Sign from God Im Not Meant for a Second Child?

I decided to have only one although my husband feels really badly about it. I simply do not want to be pregnant again. I had a rough time, was anxious and sick the whole time and had a rough birth. Then had PPD for a year. Now I am on the old side and have no desire to start over again. I think about adoption at times - but I like my life. I like that I have a child who is school aged. I like working and I like playing with the money that we are not spending on a second child. But I do have days where I am sad that we only have one. She often asks for a sibling and that is hard. But I am so happy with one. Adoption is still out there, but I wouldn't want a baby - I'd prefer a 2 year old. But that presents its own issues.

Good luck - and know that you still have plenty of time to make a decision.

I think that this fertility drug has just made things seem more "real" to you.

Hubby and I were TTC with baby number 2 for 9 months, and I never had any doubts. Then when we got that positive I started freaking out. Don't get me wrong, I was very happy and excited to be pregnant... But all of those thoughts ran through my mind... How is my first kiddo going to handle a baby? How am I going to handle taking care of two kids? Ya-de-ya-de-ya.

I think everyone starts to have doubts once things become "real".

L.:

Multiple people have told you - DO YOUR RESEARCH BEFORE YOU take the chlomid.

Don't just go with what the OB/GYN told you. Talk to the pharmacist.

I have STRONGLY urged you to go to an endocrinologist BEFORE you do this. You are asking for trouble if you are already scared. Your body will fight you more, even with the chlomid.

What would **I** do? I would do my research. I would go to another doctor and get another opinion. I would go to an endocrinologist to see what is going on inside my body.....that's what I would do.

Good luck

Ok - you've just discovered you have PCOS - and it's a shock.
You haven't had a chance to digest that info yet.
And you haven't had a chance to read up on it or figure out what it means or how bad you have it.
You don't have to make this decision on a deadline.
You can try it in 2 weeks or in several months or next year.
Some women with PCOS can get pregnant with the treatment you are contemplating while others would need IVF with ICSI - which is expensive.
Clomid does not guarantee that you will get pregnant or have multiples.
Gather info, digest it, and then go with your gut feeling on what (if anything) you should try.
A single child is fine or you could adopt.
You have many more options available to you than you would have had 40 or 50 years ago.

http://attainfertility.com/article/pcos-getting-pregnant

Although I am religious, I don't believe in signs from God like this. Too many bad things happen to so many good people and I just can't believe God is sending messages this way. I think you need time to digest all this and I think it would be really sad to let fear hold you back.

I had unexplained secondary infertility. I ended up adopting my second daughter. It has been the hugest blessing to our family. Don't give up hope yet with all your medical issues, but don't think it's a sign you shouldn't have more kids. There are plenty who need homes. Maybe that's what you'll decide to do. Hugs. I've been in your position, and it is so hard.

I think that if you are being responsible, considering the financial risk of (the possibility of) having twins is very, very smart.

My guess is that you would not choose selective termination. It's good to know where you stand going into this.

I posted on your question yesterday and still feel that we all have our own path to follow. I had three previous miscarriages before having my son; I can also say that if we had been determined to have another child, that wouldn't have stopped me. Yes, it was *a* factor in our deciding not to have a second child, (knowing that I wasn't going to have to go through that heartbreak another time around or more... I know women who have had ten miscarriages and still had healthy little ones later), but our financial situation was the bigger factor. I don't believe in 'Have babies and let the universe provide'... I find that philosophy highly irresponsible as I grew up in poverty with little to no money for extracurriculars, lessons, preventative medical care, dental care, etc. (I was taken to the doctors maybe three times between grade 4 and high school). And, we really felt one kid was right for us. But I do understand the desire for more. It's not wrong to want more, it's just that it is a very different path of pregnancy. Expect to have your pregnancy very highly managed by doctors. I wouldn't have been cool with that, but to each their own.

So, if you are feeling that this process is going to cause more anxiety and possibly financial hardship, once again... really look into your options. Talk to a fertility counselor or a regular counselor. I think this is a very legitimate area of life to feel conflicted in. And as others have said, please get married first. This is a very expensive process to undertake and you want to have as much financial protection as possible. Getting married will really help in that area. (I say this as a woman who became a mother before legally marrying my husband-- I don't have judgment around this, but do know that it's much easier come tax time, etc.)

and Wild Woman gave you some good advice. This isn't a decision to rush into... get more information. Doctors are sometimes wrong! Endocrinologist is your next stop. :)

My own belief is that God gives us the power to create technological interventions. But God also gives us the wisdom to make hard choices and to accept what we have. God gives us the courage to take some risks and the foresight not to take others.

So, it could be that the right thing for you is to let this go and to accept having an only child. I'm the mom of an only myself, and I have no regrets.

But most (not all) religious practices teach that all things come from God. You can't pick and choose between signs from God and not-signs from God.

This also might be a good time to sit down with your minister/pastor/priest/rabbi/imam/etc.

maybe it's a sign from god that you should do more research and get yourself in a better place from an emotional and security standpoint before you proceed.
khairete
S.

I am so sorry for your pain and disappointment. I can understand your reluctance to deal with twins or a very complicated journey into these meds and their effects on your body, possibly a baby's body.

We can't tell you what to do or even what God has planned for your life.
Hopefully you and your H can make this difficult decision and be comfortable in it.

If you know the risks and your limits then, there is no problem in choosing what seems right for your situation. People could say, you are just scared and should go for it, but they aren't going to come pay for twins or take the consequences for your body.

There are no gaurentees that anyone will have a healthy baby in life. You are thinking right that the first healthy pregnancy and baby are a miracle. Every life is a miracle. That will go a long way in helping your attitude in this. It will bring you daily joys for a long time.

If you wished, there are many kids in the foster system that need a loving family. You could choose, only one! And that one would believe YOU are the miracle.

I think we should be extremely cautious when assigning "signs" to God.

I cannot say what you should or should not do. I do think that since you have serious misgivings about taking medication, to refrain from it, unless you feel differently at a later time. From your post, you sound as if you could just as easily resign yourself to having one child as to deal with the inner turmoil/conflict for you that accompanies taking the medication.
And letting the medication sit unconsumed does not guarantee that you will not become pregnant in the future. It is still possible for pregnancy to occur without any intervention.

I was offered Clomid when I was 32 and trying for a 2nd child. We decided to wait and think about it. Essentially, we decided we were willing to wait for another baby. Our children are 3 years apart. No clomid.
I cannot say (and am NOT saying) that this is what you can expect to happen. Only what we experienced.
Decide if you want to wait for it to happen without intervention for a bit. There is no rush. You are 29.
If you decide later that you are not comfortable with interventions, then you continue on the same course. If you decide later that you are ok with the potential outcomes, then you can always try it then.

It sounds as if you have a LOT of anxiety. Not necessarily over just this medication. There are no guarantees when it comes to babies and pregnancy, as with pretty much any other aspect of life. If you are terrified of multiple babies and the effects on your life if that were to happen, then for peace of mind, you might be better off not increasing the probability of that happening. I don't think it is a large increase in the probability, but it does increase it nonetheless.
Take some time.

Just because you have the scripts, doesn't mean you have to fill them or use them.

There are natural treatments for PCOS...I've researched this. For example eating walnuts and going on an anti-inflammatory diet (usually low carb) is supposed to help with this condition. Fertility drugs can sometimes really mess up PCOS even more. I think you should look at the natural route. There are tons of articles online on dealing with this condition.

I don't believe that this is a sign from God. I do believe that the probability of multiple babies is something that should be taken very seriously and if you aren't 100% onboard with it, you shouldn't do it.

I have a friend who was told that she couldn't have children - too much scar tissue. Once she decided that she would not go any further after a round of IVF, she found peace with her decision and stopped trying. Two years later, she got pregnant. No stress, no more worrying, a huge surprise to the doctors.

Anyway, I wish you much luck with this decision. I know for myself that I would not risk multiples.

Not all pregnancies after clomid result in multiples. My cousin went on it and got pregnant twice with singletons each time. She only has the 2 kids, one at a time. Granted, I have a friend that took clomid and now has triplets too. But things like that can happen naturally as well. You can't plan or worry about that in the grand scheme of things.
I agree with Wild Women. Go see specialists before jumping into things. There might be other ways to help you get pregnant without the clomid. Some doctors are quick to jump to it because it's the easiest to do.
As for the fears about having another one. I remember days when I'd sit there in tears while pregnant with my second child. I would ask myself what I got myself in to as I took care of my first child. But, in the end, it turned out just fine. We even went on to have a third child. So it couldn't have been all that bad.
Relax. Stress does no one any good.

I don't think it's a sign, it's just you and the way your body works.

You have time. Take a deep breath and give your baby a long cuddle.

My two are 6 years apart. We waited and waited, planning and worrying about financial "perfection", then I had a miscarriage/false positive on a PT. We took a week to talk then I was off the pill. It took me two months and I was pregnant. I'm a lucky one.

If it were me and I was feeling so torn and uneasy as you feel and had the same history, I would wait and let God take over. I'd just chuck the drugs and just enjoy my husband and baby boy. If another comes a long, Great! If not, then it's what's it is.

Of course, it's up to you. You are you and I am me. Do what feels best for you and your husband. Be honest and open.

Good luck!

I'm sorry you're having so much difficulty conceiving. Remember that not being able to get pregnant doesn't mean you can't have children. You can look into surrogacy or adoption.

Don't tell yourself that it's a sign from God. It just means you have to look into other options. Thousands (millions?) of women can't conceive without some kind of medical intervention. It has nothing to do with God.

Only you can decide.

Hi Lilly,

You are only 29. Why are you stressed about this? If you would like another baby than simply have unprotected sex and see what happens. If you don't want another baby right now than use birth control. Just because your son is 3 doesn't mean that he needs to be a big brother right now!

Work on getting your life to a comfortable place and enjoy your son. Three year olds are so much fun! I have one - but I also have a 7.5 year old. Soon he won't want you to play with him - he will want to play with his friends and this sweet preschool age will be over.

You asked for somone to think out of the box for you so here it is... I would not be trying so hard that you might have multiples with someone that I wasn't married to....maybe you want to consider that also. Is he going to stick around if you have triplets plus your 3 year old? How about getting married and lettting things take its course and if you still don't have another baby in a few years than maybe using the fertility drugs?

C.

one of my really good friends had a daughter when she was younger so her and her husband decided to wait until they had their second child. When the time came they found out that she had PCOS as well and they put her on clomid and stuff and nothing happened. They decided that it wasn't meant to be and stopped the chomid and within a matter of months she somehow ovulated and they have a wonderful little boy. Not sure if this helps but stranger things have happened.

You're young yet, so there should be no hurry. You have to go with your intuition. If you feel uncomfortable with having a doctor help you out with fertility, then don't do it. Things happen when they happen. You just need to relax and not think about it. If your child winds up being an only child, it's really ok. My DS is an only child by choice. I was an almost only. Sometimes a second child comes when you least expect it. I was my parents' "surprise." They thought they couldn't have anymore children and that 3 girls was the end of it. Guess what? My mom got pregnant with me 15 years later. My friend thought her son would be an only child. They tried and tried. Then they gave up. Guess what? Eight years later she had another little boy. She thought it was a fluke and the next year she had another little boy so now she has 3 children. You've got to stop trying so hard and just enjoy each other. It will happen when you least expect it and don't go counting so you can do it when your most likely to be fertile. Just do it when you both are in the mood. It's a lot more relaxed and more romantic that way. Sometimes it's really the tension that keeps you from conceiving.

If you don't feel comfortable with something then don't do it. You were blessed with one angel. You need to go with how you are feeling. What your gut is telling you. (Also, I'm a spiritual person) pray about this. All signs, from what you have said, tells me you don't feel comfortable with this medicine. Go with your feelings about it. (I know how you feel--I have pcos too)

Good luck!

Why do you have less than 2 weeks to decide? From what I know about PCOS, it seems to me you could go on the pill to control the symptoms for a few months while you decide what you want to do about having another child. The time pressure on you right now must feel terrible - and that makes it hard to make a decision that will last a lifetime. Ask your doctor if you can take a few months off, then revisit the whole fertility issue.

Has your physician discussed putting you on metformin (a drug used for diabetes) for PCOS and recommended weight loss?? There is a lot of information on this (getting pregnant) and several medical studies that have been published, some conflicting. Clomid is a standard treatment. Perhaps you should visit with a reproductive endocrinologist for a second opinion.
Good luck with your decision!

Awww, sorry for your ttc troubles, I've been there (not PCOS). I don't think it's a sign from God that you're not meant to have more than one. You're still young, believe me. If you were in your 40's and in menopause then I'd say it was a sign but not now. I'm not totally familiar with PCOS so I can't advise you there, but if you're feeling how you are about the scripts then get more information on it, check into the chances of having multiples (ya know that could happen anyway, without meds). If,after researching you still are apprehensive about the interventions I would just let things happen naturally and if you're blessed with another then it's meant to be; otherwise, I'm sure you'd be content with the one. Wishing you the best.