Sleep Advice for 4 Month Old

You didn't say if you are breast feeding or bottle feeding but either way, if you haven't started cereal and fruit, start now. Especially on the night feeding right before sleep. It might help.

Did try swadeling her and I put my baby on a strick schedule and in a month these two things he was sleeping through the night. I learned this in baby wise books. Good luck.

Try a sleep positioner and place him on his side. My daughter slept like a CHAMP in that thing (through the night consistently from 7 weeks on...) and once she started crawling she was out of it. Sleeping on her side (alternating sides) seemed really cozy and she wasn't able to startle herself awake. Best of luck!

M....you did not say if you are nursing or formula feeding. I BF and I know that infants who are BFing are more apt to wake at night for feedings. My baby girl is 10 1/2 months old and still wakes 2 times a night for nursings. Mostly because I believe she is so distracted during daytime hours that her good feeds come in the dark of night...without distractions! Check with your ped for advice on weight and sleeping through the night...I know my girl is big and healthy enough to sleep through without feedings...I just don't want to cry it out anymore! It was bad enough getting her out of the bed and into her crib! Sleep will come! And don't forget to nap while your little one is napping! I have found myself going to bed as soon as my baby does...so long to prime time TV!
hope that helps!

Hi M.,
You might try rubbing the soles of the baby's feet gently. It should relax the baby enough possible to go to sleep. Also try rubbing the palms of the hands for the same effect. It's a form of reflexology which is a modality of massage. Good luck.
V.

M.,

My third is 4 months so I know exactly what you're going through. What I did for my other two and for my new guy is to have them sleep in their bouncey seats. When the baby fusses or moves the bouncing of the seat helps lull him back to sleep. Now, having said that, let me just say that not even an act of God could make my first sleep more than 4 hours a stretch until he was 18 months. However, the bouncey seat worked for my 2nd and does work for my third. Also, at 4 months we promptly introduce cereal to fill the belly for the night. Good luck, girl. You're not alone.

Your baby is probly hungrey, feed her/him some cereal before you lay him down and he will sleep longer because his belly is full
good luck
D.

I agree with one of the other moms. Get him out of your room. That was the biggest thing for my 10 month old. We had him sleep in our room over the holidays at grandparents due to no other rooms and I was miserable. I woke up every time he did. Move him in the hall or in his room so you can still hear if he really needs you. He should be able to sleep for 6 hours at night straight. Also be wiling to let him cry it out a bit.
Good luck and I hope you get some sleep!

Hi M.,
I also have a newborn. My daughter just turned 3 months!!! I don't know if this advice will help, I'm pretty new at this mommy thing, but if your son is breastfed try giving him one bottle of formula before he goes down for the night. I was totally against this at first, but I just had to return to work and I was willing to try anything. I have been giving my daughter one bottle of formula before she goes to bed and she sleeps for about 5 or 6 hours!! Yippie! When she wakes up, usually between 2 or 3 am, I nurse her and she goes back to sleep for about 3 more hours. I also started giving my daughter a bath right before bed. (Every other day.)This seems to help.
I send you a big hug because I SO FEEL YOUR PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good Luck.

Here is some information I found through a mom's group I belong to on the internet. The person who posted this is what is called "an attached parent" so I don't know how much it fits you. Personally I think ALOT of it makes sense. My now 5 year old did not give us a night's sleep until she was 9 months. I found I was more tired the nights I faught it and much better the nights I just pulled her into bed and held her for the night. We're expecting our 3rd this fall and hope to apply alot of this to the new baby. At the end the author of this write up recomends a book by Dr. Sears. From what I have heard and seen, he's one of the most practical ones out there.

Good luck!! And God bless!

Sleeping through the Night
by Katherine A. Dettwyler, Ph.D.
Department of Anthropology,
Texas A & M University

[This essay was originally directed to one person. It has been edited slightly to make it less specific.]
I am an Adjunct (semi-retired) Associate Professor of Anthropology and Nutrition at Texas A&M University, and I do research on infant/child feeding beliefs/practices both cross-culturally and from an evolutionary perspective, as well as research on children's health and growth. I know from first-hand experience that being a new parent is a difficult time of adjustment, especially when expectations don't match reality, especially when our culture has taught us that children should have certain needs/wants/behaviors and then our children don't seem to fit that mold. This problem of a mismatch between expectations and reality can be very difficult for new parents to accept and adjust to. Sometimes, some children can be encouraged/convinced/forced to fit the mold of cultural expectations, and they do fine. Othertimes, though they do eventually fit the mold, it is at the expense of their sense of who they are, their self-confidence, their view of the world as a safe and trusting place, sometimes, even, at the expense of their health or life. Probably nowhere do cultural expectations and the reality of children's needs conflict more than in the two areas of breastfeeding frequency and sleeping behaviors.

Human children are designed (whether you believe by millions of years of evolution, or by God, it doesn't matter) -- to nurse *very* frequently, based on the composition of the milk of the species, the fact that all higher primates (Primates are the zoological Order to which humans belong, higher primates include monkeys and apes) keep their offspring in the mother's arms or on her back for several years, the size of the young child's stomach, the rapidity with which breast milk is digested, the need for an almost constant source of nutrients to grow that huge brain (in humans, especially), and so on.

By very frequently, I mean 3-4 times per hour, for a few minutes each time. The way in which some young infants are fed in our culture -- trying to get them to shift to a 3-4 hour schedule, with feedings of 15-20 minutes at a time, goes against our basic physiology. But humans are very adaptable, and some mothers will be able to make sufficient milk with this very infrequent stimulation and draining of the breasts, and some children will be able to adapt to large meals spaced far apart. Unfortunately, some mothers don't make enough milk with this little nursing, and some babies can't adjust, and so are fussy, cry a lot, seem to want to nurse "before it is time" and fail to grow and thrive. Of course, usually the mother's body is blamed --"You can't make enough milk" -- rather than the culturally-imposed expectation that feeding every 3-4 hours should be sufficient, and the mother begins supplementing with formula, which leads to a steady spiral downward to complete weaning from the breast. Human children are also designed to have breast milk be a part of their diet for a minimum of 2.5 years, with many indicators pointing to 6-7 years as the true physiological duration of breastfeeding -- regardless of what your cultural beliefs may be. I can provide you with references to my research on this topic if you wish to read more.

The same is true of sleeping. Human children are designed to be sleeping with their parents. The sense of touch is the most important sense to primates, along with sight. Young primates are carried on their mother's body and sleep with her for years after birth, often until well after weaning. The expected pattern is for mother and child to sleep together, and for child to be able to nurse whenever they want during the night. Normal, healthy, breastfed and co-sleeping children do not sleep "through the night" (say 7-9 hours at a stretch) until they are 3-4 years old, and no longer need night nursing. I repeat -- this is NORMAL and HEALTHY. Dr. James McKenna's research on co-sleeping clearly shows the dangers of solitary sleeping in young infants, who slip into abnormal patterns of very deep sleep from which it is very difficult for them to rouse themselves when they experience an episode of apnea (stop breathing).

When co-sleeping, the mother is monitoring the baby's sleep and breathing patterns, even though she herself is asleep. When the baby has an episode of apnea, she rouses the baby by her movements and touch. This is thought to be the primary mechanism by which co-sleeping protects children from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. In other words, many cases of SIDS in solitary sleeping children are thought to be due to them having learned to sleep for long stretches at a time at a very early age, so they find themselves in these deep troughs of sleep, then they may experience an episode of apnea, and no one is there to notice or rouse them from it, so they just never start breathing again. Co-sleeping also allows a mother to monitor the baby's temperature during the night, to be there if they spit up and start to choke, and just to provide the normal, safe environment that the baby/child has been designed to expect.

Is this convenient for parents? No!
Is this difficult for some new parents to adjust to? Yes! No doubt about it, the gap between what our culture teaches us to expect of the sleep patterns of a young child (read them a story, tuck them in, turn out the light, and not see them again for 8 hours) and the reality of how children actually sleep if healthy and normal, yawns widely.

But the first steps to dealing with the fact that your young child doesn't sleep through the night, or doesn't want to sleep without you is to realize that:

(1) Not sleeping through the night until they are 3 or 4 years of age is normal and healthy behavior for human infants.

(2) Your children are not being difficult or manipulative, they are being normal and healthy, and behaving in ways that are appropriate for our species.

Once you understand these simple truths, it becomes much easier to deal with parenting your child at night. Once you give up the idea that you must have 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep at night, and view these nighttime interactions with your child as precious and
fleeting, you get used to them very quickly.

I highly recommend Dr. Sears' book on Nighttime Parenting [available from the La Leche League International Catalogue]. Our children's early years represent the most important and influential time of their lives. It passes all too quickly. But meeting your child's needs during these first few years will pay off in many ways in the years to come.
Prepared August 25, 1997

What is the baby like when he wakes up at night? Is he fussy and awake, still mostly asleep but fussy? Does he take a pacifier, or does he have another method of self-soothing?

My 4 month old wakes up from time to time during the night, and she will generally go back to sleep with her pacifier. She does keep me running, however, as she shares a nursery with my 17 month old, and I try not to let her wake him up. I don't feed her anymore at night -- I weaned her off night feedings starting at 3 mos by giving her less and less in her night bottles (I am not BFing) until she slept through. Usually after 3 mos a baby no longer needs to be fed overnight, although they will still wake if you continue to feed them. Not everyone is comfortable with weaning off the night feedings, though. I have just found that it worked for me.

Absent that idea, you can help him develop a method of self-soothing to put himself back to sleep, whether that is a lovey (blanket or stuffed animal), pacifier, or something else. My 4 month old is still learning how to self-soothe, and it's making for a lot of trips to the nursery to give her the binkie, but I have faith that eventually she will "get it" on her own.

Hi M.,

I'm a Mom of a 10mo old little girl, she began sleeping through the night when she was 5 1/2 weeks old and has not gotten up in the night even once since. My suggestion is if you are breast feeding possibly try making the last feeding a formula bottle with rice cereal mixed in it, put the cereal in a food processor before putting it in the bottle and open up the nipple a bit. I don't know if you have tried this or not but it worked wonders for us and our little girl sleeps like a charm, down every night at 7 and sleeps unitl 6:30 or 7 the next morning. Best of luck for a more restful night, for you both!

Hi M.,

If he is 4 months old, usually thats around the time they can start being introduced to solids. Maybe try a little cereal mixed with formula at his last feeding before bedtime. Fill that baby's belly !! it might just hold him over for a while longer between bottles. Also, he might be teething early so keep that in mind. I love the lavender scented calming lotions they have out for babies. That stuff seems to calm them down nicely. I used to put a little bit on my daughter and also just put a little bit on her sleeper, that way the scent lingered. Lots of luck Momma !

S.

You mentioned finally sleeping in a porta crib? Where was he before? My guess is you've changed his sleeping arrangements and he's just trying to adjust to a different place and schedule. Be patient...and if he's been fed and has clean drawers then I'd let him cry and soothe himself to sleep. Good luck! Be patient and consistent!

The AAP does not recommend giving a baby solids before six months of age. Their digestive system is just not ready for that.

What soothes your baby? Music, reading? If you try moving him to his crib, keep something in the room that help him self-soothe. It could be a tape recording of your voice reading a story, a lullaby CD, or even one of your shirts (unwashed, so it smells like you) nearby.

Are you breastfeeding? "Sleeping through the night" at four months of age is six hours, not 8-12! Hopefully, you will be able to get him down to 1-2 night feedings, which is definitely better than 4!

Finally, you didn't mention if the 4 times a night is a new occurence. If so, it could just be a growth spurt.

I am not a professional, but I am a mother of two boys ages 3 and 14 months. The first thing to figure out is why is he waking up so much thru the night? My oldest was on rice cereal with applesauce by that age so I would suggest maybe adding some food into his diet. Another suggestion is routine... Mine is bath with lavendar lotion and bath soap, a warm bottle (I did not breast feed) and then I would wrap them up and rock them to sleep.
As far as the lotion not only but it on his body but also rub some on the outside of his shirt so that he still has the scent long after it has soaked into his skin. My oldest also used the "mommy" bear the one that sounds like the mothers womb. I am not sure where he was sleeping before this move into the porta crib, so it might just be the adjustment or it may be that he was in a routine before the move.
Some thing else is my oldest was teething by 4 months old so it could be that also. A useful remedy for that is either teething tablets and I found out with my youngest that Vanilla extract works just as well. Just take a q-tip and dab it into the liquid and rub it lightly on his gums. Try that one night and see if that might be the reason he is waking up.
Hope this can help you. Good luck

Hi, just wanted to chime in about solids-- the major kids' health organizations (AAP and WHO) are against starting solids before 6 months. There is no evidence that it helps babies sleep, and solids may make sleep problems worse because the stomach is not mature enough to digest food properly. Here's a good summary: http://www.kellymom.com/nutrition/solids/solids-sleep.html

I agree with the other moms that moving him out of the room is the way to go. Babies (and adults) wake up a little bit between sleep cycles and may toss and fuss, but usually they go back to sleep if you leave them be. Unless he's very small, he should be able to go about 5 hours between feedings. if it's been less than five hours, give him a once-over to reassure yourself that nothing's wrong, but don't rouse him fully by picking him up, turning on the lights, making noise, etc. If he was sleeping in your bed before, he may not know how to put himself back to sleep if he wakes up unless there's an adult there. It's just going to take time-- like a week or so-- for him to learn a new routine, and realize that he can fall back asleep on his own.

Also, put him down while he's tired but still awake, instead of holding him until he's asleep. Falling asleep in one place but waking up in another would freak anybody out!

Your angel has what is called a sleep association problem. He associates you with falling asleep and when he wakes in the night and you are not holding him he demands what he needs. You ABSOLUTETLY MUST get Dr. Ferber's book... "Solving your childs sleep problems". We started at 4 months sleep training our little boy. Letting him cry seems cruel, but it was very short and if you have Dr. Ferber's rules you have control over the situation. This book was a God send... I'm sure you don't remember what a full nights sleep is like... it's amazing. You can do it!! (If you want more inforamation e-mail me... I'd be happy to talk to you via e-mail or phone!) ____@____.com

We went through this at around 4 mo. My ped strongly suggested moving him to his crib in his own room because he was getting too uncomfortable sleeping in the bassinet. It took about 2 nights until he accepted it. AS for the feedings, you don't say if you are breast or bottle feeding. Mine was bottle feeding and still waking for feeding. My ped said at 4 months it was more for comfort than hunger. She had me wean him off one ounce each night (first night 4 ou, second night 3 ou, etc) until he was getting only water, then after a few nights of water, i would hand him the bottle of water while he was in the crib and leave the room. It took a week or two, but he finally got the hint that waking for water wasn't much fun. Also, when he does get up, don't turn the lights on, no talking, no TV, etc, so he gets the hint that it is night time, not party time.

Hope this helps. This too will pass!

Hi M.

I am not a professional caregiver per-say, But I am a stay at home mother with a two year old and coincidentally a 4 mo old, which makes me kind of professional, you know that. I had trouble with my first getting her to sleep. I finally tried every last suggestion I got and I found 3 things that seemed to help. One, before you lay your little guy down, try to use a heating pad to warm his porta-crib and blankets. Take the heating pad up and turn it off before you lay him back down though. His bed will be comfy and warm kinda like the womb. Two, make sure to swaddle him snug as could be so he is tightly wrapped up and his cute little jerky movements don't wake him up. Three, if you breast feed my suggestion is to pump first and then feed him the milk you pumped through a bottle, this way you know exactly how many ounces he is getting per feed during the night. I found that when I tried to breast feed at night, my daughter would be up every hr because she wasn't getting enough. Once I began to pump and feed her she would wake up maybe one to two times a night. I have used all I learned from the first on my new 4 month old and it seems to be working a charm. I hope this helps, but maybe you have already heard all this and you already tried it. In that case I am sorry I couldn't help, but hopefully I had something you could try.

Hi, my name is A. and I am also an Army wife. I have two boys 5 and 7. I have been in your shoes before. Here are a few things that you can do that I did.
Is he in your room? Get him out. Even if you need to move him into the hall. That way at least you won't wake up everytime he stirs. Second, if he is on formula, and daddy is at home during the night, have him help with the feedings. Your sleep is no less important than your husbands. My own husband taught me that! Third, do you absolute best to take a nap during the day. It may seem like you will lose "productive time" but you will feel like a new woman after a nap. If it continues, and no one is getting sleep, consider taking him to the pediatrician to see if he needs a an antigas medicine before bedtime. He may just have a tummy ache. He may be teething. There are million reasons babies don't sleep through the night. I have been where you are. I am sorry you are having such a hard time. If you need additional support, e-mail me at ____@____.com Good luck and God bless!!

Hello,
I also weened my daughter off night feedings at 3 months. We went through an adjustment period, but after only a couple of days she was sleeping from 7 to 7. We did let her "cry it out" during this adjustment period. I know not everyone is comfortable with this but it worked for me. Also, I swear by the swaddle, binkie, and white noise (courtesy of The Happiest Baby on the Block). Good Luck

Hey. I just responded to another mom's similar problem with getting her child to sleep at night, so know that you're not alone on this. I agree with Suzanne. Baby Wise and such books that give guidelines for allowing a child to cry (when well fed, clean, burped, bundled, not sick, etc.)until he/she falls asleep get a bad wrap because 1) it's just a guideline and parents' take it too seriously and follow it to the letter of the law, and 2) because parents crumble too easily and aren't consistent. Remember, you're the parent and you have to set the structure for your baby to follow.
First with my daughter I tackled putting her to bed. When it was time (obviously she was tired) for her to go to sleep, I'd make sure she was clean, bundled, well fed and put her in her crib. She'd cry and I check on her after a few minutes, then let her cry a little longer, check on her, let her cry a little longer, etc. I wouldn't pick her up but just tell her she needed to sleep and that I loved her. Believe me it was hard to let her cry but it worked. I had to do this consistently for at least a week but she learned to fall asleep on her own and now she doesn't make a peep but goes to sleep in minutes.
Next I tackled nap times. It helped when I learned to read my daughter's tired cues before she got overly tired. Even if she was still chatty and happy,I'd put her to bed. When I thought she'd slept long enough (1.5 hours or 2 hours, depending on her age-that's what I'm doing now) and was still asleep, I'd wake her up and feed her right away. I was extremely consistent but not a nazi about it. At 5 and 1/2 months she takes 4 naps (each 1.5 to 2 hours) a day and is so happy!!!!! She goes to sleep in minutes and wakes up chatty. It's cute.
Lastly I tackled the night time feedings. Several of my friends and sisters recommended that I cut out her late night/early morning feeding cold turkey. They did it with their babies and it worked for them in 3-5 days. For example after the 4-5 hour stretch when your baby wakes up for another feeding at 2 or 3 am, rebundle him/her, rock him/her and put him/her back to sleep but don't feed your baby. Your baby will most likely cry for a while but each night he/she will cry less and less until he/she no longer wakes up for that feeding. I am too sensitive and couldn't do that. However, I was struggling with PPD and was desperate for sleep, so my mom intervened. What a saint! Rather than having me breast feed my daughter at 2am my mom would give her a bottle but would slowly reduce the amount of milk each night by half an ounce. Starting out with 3oz the first night, 2 and 1/2 oz the next night, etc. slowly going down to a half ounce. When my daughter would still wake up, my mom would rebundle her and put her back to bed with a pacifier but not feed her. Within 9 days my daughter was sleeping through the night (7-8 hours straight). Now at 5 and 1/2 months she's sleeping 10 hours at night. It's great!
Also, I would seriously recommend that you put your baby in another room at night! When your baby truly needs you, he/she will cry loud enough for you to hear. We moved my daughter out of our room when we started to wean her at night from her feeding. Babies make too much noise at night with all their gruntings and cries even in their sleep. I had to learn that my daughter was fine without being right next to me. Like you I needed sleep too.
Finally, I would recommend the Miracle Blanket for bundling your baby. It really helps. I got it at Buy Buy Baby. Also, I'd suggest getting a sleep buddy for your baby. It's like a baby blanket with a bunny or teddy bear head on it. I gave one to my daughter. I put some of my breast milk/scent on it and gave it to her so she'd think I was close to her at night. She loved it instantly and now sleeps unbundled with it. She no longer wakes herself up.
I'm sorry to write so much, but my heart goes out to you because I was just there not too long ago!

Oh M...I sooooo feel for you. I had trouble getting my first son to go through the night and it came as a matter of necessity because his brother was born and I couldn't physically be up with both children every other hour, all night, every night. I feel your pain!! Our pediatrician suggested that for the first night or two I'd wait 2 minutes before I'd answer his cries and go to him. THe next couple of nights I'd wait an extra few minutes to respond, etc., etc. Within a week or two (?) he'd wake up, whimper for a few seconds, then go back to sleep!!! ALL NIGHT!! It was SO hard on me not going to him right away but the doctor insisted that he was old enough at 3-4 months to go all night without a feeding. HIs crying for me every couple of hours was habit. Also, I couldn't pick him up and rock him like I had been. He knew that would happen and enjoyed it. I could stand briefly at the crib side and pat his little rear and talk reassuringly, but then say "Good Night". I SWEAR it's harder on you than him. This is my 2 Cents worth. Good Luck!! C. O.

First of all, you have 2 kids, you will not feel rested until they are grown, married, and have families of their own. That's part of being a parent.
Does he sleep a lot more during the day? He may just have his nights and days mixed up, awake more at night, asleep more during the day. If this is the case, wake him up more in the day time, keep the lights off in the night. Someone mentioned finding something soothing. Two of my kids loved the Fisher Price Aquarium. It has different settings, for the little ones I would set it to bubble with the light, and have the water noise going. Something soothing only works if it is part of bed-time routine. My kids all slept in their own room from 3 months on, sleeping mostly through the night. It only works if they are tired (no naps for several hours prior to bedtime), full (if BF, nurse a long time, to make sure they are getting the thicker hind milk), and dry. Have a set routine, mine is a night-time prayer, hugs/kisses/snuggles, bed, blankets (for you tight swaddle), and then the FP Aquarium on. I say good night and leave the room. Let them cry at first, as soon as they can put themselves to sleep, the more likely they will be able to do it in the middle of the night. When my kids would wake up at night, I would go in and pat them, turn the Aquarium back on and say good night. When the routine is set, they will know what that means. For my little ones (ages 3-5 months) I would sometime pick them up depending on the cry (full scream, not ready to calm down), we would rock for a minute, calm them, then start the bedtime routine again. You will be able to tell if they will calm down or not.
Best of luck!

I can totally sympathize! I have a 4 month old as well and was EXHAUSTED until last week. I know this is a very controversial book, but I recommend Richard Ferber's "Solving your Child's Sleep Problems 2nd edition." It is NOT leaving your child to cry w/out responding. That is just the bad rap the book got. The book is filled with practical advise for helping your child learn to fall asleep without YOU. And that is an important skill you can help them learn. My husband was ready to start "ferberizing" when our son was 2 months, but I waited until last week. Prior to last week, I started to slowly decrease the amount of formula the baby would get in the middle of the night until it was only about 2 oz. Then on Sunday we went cold turkey with the food, which wasn't a problem becuase he doesn't really NEED to eat at night at this age. Then, I started to go into his room when he would cry but not pick him up (unless he needed a change). The first time you wait like 3 minutes, then 10 minutes, then 12 minutes, and you just keep waiting longer and longer between checks. It was REALLY hard, but now 5 days later, the baby is sleeping through the night! It is called the progressive waiting approach and I only tried it because I was deperate. It is amazing. And I was worried that he would be "mad" at me. But he is as happy as ever during the day and still naps the same amount. Good Luck!