On February 21, 2008 we are going to court to finalize the step parent adoption of my seven year old daughter. She knows that her last name is going to become the same as mine and my husbands. She is very excited for this to happen espcially since she has two younger sisters that have our last name. My husband and I got married when she was four and it has always been hard for her that her name was not the same as ours. Its amazing how it effected her since she was only four, but when we had our second girl it semmed to bother her even more. After we had our third daughter it was really hard on her. You can tell that she feels like she doesn't fit in. We have never treated her this way, of course, but it seems no matter what we do she feels this way.I have checked with her biological father and he said that he will not be in the court room. She has told both my husband and I that she wants to be in the court room when all of this becomes final. Should we allow her to be there since it seems so important to her?
Any advice that you can give me would be great! Any personal experiences with this kind of thing and how they effected your child would be nice to know.
Thank you all for all your wonderful advice! We did let her go with us and it went very well! The judge even gave her the book "Horton Hatches the Egg." We were able to take pictures with him as well. I think she has security now that her name is the same as ours. Thanks again for all your advice!
Let her be there! This is important to her! Quite a big day for her... make it extra special by taking her out for a treat afterwards.
I feel if the courts allow children in the court room it would be a great thing for all children are in the room it makes it more of a family thing. If pictures are allowed it would be a great memory for the whole family. Pictures of the judge and lawyer and everyone would be fab I think
Call the Judge's clerk. Although children are not permitted in the courtroom in Oklahoma County, under these circumstances the Judge may give you the okay.
if it is that important to her that this takes place,why not??? she will for sure feel "wanted" and a part of the family then if she is allowed to participate in the adoption hearing. she appears to be old enough to be included,physically,mentally and emotionally. WHY NOT?? none that I can see. Good luck. you will be maing the right decision. J.
For sure, let her be there. I am a girl that is 1/2 adopted, I know my mom but not my biological father. My mom got married when I was 1 1/2 and that man adopted me when I was young enough to not be involved and he is still my dad. If your daughter wants to be there, please, let her be involved in one of the best moments of her life, where someone wants her to be a part of their life!!!!!
when my nephew was adopted by my sister's husband, he was around 7, he was there in the court room and they made it a special family event, we even had a little party at her house after the hearing, (almost like a birthday party) to celebrate.
Hi C.!
Absolutely let her go! She has a vested interest in this, and actually, probably initiated the entire thing by wanting to be a "member" of the family name! I think, and hope this will make her feel more like she belongs, and is an equal to the other children. I hope your husband will make it special to her, and say a few words to her about how he loves her, and wanted/wants a daughter just like her! Good luck, and best wishes to your lovely family.
Y. D. ~
I'd let her go- you aren't hiding anything from her! Make it a special day just for her!
My 9 year old neice just did this and it was great. Let your daughter in the courtroom and throw a little shin dig for her afterward so she knows it is as big of a deal to everyone else as it is to her. :)
Sure, why not? She is excited about it and it will probably make her feel grown up and special to be a part of it.
You may need to check with the Courthouse rules. Most of them do not allow children to be present in the courtroom itself. They usually have the children stay in the hall with a relative or a friend or put them in a separate room somewhere on the floor with a relative or a friend. I've been to court with both my son's father and my stepson's mother and at no time were children allowed in the courtrooms. Good luck!
