Should We Ask Our Daughter to Pay Rent?

I'm happy she has found a new job. That isn't easy in these troubling times.... we know that very well!

You really should sit down with her and discuss finances..... how much will she be bringing home, how much of that will be going toward student loans, and what is she doing with the rest? Is it going into savings, or just getting blown away? How much will she need to get that apartment? There will be various deposits to pay, utility fees, etc. that she will need to pay right at the beginning, also.

Some people, as they've helped a family member in need, have asked for "rent", and then saved that money, giving it all (or a portion of it) back to them when they left, to help them with apartment fees, deposits, etc.

When I stayed at my parents in my early 20's, I did the housework and lawn in exchange for living there for free.

Maybe ask her to do this UNTIL she can start paying you income?

She should be doing something...

btw - you are both generous and loving parents to go this far to help (:

I started working at 14. My mother made me pay a rent of 15% of my take home pay per week. Plus I bought my own school supplies, clothes, and personal items, if I wanted something different then she usually bought.( ie, she bought Colgate toothpaste, I wanted Aqua fresh so I had to buy my own.) I left home at 17, and was prepared to have to pay my way. Had I gotten a free ride, I would have been totally blindsided by the responsibility of paying my way through life. IMO having a child pay rent should be less about needing the extra money and more about teaching how to make a dollar stretch. And in today's world that means sacrifice and that's not a bad lesson to learn.

It will be a great life lesson for her future budgeting skills to ask her to pay about $100 per week toward food, utilities etc. If it were me, I would then use $75/week to help with food & utility bills and take the other $25 and put it away for her. At the end of a year, you would have put away $1200 for her and that will come in handy for a security deposit etc for an apartment (don't tell her, it will be a wonderful surprise!). If she can't afford her own place, she can find 2 or 3 reliable room mates and share the expenses (which is a great way to start out). You are a great & generous mom & dad :) On the car...sorry, no way would my daughter be driving my new car while I drive her old one. She needs motivation to save her money for one with better gas mileage and driving your new car will not do that! Switch back!

Wow. Draw up a rental contract ASAP. Include how much she would owe for her room, her share of food, the phone (especially if you pay for her cell phone), her share of electricity, water and other utilities, gas, car maintenance, doing her laundry, preparing her meals, everything. Write up the contract as if you were going to have a stranger renting out her room. Then have her sign it and then you stick with it. Include chores in that contract, and include her driving the OLD car. Why should you drive the old car? I don't get that.

If she doesn't stick to the contract she has to get her own place sooner rather than later. It doesn't take long to scrape up first and last month's rent.

What having a contract will do for her is get her moving more quickly to reach her goals of independence. Just don't cut her a break on rent or she won't be motivated to move out.

If you don't start making them pay they will never have an incentive to do it on their own. The minute my son was no longer in school he had to pay rent. It is ridiculous to not do that. If you really want to help her with the down payment then make her pay a bit more in rent and put the difference towards her down payment.

I have a lot of friends that are dealing with this and what we are finding is by allowing them to continue to stay at home with no real responsibilities they are blowing the extra money on living the life.

Yes they are not making the money they thought they would but they are making enough to support themselves. It is just not in the lifestyle they are accustomed to. We as parents feel guilty that they cannot afford what we had but keep forgetting it is not our fault. They really don't work as hard as we did, maybe that is our fault.

It wasn't easy raising over and over what my son had to pay until he got that it is easier to be on his own but it felt a bit better than outright kicking him to the curb. He has his own place now and it actually saving money. He doesn't blow it like he used to on just stupid stuff.

Anyway just my two cents. Oh and I wouldn't watch grandkids if it means me losing money, that is just silly. Especially when most likely you are losing more money than they are gaining by working while you watch your granddaughter. It is probably cheaper for your daughter to stay home with your granddaughter than it is for her to work. Even with you watching her two days. They just haven't done the math because you are handicapping them by watching her.

She's 25, not 18. It's getting to the "enabling" point imho. Same for your other child and the baby-sitting (though if you WANT to spend time with your grandchild and you don't mind then that's a different story).

Are these children going to support you when you can no longer work? That's how I'd start looking at it.

I don't want to lean on my children in my old age - AT ALL - but most of us are probably going to have to work very hard prior to retirement to get in a good enough financial position to not have to worry about burdening our children.

Full disclosure: my kids are 17 & 14 and I haven't hit this stage yet, so it's easy for me to offer up this advice right now. I'm love my sons so much that I could easily see myself doing what you're doing. :P The question is, just because we love them should we "enable" adult children?

When I read this subject line I thought I was going to read about how your daughter lives at home and was completely taking advantage of you. That doesn't seem to be the case. Your daughters sound very responsible and I bet if you mentioned that you are struggling a little bit, they would both help you as much as they can. I lived with my mom for many years after I returned home from college. I had a good job as a teacher but was also working on my master's degree. I didn't pay rent on a monthly basis, but I did pay my student loans, car payment, etc. and helped with big things like if something needed to be repaired or money was tight, I helped in that regard. Perhaps you all could pray on what would be the right amount or set some parameters that sound reasonable to both of you. I was so grateful to my mom for letting me earn my degrees and still have some money to spend, but I was more than willing to help her out if she needed it and it sounds like your daughter(s) will too. Good luck!
A.

Your daughter sounds lovely! That my son will be that responsible in 10 years. :)

There is nothing wrong with asking grown children to contribute to the household. She is an adult now, and I am assuming, free to come and go at will with no curfews etc. so, she is now more like a room mate than a dependent child. Sit down with her and open the discussion about "rent".

Decide what you need to help cover the extra expenses of her living at home in a time when your income has been cut. Consider the dollar value of renting a room with bath in a home in your area (check the rental listings in the local paper) then consider the value of the baby sitting that you are providing to your other daughter. Okay, now if you want to ensure you being really fair - subtract the value of baby sitting from the value of rental, and charge your at home daughter the difference.

If you really don't need the money then put it in a separate bank account and when she is ready to move out write her a check to help her get set up.

One of my friends has two of her adult children still living at home - they both work and both contribute to the household. They are a home of adults living together - so it is a combination that works. It saves the "kids" money as they get established in their careers but also makes them responsible adults. Win-Win.

Good Luck
God Bless

Take back the car. Se can drive the old car and pay the gas.
Do make a list of all of the expenses and then have a conversation about what would be fair for her to contribute.

Just be honest.. Things are tough on everyone.. even you and your husband..

If you don't feel comfortable asking her to pay "rent" she at least needs to pay her own expenses. Here are my thoughts:

Take back your new car. It's YOURS. It is super generous for you to give her any car at all. She can deal with the lower mpg in the older car or find another way to get to work. (she also needs to be paying her own gas).

Split the bills. Find ONE utility bill with a predictable monthly charge and make her responsible for that.

Require that she save x-number of dollars every month toward moving out on her own. Perhaps you should make her pay "rent" and put that into a savings account that you will manage until she has enough to move out. That way, she's not getting free-ride and you don't feel taken advantage of, but you're also not left feeling guilty for taking her money.

I would sit down with her and show her how much she would have to pay if she were in her own apartment. It's not just rent, utilites and food; she would also have to pay to do laundry, a car payment, gas, insurance, cable TV, phone, and possibility a payment on furniture. Unless you have extra furniture she can have she will have to buy some. I know rent in Illnois is not cheap, I have a friend who lives in the Joilet area and pays over $700/month for a small 2 bedroom apt. I can see where $450/week can make it difficult to make the ends meet and still have a diet that consists of more than ramen noodles. Ask her to pay $100/week to offset the cost of the food she eats the utilities she uses ect. If you don't need the money put it in an account to use when she does move out and needs to buy all that stuff she will need.
I would also start giving her gifts for her birthday and Christmas that will help her to become independent. A nice set of dishes or flatware, bath towels and matching wash clothes ect. All of that stuff will come in handy when she can move out.
When my daughter got married, I searched clearance shelves and racks for about 2 years. I hid everything in a closet and for her wedding shower I had everything from dishes, to towels, to sheets and on the very bottom of the huge tote I had a beautiful white nightie and robe.

Yes. In the real world you have to pay the piper. First off take back your car and let her use her own. Make the rent $75 to $100 you put $25 in a savings for her for when she moves out. She has to pay her own bills now that she has a job. Yes it will be tight that is life -- priorities.

Don't feel bad about asking. If she were a stranger you would ask them to pay rent - same difference at 25.

How are you and your husband prepared for retirement? If she is eating into your money for retirement then you really know what you have to do. Will she help you when you can no longer work? Think and take care of yourself first. She is an adult and time to take care of her.

Good luck to you.

The other S.

PS My daughter finally moved out of my home at 26. She said she wanted to move out sooner but the jobs she had didn't allow for her to get an apartment on her own without a roommate and she didn't want one. I was and am very proud of her. She now lives in San Antonio on her own and is doing fine.

Here's what my folks did to help us out, and it's what I'm doing with my kids although they don't know it yet.

When my kids pay back a loan, pay "rent" or help with car or household expenses, it goes into a special account. I don't tell them, but save it to give back to them later in a lump sum... when they finish school, move out or need a new car. Until then, they have to pay me back on time, and pay interest and late fees according to a written, signed agreement.

My dad did this for me when I bought a car from him. I was in school so he didn't require payments til I graduated. Once paid off, he sent me a check for the full amount. That was alot of money to get all at once and was a big help to a new grad just starting out my own.

Your daughter makes more than I do and I have 3 kids, she can definitely afford to help you out!! Why not ask her what she thinks is fair? Even if I had the opportunity to live rent free, I'd have to contribute somehow, I can't free load to save my life!! Even if she's 'paying' in the form of chores, that would be a huge help :)

First of all I Would sit down with your daughter and ask her for a frank financial discussion...then ask her what she can afford to pay you for "rent". Then...if you really NEED the money to pay bills and such..use it...but if you don't....start a savings account ( don't tell her this!!) and save it....and when she is ready to move out on her own ( or when there is enough money for you to PUSH her out the door!!) present it to her and tell her that it is her "nest egg" to get her started on her own. She needs to learn to stand on her own two feet...and you need to be able to relax and enjoy your life with your husband without children coming home to roost.
Good luck to you both!!

Good mornning, J.!

When I was 22 and still living at home, I worked full time and didn't pay for anything. I was SHOCKED when my mom told me that she and my dad thought I should pay $50. rent each month! I thought, "I'm your daughter! I have to pay to live in my own house?!"

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Looking back on it, I laugh every time! What a spoiled brat I was! And, even though I paid a couple of months, I soon stopped paying, and they never said anything about it. Oh, I was a brat. And I'd waste all my money on going out with my college friends. (The only thing I paid for was my car.) When I think of all the wasted money........it makes me want to cry. At that time (and this was many, many years ago) I was making $200. a week. I didn't save a damn bit of it. When I finally moved out, at 23, I left home with $500. Thought that was a lot of money! LOL Well, you can guess how long it took me to run through that! Anyway.........

Now I know that what would have been the wisest thing for my mom to do at that point was to sit my butt down and have a serious discussion about finances. Something like.......

You're an adult now, and living in the real world. You're going to be moving out soon and you'll need to be ready for it. So, this is how you set up a budget. This is how much you should automatically have deducted from your paycheck and put into a savings account. This is how much you should immediately put into a Roth IRA - it is never too soon to think about retirement. These are the things you should budget for. These are the things you don't think about and can sneak up on you. This is how you open ONE credit card to establish good credit. And pay it off monthly. After you use it, physically write a check for that amount, made out to the credit card company. This is how you invest. These are stocks, these are mutual funds. Historically, stocks pay the the most ROI, and you have lots of time to hold on to them, being only 25. Stock prices are low right now. Take advantage of it.

And so on. That is what would have been the most beneficial to me. And would have helped me be SO much further along than I am now. But, my mom couldn't do that, because she really didn't know anything about finances. My dad did - and still does - all of that. So I understand why she didn't. But I still wish she could've and would've.

Even though she's an adult, she's still learning from you. Teach her this. She may not like it right now. But I guarantee you, she will appreciate it later in life when she understands what you did for her.

Blessings! Have a great day!

ETA: Whoops! Forgot to say in all of that......while explaining the budget thing to her, and listing all her expenses, put down rent! Don't make it too much, but enough that it's a little realistic, to get her used to paying for it.

Why do we all feel go guilty these days about making our kids grow up? I was pretty well tossed out when I was around seventeen and basically have been on my own ever since. Anyway here I am kind of in a similar dilemma with my son so I know how you are feeling. He came back penniless after almost a year out but when he did this he found himself a job (first night last night) and he signed up for two classes in community college (we jump started that with a down payment he will pick up the rest if this all goes according to plan). He pulled up into the driveway and his car pretty well hasn't worked since then and he uses mine. It will be tricky getting to work when he works the overnite shift as I am not sure if his commute will get him home in time for me to use my car and so I might have to get up early, drive my husband to work so I can get to my job. Yikes. I guess I'm not answering the question, just comparing notes here. Well, at the point that she is at and she is five years older than my son that just returned -my other son is 26 and married...you could charge her about a $100 a month which is sill really nothing, but she is lucky she has all this and insist that she save for a decent car. Is there another way to get to work? Such as a train or bus? And since you are not wanting to interfere with her saving be sure that is what she is doing. Sit down and talk to her about those Starbucks coffees and fast food outside. I am not saying she does that, but people do not realize how much things add up. I am going to make my son take his lunches and I want him to save for a decent car or down payment for a home or business. Once he is in the swing I will ask for something. In the meantime, pay attention to her if she brings in necessities, like toilet paper, dish soap, etc. and perhaps you can tell yourself that although she doesn't pay rent maybe she makes it up in other ways. Or you can put a time in your head (no rent in this scenario) but watch if she is saving or enjoying time out spending it elsewhere. Good luck. It never ends.

Hi J.,

I think you are doing a wonderful job with your daughters. You are helping them out as much as you can and being there for them when they need it.

Personally, I would sit down with both of them, and talk about finances individually. As much as you want to help them, sometimes it is too much and a better solution can be found.

First, babysitting your grandbaby. What a great way to bond and help out at the same time. I wouldn't want to give that up for the world. I would suggest to them though that they contact the local DHS office and see if they qualify for daycare assistance. If they do, then DHS will pay you to watch your grandbaby and the other provider. They will probably have to pay the difference, but this should help quite a bit. If not, see if there are other scholarships or things that could help pay. If none of those work, is there a way they can adjust their work schedules so that they don't need so much daycare?

Second, your daughter and the questions about rent. She should call the student loan people and see if she can get on the income contingent plan. This will reduce the amount she is paying to a reasonable level considering her income. Then she should start paying it again. Her annual income is only 23K. While 900 every two weeks sounds like a lot, it's going to be difficult for her to live on her own on that salary. I would sit down and discuss it with her. Maybe give her the option of staying with you for one year and paying a reduced "rent", which will benefit both of you, or finding a place closer to work and sharing a place with a roommate.

Good luck to you. I know everything will work out for the best.

I used to pay $50 a week "rent" to my parents. They saved the money and used it to pay for my wedding. :-)
I'd say that was a win-win.
LBC

If I am reading this right, she is living and eating at home, using your car (that you provide gas and insurance for) and currently does not pay anything towards rent/mortgage, utilities, food, gas, car insurance...if this is correct then I say it is reasonable to ask her to contibute to the household.

She should help with chores (that's part of being a family) and needs to pay a utility bill OR car insurance since she's using the car everyday for work AND cover her gas usage completely. Another option is chores, rent and gas.

Just my 2 cents : ) My parents moved out of state when I was 18. Yes, I could have moved with them, but I chose to stay. It was basically sink or swim. I am glad that it happened that way. That's how I became the responsible adult I am today. There were times I had to call and ask for grocery money and it was hard and it will be hard for you to ask your daughter to chip in a little, but I think it's important for her to know that she needs to help as well. It will be a difficult conversation, but ask her for what you think is fair and try to hold the mom "guilt" back. Best wishes : )

I am 25 and if I lived with my parents for free and they asked me to pitch in for groceries or gas money, I would feel bad NOT helping out. I think you should ask. She is an adult living rent- free in your home. Asking for help is in no way out of line.

I too have a daughter who is 25 and living at home (not with me, but her dad) and we all (dad, his wife, daughter and I) agree - She's an adult. She needs to be paying her way. PERIOD. My daughter is charged $300 a month - no, it's not a lot - but she's not making $1800 a month at her job while finishing her last year at SEMO.

Everyone has something they HAVE to pay - whether it be a mortgage, student loan, car payment or rent...she needs to start paying rent or move out..

At $1800 a month - your daughter should be able to find an apartment and live on her own and buy a new car for herself...at this point - you are enabling all of your children but not making them face their financial responsibilities head on...just my 2 cents.

What my daughter doesn't know - is that her step-mother - is putting that money in a savings account for her....she hopes to be able to give it to her when she decides to buy a home...it's a nice savings for her.

I can only tell you how I think..

I believe that God calls us to give. I know that in my human brain I often feel unappreciated by people that I help. Sometimes it's my children, sometimes my spouse, sometimes it's one of my daycare moms that I've taken an interest in.

I've been studying a great deal lately about the Holy Spirit and trying to learn when the voice in my head is my own and when it's his. I have a daycare mom I'm trying to help out. When I first met her she seemed to understand I was offering her a great rate. As it so often happens with parents I lower my rates for, she's become too comfortable and started to resent even what she does pay me and has started to take advantage in little ways. But every time I think that maybe this situation needs changed or I inwardly grumble about her attitude, the same thought keeps coming up. She's ungrateful and that's EXACTLY why she needs help. That thought has come up in my mind again and again. This young woman will one day look back at this point in her life with clarity and she'll know that I helped her. By then I'll be nowhere in sight. She will have moved on and so will I. But I believe she'll pay it forward for someone else. Even if she doesn't, God knows. God rewards us.

So the bigger question is how are you and your husband doing financially?

Sometimes I am barely holding on. Other times I'm just fine. My utilities are huge. I sometimes have a disconnect notice on something. I have no savings and no future in WORDLY terms. But I have God and he owns it all. If I need a little help from my adult daughter that's living at home and going to school, it's a few bucks here or there. But I'd never even consider asking anything of her otherwise. I want her to be in a different place when she's my age. I never made it to school and have always wanted to but never been able to justify going deeper into debt for school. Had I gone to school before having children I wouldn't have gotten into the debt I have now or it would have been school debt which at least would have been tax deductible interest wise.

Obviously, you love your daughter and want to help. :)

Yes, she should help with something. I just started having both my daughters (over 18) pay. My one daughter has to pay $100 per month towards car ins. she is in college F/T. My other daughter has to pay $150. rent per month because she is not in college but we didn't word it as rent it is to help with household expenses/bills. I think our kids get super offended when we call it "rent" so be creative and let her pay towards groceries or be responsible for 1 utility etc. Good Luck

Well, as a tiny, baby step, I would for sure get my new car back and have her drive the older car. Big deal about the gas mileage! A bicycle gets really good gas mileage! She can borrow your "extra" but not your primary. -- And she should pay her own gas. - Then I would have her go back to paying all of her own loans. - These would be the steps I would take 1st. - Then, as you said, she can also be saving for the down payment for her own apartment. That is the ultimate goal. Having her pay interim rent slows down the realization of that goal.

I think it's horrible to ask to have your daughter pay rent and for babysitting money for your grandchildren. I wouldn't do that to my kids...I am here to always help.

Does she help out around the house? Buy any groceries? Pay any bills? I don't think she should have a free ride, so if she isn't doing any of those things, she should pay you rent. Your rent will be cheaper than anywhere else she can live. At 25, even though I already had 3 kids, my husband and I built our first home, and it's a nice 5 bedroom, 3.5 bath colonial style home. It took us struggling for a few years before we got our feet in the run setting and finally built a home. She will need a push to want more for herself, don't be afraid to help her do that :).

BTW - I'd definitely be a proud mama if my 25 year old was doing all of that. It sounds like aside from her own place, she is doing great!

If shes working full time I wouldn't, because if she starts paying you she might not be able to move out soon. I would ask her what her plans are. Let her know that she has a certain amount of time to get back on her feet and in her own place. Does she really have to drive to work or can she take public transportation? If she can I would tell her that she needs to get a pass and get your car back. Sometimes kids need a little tough love to make something more for themselves.

The Empowering Parents website has a great article about adult children returning home and how to have a successful go at it for all.

I recommend you google that, print it off for all to read and then embark on a conversation after she reads it as well. So that there are no surprises.

Good luck to both daughters.

Based on your post, I don't think it's right to ask dauther living at home for money, when you babysit for daughter 2 free.

I think you should ask daughter 2 to ocassionally purchase some groceries or to fill the car with gas.

I know you love your daughter, in my mind there is no doubt about that! However, you aren't doing her the favor that you think you're doing. You seem to be picking up the slack for her. She is at an age where she needs to learn more responsibility! She is doing all the right things by going to school, working hard and staying home to save money, but she needs to learn what it means to "pay the bills." Look at it as teaching her, your teaching her how expensive life can really be. You should also be making her chip in for food, and if she is not already helping out around the house, she needs to be doing that as well. It will help her realize how blessed she is to have such wonderful parents who have done so much for her up to this point!

I think you did the right thing, especially since she's been responsible this whole time. I would say that maybe you could have her get the groceries twice a month, and encourage her to keep helping out around the house (cleaning, garbage, etc). I think it's important to help our children, given this economy and especially if they've shown responsiblity and initiative. After all, when we get older, it will be our children that take care of us! As for your other daughter, it is a God send you can help with child care, and what an opportunity to bond with your grandchild. I think as long as your daughter provides the food, formula, supplies and maybe throws in a couple bucks here and there to help, that would work :) You are a good mom!

I do think its time that if she is in her 20s and she is living with you she needs to start paying bills. Give her the job of paying th electric bill or the water bill or money toward those things. If you can save it up and give it back to her when she is out on her own thats great.

when I was living at home and not going to school I paid my parents $50 a week and that included everything. My cousin paid the electric bill every month for her parents. Alittle something a month is not going to make her go broke and if she wants to save for an apartment then she wont go out with friends or shopping so that she can save her money for what she really wants A place of her own!

My parents rented. So whenever the rent went up I had to pay the difference. Not a problem. By the time that I left I was paying $50.00 a month. Not too bad. But I did pay them. When I was 19 I was working but didn't have any insurance and ended up in the hospital for 3 days. My parents made a deal with me. They would pay the hospital bill and I would pay for all the doctors and tests. That was totally fair. It made me more resposible. When I was 20 I bought my first brand new car. My dad was worried that I wouldn't be able to handle the payments. I did just fine and he was proud of me. I never missed a payment and I was starting to build up my credit. My mom co-signed for me since I didn't have any credit. By the time that I bought my second new car my credit was so good that I didn't need a co-signer.
I would sit down with her and figure out what she is making, how much her student loans are a month, make sure that she is paying for the gas in your car, and what she wants to put to the side to save for her own apartment. and figure out what is a reasonable amount for her to pay. She should also see if she wants to put money on the side to buy her own car. If you need the money to pay your own bills then do so with the money. Otherwise put the money in an account and buy her something for her apartment. OR you can see what money you are missing from the 2 days a week and maybe charge her half.
I know what you mean about the other daughter. We are struggling too with daycare. I send my daughter 3 days a week and my father in law watches her the other 2. I am a school bus driver so I only need him 2 1/2 hours in morning and then again in the afternoon. He is starting to complain about the afternoon. He doesn't like it. So since my father is home now I will have my FIL in the morning and my dad in the afternoon. Thankfully they both live very close to us. My father is 2 doors down and my FIL is a 2 minute drive away.
I hope that everything works out for you. Best of luck! :)

If you don't want to ask her for rent, you could still tell her that she needs to chip in on utilities.

I think it's very reasonable to ask her to contribute. After I finished university I moved back home for a while and had a good job. After a while my parents asked that I pay $120 per week. That was fine. I was living in their house, eating their food, using their power and water, and I was an adult with a job.

Asking her to contribute will help her learn greater financial responsibility. You will be doing her a favour. Without this, she may be tempted never to move on and to stay with you forever!

DO NOT feel guilty about asking her to contribute. She might decide to move out, or she might take the offer. At 25, she's fortunate she has parents who would let her stay.

I would ask for $300, plus she pays her own bills (loans, etc). We are in discussions with our soon to be college grad that if he wants to stay here for his gap year between undergrad and grad, he can't expect to be here for free. His friends would expect him to pay his share of utilities, rent, etc. I think it's perfectly reasonable to have a working adult in your home help with the household bills AND over time she should work toward independence. Part of parenting is loving them enough to make them fly.

Frankly, I think that she should drive her own car because part of the process of growing up is to earn the things you have. We were talking just yesterday about the "quirks" of our first cars.

I have lived with my family all for about a year in since high school. Im now 24 and have paid rent in some form or another. When I have had a job, I of course paid rent. When I didn't have a job, i did extra chores and cooked dinner. So yes, I feel that she should. I pay around $200 a month mostly just to help out with the bills, but to help me not get behind in my bills too.

Do you need the money? If so, then go ahead and ask. That's totally reasonable. If not, I'd ask her for something nominal, like $200 or $300 a month, and set that money aside for her in a savings account (without telling her), so that when she's ready to buy a house or move out you can give her the money back. It will help her budget if she has to pay something for her living arrangements. Otherwise, whenever she does move out it's going to seem very expensive to start having to pay rent, food, gas, etc.

Do you think it's fair to ask one child to pay & the other one not to pay?? Sounds like you're playing favorites a little bit. I think you should hold off til she graduates b/c she's still in school, regardless of her 'having a job'. Once she graduates, she'll need to start paying back those loans & will have that to pay back. Why make her pay rent on top of loan payback? Help her out by allowing her to use all of her paycheck towards gas & for paying back those loans FIRST, THEN ask for some type of rent if she's really hurting you financially (i.e. never helping out, always leaving the gas tank empty, always eating you out of house and home, running up the utility bills, etc). The more she can put towards those loans, the faster she can pay them off. If she has to divide her paycheck...like so many of us are struggling to do right now with just simple household bills, it will take her longer. I think she'd appreciate you helping her through college graduation. Course this is my opinion but it's coming from experience where my sister got everything handed to her (and still does, actually) and I had to struggle to pay bills & almost ended up on the street, homeless due to parents not wanting to help me when I lost my job or going through school too. I'm STILL struggling but now I'm married & have the support of my husband, thankfully but I have SO many bills to pay on very little money so, do the right thing, help her out first. After all, aren't your kids supposed to come first?? Good luck!

Yes, she should be required to pay to live there at this point. I would do some investigating find out what a room to rent in your neighborhood is, find out how much of the food bill is hers and then take one third or one quarter if you are trying to save her some money of the utilities and create a rental price. Go online find a rental lease and have her sign it and make agreements then and there. It's time she get's it figured out. I would estimate 900 a good fee. Another thing you can do is find out how much rent/food/utilities etc would be in an apartment she would be able to move into and ask for her to pay 75% of that, keep the money in an account to go towards helping her move out.

I love Nancy W's idea however, I would give back half because I'm sure you could probably use the money and she is an adult.

my parents had me paying rent since my first job....whether it was $40.00 a week or whatever...i think i was 15 or 16

I never paid my mom rent while living with her bc she wouldn't let me!! I would pick up some groceries and put them in the fridge though. I came home and lived with her when my sister was really sick, so instead of getting a job, I cared for my sister full time for awhile and so that was my service to my family, one less expense to pay for. I did this when my Grandma passed away as well. Anyway, I think if she is helping around the house or doing something that is taking some burden off, then that is one thing. But it sounds like this is strapping you guys a bit. Since she has a job I don't see why she can't suck up the gas and drive her own car, I mean you should be in your nice new car in my opinion. I would never want my mom driving a lesser car bc of me. But if she has a date that she is going to move, is working hard and it isn't a burden, it could be ok. If not, I say be honest and just tell her you are happy that she is able to get some help as she gets on her feet but you need her help out with some of the finances and then give her an amount or a bill or something specific. Good luck, it wouldn't bother me at all to help out my family especially when they were doing so much for me, so hopefully she will feel the same.

When my kids were living at home and not going to college, they paid rent. I gave them the money back when they moved out or when they got married.

Looking back, I should have also had them give me the amount of money they spent on fast food. I provided the food, the kitchen and the storage place for food they wanted to buy and they still ate out. But that is my own personal pet peeve. If you are poor and you don't save, but spend money to eat out you will stay poor.

I'm an investor. I should have put their money in high dividend stocks. Then when they were ready to settle and put their money in a home, they would have had a decent down payment. Now all they have is rent receipts.

Good luck to you and yours.

Once I was no longer in school, my parents required me to pay $50 a week to live at home. That was for my room, food and utilities. Everything else I had to pay for. When my parents helped me out with buying a car, I was responsibility for making regular payments to pay them back.

With the babysitting, when my son was a baby, my SIL babysat for us. We paid her about $50 a week for five half days. It saved us a lot of money, but helped her out too.