Should We Have Another Baby?

Many people have very firm opinions on this topic. You have to figure out what is right for your family.

We have an only child, 14 yr old daughter by choice. This is what is right for our family. I have never had any regrets. We have a very closeknit, tight family and we work as a team. Of course, there are ups and downs but we make sure all lines of communication are open and nothing is off limits when it comes to our communication.

I have been on this site before and I've seen responses that say only children are spoiled, materialistic,downright awful people and selfish of me to just have 1. In the same sense, I would not have a houseful of children to ensure that someone would be around to take care of me when I get old. I do have a strong opinion that if you bring a child into the world it is your responsibliity to care for them emotionally as well as financally (college, etc)

My daughter loves her life and has a huge network of friends. Girls are here every weekend. She has some friends who are only children and some with 3+ siblings. It does not matter how many siblings are in a family....any of them can be spoiled, materialistic and awful. It is HOW you raise them.

Another point people make is ..."you are leaving just her to take care of you when you get old" Well, I did not have her with the premise of taking care of me or hubby when we get old. We have retirement plans and long term care plans already funded and done. A child is not my social security for when I get old. A selfish reason to have a child is to do it to have someone take care of you when you are older.

We have been able to provide her with a very good life, many material things as well as emotional. She has a very stable home with 2 parents who love and respect her. Vacations have changed for us the past 2 years as she grows older. We now let her bring a friend at our expense and it has been nice for all of us.

It is up to you. I do understand your husband's concern if you are such a high risk... He loves you. Adoption is a good alternative.

Whatever you do, enjoy that baby, they grow up too fast.

I have only one child - a 21 month old boy. I'm 40 and wouldn't mind having another, but I don't know if it will happen.

I have a younger sister, and we only recently have become a little closer, but we don't have much in common, so blood doesn't guarantee a great relationship.

I'm enjoying giving my son all the time and attention I can and I worry about splitting that should another child come along, but I'm sure it'll work out.

I figure that spoiled children come from spoiling parents. If you don't teach your child limits, etc. then they'll be spoiled, whether you have 1 or 10.

Good luck and take care.

As another response indicated, heart failure after delivery is not necessarily indicative of heart disease or some other conditions that exists outside the stress of pregnancy. I was considered high risk because I was asthmatic; I wound up having three c-sections and with the last one, I had gestational diabetes. Outside the personal discomfort my health nor any of the babies was a concern. My 30-year-old stepson married a woman with a heart condition. She was advised not to have children. They ignored that advice 8 times and she carried the children to term and as far as I know, never had any heart-related problems due to the pregnancy. I always thought they were insane to keep rolling the dice. Before you make any decisions I would ask for a referral to a doctor that specializes in high risk pregnancies to determine just exactly what your health situation is and a prognosis for a successful pregnancy and delivery.

However, if there was a pronounced chance for a repeat and/or a baby or myself being at risk, there is no way I would have had another pregnancy. My first c-section was during induced labor, the other two were scheduled when the babies were not cooperating about arriving. I was not scared to have any of the surgeries, what choice did I really have but when I had a hysterectomy when the youngest was around 2, I was completely freaked out that something would happen and I would orphan my children.

The responses already have dealt with the pros and cons of only children and multiple siblings. Parenting is an equal crapshoot for children to wind up screwed up or okay, and sometimes rather than banding together to take care of parents, the one responible kid is left holding the bag while the other siblings abdicate the responsibility.

If I were in your shoes, I would seriously consider adoption. I would not want to widow my husband nor leave my children with no mother. I was seriously ill two years ago and almost died and nothing has shaken me like the knowledge of how close I came to leaving my kids without a mother when none of them would have been ready for that. Sometimes God answers our prayers in ways we don't anticipate. Maybe you were meant to give a wonderful home to a child that otherwise would not have one and even perhaps to adopt one of those hundreds of older children in the Metroplex that are waiting for a good home.

My 14 year old step son recently moved to his mothers, in another state and we have not had visitation yet. So, my 3 year old is virtually an only child now. He is very social and is always making "friends" anywhere we meet. I think he misses having someone else to play with at home. He does get plenty of free play and social exposure but he gets a little frustrated when I am cooking and daddy is working and no one can play with him. We decided before we got pregnant that we would have just one. Now sometimes I wonder if I want another, but all in all, I think things are great the way they are. I have no health risks but am still not willing to go back to infancy. I am enjoying watching him grow and learn and sleeping through the night. I always thought I would have three, I have 2 sisters and a trio just always seemed right. Adoption may be a great route. There are several websites with great information. My friend just adopted. They got the phone call litterally as the woman was in labor...they had no idea they had a baby coming and they are ecstatic about their little angel. With your health problems, you have to consider that if you are willing to leave your husband to raise your kids. Sorry, that may be really harsh, but is sounds like that is the bottom line. Hope this helps

well, i'd see at least two different cardiologists before i even thought about it. it would depend on WHY you had heart failure. see a couple of specialists, bring them your records about what happened, and go from there.

D.,
I would take it slow, and pray about it. Don't rush, enjoy this time with your baby, he'll grow so fast. My sister has only one child and she tried and tried to have more. Now my niece is 11 almost 12, and she's not thinking about it too much. My niece is a sweetheart, not spoiled like most only child. Plus my sister and her have an awesome relationship, they have a lot of one-on-one time. They are going to have that bond forever. I had a friend in high school that got pregnant and had a rare blood disease that almost died from. She was in her early 20s and was in a comma for 3 months during/after delivery. The doctors told her not to get pregnant again, well, she did, several years later and didn't have any problems at all. My grandmother has a rare heart disease and when she was in her 60's they said she's probably live another 10 years at the most. She'll be 81 in March, golfs, walks enjoys life. Put it in God's hands.
God bless you and enjoy your son!

I am an only child and have 4 children of my own. 2 my husband came with and we had 2 together. My husband came is 1 of 9, so he came from a large family. I have a step-brother and 2 step-sisters that I don't claim if I don't have to. So I consider myself to be an only child most of the time. I am spoiled by mother, not in the sense that I can't take care of myself. But I do have a selfish side. I always wanted lots of kids when I grew up. I wanted to have a big family. (It's big enough now) I didn't want to have a single child, just because when my husband and I are gone they will have no one. OUr kids I know will have each other once we are long gone.
Ultimately I think if you see yourself with having more than 1 child, I think that it is something you should pursue, because you may wish later on in life that you did, when you feel it might be too late.
I wish that I had brothers and sisters that I was close too that I could talk to. I don't know what that's like because it's just me. Good Luck with your decision and I think if you do decide to have another child yourself there are good dr.'s out there that can monitor your situation.

Hi there D.,
Here are my two cents for what they are worth. I was an only child. I didn't really like being the only one but I would rather have been an only child than to have possibly lost my mother because she wanted to give me a brother or sister. I understand your desire to have another child. I want a big family since I did not grow up in one. However, if I were in your shoes, I would wait a few years to make sure that my health was very good before I got pregnant again. Your son will have a wonderful childhood regardless of whether or not he has siblings. I promise. I always wanted siblings, but my life has been great and I am very close with my parents. I know you want to do the best thing for your son and it sounds like waiting a while would be the safest bet. I wish you the best of luck as you come to your decision.

I too was going round and round with the same question. Then my mother asked me a question that gave me an instant answer. She asked me if I decided not to have another child if I would request it in 10 years... when I thought about it, I had overwhelming sadness... that for me was my answer to go ahead - one more.. as per the doctor's advice - I've got 6 months to get 'healthy' which I am in the process of... I hope this helps you... if it's yes, then only YOU can make the next decision.. whether or not it's your own & or an adopted one. If you sit quietly enough the answer will come to you & then you can deal with whatever that is.... and you CAN prepare and get that heart into the best shape possible... if that is your answer.

Hello! I am going through something similar...My husband has wanted children ever since he was 7 years old (strange for a boy, I think) and of course he'd like 2 children. I would like 2 as well, but don't know if that will happen. I had a basically good pregnancy (no complaints) but then suddenly went into labor 6 weeks early. I had seen the doctor THE DAY BEFORE and he said everything was fine. I went home from work thinking it was false labor, and it got a little better. But that night, my water broke! My son was born 6 weeks early, a happy healthy little guy but he stayed in NICU for 2 weeks to keep an eye on him. It was scary. I had knee surgery this summer, and developed blood clots because of the surgery and birth control combination, and that forced us to put off trying for our 2nd child for half a year while on this blood thinner. The time is coming to an end and soon I'll be off the meds. We were waiting anxiously to try for our 2nd child, but now I'm having doubts...the early birth scare, the blood clots, and now looking at being obese and out of shape...it's something to give pause to. My son is everything to me, and not only do I want to see him grow up, but he deserves to have his mother! Why would I take a chance on him losing me?? I, too, have set an appointment for next month to discuss things with a doctor, and I will be working steadily on losing weight and getting into shape now that the blood clot scare is over, my knee is rehabilitating, and frankly I want to have fun and live life. If I can show MARKED improvement this year, we will try to have another baby but if not, I love my husband, my son, and my life too much to put myself in danger. That's my thoughts on the health part of your question.
As for the "spoiled baby" stuff---I think that's total garbage. I've seen atrociously spoiled brats, I've seen kids who weren't raised at all (though the parents didn't know it), and I've seen some amazing, intelligent people all come out of single child homes. It's HOW you raise them that makes all the difference in the world. My son is 26 months old, but he has friends, but he also knows the universe doesn't revolve around him (sometimes he's cool with that, sometimes we fight the toddler stuff). We joined a playgroup, and I take him to church daycare so that I can go to a church-sponsored Bible study once a week. On Tuesdays we go to the playground by the library and play about 10 minutes, then go in and do toddler time (usually the same people there every week), and then on the way home we swing by McDonalds playland for the small fry club activity and some playing (so he's tired for his nap). He knows how to entertain himself in the backyard or with his trains, and he loves to play with friends. He's attended outreaches our church has had, and will go on his first mission trip this year. Raising a good child is all about loving them but not giving in to their every whim. Providing all they need, but showing them that not everyone has "everything" and learning to share and give to others. We're getting him a puppy dog next year when he'll be able to do some basic chores and not "squish" the puppy. You absolutely CAN raise a good person without siblings. But adoption is a wonderful option if you choose that route: I was adopted, as was my now 6 year old sister.
And in answer to the previous poster's response about possibly being a burden or "alone" later in life: you do not have children to take care of you. Period. You raise them in a manner that love and team work are fostered, but not so you can be supported. That's wack. The Bible says a good man lays up a store for his children's children, not that he plans on living off his son. We work very hard to do everything possible to take care of our future and our beneficiaries. That's just life!

I'm not an only child and I'm due with my 4th in august but I couldn't help responding because my neice went through the same thing with her son who is now 18months. Her dr. also told her not to have any more kids. She was diagnosed with congestive heart failure at 5months and was on bed rest forever and then he was born premature. They are also scared to have more children.

My other comment comes from the perspective that I work in an inpatient rehab unit as an occupational therapist with the geriatric population. I see all kinds of family dynamics. I realize this is WAAAy in the future, but with my patients who only have one child, that only child is usually their only support. Usually the patient is a widow and the child now has the financial and caregiving responsibility and if they aren't affluent or they have a family of their own it can be really stressful on them. Even if they are affluent, emotionally they don't have brothers or sisters to lean on.

With my patients who have more than one kid, they have a larger support network and the kids have each other to rely on during the stressful parts and to share financial or caregiving responsibilities if necessary.

I had one woman who really impacted me because she was an only child, her husband was an only child and she had one child who was 40y/o and not married. This woman was a widow, her son lived with her but worked full time. And because she didn't have a big support system, she had to go live in a nursing home. I remember her crying to me saying she was so alone and just wanted to go home.

Needless to say, one reason I wanted four kids is to make sure there was enough of them to take care of each other when I'm no longer around. The other reason being I love kids and love being a mom :) However, I think that if I had medical condition that made pregnancy dangerous I would most definitely adopt.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

As mentioned this is a personal decision. You must weigh all of the consequences of another pregnancy in terms of your health, the baby's health and the wellbeing of your child and husband. I am trying to be realistic here it could be that the baby survies and you don't. Someone else will have to care for your family and that may not be the way that you planned. On the other hand, adoption is beautiful, you give someone here a home that may never have that opportunity and you have a hand in guiding another individual into a beautiful adult. These children do not grow in your stomach they grow in your heart - I have one that is now 35 who arrived at our home at 5 weeks old. A child is a child and they are all different. I wanted another baby but circumstances changed and it was best that I did not being a military family and moving around a lot. Now I enjoy my grandchild(ren). Please pray and think deeply before doing anything. As said before enjoy your 10 month old and journal all that he does and include lots of pictures. The best to you the other S.

Having children is such a personal decision and your health issues make it more complicated. I am an only child and mother of three (we always wanted four; but, that fourth angel never arrived and we are so blessed with our three grown angels!). As an only child, I always felt special and had all the attention I could stand (my mom was an old-fashioned stay-at-home mother of the 60s). It wasn't until I got older that I began to miss not having siblings. I'm estranged from my family; so, now I'm not so sure siblings would be a good thing. But, I married a man who's one of five and we had our three; so, I'm surrounded by family. It's only the rare occasion that I "wonder" what it might have been like. But, you know what, I've been an only child my whole life -- it's all I know. Pray about it and make a decision that's best for your family. And as another poster said, "enjoy that baby!". They do grow up so fast!!