Sleep Deprived

J.,
Just remember that letting him "cry it out" isn't just so that you can finally get some sleep, it is also to help him develop independance. Learning to sleep on his own is his first step to being an independant person. That being said, I couldn't do much of the letting him "cry it out" myself when my son started giving us problems with sleep. I did it a little at a time, but I also stood my his crib until he fell asleep sometimes. This way I wasn't picking him up and didn't have to worry about him waking back up when I put him down. Just keep trying to put him down. Maybe you can get him attached to a blankie or something. My son will sleep almost anywhere if he has his blankie. Good luck!

I know that you are not going to like this response but because you hold him while he sleeps is why he will not sleep by himself. If you do not let him "cry it out" you are never going to get any sleep. You don't just leave them and not reasure them that you are still there. You let them cry for 5 mins then go in, tuck them back in, rub his back and let him know you are still there (do not pick him up). Leave again and let it go for 10 mins and repeat again letting him know you are still there but not picking him up. Each time let it go a little longer. You cannot continue to hold him or you are going to be doing that for the rest of your life. This is coming from a mom of a 16 yr old, who slept thru the night from the time she was 1 month old and 5 yr old triplets who slept thru the night from the time they were 3 months old (all 3). I hope this helps. Good luck to you.

Hello J.,

I have a 23 month old and have gone through something similar with him. I have read all the advice and it sounds good. I would encourage you to check on the reflux. If he sleeps better in a upright position then I would bet on that. My son needs a pacifire and a blanket to sleep and still wakes up and needs reasurance but it does get better. Also my son would not sleep in the crib so my Dr. suggested that we put a mattress on the floor with blankets around it so he would not fall off and hurt himself. It helped alot. He started that before he was 12 months. He sleeps that way now. Hope you find some answers.

May be it's gas or other tummy trouble. It's common that babies have bellyache or just gas. Try babies magic tea and he'll calm down. I believe...

I know how you feel, don't worry, you're not the only one. It's just the trials of motherhood. A lot of kids have a hard time with sleep. It can be scary, especially when they're in pain and they don't know how to soothe themselves. I have 2 kids 4 1/2 and 16 months. My first was a real challenge. I still have issues to deal with, but it's mostly because I was a little too soft in the beginning and it allowed her to realize she had this power over me and she used it. so I had to develop my own technique that has evolved over time. With my 2nd, i got it pretty easy, but I've still had to see him through many nights of tooth pain. But otherwise I made sure to be consistent and firm with him so that he couldn't find my weak spot. so I've been all over the map on this issue.
Maybe he needs a soothing, reassuring routine that leads him into sleep. A little while before nap time find something quiet for the 2 of you to do together, like reading a book or looking out the window. Then offer something to drink or even a small snack if he wants. Then while he's doing that, start saying something about naptime, like, When you're done eating it's time to take a nap. you need to rest and then we can play some more. Then when he's done eating or drinking check his diaper and make sure he's wearing something comfortable to sleep in, and rock him a little in his room. Maybe even quietly talk to him about how tired he must be and make him feel all warm and fuzzy. then try to put him down and rub his tummy or back and say real gently It's time to go to sleep now. Try walking out, and shutting the door. Wait outside to see if he keeps crying, then if so, go back in and repeat from the rocking point until he gets tired enough or you give up and let him sleep on you. then you can just try it again the next day. It'll be really hard at first for both of you, but if you come up with your own routine and stay consistent, it'll work it's way out. For nighttime, just try the same thing but add a bath in to give him a warm sleepy feeling. Then eventually he gets the steps and can calm himself down cause he knows what's coming. I understand your feeling toward crying it out. i could never do it either, but when what you're doing isn't working for you then you know you gotta make a little change. The longer you make it easy for him to take over your time and be dependent on you to fall asleep, the harder it is to make a change when he's older. If you take little baby steps away from the situation now, you'll find it much more manageable than later. You just have to be willing to do things that may seem uncomfortable to you at first, but it will get easier for him, which will make it easier for you. Whatever methods end up working doesn't matter, the point is to make him feel like it's okay to go to sleep and that he's safe. But I admit that when my kids are sick (teething can make you feel real lousy) I indulge their need for comfort and sometimes lay on the couch with them so we can get a better night's sleep. Just make sure to get back to the routine and be firm once you know they're feeling better. I hope this helps, and remember this all passes in a blink of an eye!
P.S. I just read your other request about the breastfeeding biting problem and I just made the link with his sleeping problem. Of course! He's even more upset bacause you're withholding the breast, his best source of comfort. I don't know if it's too late for this, but I have some advice on biting. Instead of pulling him away, push the back of his head toward your breast. I know it sounds weird, but it forces him to open his mouth so he can't bite and you can pull out with out getting hurt. Then you put him down and let him know that's not okay. So I know you said you were thinking of weaning anyway, if you think you wanna try it again, you could approach it more slowly while getting him through his bad teething right now. But if not, you need to definately replace that source of comfort with something new that will help him sleep easier. Sorry so long winded, I just really feel for you.

A mother of a 4 month old I understand where you are coming from, needing sleep. What we have done at time that has helped is that we have let our son sleep in his swing, the motion seems to help. Also, we wrap him up so tight with a blanket for the warmth and cuz it feels like
someone is holding him and he fall asleep. As far as the teething goes we would massage my 2 years old son gums before he went bed and gave him the teething tables and that seemed to help. Good luck!

Just wanted to agree with what Katy K said about pulling your baby toward you when he bites while nursing. I nursed my daughter solely until she was a year old (and biting) Pulling her toward me worked great. It saved me lots of pain, and my daughter figured out really quickly that biting me ended in a not-so-desirable result for her :)
I assume that the teething tablets you're using are the hyland's? If you're not already doing this, I found out that if I gave them to my daughter consistently throughout the day (keeping it in her system), instead of waiting until she acted like she was in pain, she actually slept better, for naps and at night. I guess the only other thing I would say is that your baby might be reacting some also to the sudden attempt to wean. He might be sensing you pulling away from him (though I'm sure you're not intentionally!) and that could be another (if small) part of his only being able to sleep when you're there. I feel your pain... been there :)

I also can not let my daughter cry it out. If you get a chance read "The No Cry Sleep Solution" By Elizabeth Pantley (I think I spelled the last name correctly). I read it very sleep deprived also. It has helped wonders. I bought a noise machine from Babies R Us, because any little noise, like a car driving by the house, would wake her up. In my opinion you are right to not let him cry it out, it releases stress horomones and raises their blood pressure, it can also make them scared of their crib and room. You need a consistent routine that starts at the same time every night, keep things quiet and dim for about 2 hours before bed until he gets used to it. The other thing that worked wonders for us was I moved her bed time from between 9 and 11 (she fought it every night) to 7:00. She sleeps so much better now. I hope some of this helped.

I know you said that you don't believe in them crying it out but that worked miracles for our family. Just like the doctor said it would. He was very confident of letting our daughter cry it out at 6 weeks old for 10 minutes intervals and then going in after each one. Let me just say that its up to us as parents to make habits and such and if you occupy your time and distract yourself from the crying for even 5 minutes and start out that way and BE CONSISTENT. I cannot tell you how true that really is.I was consistent with that at 6 weeks for about a month and then wa-laa sleeping through the night(7:30pm to 7:30 the next morning) I swear!!!! She's now one years old and still holds to the same schedule. I understand that every baby is different. Also think about you may be in better spirits and will feel better about all the other stuff when you try something and it actually works because you made it work that way. It's such an accomplishment. Hope you give it a try!!!!

i completely feel your pain! i have a healthy, independant, spirited, strong-willed 12 month old who does exactly the same thing- she only wants to be held all night. shes never been a sleeper, she loves play time and will play until she literally collapses. then she'll take a 20 minute cat nap and go at it again! if i try to encourage her to sleep when shes not ready she finds this amazing strength and fights with all her might. there is nothing physically wrong with her, aside from the occational teething issue. i feel the same as you about the cry it out situation, but i was so desperate after months of less than an hour of sleep at a time, that i gave it a shot. 8 nights later, there was no difference, she would cry so hard for hours she would vomit and hypervenelate. i stopped trying because her personality type was so strong it was just torture for all of us, not to mention she was more sleep deprived than before. i've read all the books and tried so many "sure fire" techniques that haven't worked i'm at a loss, too. i'm not trying to scare or discourage you from any of the suggestions, but i am just wanting you to know that i empathize with your situation. i'll let you know if i find a miracle cure ;) i haven't slept more than 2 consecutive hours in months, either. if you want to comiserate,or you try something that works for you, just shoot me an email. good luck :)

This problem seems to be all linked together with the tooth pain, and the nursing. If there is tooth pain, maybe it's not the right time to take away the comfort of nursing. You need to decided which problem is keeping him up, solve that one first and then deal with the others. I would guess that it's the tooth pain, and give him motrin, tylenol won't help with tooth pain, it doesn't have any anti-inflammatory properties. I was having trouble with my son wanting to get up in the night to nurse, and it turned out to be his top teeth bothering him. After those were resolved, I started picking him up and neck nestling while I walked his room, if I sat down he thought he would get to nurse. Then I would put him to bed and rub his head until he was sleepy enough to go to sleep (it take 10 to 15 min), not what I wanted to do but if you don't want to let them cry it out, it's not easy. Eventually, I just went in and rubbed his head or hold his hand, so that he was getting comfort but not getting picked up. After a while I would wait a few minutes before I went in and he was making fussing noises but would go to back to sleep on his own, remember, babies are noisy sleepers, you might want to turn the monitor down, so that you aren't running in his room when he really is just making noises.

The suggestion about starting a bedtime routine, and starting it earlier also worked for us, I have read and found from experience, that a child that is overtired, will find it harder to fall asleep. Again, starting 2 hours before bedtime is a lot of hard work, but it really is worth it, go to the extreme for the first 2 weeks and then after that you will find it so much easier. The routine actually signals hormones in the body that it is time for bed. Same as when you work outside the home, you get used to eating at the same time everyday, and getting up at that same time. Good luck.

Hi J. -

I know sleep deprivation is awful. I am so sorry you are going through it. From my experience (I also could not my son cry it out), I have found other things do work, but it takes patience and repetition...all things that are very hard when you are very tired!

WHen my son was 4 months, he was a bad napper. We would have to walk him around the house till he fell asleep. Then we tried the method where we would calm him until he was sleepy, but not asleep and lay him in his crib. We did this using the same routine everyday (ours was/is rocking and reading a few books...whatever works for you, do that). WHen we would try and lay him in his crib, he would cry almost immediately. We would pick him up and console ONLY until the second he was calm....no longer and try to put him down again. We would repeat until he fell asleep. It was touhg. One time we were at it for 75 minutes. And trust me, there are still tears, but we did not leave him to cry it out. It took about 1 week and a lot of patience, but since then, he goes down for naps and bedtime without a fight.

Good luck!

have you had him checked out for reflux? there are two kinds regular and silent reflux the kind you don't see...which my son had and at 9 months with NO SLEEP we had it diagnosed by a pedi gastero doc....he is now 4 and been off of his meds for 6 months now.....WHAT a difference it made in both him and me!