My 12 month old little girl always cries her head off when we put her to bed, night and naptime. She has always been a "bad sleeper." She never just started sleeping through the night; we finally resorted to the Ferber method when she was about 7 or 8 months. It worked great initially, but we have had to do a couple of rounds since. Now, she does mostly sleep through the night. Sometimes she wakes up, cries for a minute and goes back to sleep. Occasionally we have to go in and give her a pat. But she ALWAYS wails her head off when we put her to bed. She almost always cries a lot when she wakes up (for real) too. And she usually wakes pretty early, between 4 and 5:30 am, and can't go back to sleep. She needs to be soothed with a bottle and I take her in my bed; she usually falls back asleep. Her naps tend to be pretty short too, except if I nap with her. Then, she'll sleep for an hour and a half. I don't know if I should just keep on doing things the way we do or not. I would like to not have the early waking and it breaks my heart every time we put her to bed (3 times a day! It's hard.) I'm wondering if she has an actual sleep disorder. My pediatrician said most babies cry when they're put to bed, but that's not the case with any of the other babies I know. Any experience or advice from those of you who have done sleep training?
Hi,
I am with Jennifer H. My son had reflux and he had an awful time getting to sleep. He was in so much pain it was horrible. I would try something for gastric pain and see if this helps. My son had it for a long time. He is 6 years old now and is over it. It took until he was about 15 months old before he could do without the medicine. The fact that she does not want to be put to be is a big sign.
Sincerely,
W.
Each baby needs different amounts of sleep. 10-12 hrs per day at her age.One issue could be that she is getting over tired and losing it at nap/ bed times because she is so wound up.
Are you giving her unwind time before you put her in bed? With mine we did bath then cuddle time in her room with me reading or singing to her when she got sleepy we were right there, I put her in bed then rubbed her back til she fell asleep.
Some people are ok with the cry it out method, some not. To me it is unnecessary. There are many options to it.
Let your baby sleep with you, put a bed in your baby room, rock your baby to sleep etc..... Bed time can be a relaxing, good experience for both of you.
Not a battle with your child.
This is a very sore subject for more families than you think! This is exactly what needs to happen to fix this for all of you, no sleeping/napping together, no bringing her to your bed no matter what time it is, and once you have weaned her, no bottles at night.
She knows that she will get you by crying, so thats why she does it. Its better for both of you if you never sleep together, because she has come to expect it. Hang in there, nap time will get better too, just be consistent!
So sorry to here all the troubles. I have a 21 month old daughter and we did Ferber when she was about 10 months old. Interestingly enough shortly after she went down to one nap around 12 months. I might try dropping a nap to see if that helps. Also you didn't mention if you have a bed time routine. We do dinner, bath, reading and then I put her down with a small bottle of milk. As long as she has had enough exercise during the day she goes off with her bottle with no problems. I also use a sound machine for white noise and she has a couple of night lights so it's not pitch black in there. Good luck!! ( please excuse any typos as I'm doing this answer on my phone :) )
The best advise I can give you is to read "The Baby Sleep Book" by William Sears. We co-slept with our oldest who is now almost 5yrs and he sleeps in his bed without any help. Our 7mo old is currently in our bed and its a wonderful bonding experience. Its doubtful your baby has a sleep disorder. Babies cry for a reason whether it be they are hungry, tired, wet, or that they just need you. But regardless of what your pediatrician tells you (they dont know everything) you have to do whats best for your family. Parents co-sleep with their kids in most of the world and its seen as natural. It's only in our culture that its seen as wrong. And it is not healthy for your baby to cry that much. http://books.barnesandnoble.com/search/results.aspx?WRD=t... if you go to this link and under the picture of the book click on "see inside" you can read some of the things in the book. I hope this helps.
I am guessing, she only needs one nap a day.
I posted this for another mom on Feb 1st....She had a son with the same problem....
You did not give a schedule of his day. What time does he wake up? Do you try to give him a morning nap? Does he have an afternoon nap? What times? What time do you all eat dinner and give him his bath to get ready for bed? What are your evenings like? Do you follow the schedule every day? How active is he?
Children need structure. A schedule is a great way to establish structure. As parents one of the hardest things is that we are not as able to be impromptu, because our children really need to know what is going to happen next. Also children's bodies need rest, but they also need some "very active time."
Try to establish a schedule so that each day you will get your work done, but he will also have time to be active. The more active he is, the more he will grow and the more tired he will be for his sleeping times.
If he wakes up at 7:00 am, make sure he eats a good breakfast. Give him some playtime with floor type toys. Then get him outside for a bit of active play. Running, climbing, throwing.. Let him be verbal, loud really active etc.
Then give him a small snack and maybe run an errand. Not longer than 1hr. 30 min. Then bring him home and give him his lunch and then a quiet time of a story and then a nap. Turn off all noise makers around the house. Your phones, tv etc.. Make sure his room is darkened, maybe play a quiet music CD or story CD. He can breast feed or give him a bottle while reading to him. Do not engage him in any conversation. Then Let him have his nap.
When he wakes up, more play with toys or helping you do "chores" , unload the dryer. Find all of the socks in the basket? Help me pick up leaves outside. Then another errand if needed or Very active play time. Hide and seek, races, pulling the wagon. Then time to get dinner ready. He can play on the floor next to you. Maybe stacking cans? Maybe a canvas bag filled with toys, putting things in the bag, taking things out of the bag. Show me the car, show me the ball. Playtime with dad and you but not too loud or active.
Have a nice dinner. Be careful not to be too loud. As long as your child gets really riled up it will take him to calm down. Sometimes twice as long. Turn off the TV.
Bath time should be quiet, and the house slightly darkened so that it does not look like there is anything interesting about to go on.
During the bath, have really warm water and use strong rubs like a massage. Then wrap him in his towel and carry him into a slightly darkened room. Dry him with strong strokes, use quiet voice tones. Breast feed him or give him his bottle while you read him a story.If he has a bottle, lay him in his crib while he drinks. When he is finished with his bottle, rub him slightly while you read. Read slower and slower while reading. Do not engage him with the book. Do not ask him questions. He should be pretty worn out.
If he wakes in the middle of the night, give him a few minutes, he may settle down. If he needs to have a diaper change, change him in total darkness, no conversations, then lay him down and he may go right to sleep. If he needs to breast feed do it in the dark, no conversation. Or make sure you have a bottle ready so you can give him a small bottle.
In the beginning getting him to sleep on his own may involve some crying. Just close the door and check on him in 5 min. only if he is crying. do not touch him, just peek and tell him "it is time for him to sleep". If he cries again, give him 10 minutes. then 15. etc.
Sometimes starting this new routine is best on the weekends cause there may not be much sleep for anyone in the house.
I am sending you strength.
Hi M.,
This sounds so much like my first son. He is a Babywise baby, so was sleeping through the night by 13 weeks of age, but would still cry himself to sleep: especially at night.
For him, I felt very strongly he *needed* to cry: it was like he was releasing all his socked-in energy (he, quite literally, is so full of energy, that he vibrates!); he would cry, louder and louder, and right when I thought it was going to be too much for me, he would go silent.
People still tell us he is the happiest kid they ever met: which I attribute to good sleep: the crying was his way of winding down.
Good luck.
t
Poor mommy! Poor baby! It's hard for me to imagine how hard this daily misery must be for all of you.
Because I suffer from pretty severe chemical sensitivities that play havoc with my ability to sleep, and because there are hundreds of chemical-laden products used in the modern home that didn't even exist when I was young, I often wonder whether our little ones would sleep better if we simplified their environments.
Since this is such a long-term problem, you might try the following few major steps and see whether they help:
1. Remove all air "fresheners" from the house, or any product intended to change/enhance the smell of the room air.
2. Avoid using any strong smelling cleaners (or cosmetics!) when your daughter is in the room. Look for more natural alternatives for the general health of your family.
3. Avoid fabric softeners as if they are poison. They are. In the rinse cycle of your laundry, especially items that will go into your daughter's room, use half a cup of vinegar to remove detergent residue and freshen and soften the fabric.
4. Avoid processed foods that contain preservatives and artificial colors. A major British study recently showed that these ingredients make many kids more hyper. You can google for more information to find out which ingredients caused the trouble.
Maybe you are already using natural and low-impact products, in which case, I hope you are able to find a solution that makes your little girl's life (and yours) easier. I can't help but wonder whether your very young daughter isn't simply expressing a valid need not to be repeatedly separated from you.
Does she have gas or acid reflux where it might hurt to lay down. Sometimes they could have acid reflux and you not be aware of it. Check that out and see. The reflux could be a symptom of a food allergy.
First, your baby may be waking up early because she is hungry, especially since you said she has to "be soothed" with a bottle. I strongly recommend the book Super Baby Food by Ruth Yaron. It is a wonderful resource on feeding, variety, and quantities. Your baby shouldn't be crying that much. None of my three children cried their head off when I put them to sleep. I nursed them all to sleep, and they went right out. My husband called it the knock-out nipple. If you are not nursing, after you feed your baby, look for cues when your baby is tired and try putting her to sleep on her tummy (at least during the daytime). I put my 2nd and 3rd to sleep on their tummy right away--they digest better. Try taking a walk with your baby during the day around naptime and see if she goes out then. It will also give you a chance to get some exercise. All babies are individual and as you know by now have their own unique temperment. At this time, your 12 month old still thinks you and she are one person. My oldest daughter had such a difficult time sleeping, she slept with us. You will need to make the decision if you want to do that consistantly or not. The Ferber did not work for us, but I have two friends who swear by it. I personally don't believe it is healthy and is find it very stressful for both mother and baby to allow your baby to CIO. Try putting your baby to sleep at night at the same time, keep the TV off, dim the lights, etc. and relax. Some babies wake up during the night for a diaper change, quick feeding, bad dream, etc. If any of my babies woke up in the middle of the nigtht, I would tend to their needs as quickly as possible, and get them and myself back to sleep (usually 15-20 minutes max). Whatever you decide to do, be consistant. One other thing, is to look at your baby's diet. If your baby is that unhappy, she could have an allergy, or be lactose intolerant. Try eliminating dairy for a week and see if that helps. Best of luck!
We've done things both ways. We put our babies in bed and let them cry (one of ours literally cried until he threw up many nights). Now we co-sleep. Co-sleeping has been much more pleasant for all concerned, but I understand it's not for everyone. You might check Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution. It doesn't sound like she has a sleep disorder.
Here's an article on children and sleep that may help
http://blogs.goddardsystems.com/Cedar-Park-TX/2010/01/09/...
The cry it out method doesn't work for all children's emotional makeups, wouldn't have worked for my first child for sure, and it doesn't sound like it's working for yours. It's obviously causing trauma otherwise you wouldn't have to keep retraining. I ended up co-sleeping and it was what worked best, with a peaceful transition first to her bed right beside mine, and then later in her own room. Best of luck.
Truthfully, your doctor is right. All kids cry and they will cry so long as they know it will get them the attention they desire. It will be hard, but you will just have to develop a tougher mom-skin, secure ear-plugs, and reward good behavior. If you want her to stop crying, you must reward her with your attention once she has calmed down. Giving her attention while she's wailing her head off only reinforces her belief she needs to do that to get your attention. If you ignore the wailing and go to her BEFORE she cranks it up or AFTER she calms back down, you may see a difference in her behavior. It will take some time because she's been doing this for a long time. Kids manipulate their situations all the time; it is a survival technique that is necessary. But teaching her the right way to get attention is something you have to do because it is a lifelong knowledge.
Good Luck!
Hello M.,
I would recommend "Healthly Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. He talks about different methods for helping children sleep including sleep training. I can't say I understand your situation as my son is a champion sleeper, at least at night, day time is another story! One piece of advice that has worked really well for us is that that if he gets up early for several days then I put him to bed earlier (15-20 min) for a few nights and it makes a huge difference, 1 to 1.5 hours in the morning. I wish you the best of luck! The book provides great advice on sleep training. It saved our lives!
