Sister-in-law Will Be in Hospital for 1 Month and Won't Be Able to See Her Kids.

They have those great new recordable voice books for kids now, which would be good. She can record herself reading the book and then when the kids flip the pages they hear her voice reading to them. They are really cool, and helps the kids feel closer to their mom.
Good luck to her and hope everything goes well, best wishes!

when my husband went to iraq he made a video tape for each child, something that they could watch anytime they wanted and it was just him talking to them, she can also maybe read a book into the video camera in case there is a night they just want to hear her voice before bed and she may not be feeling well

L.

Wow, that is really tough.
Is there any way they can see her through a window at the hospital, but not break the sterile boundary?
Her older two kids need simple honesty. You can not touch Mommy, you can talk on the phone and when mommy is done with the hospital and medicine she will have lots of hugs to give.
How about skype?
Take lots of photos now. Make videos now of mom reading and singing. Make videos of mom and the kids. Make videos of mom doing the kids hair etc etc before she leaves. Make a video of mom giving the morning instructions - go brush teeth and hair etc. But do try to be as honest and simple as possible with the older 2. I really hope that this time goes quickly and your sister in law is well again.

My dad had Leukemia, so I was raised in very similar situations. Just as long as they get some phone time, the web cam and in good hands with family and friends, they will be okay. She will probably have it tougher than they will, since they will be kept busy and she will be alone in the hospital room.

She can prerecord little videos and make a play schedule so they can watch it on the day the schedule suggests.

Her kids can do the same thing, they can write her lots of notes, draw her pictures, make paper chains she can hang up and such so she can decorate her room and make it seem more homey.

Also, make sure she has activities to keep her busy in the hospital. A deck of cards for card games, magazines, crosswords, puzzles, games, little crafts, dominos, journal, sketch book, chess board, novels... I don't know if she will be in isolation and have to have everything sterilized, but if so, they can sterilize pretty much anything.

Often times in isolation, they are in a window paned room, so the family can visit during the day through the large window. My dad always called it his cage and pretended we were visiting him in a zoo. Anything to keep humor and the situation lighthearted is essential to help pull through. If the kids can visit the window, makes sure they have games, puzzles, coloring books... so they can help keep busy too.

Last year my sister in law went through the same thing. She needed 1 caretaker at all times, so they set up schedules for someone to be either with her or at their house with their kids while her husband was with her. I think the daily phone call was what kept her kids going. The diversion of visitors also helped too. She has 8 year old twins and 2 older children which helped keep things constant. They had meals brought in from friends every few days, to relieve some of the duties. As long as the children have loving family or friends around them to help them through, they will survive the month, even though it seems like an eternity now.

I would think they would love a daily card/note from her to help the older ones stay in touch. Phone calls will be just as important though.

I hope that the treatments are successful for your sister-in-law, mine is now in remission.

Wow, this brings back memories....I had a stem cell transplant almost 8 years ago and was in the hospital over the holidays as well. My kids were very little (3 1/2 and 9 months) and in very good hands. My husband stayed at the hospital and in Hope lodge during my transplant and he didn't get to see the kids either, but his parents moved here to take care of everything for us, so we didn't have to worry about babysitters etc.
We made recordings of bedtime stories and songs for the kids, but I don't know how much they were used. We did the video thing back and forth and that was good for the most part. I would say use caution on her end taping in the hospital when she "out of it". There will come a time when she is definitely not at her best and that is not something that you will want on video. I look back on those minutes of the video and they really make me ill. I am so glad that that is not what my kids have to remember me by. My kids did come to the hospital and we got to "talk" through the glass in the nurses station, but again, I was a mess and it was hard for me. Not sure if they really understood however as they were so little. I am so grateful that they were, as they don't remember those low points.
We had friends who brought my daughter a box of presents to open (one each day), she loved that! I would also recommend doing something similar for your SIL. My husbands aunt sent me a box with wrapped ornaments and I got to open one each day and I decorated my hospital room with them. those are very cherished ornaments now. I would love to talk to you or your sister-in-law if I can be of any help. I had AML (leukemia) and my sister was my donor. Doing well now, with minimal problems. My transplant was at KUMed. D.
PS if she is going to be at KUMed, my husband is a clinical child psychologist there and works with families in this situation all the time.

Ugh, that sucks!

Maybe she can write them a note for every day and then they can chat about it that night?

Maybe she can video tape herself reading the kids their favorite bedtime story and Dad can play it for them before they go to bed?

All my best to you and yours.

Oh my this is tough and know that even though we are strangers we will be praying for her. How about getting one of those rcordable books and tape her reading to the kids. It is great to be able to SKYpe with her as well. I like the PP's idea of mommy video tapping the night and morning routine and have them see it. I think the count down calender is good for little ones as it give them something to see and they can process... The number of days until mommy is home. Looks as if she should be coming home the day after Christmas or the day right before. Maybe get one of those CHristmas count down clocks and use it for Mommy Countdown. I bet you military families can shed a little light here as well. I do think keeping the kids to a regular routine will be oh so important. Hey she is about to have a "Stem Cell BIRTHDAY"! Have a count doen to Mommy's New Birthday and celebrate that when she is comes home. Check with the hospital and see if they have a Chld Life Program. If they do, they can work with the childrn free of charge and have wonderful ideas. They will let the kids play with mask and let them know the importance of them as they practice using them. Before she leaves she can prepare and wrap little mommy tokens and have the kids unwrap something everyday from mommy. Do little words of wisdom from mommy to them and have one those read everyday. Tell her to sleep in a couple of shirts or with a recieving blankeet under her for a few nights so her body scent gets on the blanket and have that for baby. Dad can place it next to baby at night time feeding and in the morning so baby can have mommy's scent. This works good for the older ones too, but especially with baby who has a strong sense of smell for bonding. I know she is tired right now, but if possible, decorate for the Holidays now. That way it is just as mommy left it and the kids will have wonderful trim the tree memories for the up-coming month. Since she will be missing the cookie time, have her and the kids make cookies and freeze them. As the days go by in Decemebr take small batches out and defrost and eat them. Have her make Christmas Goodie bags for her 6 yr old's class and she can take those in right before the class Holiday Party so that her 6 year old will havee Goodies to share at that time too with a Mommy Touch. Finally have all of your friends and family around and assure her before she goes in that everything will be okay and that her family is taken care of. Let het know that you will all be there. This will help ease her mind and let her go in with less stress and therefore calm her body and accept the transplant better. NO STRESSORS right now. Arrange for her to go and have her toes done and a message before she goes.... Good Luck. Here is a (((HUG))) and know she is in our prayers.

She could make a recording of her talking to them, saying things like "I love you!" and "I miss you!" I got a frame for my husband and it has a digital chip that allowed me to make a message for him; something like this would give them her photo and voice. Skype is a great idea, of course. This will be hard for everyone. Good luck to all.

What about a portable mailbox that can be taken back and forth so the older kids can send notes, pictures, etc and mom can send them notes back?
I wish her the best!

My husband was in Iraq for a 16 months while my kids were 3, 1, and in utero. Before he left, we had him tape record himself reading books to them. Kind of a homemade book and tape. At bedtime each night, they would pick a book and Daddy could "read them" a book each night. This didn't cost much--we just used books we already had and put them in baggies with the cassette tapes. My boys loved this and when he came home, my middle guy was 1 1/2 and afraid of everyone. Once my husband started to talk to him, he recognized his voice and went right to him--it was amazing. Probably a great way to keep the baby connected to mom. Plus, good for the older ones to keep mom a part of their bedtime routine. She could record a month worth of books and tapes and the kids could get a new one each night and have something to look forward to. Best wishes to your family during this time.

Maybe she could record herself with a message for the kids to show this kids (a short message for each day or at least most days). Something different and while she is looking well (before she goes in). Then with the webcam she can be more interactive.

Another thing is she could record herself reading books and they could play them back at will.

I think that it would be nice if the family had a daily communication log. This could be as simple as a blank journal with lined paper that the father brings to and from the hospital. The older one could write notes or short letters, and the middle one could draw pictures. They could also print out pictures of themselves at events that their mother will be missing, or attach souvenirs from any holiday or school events they attend. Their mom could write back to them and respond to her children's specific experiences and feelings on a daily basis. This might help everyone feel connected and up to date. The journal could also have a countdown of how many days left until mom gets to come home. The children will probably benefit from daily phone calls or Skype as well, but the communication log is a tangible representation of their mother's continued involvement in their lives.

she could record a good night story so they can listen every night before going to bed!

If I were doing a recording for my kids, I would do one with the two of us together - playing or reading or singing, the little daily things we do together. My 3 year old loves to see himself on TV and would probably watch a video a lot more if he were in it. Plus, if I were isolated, I could have that memento too and know that we are having a "shared" experience of watching ourselves together.

It could be hard but it doesn't have to be. As a mom, your kids pick up so much emotion from what you are feeling and thinking.

I think in addition to the web cam she may also want to put together video messages to the kids. Make these as creative as possible and keep it light and airy and encouraging. Perhaps a reading of their favorite stories or even a new story. This should be done in advance because there may be days in her recovery she may just not feel up to the web cam thing and the kids would have the opportunity to see and hear mom at will.

I loved Denise P.'s suggestion of the mailbox. With my kids, we were always creating stories together, they would tell part of the story and I would tell another part. This could be a great exercise for the 7year old and the 4 year old.

If this is viewed as an adventure instead of "a very difficult time", I think all would be better served. I'm praying for her recovery and strength. Please keep us posted on the progress as you can.

I know that she's gonna have the webcam - but why doesn't she record some short videos for the kids as well to watch every once in a while. It could be random stuff or reading their favorite book ro something...

You have great suggestions so far but I was going to add maybe making a photo book. I know she only has about a week left to get it and I'm sure a million other things done, but I love to make photobooks on Snapfish and Shutterfly and they always have coupons. My daughter is 3 and my husband has been traveling a ton for work lately and we've been trying to teach her to look at pictures when she misses someone, we even do this when I go out for a ladies night b/c she's very attached to me! Anyway, it would be a cute and easy thing to do and the kids would always have it. She could do one big book of family pics and pics of her and the kids together or she could do three small books dedicated to each child. Even if she had the pics on the computer, any one could put together the books. I don't know if that's something that's possible, but I think it would be pretty special...it could even be one of the "presents" that the kids open each day or a message sent back from the hospital from mom. Good luck!

First, I would approach the whole thing as an adventure rather than as a tragedy. I would tell them stories about adventurers that struck out on their own, discovered new things and how to overcome hardships and difficulties. Surely there are enough Thanksgiving and Christmas stories that fit the bill! Just like the wise men that were separated from their families in order to seek out a precious gift, we are going to spend some time apart so the doctors can help your family find the priceless gift of a healthier mom! Then I would ask the family to make a pact to do their best to encourage each other through the process and that the very best gift they will give each other this year is to exercise faith, patience, trust, and encouragement. Instead of thinking only of ways that Mom can send encouragement to the children, have the children engaged in finding a way to support and encourage each other throughout this time. It can be a daily project, perhaps at the dinner table, to ask what we did to encourage each other today and to ask if anyone feels like they need a bit more encouragement.

If the kids are old enough to write, you can ask them to write down what they hope for each day. I knew a family that made a box and called it 'The God Box'. Whenever they had a hope or a problem the couldn't solve, they wrote it down, held it while they said a prayer, and put it in The God Box. Why not make a Mom Box. Tell them that Mom wants to hear all the things they want to tell her and that they can write down any thought at any time and put it in the Mom Box so she can read them when she comes home.

Whenever the kids seem to be having some trouble waiting it out, you or another adult can be prepared to guide them into making plans for what they will do when Mom comes home. You can ask, "What would you do if Mom was here right now?" Once they answer, you can ask, how about we make a plan to do that after Mom gets home. We can wright down the plan and make a journal of our plans and then we will have so much fun going back to the plan journal with Mom.

Plan for times to process the feelings. No matter how you try to guide them into fun plans and hopeful feelings, there will likely be moments when they just need to cry about it. It can be very helpful to ask them, "What would you like to tell Mom if she were here right now?" followed by, "What do you think Mom would say if you said that?" then "Wow, I can almost hear her voice saying that. Let's close our eyes and pretend that she is right here saying that and let's cuddle up and enjoy that feeling, shall we?" Contrary to habitual beliefs, it can help to cry them if you can do it in a way that shares their feelings. Just be careful that you are not venting your own fears and griefs to the child, but rather in a way that says, "I feel what your heart is feeling. Is it okay if I cry a little with you?"

If your sister knows that you are prepared to do these types of things, it may bring her great comfort. Just try to make sure the kids understand that she is not leaving them because being home is bad for her and she must get away to get better. Kids have a tendency to misinterpret. Make sure they know that Mom is only going away so she can come back and be a strong and healthy Mom for them and that she will feel like she wants to be with them every day. Also make sure they know that she would never go do this unless she was certain that there were people to take very, very good care of them.

Oh yes, I've been seeing commercials for books that you can record your voice reading. You record your voice reading the book and the child just turns the page and a recording of your voice reading that page comes on. If there are favorite books or lullabies, she might want to record her voice for the kids in a way that they can access whenever they want.

Hope this is helpful. Best wishes and blessings all around!