Moms - I need your help. Both my husband's father and his cousin have Asperger's, but don't seek any treatment. My husband's aunt pretty much burries her head in the sand and isn't much help. Here's the deal...
My son is a very talkative, high-energy child. He is also very affectionate, so he doesn't have the typical autism signs (of course there is no such thing as typical autism). He does have some behaviors that concern me. First, he gets in to trouble at daycare a lot for hitting, taking toys, etc. Second, he loves Hot Wheels and Disney cars. He lines them up and makes them in to shapes, like airplanes. He does drive them around, but pretty much only when my husband or I play with him. Another concern I have is that he's a hand flapper. When he gets upset, he flaps his hands during his tantrums. Lastly, he hates change. We have to set a timer to warn him that we're going to change from one activity to another. The last two nights, he refused to clean-up his toys before bed. I put him in time-out. Since we were trying to get him to go to bed, I cleaned up his toys while he was in his room. He completely freaked out when he came back and all his toys were put away. From talking to my husband's Mom, she says that my husband, who is an only child, did all the same things when he was that age, so to her everything is completely normal. All of the 'weird' behaviors are amplifications of what I have always considered my husband's idiosyncrasies. So talking to my husband about it is difficult. He keeps joking that now I understand that he was born this way, but doesn't think anything is 'wrong' with our son.
So are there any Mom's out there that have kids with the same types of behaviors? Is this normal? Am I being paranoid? Another question, my son sees a family doctor, not a pediatrician. Are they equipped to watch for the signs of autism or should I take my son to a peds dr.?
I am blown away by the wonderful moms that are part of this group. Thank you so much for the advice and for sharing your personal stories about your children. I feel so much better. I am watching my son even more closely and am going to talk to my doctor about my concerns.
As a mom of 6 (and one of them still a toddler) AND someone who knows a bit about autism, I have to say that this sounds pretty normal.
These all may or may not be signs. To take your concerns one at a time,
First: the daycare, if he isn't hitting and stuff at other places, you might want to look into what is going on in the daycare. The caregivers might not be disciplining. You son might just be frustrated about kids taking the toys that he is playing with. Hitting is normal for this age, but it is important to nip it in the bud right away (my guess is that if he doesn't do it when he is with kids at your house, then there is a kid at daycare that is bullying him, or is hitting him, and he needs some advice on how to handle this better.
Second: lining up toys and only playing with them when you or your husband will play too seems pretty normal to me too. I have 3 kids and they all started to make patterns, etc at about this age.
Third: I have seen arm flapping pretty regularly. I would think that if it is only when he gets really frustrated (like when they get hurt and the breathe gets stuck-how else do you say that) and that's the only time, not something he does to comfort himself just something he does in the middle of a tantrum, then it's pretty normal. But if he does it at the slightest provocation, it would seem a little more concerning.
Fourth: Hating change is a big thing with toddlers. They get really absorbed and it seems to me that having the timer is a great tool to handle normal toddler behavior. It helps them to disconnect a little at a time and not be ripped away from what they are doing (I love the snooze on my alarm clock). I have always noticed that some kids change from one activity to another easier than others, but all toddlers have trouble with this to some degree.
Fifth: At this age kids are starting to "play with things and leave them where they are to come back to them" So you may have messed up his imaginary castle, etc. If he has advanced verbal skills, ask him if there is a reason that he doesn't want to pick up. My daughter one told me that her princess doll was hiding in the cave (all I saw was a bunch of toys), and maybe he will show you which toys to leave out and he will pick up the rest.
OR
he jsut wants more controll, which is totally normal for this age.
Seems like terrible twos to me
BUT
If you are concerned, then get him checked, but have someone who is a specialist do the evaluation. You might even want to take a video of him while he is exibiting the behaviors so that they know exactly what your concerns are.
Good luck and God Bless.
My daughter is PDD-NOS, long story short she is in the autistic spectrum but very high functioning. my daughters favorite things are animals--she plays with them for hours and can never have to many and she has to put them away in her special drawers or she freaks, certain animals have to be with other certain animals.
I know alot of the questions I was asked when I took her to the drs were:
does she make and maintain eye contact, which was a no for my daughter.
does she flap her hands or make the same motions over and over with any part of her body when she is stressed, which was yes she uses the same two fingers to play with her ear lobes.
does she talk to/with people, my daughter does and is very vocal
does she deal with change well, which is a huge NO.
does she sleep through out the night, have trouble falling asleep and/or staying asleep, my daughter slept fine.
did she have trouble with her bowl movement, which she still gets consipated easily
I know there were more but I can not think of them off the top of my head--anyway, I would talk to your family dr that sees your son regularly because he can run some test (which in the begining is mostly quesions that you have to answer and fill out over and over again about how your son reacts in certain situations) and see if your concerns even warnt further testing--I took my daughter to a ped and still ended up having to take her to a specialist (2 different ones) that deals with autism on a regular basis. good luck and if you have any further questions I will do my best to help you, I know it is very stressful dealing with and trying to figure out if there is anything else you need to do to help your child grow to be a happy and healthy little person
He sounds like a very typical toddler! Most toddlers are willful and will test the waters at every turn. One question you might ask yourself...did you have him on a strict schedule when he was younger...some little ones get so accustomed to everything happening in order all the time that when there is a change they don't know how to deal with it. He is still so little. From your description, he sounds like any toddler out there! No worries!! I don't think there would be any question if your son is autistic. You would definetly know something was really wrong. On the doctor note, I always used a GP for my kids doctor. We had a family doctor and that was it. It's good to be mindful of things that could be wrong BUT..relax, he sounds totally normal. :)
There is nothing wrong with family doctors we all use them and a lot of us love them. But nothing compares to a pediatrician when it comes to care for our little ones. A pediatrician sees children all day every day they know what is normal and what isn't. That is there specialty and you know you are getting the best care possible. Your child, at least until in kindergarten and in my opinion older, should be seeing a pediatrician; hands down.
Sounds like my boys! He's fine!
If it were me, I'd have him evaluated. Anytime there's anything weird, you can usually save time by going to Children's Hospital, or if you're closer to Ann Arbor, Mott. The other place is your county intermediate school district's preschool prevention program. I had my daughter evaluated at Children's at 4 and, though she was a handful and often surprised and frustrated me, she is now a physician and her ADHD seems to work for her. Go figure! She's a wonderful person but was a realt trip to raise and quite unlike my other 3.
My daughter does not have autism, although she does have ADHD, ODD, IED, Bi-Polar1, with impulse control problems. My husbands mother and sister have Bi-Polar disorder. My husband was admit that nothing was wrong with our daughter. Her therapist told us that may be the reason he didn't see her problems is because he grew up with his mother having the same problems. Also no parent wants to believe that there is something wrong with their child. Although mom's seem to know with out being told that something is there. So be honest with yourself your husband will come around. So will the rest of the family that thinks your child is "perfect". It is a hard bite to chew when there is something wrong. Just follow what you believe, and fight hard to find out what is there. Good Luck
Obviously, I cannot agree or disagree about whether you child has autism or not. However, the symptoms you are describing can be part of "normalcy" in any child. I have a 27 y.o. who used to flap his hands when he got excited; hated change; played by himself; hated team sports. He is successfully running his own business and graduated from high school with a 3.3 avg. He was diagnosed as having oppositional defiant disorder as a young student. No matter what, I do believe that children/adults need to learn to interact with the world around them. Everyone has their own indiosyncrises. Before your child turns 36 months, have him evaluated by Early On in Oakland County. Excellent program and it is free.
i really don't know anything about autism, but i wanted to say that after my kids have seen a pediatrician their whole lives, i would never just take them to a family doc. the pediatricians (well the ones we've been to, only 2 b/c the first was awesome and moved to NY to head a dept) seem to be much more in tune to my kid's needs and so far the pediatricians are much more concerned and intuitive to my kids 'stuff' than any family doc has ever been with me, and i've had about a half dozen or more docs in my life. i'm a big believer in specialists, anyways. you could always just try a pediatrician and see how it goes, you don't really have anything to lose!
best wishes to you & your son!!
btw, your son could just be going thru a phase with the tantrums and not having things done the way HE wants them. it seems EVERYTHING is a power struggle with toddlers/preschoolers! i found making VERY clear the 'house rules' and me following through with everything everytime (with both positive feedback and punishments) that my kids are much more cooperative b/c they know what to expect with all their actions. but, you also have to trust your gut instinct! that's the biggest thing i've learned since becoming Mom. :)
Hi L., you can do a self-referral to the University of Michigan developmental clinic:
http://www2.med.umich.edu/healthcenters/clinic_detail.cfm...
It takes a while to get an appointment. They do an evaluation and give you a diagnosis and advice/resources for what to do next. We had a very good experience here. With a family history and also the behaviors that concern you, I think it would be very worthwhile to have a formal test to give you some idea of what to do. Good luck!
Your not paranoid, you're a caring mother. There are so many variations of "normal". Hitting and taking toys at this age is pretty normal. My son (now almost 7) used to line up cars and shoes at around that age too. My son is also high eneregy. Both my kids have also freaked out after I have cleaned up what I perceived to be a mess, but they perceived to be some fantastic creation of toys they had made. I have had concerns about my son that I asked his Ped. She said that as long as he is not in an uncontrollable state of hyperness for the Majority of the day, then he is just a "normal" boy. He is also extremely smart - in 1st grade and reads at a 4th grade level. The hand flapping might just be his outlet for frustration right now. I would watch these things as he grows, but for the most part, they are probably just part of his personality. And I do prefer my children to see a pediatrician.
I think you described both of my kids to a "T"! My 3 year old will line cars up, or put things in order for hours. Neither of my kids like to switch activities or help out with picking up. As far as hitting, and taking toys, I haven't met a kid yet that doesn't do that. I was also a little concerned about my son who is 18 months because he is doing the same thing as your child, however, once I looked at the big picture I realized he is okay. My son is also a hand flapper, I just laugh at him now and he usually stops. I would keep an eye on your child, but wouldn't be too concerened :)
You're NOT being paranoid.
There may not be anything WRONG w/ him.
You can have Early On screen him if you're worried.
Take it from one mom who has an autistic child -- therapy and intervention can make your child WORSE. We made some mistakes along the way and made the autism worse.
E-mail me privately if you'd like to talk.
P.
HI there,
From what you describe I don't think he has autism. I think you just described my 5 year old son. I actually took him out of Preschool because I had to go pick him up twice. I finally decided to homeschool next year, because I don't even want him to have to deal with being labeled or to have trouble all of the time. He does farely well in smaller group settings and does great in one-on-one situations. I went through a period where I kept trying to figure out what was wrong with him and my husband felt that he was just being a boy! Well, I did discover that my parenting and my attitude had much to do with his behavior. Some good books are "Have a new kid by Friday", "Make your kids mind, without losing yours", and my favorite "Wild Things". Email me if you have any more concerns or want to get these two crazy boys together sometime, because I know it is often find to hard friends to play with or moms who understand these "difficult" children.
M.
L.,
I highly recommend reading the book "Healing the New Childhood Epidemic: Autism, ADHD, Allergies and Ashtma" by Dr. Kenneth Bock. It sounds like your son may simply have some atributes of Aspergers (mostly because of the family history) but he sounds pretty normal, developmentally. Clearly, I'm not a medical expert though. I wouldn't seriously worry because it sounds like you're great with working with your son. But this boook offers a healing program that could even help him with his idiosyncracies. It involves things like adjusting diet (removing wheat and/or dairy) and providing nutritional supplements. My nephew was diagnosed with PDD-NOS which is basically high-functioning Autism when he was 2 and through this program, he's now been rediagnosed to Aspergers and appears to passers by as just a quirky child. This book is awesome because it explains these things in layman's terms. These disorders really affect other bodily systems (like the immune and digestive systems, etc).
Bottom line: if this really bothers you, you should pursue it - if for nothing else your own peace of mind. I would start with some self education and then you can decide if you want to seek a specialist. I wouldn't worry about your son regressing into anything serious (since he's already almost 3 and sounds like he's doing well with your help) but it never hurts to be educated.
I don't think you are being paranoid at all. Naturally you would be watching your child for signs of autism considering his family history. So, because you are looking for it, you match up a lot of his behaviors with signs of autism. A lot of what you describe is pretty typical for a kid his age. It's possible he has autism, but if you basing solely on those things it is a little soon to draw that conclusion. I would suggest you keep watching him and see if anything more concerning comes up. If it is making you crazy, maybe you should get him checked out. You should definitely trust your instincts here.
As for the Dr., I strongly recommend switching him to a Pediatrician. With my first child, I just took her to a family doctor for a couple of years. I switched to a pediatrician when my second child was an infant. I had liked the family doctor and thought she did a great job but had been having a lot of trouble making appointments for sick kids. Then, I was amazed at the difference with a pediatrician's exam. They did a MUCH more thorough assessment of my kids' development - things the family doctor just didn't ask about. I am sure they would be better equipped to diagnose an autistic child.
Good luck and keep us updated!
I think you should go with your gut feeling. I had many family members who told me that nothing was going on with my son. I think a mother knows when something is not on point.
My son was DX as having Autisim at 3 years old though Early Intervention which is part of our public school system. My son had some of the same behaviors as your child. My son is also very stubborn. However, I only had him evaluated because he was not talking by the time he was 1 1/2 years old (he is now in pre-school and talks constantly. It seems like last summer when school was out he just came up almost 90% with his speech). We had lots of problems with him at daycare with hitting other kids and not wanting to follow the rules. He was the first kid I ever knew to get ex-spelled from daycare! it was a nightmare. My son also had problems with socializing and playing with other kids (Meaning he did not know how! this was something that did not come naturally to him) but he could read and spell? He knew his address and phone number at 2 years of age. Autisim is a strange thing.
My son was seeing a Pediatrician and not a family Dr. and it seems like my concerns were just ignored. so, I guess the fact that your child sees a family dr. does not make a difference in the dr. seeing signs of autisim. I have learned through my experiences with my son that many professionals who are suppose to be in the buiness of helping children are not trained in the signs of autisim or can tell a parent what to do for help. I had to stumble through the dark before I came in contact with people who saved me from losing my mind and how I can best deal with my son.
The speech therapist that my son was seeing was very annoyed that I had to seek out help for my son on my own and was unable to get a referral from his pediatrician.
today my son is 4 years old and he is expected to progress to a regular kindergarten classroom this fall. He is doing great and has come along way.
Sorry this is so long. I think you won't be satisfied until you have your son tested. If he does not have autisim that is Great! but if something is going on he can get help while he is still young.
You won't know if your child has a problem unless you get him checked out by a pediatrician/autism specialist. Many of the other responders offered to help with information and referrals, please take them up on that. The other situation that I see, is that whatever happens with your child, youare nto going to get any support from yoru hsuband and his family. Let me ask you this: if heart disease ran in your husband's family, but they chose to ignore it, and you saw symptoms in your chid, would you seek treatment, or ignore it because that side of the family thought it was normal to have heart disease and die early? OF course not! This is no different. Their version of normal, is, for lack of a better term, abnormal, and your insights regarding that are right on. That is also going to be a source of conflict between you and them, so be prepared. You are strong. Ask your husband, if he wants his son to struggle through the same things he and his family members struggled with, or do you want it easier for him because there are things that can help him. Be strong, you sound very smart and right on. Follow your instincts, and don't add to the dysfunction of his family. Stop asking their opinion. They may not want to admit this diagnosis of their own, but that is their problem, not yours.
It never hurts to get him evaluated. I would suggest the school system. If yours has an Early Intervention program, they will evaluate for free. Also, if he needs services, they can get him in classes. My son has been with the ECSE since he was 20 months old and it was the best decision I've ever made. He should go to kindergarten in the fall on schedule.
C. H.
Hello L.,
I recently went through a similar situation. My son had some suspicious behavior issues that put up red flags in my head/heart too. I took him to the pediatrician who told me he was fine and showed no medical signs of any problems.
The problems persisted and I still wasn't satisfied that "nothing" was wrong. He would frustrate SO easily, he had zero patience, things had to be done in certain orders, his eating habits were poor and even when he played, things had to be done in a certain way or he'd become very angry.
He then developed a "hard blinking" habit that made me take him back to the pediatrician's office. We weren't satisfied once again with the diagnosis and took him to a neurologist. He was then diagnosed with a "tick". But more importantly to you, he was also diagnosed with mild over compulsive disorder. I'm obviously not telling you your child has OCD, however it gives you something else to look at. This diagnosis has made our lives so much easier. We now understand why he becomes so frustrated and why he feels the need to do certain things certain ways every time. It therefore becomes less frustrating for us and our patience levels have increased dramatically. At one time I thought he was just too spoiled, so I was trying to break his stubborn habits which would only make things so much worse. I now feel horrible that I didn't know, and made his frustrations harder.
Good luck to you and your family. Please follow your instincts. I did and now we have peace and understanding in our home.
J.
I think he is probably a normal healthy kid. But, I would encourage you to see a pediatrician -- but for lots of reasons. They are more current on children's issues, have child size equipment, etc.
It sounds like you are raising a normal child. I say that because that all sounds like normal things a child does. My daughter also is like that.
Go to a ped dr. if you need a good one post on here your area & i'm sure you will get a good referal.
Good luck & enjoy life.
Hello L., Your son is young, so these behaviors are not unusual for his age. It could just be a sign of intellegence, hence the patterns with his cars. My oldest, who is totally healthy, didn't like change either. Everything had to be sceduled, though she could keep up with a very tight scedule, so long as she knew in advance what was expected of her. She is 26 now and is a chemical techition, her personality hasn't changed, she still likes order and consistancy. This doesn't mean that autism is in play with your son, though if you are concerned, an app with a pediatrition who specializes in autism wouldn't hurt with the family history. Ignor your sons tantrams. Don't talk to him, look at him, simply walk away or turn your back on him. Do not ever give in by letting have his own way when a temper is thrown, as this lets him know that his method of control is working for him, and he will repeat it often. Once he learns that he dosn't get what he wants, they will simply stop happening. This method applies even with autisic kids, my nephew is effected with this disease, so I have learned over the years. Give lots of positive attention while he is being well behaved. Good luck.
Hi L., every child is unique and different. Boys are very different than girls to raise. I have 5 boys and 1 girl. My advice to you is: Don't go looking for trouble! Everyone seems to try to place their child in a box. If they don't act the same as other children, there must be something wrong with them and it's not true! Don't get me wrong, lots of kids suffer from medical issues and there is something wrong, but alot of doctors have no problem "labeling" kids and once that is done, there are ramifications for the rest of the child's life. I have some very unique individuals in my family. Wait and see where this goes. Maybe he's a genius, maybe this is his way of doing things. Enjoy your unique child, because before you know it, he'll be grown. Hope this helps, L.
L.,
I don't know that much about autism or aspergers but your son's behavior sounds rather normal for a two and a half year old. Maybe the fact that aspergers runs in the family has you more concerned, and he is your only child so there is no one else to compare him to. My son also liked to line up his little tractors all the time, he put them in a row on top of the television everyday just before I came home from work. He was also a biter at that age and after awhile he stopped doing that. It is normal for Moms to have concerns and even fears. You might try taking him to a pediatrician and having a complete check up done just to put your fears to rest. I for one am more inclined to say use a pediatrician for little children because that is what they specialize in. A couple years after my older son had a massive tumor removed from his thigh, I was convinced my younger son had one growing too. I even went so far as to have an MRI done just to put my fears to rest. He was fine, a little mad at me for running away with my worries, but he was fine. It happens, you just need to get the proof that nothing is wrong and then you can get on with life. It's good to be so tuned to your child that you notice the little nuances of his personality. Good luck,
S.
I think we are bombarded with so much information and the internet for research that we often do "overthink" things, L.. Me included. That being said, L., your son is not yet three so I don't think any of his behaviors seem unusual. You also did not mention anything about developmental delay. If you have real concerns, my suggestion would be first to get a complete pediatric assessment and if recommended by a pediatrician, a referral for a full evaluation.
Hi L.,
I haven't read the other responses so please bear with me if i repeat anything. First off, you are not paranoid. Mom's instinct is usually right. You don't really need to take him to a ped's doctor. I have two Asperger's (AI) boys and one that is on the AI border but fell to the emotionally impaired side (EI). You have described very few of the Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) symptoms. Your son probably doesn't have ASD but he very well could have some of the charachteristics. If you are uncertin then contact your local school district's special ed department and ask them for an evaluation. Put it in writing to them, that way they have 30 days to do the eval. It won't cost you anything and you will have a better picture of what you might be looking at. If your son needs any kind of interventions you can set that up to start when the evaluation is done. If anything it will give you piece of mind to know for sure. You are doing the right things with keeping him on a set visual schedule and forwarning him of changes coming. As far as your husband is concerned, people with ASD tend to brush off more serious situations and take them lighter than they should. They also find humor in things that aren't funny to anyone else. On the flip side, there are things they can panic about that they shouldn't. It's all a part of the autism. Feel free to email me directly if you want to chat or you need more information. There is a Yahoo group you might be interested in. It's a support group of caregivers, parents and individuals dealing with ASD.
S.
The first thing you need to do is take a deep breath and exhale. :) All of the things you mentioned sound like a normal kid to me. My son did those things and he is fine. If it runs in your family, you might want to seek expert advice though. I know I am super-sensative to my husband drinking because his dad was an alcoholic. Same response probably as you are having.
Hang in there!
S.
Hi L.,
It is very normal to be concerned about your child, i think it is important to trust your mommy instincts. If it is really nagging you that something doesn't seem right, i would look further into it. It doesn't hurt to check things out. From personal experience, i had been concerned about my daughter's speech at about 18 months and felt a little paranoid myself. We waited a little longer and then i just couldn't take it anymore. Turns out she did have speech apraxia and speech therapy was just what she needed. Now we can't get her to STOP talking :) The point is that there are many reasons for the concerns you have listed, could be his disposition, could be that he has some food related behaviors (sometimes food allergies can cause behavior challenges) or could be something else all together. My recommendation is to do your own research and trust yourself. If you are looking for some resources let me know, I am a child and family therapist and can send you some links to great resources. Also remember to focus on the wonderful things your son does - his strengths and talents and spend time enhancing those as well :) Best to your family - L.
my son will be 3 in june. i also had concerns @ 18months. i had him evaluated by 2 neurologist and then with early on.he was diagnosed as high functioning autism. hes signs for me were: line all his toys and getting where he just play with 1 thing, covering his eyes, tatrums,speech(which now is fine), sensory issues. The way i thought, is i wanted to know one way or another. so i could get him help early. please contact me if you have any other questions. C.
L.,
Good for you for looking out for your child. You are not paranoid. I agree with all of the other moms that have responded. Whether he does or does not have an Autism Spectrum Disorder, you are using positive behavior supports that are good for all kids. I work with students who have autism, and also wondered about my own son for a while because of some of the same behaviors you are describing. He doesn't have autism, but I still used visual schedules, timers, and routine because he responded well and tantrums decreased. Schedules can be put into pictures very easily. I still use schedules and routine with him and he is now 13. Kids just sometimes need to know what comes next. But, if you continue to be concerned, contact your local school to find out who you contact at the Intermediate School District, it will depend on your county. If you want to email me personally, I can let you know for your county; or, you can goggle the county with and ending like "isd, resd, resa". Hope this helps.
B.
Hi L.,
It could be nothing, but on the other hand it wouldn't hurt to have him checked out. He sounds a lot like my friends little boy. Her little boy will be turning 5 in two weeks and he is not potty trained yet. Does both in his pants and has no problem with it. He talks good and knows things that most kids his age would not know. He is a tv freak. If a cartoon is on he will be glued to the tv and if you call him he will not flinch unless you turn off the tv. He does the flapping thing when he is excited or upset (which is VERY often). He hates crowds and he freaks out about certain things like if his hamburger has a spec on it or if it is not a perfect circle...stuff like that. He'll scream and throw a huge tantrum. My friend has a real hard time with him and so she is taking him to be seen by an autism specialist just to be sure. I can get more information from her if you'd like. I also have a friend who has a severe autistic child and she may know who to talk to also. Hope this helps..
It all sounds pretty typical to me. I'm not sure about the hand flapping but the rest all seems normal. Good luck.
