foreign to me since I was raised to let baby fall asleep while eating on the breast or bottle and then lay them down while trying not to wake them. This type of sleep usually doesn't last for long since baby might need to burp, or they wake up in a different place from where they fell asleep and are scared/confused. The activity after eating is the key. Then you look for signs of them being sleepy and lay them down where they are to sleep (in the bassinet or crib, ideally) while still awake. This way they learn to self soothe, and they are being laid down when they are full and ready to sleep.
This worked like a charm with our first child. She is in school now, so of course there is a set schedule - and the fact that there always has been helped that transition tremendously. But it wasn't imposed without respect to her body's needs. It was a mixture of working with her needs (she has always required lots of rest) and our scheduling needs. This taught her boundaries and compromise with mutual respect; a solution that was responsible and respectful to everyone. Going to bed at a certain time meant she could get up the next morning when she needed to (for us to go to work) without being tired. It would have been disrespectful to allow her to stay up late when she was going to have to get up early, which there was really no choice in if we wanted to keep our jobs and if she was going to have a good day; she does not do well when she's tired. Setting the stage for her to have the best day possible was most respectful thing for us all. To this day, she just goes to bed when she's tired (which is right at bedtime since that is what she is accustomed to) and puts herself to sleep. Angel baby.
I had every intention of using the same method with our second, but she is a mixture of an angel baby and a spirited baby - she's just different than our first. And, she lost too much weight at first and needed to eat as much as possible - she would fall asleep on the breast too quickly and we were concerned with her getting enough food. That passed quickly and she gained all the weight and then some, but I guess it stuck with me still because I was okay with giving her the breast/bottle in her crib to settle her down (it seemed to be the only thing that really relaxed her), as long as I sat her up to burp afterward (that was the activity part, which when they are tiny, is enough), she was going down awake and putting herself to sleep. She is such a light sleeper though, so at some point, I quit the burping and just let her sleep. It only took a few times of this and she was hooked. So now I have a baby that does not want to go to sleep without the bottle. I'm following the same book's ABC method (antecedent, behavior, consequence) for solving it. I have to say that her advice to "start as you mean to go" is the best parenting advice I've ever had. So my advice is the same, and do it as soon as possible, because fixing it is so difficult.
The ABC method in the BW book for fixing it is definitely not as effective as “starting as you mean to go”. The overall strategy is very sound - replacing old behavior with new - fading out the old. However, knowing what to do when your baby is not fitting the mold is tricky, which is why I am on here now, searching for more advice (I am going to read the No Cry Sleep Solution book. There is no way I will co-sleep or try the CIO method, mainly since I know neither will work for my baby). For this particular problem, the BW book suggests starting the E.A.S.Y. method of course. But starting it late, as part of fixing the problem is not quite the same - she now cries when laid down now that she knows she is not getting a bottle. So, for that problem, the book advises to soothe and then immediately release (lay her down), which could go on for a LONG time on the first night, but should decrease exponentially after that. So I went in ready for a marathon, but she got so overtired from fighting sleep (fighting for the bottle) that she could not be soothed - she was inconsolable...then what? In theory, there is no laying her down (no opportunities to release her/place her in her crib while calm). She ended up wearing herself, as well as me, completely out. But she was still crying. I laid her in her crib anyway, and then gave her a pacifier I had on hand for middle of the night stirs when she wants to suckle and doesn’t really need food (not at this age anyway). She doesn’t take a pacifier normally, but I think she was desperate - and she went to sleep immediately. That has been the routine for several nights now. But now I may be getting into that bad habit (the pacifier). I don't even take the bottle into her room - I keep it in the kitchen now - I want her to disassociate food from sleep. Through the day, she does fine. She takes her bottle, we have some activity and when she shows signs of being tired, she gets a little fussy so I put her down and she goes to sleep. The nighttime is a whole different ball game.
This is another thing in the BW book that she does not do (does not fit the mold) - the three phases of going to sleep: shows age appropriate signs of being tired (which is the window of opportunity to get them into a relaxing environment), then the seven mile stare/glazed over look, and then drooping eyelids, which is when you lay them down, still awake. Mine goes from rubbing her eyes (phase 1) to being fussy to either going to sleep or getting increasingly fussy. That's it - she completely skips from phase one to fussy...no gaze or droopy lids. The only thing that gives her droopy eyes is a bottle. She simply has nothing else that relaxes her as much.
So I am on the hunt for solutions again and another suggestion (not in the book - online) was to offer her a bottle of water instead of milk. Of course baby has to be at least six months old to offer water (due to electrolytes and nutrition balance that could be compromised otherwise). Well, she would have nothing to do with that. So now what? Once she is asleep, she does sleep through the night, except for the brief waking where she gets the pacifier (which, according to the book, should decrease as she is not getting food). She is taking longer naps now - they were very short and sporadic at first, so that is good, but I fear it is from shear exhaustion. She gets plenty to eat during the day.
As far as scheduling, I believe a good mix of letting them sleep where and when they need to (so they learn to sleep well under many conditions), but also respecting their sleep patterns is the key. It must be respectful; would you want to sleep in a restaurant? If they have to, of course it's better than throwing a fit or crying, but why would you schedule such things during your baby's normal nap time? When I say normal nap time, I mean what is normal for him/her, not necessarily what is scheduled by you to fit your schedule, but it becomes part of your schedule because that is what baby needs to get the best rest.
Of course, there are always going to be extenuating circumstances where baby might have to sleep in other conditions (maybe her normal needs are changing because she's having a growth spurt, cutting teeth, etc - something you couldn't have predicted, maybe it's someone else's schedule you are accommodating - there are several factors that could lead to these situations), and letting those happen without stressing (but learning from them) will help everyone better deal and cope with them when they arise. However, I don't believe imposing your schedule on baby works. If you do, you will most likely find that every time the schedule changes, so does your baby’s ability to cope with them and sleep through the night. I do believe that you have to be willing to sacrifice some things you might have previously had on your schedule, without resentment (what I believe to be the true definition of love) - that is part of being a parent. And doing this teaches them how to do the same, which is the most respectful thing you can do for them, so they will learn to respect your schedule as well. So between doing this and also pushing them just a bit to accommodate others’ schedules sometimes, they will learn to cope and deal. It’s a balancing act, just as life always is. But be mindful of consistency; it's easy to justify an off schedule situation when it's something you really want to do. If anything gets off track for any reason, just get back on as soon as possible - without guilt but with one more bit of experience and learning under your belt. Allowing occasional times of off schedule sleeping will teach coping skills and is usually not detrimental to what you have developed so far (unless you have a touchy baby, in which case, it could be - this is covered in the BW book too).
I don't believe in rescuing children at any age, but I do believe in respecting their needs and expecting them to respect yours too – something that is learned and can be demonstrated and thereby taught from the very beginning. Respond to cries (a baby's way of telling you they need something) and soothe, but don't coddle; this assures baby you are there for him/her but are not going to do it for them. This is true at any age. This teaches them that they can do it and they are going to be okay. Self soothing and other problem solving skills are built this way and lead to confident, capable, self-assured people. I believe that adhering to a schedule that is considerate of everyone, including baby - and doing it from the start - is key.
Anyway, I'm still searching for a solution to my current situation, but I thought this might help. Good luck with the book!