Sleep Questions

We have just started this problem with my three year old, she is an extremely happy go lucky little girl and always slept so well. Now we have the getting up at night, but also now we have started crying as soon as we put her down inher bed, at bedtime. She never did this! Then I realized that she is also showing signs of this throughout the day, suddenly she stands closer to us out somewhere, she wants us to pick her up, yesterday she was terrified of a family members dog who she has always loved, I'm hoping it is just a stage - Good Luck!!!!

My husband and I used to have to wear our little guy in a sling to get him to fall asleep for naps AND bedtime. We didn't mind for quite a while, but as he got heavier it got old and we started to get nervous for the future. He was about 9 months when we decided to make a change. We started with bedtime, when we could work together. We were not interested in the 'cry it out' method at that age, we knew he wouldn't understand why we were ignoring him and he'd feel abandoned. So we sat on either side of the Pack'n'play he was going to be sleeping in and laid him down and he cried his head off. We sang and rubbed his back, head, legs, etc. We'd give him fifteen minutes, then one of us would pick him up for five, to let him calm down, then we'd put him back down again. That first night it took three pick-ups, then he fell asleep during the fourth lay-down (so about an hour). Same thing the next night, but on the third night it dropped down to three. A couple nights of that and it was down to two, with periods of calm during the 15 minute 'down' sections. Overall it took about two weeks to get down under 15 minutes of distress, then by the end of three weeks it had become a new habit and there was no crying at all. We really felt good about our compromise, yes he cried, but he wasn't crying alone. We like to think that while he was really mad we weren't doing what he wanted, he knew we were there for him and still loved him.
I think you're right not to leave her crying, even at 18 months she may not understand. Now that our guy is two and a half, we're ok with just stopping in his room for a quick check if he wakes up crying during the night, and all it takes is a few words, or sitting on the chair by his crib for a minute then we say goodnight and we all go back to sleep - aaahhh! He rarely wakes up at night these days anyway. Back during the month before we decided to finally do something about the bedtime routine it was like we were in a black tunnel with no light at the end. But things do change, so hang in there!
Here's one other suggestion that has always worked for us to change a bad trend in sleep patterns - go away for the weekend. A hotel, your parents house, whatever. We don't know if it's just the break in routine, but it seems to 'reset' him, and when we get back, things go back to normal. Hope this helps -
L.

I would also urge you to reconsider your choice to use the Ferber method - it's not something to just "try" as it's pretty extreme. I would suggest instead reading Tracy Haag - the Baby Whisperer - who believes you should never ignore a baby's cries as that will break the bond of trust you have with her where she knows she can count on you.
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Babies and kids have sleep issues for many reasons. They are awake because they need something- not to be left to just cry and deal with it. Nightime parenting is exhausting but too often parents just want it to be easy- it is our responsibility to parent and nurture our kids even at night- if and when they need it.

Great adviced in the books, "The No Cry Sleep Solution". There is one for toddlers too. Good luck.

Sleep issues are so frustrating!! I see you decided to try Ferber. If you change your mind I also suggest "No Cry Sleep Solution." The library may have it or Amazon can deliver quickly. There are gentle methods that work for a lot of people and don't involve teaching your baby that you do not respond to her cries. If you do "Ferberize" I disagree with the poster who suggested turning off the monitor so you won't be tortured with her cries. If it is torture for the adult to listen to, think about how much torture it is for the helpless baby who is going through it and doesn't understand why. I think crying can really energize a lot of babies too. My DD gets more and more energized when upset so CIO would be a long punishment for both of us. I'm sure I could eventually break her if I kept it up but I would never leave her to CIO. I generally treat my DD as I would wish to be treated and being ignored and left to cry alone is not how I ever wish to be treated (we may be old and at their mercy some day).

With our 23 mo old we have had a few phases of sleep disruption. In addition to teething or illness, other things will impact sleep from time to time: big cognitive developments, changes in schedule and napping, stress, etc. There are also growing pains to consider. Even if CIO does work for this phase, you may have to employ it again later when there are other disruptions. DD was waking at 3 AM asking for books a couple weeks ago. It was painful to have a wide-eyed baby at that hour but I just calmly asked her to lay down and go back to sleep, it was night time for sleeping, etc. She did it after a while and after a couple nights of it she went back to sleeping normally.

So I'd consider gentle methods first. Whatever you choose it may take a little while and consistency is key. Good luck.

First, if you haven't already, I would check to make sure that she doesn't have an ear infection, or teething, or something else that is making it really uncomfortable for her to sleep. Assuming that she is physically fine...

I highly recommend the ferber method. Yes, it is excruciating when they call "mommy" and "daddy." That's why she's doing it - she wants you to come and get her. Thats the tough part about her being older. The nice thing about her being older is that she understands you when you talk to her. We "ferberized" our daughter (who had always before been a good sleeper) at about 17 months. We went in at 5, 10, 15 minute intervals. I took turns with my husband going in. Finally, after an hour of crying, my husband said to my daughter, "Look, I know you're not happy, but you need to go to sleep. You're a big girl, you know how to do this, you need to lie down and go to bed." She did! The next night she lay down and went to sleep without a peep. She's a pretty verbal kid, so she understood what he was saying, she realized she wasn't going to get her way, and she gave up. Mind you, this happened after two months of it taking an hour to get her to sleep (sitting in her comfy chair) and then waking up in the middle of the night and sleeping on her floor until morning. That hour was terrible, but afterwards we were so mad at ourselves that we hadn't let her cry two months earlier!

Two tips to make it easier, should you go this route. 1) turn off the monitor. Sitting there listening to her cry at high volume is just punishing yourself. 2) Remind yourself that what she's basically doing is throwing a tantrum - she wants something that she can't have. If you were at the toy store and she pitched a fit about wanting a toy that you weren't going to buy, would you give in just to get her to stop crying? Hopefully not. She is simply learning that she doesn't always get exactly what she wants, which is a hard lesson to learn (hence all the crying) but an important one.

Last thing - if you do let her cry, you have to go all the way. if you only let her cry for 20 minutes, she'll learn that's how long she has to cry for before you go in. That's not a pattern you want to set up!

Good luck!

I remember that time all too well with our son around that age. We found that his teething caused him to have sleeping issues. This would go on and off for several weeks and then completely stop when he wasn't teething. THere was nothing we could do and like you we would just hold our son in a recliner in his room until he fell asleep. He got all his teeth before the age of 2 and I can say we've never had anymore sleeping issues since then.

Teething can cause many disruptions!

I agree w/Paula,she is right on,hang in there!!

It could be teething, maybe 2yr old molars starting to peak through. I would rule out anything like that may be wrong first.

We have just gone through some sleep issues w/ our just 2yr old. She has always been a excellent sleeper just til recently, she gets right out of her bed crying for us, the "mommy" and "daddy" that melts you like you said, asking for books and back rubs. After a few nights of catering to her needs, and that not even getting her to sleep and me trying to tip toe out of her room til I had cramps in my legs and feet....... We did this... Did her usual nighttime routine, books w/ dad, kisses from mom, etc..etc Left a night light on, the gate on and out of her room we went. She was very fast to get up, open the door and stand at the gate SCREAMING!!! After just a couple min, we went back in and said "it is bed time, in your bed" And escorted her back to bed, we did this about 10 times and she finally went to sleep. We did no more books, no more back rubs etc...etc.. Just "back to bed" and that is it!!! That night she woke again, and we did the same thing, only about 20times. She again went to sleep, the next day it was way less. By the 3rd day, she slept just fine, no going back and forth. Even that morning when she was up at 6am, my husband went in to get her up, and as he went in, she went back into the bed!!! She was getting it, this was surely sleep training. I know all we want to do as Moms and Dads is to soothe our children especially when they are so little, but 2 nights of this was worth it to us to get our own sleep, and she in turn is sleeping much better now!!!
Best of Luck