Sick Birthday Girl - Received Telephone Call the Day Before the Party

If she got sent home yesterday, she may still be contagious. If the party mother had any consideration or common sense, she'd postpone the party. If she doesn't understand that preventing a family cold is more important than her kid's party, then she's not much of a friend.

Just say, " Hey, I can't risk my whole family getting sick right before the holidays. I hope that Susie feels better, and I'd love to help you plan the party for another day, if you need me to. I hope you understand. "

Tell her the thruth and also offer her the solution to her problem: you'll help her reschedule AND organize the party to latter date.

I agree. Let her know why. I'm pretty sure she would be able to figure it out if you said "we won't be able to make it", but it's probably nicer to just hear the truth. As someone who hates confrontation or conflict I get why you would want to avoid the issue, but I'm learning (slowly) that it's ok to put my kids needs before the feeling of others. You want to protect your family, that should be more important than worrying about her feelings.

I know parents get nutty about birthday parties when they have sick kids, and insist on proceeding w the party regardless of what they are exposing everyone else to. As a matter of fact we were just a party last night where the birthday girl has strep!!! I took my kids because they're all on anti-biotics for the same thing right now, but I feel bad for the other kids who aren't and whose parents weren't even told. One time we went to a craft party where the birthday girl had pink eye. Her parents waited w her in the car in the parking lot while the crafts were being done, then brought her in to open presents and have cake!

I'm always amazed at how insensitive people can be about exposing people to germs. I'm not a complete germ-a-phobe, but this summer I had two different friends bring over kids with crazy itchy body rashes to visit w me and my newborn baby!!!!! And of course they didn't mention any of this before they showed up!!!

I think it's very responsible of you to be concerned about the health of your family and the other kids you would be driving. Good luck. Let us know what happens!

Don't feel bad. I would totally back out and explain to her that you don't want to risk everyone else getting sick who you are carpooling. It ultimately is your responsiblity since you are driving other kids as well. As a mom, though I probably would reschedule the party til my kid is feeling better. Regardless of how she was feeling the next day.

Be truthful.

If she can not understand and sympathize....wow.

If her daughter is still not feeling well....these things happen. Maybe suggest she call the place where the party is at, to see if they would maybe move the party to a different day....That is always an option.

They say kids are most contagious before they show symptoms, did your daughter play with this child or sit near her before she went home sick?

I think that if you're friends with this person then you should be honest with her. Don't hide behind "we won't be able to make it" because that makes it seem like you're bailing on her.

I would call her to ask how her daughter is feeling and if she's still sick/not feeling well I'd tell my friend, "Listen, I know this isn't what she wants to hear, but maybe it's best to postpone this party. She isn't feeling great and probably isn't going to really enjoy it and I'm sure you don't want to get all the other kids sick either, especially if it's the flu."

After that, it's your call if you and your kids want to attend. If you've already decided NOT to go since this girl came home sick then be honest up front.

I appreciate polite, honest replies from my friends. I don't like it when people make excuses and "bail" without telling me why. It makes me feel like they can't be truthful with me - which isn't exactly what I expect from my friends.

I doubt she'd blame you for protecting your kids. Frankly, I'm on your side - I don't think she should be exposing other kids if her kid came home from school, nor do I think that she'd be acting in her child's best interest if the poor kid is so sick. A cold/runny nose is one thing, but a fever and chills is entirely different.

I'm with you. Especially around this time of year. I just had my daughers at the pediatricians. Spent 1 hr on Wed in the waiting room w/the oldest then almost 2 hrs w/the youngest in the waiting room on Thursday - no fun! And the worst part of it all is that I just started volunteering at a daycare one day a week so I'm most likely the one that brought home the cooties! Well, I'm sure the Birthday Girl's mother will understand! Stay away.....far far away! :)

I would call the mom, and suggest the party be postponed til a later date when all are feeling better.

Ya, I agree with the fact that you are just going to have to tell her. I mean, most church nurseries have a "no fever for 24 hours w/o meds" rule. I know it's hard, as I have a friend who will tell me that her kids are fine before a playdate, only to find out that one had pink-eye just two days earlier. YIKES! (I washed my son's hands 3 times in that 3 hour playdate.)

So that being said, knowing that there are people there that just don't think their kid could ever be contagious, perhaps say something like "I just can't risk my little Suzie getting sick right now. She had a cold last week and I know her immunity is pretty low....." or "Our in-laws are coming next week and it'll be miserable if the kids get sick. I just can't risk it." Then suggest that y'all maybe get together for a miniature bday party during the break from school or something.

I dunno, that's hard, b/c as a mom, I know you don't want to dissappoint your kids (PARTY!) and don't want to dissapoint yourself either (PARTY, with adults too!) and you don't want to dissappoint others (I"m driving!). But in the end, it's just a little kid's party. Is it worth getting the flu or having your child be miserable most of next week?

It's totally your call to make. But if it were me, I'd beg off too. It's one thing to do something really necessary because we don't want anyone to lose a job over the flu. But this can be rescheduled.

I absolutely agree...I think it is disrespectful of the parents to even CONSIDER going ahead with the party and exposing all of these children ( and their families) to whatever "Bug" their daughter has picked up. As someone else has said, if this were an even that couldnt be easily rescheduled I could MAYBE see going ahead with it...but a birthday party can be shuffled to some other date or simply canceled all together. I would tell her that I had reconsidered and do not feel comfortable with possibly exposing my family and all of the other children that I would be transporting to the possibility of illness, especially at this time of year.

I am probably the odd one out, but if the girl has no fever, I think it is ok to have the party. Sometimes it is not possible to cancel the parties at last minute. Also depends on what kind of illness she has - regular flu, stomach flu, ear infection? If you don't feel comfortable driving her, politely tell the mom.

How about telling the mom that you would prefer for her to drive her daughter herself, because the car is such an enclosed space? That might make you feel better about going.

If she gets mad at that, she isn't a nice lady.

Good luck!
Dawn

Well the rule for going to school is you need to be fever free for 24 hours without medicine.

My kids are NEVER sick, despite playing with sick kids all of the time. You can only get sick from someone else if your immune system is lowered. I never worry about. I figure, the more they come in contact with now, the stronger their immune system is.

My parents had this same mentality, even took me to a chicken pox party. I've had measles, mumps, rubella, chicken pox, influenza, etc. I'm literally never sick. My friends can be coughing all over me and I never get anything. The last time I was sick was almost 4 years ago; I was working more than full time, 7 months pregnant and getting no sleep. I ended up with the worst symptoms of the flu, but it was gone in 3 days.

It's all about what you are comfortable with. If my kids get so much as a runny nose (and that hasn't been for over 2 years), then I look at myself and take responsibility for their health, realizing that they can't get sick, unless their immune system in down. When that happens, I know their diet could be better or they need more sleep.