Should I Override My Son's Teacher??

Absolutely - I would bring it up to both the teacher and director. Maybe they can set up some kind of subtle schedule for him to go to the bathroom early (so as not to rush the pooping process) before they go on the field trip.

YES YES YES!! Potty training and accidents should not have negative consiquences, especially for a first offence.

Yes you should talk to the teacher. By giving him a negative response he will be more likely to hide the next accident for fear of getting into trouble. .

Yes, definitely talk to the Director.
I am a teacher myself: I do NOT like the teacher's decision at all, especially if the teacher informed your son about the reason of exclusion from the Field trip. To work with the kids, basin =g their education of FEAR is totally wrong. In this case, your son will be most probably afraid of having such an accident, instead of understanding it any other positive way... Sad. Education should be positive, encouraging, safe. Good luck, K., and I am sorry for the accident with the teacher! You know, everybody who learns, makes mistakes: it is so natural! If this teacher decided to work with little ones, she should be ready for such moments and deal with it, showing her love, compassion, and understanding, not her disgust and denial. I have three (now adult) kids: here is no way that you can avoid such situations while being around little people... I mean, really, right?! Oh... the teacher still has to learn how to become a REALLY GOOD TEACHER! I hope, she will understand her mistake and change her behavior. I am serious.

I'm pretty shocked that they are excluding him from the field trip. They probably are just weilding their power, since he's not coming back next year, it doesn't matter if they piss off you, the client.

Please don't mention the poop incident to your son again, especially in relation to the field trip. It would be horrible if this incident stayed in his memory. I'd just withdraw him from the pre-school. If they're willing to be that mean to him in front of you, imagine how willing they are to be mean when you're not there. They could easily be chastising him and taunting him daily because of the poop accident. -- Just something to think about. Mean people don't turn it on and off; they just carefully let it out when they can get away with it.

That's pretty rotten, and the two are in no way related, if she is doing it as a form of discipline. The only thing I can see is if she is concerned that he may do it on the field trip. If that is the case, perhaps you could go with on the field trip, or if they still object you could take him to a special event just the two of you, in lieu of this. Definitely find out their motives, but if that is their form of discipline it doesn't sound healthy.

I agree with you, he made a mistake and in preschool they should understand that. I think they are coming from the angle that it would be nearly impossible to take care of the situation while on the field trip if this accident were to happen again. I have never missed a field trip with my kids and on thing I can tell you is they have so many (very young) children in a new place, very little time to spend in the bathroom with him during the trip and very little resources to carry additional clothes with them if there were an accident. I would consider asking if you could join the field trip, that way if there were an accident, you are there to take care of it.

You may want to ask the preschool too if they are having him to go the bathroom more often or at least just before they go outside. Sounds to me like he has to go more often then the others and as a typical boy, he is just having too much fun to remember - especially on the playground.

Good luck and remember this is just not unusual, don't let that preschool push you around. = )

Yes I would override the teacher. No child should be punished for having accidents just because it is inconvient for the teacher to deal with. I would be going to the director first thing Monday morning and letting her or him know what happened and what your child's teacher has decided to do to punish him.
If you do not get a satisfactory response than depending on where your child's care is located-if it is part of a larger organization such as a Y than I would be going up the chain of command all the way to the organizational director. If that action does not work than you need to file an incident report with the state quality assurance for day care licensing (I am assuming it is a day care with it being summer). If it is a school go to the principle than to the local superintendent, county superintendent, and if need be to the state director of education.
I worked in child care for years before having my own family and under no circumstances were we allowed to punish a child for having an accident. In situations where discipline is needed such as misbehaving on a field trip it is to be immediate-for example having the child sit in time out-and not saved for another time such as you won't get to go on the field trip next week because you misbehaved this week.
Children do not remember what they are being disciplined for if the consequence is not immediate. All a child will see is that the adult in charge is being mean and some children will even feel that the adult hates them.

T.

YES - you should override. That was an accident - what a bad message to send to a child that an accident will have repercussions days later...

K.,
Be sure and consider some of the details of taking a group of youngsters on a field trip. Where are they going? Is there a bathroom there? It could just be policy specific to fieldtrips. I work in early childhood development and the task of safely taking a group of 5 year olds to the bathroom in a public place is very difficult. It may not be about your sons accident but more about trying to manage the possibility of another one in that particular setting. Maybe you could accompany your son on this next fieldtrip to help with that possibility, it would probably only require a little time away from work...and yes, any concerns you have about your child's care should be discussed with the teacher or the director, you need to act as a team, they are your 'village'.

I would definitely talk to the teacher - I'm guessing this is a preschool where you pay them - so having them exclude him at this age seems inappropriate to me for a first offense- and it is especially inappropriate if they don't make alternate arrangements (he can't go on the trip, but he would be in another class that day)

I would start with the teacher, but doubt you will get anywhere - I would go to the Director and plead your case. If it's only happened once at school, sounds like maybe the teacher wasn't paying enough attention to the fact that maybe he had to go.

Good luck!

I have two boys of my own and am the Clinic Aide at an Elementary school. The school should absolutely NOT exclude your child from anything because of this accident. I deal with this all the time and treat it just as if I were giving a kid a bandaid for their scraped knee. If a child had thrown up at school he/she would not be excluded from the next field trip for fear of that happening again. I'd talk to his teacher or the principal (without your son present) and explain your feelings and try to come up with a compromise. Maybe you could tell them that if there's an accident, you will come get him from the field trip or offer to send along extra clothes just in case.

I think you should talk to the teacher or anyone else there about it. That is very wrong, thats like the school my daugther goes to that she cant go, becuase she has cronic constipation and has accidents all the time. They happen, but saying he cant go on a field trip in my eyes is very wrong. I wish you luck with any choice you do.

The preschool that I worked at would not have considered your son potty trained and would actually not even allow a child that is not capable of going to the bathroom on their own, especially at age 5, to attend so count yourself lucky that they are so tolerant. At age 5 unless there is a medical reason for his accidents it IS a BEHAVIOR problem NOT an accident. I had a child that would urinate on the flowers in our playground every day, this was no accident and it had to be dealt with by a parent teacher conference. We agreed that because he was choosing not to use the potty he would have to use a diaper. It took one day and he never had another "accident". I think it is a perfectly logical consequence that because he is choosing not to use the potty at school the teacher can not take the risk that he will choose not to use the potty on a field trip. If you want to offer to go along and be responsible for him and feel like you could do so without holding up the group then that would be a good solution. In the fall the kindergarten teacher is going to be a lot less tolerable I'm sure.

I would tell the teacher/director what the doctor said. I feel that if there is anything negative put in on the potty training experience it will just make things last a whole lot longer. Everyone makes mistakes and intelligent people learn from them. He is probably really embarrassed as it is. Do not add insult to injury.

I wholeheartedly agree with you and your son's doctor. He should not be excluded from the field trip for having an accident. Send him with extra clothing just in case but the teachers on chaperoning the field trip should give the kiddos plenty of opportunities to use the bathroom while on the field trip.

Talk to the teacher and the director to see if there are other reasons. It may not be as a "punishment", but more of an issue of safety. Field trips can be chaotic, I have helped on many with my daughter. It is hard to take kids to a public restroom and if there are not enough helpers that day on the field trip it could mean not enough eyes to help out with the remaining kids. Not to mention it could be about hygiene. They may not be in a place that has an environment conductive to having to clean up a dirty kido. Most of the field trips we took the kids did not bring their backpacks with the extra change of cloths. Remember the teachers are not your child's parents and it is not their job to be mom so they should not have to lug your kids stuff around. If you feel that your child must go on this field trip then work it out with the teacher and director to go with. I dont mean this to sound harsh but you are the mom and it sounded like you are more irked about having to miss a day at work. I understand that if you are the sole provider it is hard, but most of the time the field trips are a few hours. Also at 5 he needs to learn that actions have consequences. Unless there is a medical reason, your son sounds like he is getting too busy to remember to go. That is a choice not an accident. When you are talking to the teacher bring this up and I am sure she will be willing to work with you in reminding him to go to the bathroom more frequently. Good communication between your sons teachers and you is very important. Work with your teachers and not go against because you assume they are not doing things in your sons best interest. Your children with module you in how to show respect to others. Good luck.

I truly have sympathy for your situation. But put your self in the teachers/aides position. Would you like to stop and worry about changing dirty pants while managing 20 to 30 kids. I agree with the no punishment, but the teachers have to have some boundaries and rules for a reason. If you have to take off work that day anyway, take a mommy/son field trip. Go to zoo, or aquarium or something special. Or, volunteer to go on school outing! Just some solutions that dont "override" the teacher. That does not teach your son anything!

I would definitely talk to the director. I think it is ridiculous that they are punishing him for having an accident, especially if the doctor believes they are accidents too. Maybe get the doctor to write a letter to the school director about your son's accident problem. Good luck!

Make it a GREAT day!

S.

Hi K.,
As a mom and a former teacher, I feel that talking with the teacher/director is a good idea. You have to also look at it from the school's position. Even if it was just an accident, the teacher is in charge of a whole class, not just your son. And when you are off of school grounds with a class it can be stressful. If your son had an accident on the trip, the teacher may not be able to responsibly deal with it and take care of the rest of the class. One solution would be that you agreed to join the class on the trip and if there is an accident, you can take care of it. Whatever you decide, open communication is the key for your son to have a good experience in whatever school he attends.

I do agree that they probably aren't punishing him, and trying to plan; however this is his first accident. What about if you agree to go with them just in case something happens and then you get to go have some fun with him???

Yes--override it. Children have accidents for many reasons. Despite *why* it happened at the time, the two appropriate responses are immediate consequence ("uh-oh, guess you'll have to miss play time today") and reminders and prevention ("yesterday you had to miss playtime. how about going potty before we go outside" and then another reminder outside). Missing the fieldtrip is not an age appropriate resposne. If the childcare center is really worried, perhaps you can attend with him, then, so he still gets to partcipate, and the whole potty thing is not turned into an issue, which could backfire and cause more accidents.
Good for you advocating for your child. It's a little uncomfortable, but so important. Good luck!
A.

K.,

I don't think they are giving a negative consequence for his accident. I think they are planning appropriately for another accident. What if he had one while on this trip? Most pre-schools are not equipped, or licensed for changing diapers and least of all on a field trip. This totally sucks for both of you, but it may be very difficult to counter this accident should it occur again while they are "out and about". Bring all the other kids back to the school? Not fair to them. Talk to the director a little and do your best to understand their "side".
V.

Hi K.! The school has a lot of kids to take care of and field trips are usually hectic. I would ask if you can go along on the field trip. If you can't, then I think that you need to respect their decision since it would be very difficult for them if your son did poop in his pants when they are off school grounds with many other children. They are not doing this to be cruel, they have a lot to deal with and have to sometimes make these tough decisions. It's nothing against you or your son:)

That seems a bit harsh to not let him go. I guess I would find out their motive for not letting him go. Ask in a non confrontational way like "I am confused, I am wondering where you are coming from" Do they see it as a punishment? Do they somehow think it is not an accident? Or are the teachers conserned about how they will deal with him having an accident on the field trip, if one were to occur. Perhaps they just need to talk about their fears of dealing with it (IE: when he does can he manage it himself?) Are they afraid this will slow down the group too much? If they see it as a punishment then I would tell them what the dr. said and see if you can come up with another solution.
A.

Yes, you should definitely go to the preschool director and discuss this. An accident like that, especially if it only has ever happened once at school should not be reason to exclude him from a field trip. Any preschool teacher ill-equipped or who doesnt have the stomach for bodily functions needs to find a new job. Accidents happen.

I believe that excluding him amounts to public humiliation. "Why isnt little jimmy going on the field trip? Oh didnt you hear? He pooped on the playground last week and the teacher just cant handle it happening again"

If the preschool director is unwilling to relent, I would start looking for a new preschool!

As a mother first and then a school teacher I must say, please think about it as a hygiene issue and not so much as a consequence. I think at five years old most teachers and daycare teachers feel that kids are old enough to stop whatever they are doing to go use the bathroom, especially a bowel movement. Now I think the main reason for not letting your child go on the field trip is maybe not so much as a negative consequence, but what if in fact your son is too involved with what he's doing that he has another accident. Then what?? What should the school do at the field trip? Then they would have to call you from wherever they are to have you come pick him up. And plus, what teacher is wanting to clean up after that? But if they did come across towards your son as having caused a major issue, then talk to the teacher and director. Let them know of this happening at home so your son is not purposely trying to get in trouble. Communication is key and you know what, withdrawing him from the preschool is not the best solution. I think parents forget that when it comes to teachers and schools. You can't just take your child out just because you don't like something. It's a team effort and everyone has to be open to talking about the concerns.

My son is in preschool & had an accident on the playground one day. He just was so wrapped up in his play he didn't stop in time to go potty. It happens. They should not punish his accident-especially if the teacher made him wait-by not letting him go on the field trip. I'd suggest you go on the field trip though, in case there is another accident-whether it's him not making it, or him not being provided potty time-so that you're there to clean him up.
Go talk to them-like the school nurse said, you can't punish a puker by banning them from a field trip. Especially since you now know it was the teacher making him wait that caused the accident, I'd push for him to be included.

I think you need to talk to the teacher and director. Your son should not be punished for an accident. The teacher needs to, as part of her job, make sure your son along with all of the students are taking bathroom breaks while on the field trip. This will ensure a fun day for all.

There is some good advice here but the most important thing in my opinion would be for you to talk to the teacher and make it a priority to be there and go with him on the fieldtrip. The teacher probably can't deal with it and the other children and rightfully so, he should be old enough to be able to use the toilet so if YOU go, you can clean him up. Nobody wants to clean up a poopy kid.... it is even hard if it is our own but especially if it is somebody elses. Sorry, I have to side with the teacher.
You seem annoyed that you would have to stay home with him.

I'm guessing that the teacher is concerned that she wouldn't have enough adults to supervise the other kids if one had to be in the bathroom cleaning up your son. Maybe she had a bad experience in the past with something similar. Can you or a relative volunteer to attend the field trip with your son so that there is some extra help?

If it were me, I would go on the field trip with him. That way you can periodically ask him if he needs to go. I am sure your son is very excited about this field trip. The kids alwasy look forward to that. I would very strongly object. I would not ask if you can go, i would inform them that you are going on the field trip with the class.

My son had the exact same issue. He was always too busy to go and didnt want to waste his recess time. After the teacher brought it to my attention, I would remind him everyday before he went to school, "dont forget to use the bathroom BEFORE you go out to play". I didnt make a big deal out of it. And sure enough he got in the habit of taking the time when he first felt like going.

Would it be possible for you to go with him on the field trip? That way, you can take responsibility for him and they shouldn't have any problems with that.

It seems unnecessarily cruel to exclude him, I agree. There is no reason for that.

If you cannot go, perhaps a parent who is signed up to volunteer who is a friend of yours might offer to take charge of him a bit.

Go with your gut, mom.

I have been an early childhood teacher for 15 years- it saddens me that this is how the school would handle the situation. I would approach them with the information your dr shared and take note of their comments and choices. This may not be the only situation they handle improperly and you may need to go to another school where the teacher's are better educated on what is age appropriate.

It depends on which school he goes to. The "problem" with preschools, is that they are mainly private, in which case, the school can absolutely exclude him for having accidents, because it doesn't sound like they are few and far between, but a common occurrence. Many preschools would actually consider him as not potty trained, and could actually choose to not have him in school at all, as teachers may not be required to clean up a child, or need "special training" to deal with bodily fluids.

If you really want to, then talk to the head of the school, and they may reconsider, but be prepared for them not to. Don't say anything about it to your son, and try having a special day with him. Take him to the park or the zoo and make the day special for him anyway.

These can be tricky situations...good luck!

A punishment should fit the "crime" and in this case I think the teacher is off base. Having an accident has nothing to do with going on a field trip. I used to work in a preschool, and my guess is that the teacher is worried that your son will have an accident while on the field trip. Even if this did happen though, it shouldn't be a bid deal! Surely the teacher would have some kind of kit for emergencies, and an extra pair of underwear (if this is her worry) shouldn't take up too much room. Good luck! I would talk to the teacher first, and then the director if necessary.

I think there needs to be consequences to his poopingng on the playground. It doesn't sound like an 'accident' if he actually pooped on the playground. If he pooped in his pants, then I think that would be an accident. Please forgive me if I've said what you didn't want to hear, but there are consequences to our actions. Maybe he'll learn that he really needs to poop in the toilet and then he'll get to go and do fun things with his class. I just read what every once else said in their responses to you and it sounds like they all agree with you. Did he actually poop on the playground or in his pants?

I totally agree that you should talk to the teacher like you said you are going to, and I'm interested to hear the result. I definitely don't think it should be a punishment!! If they aren't willing to accept all of your reasons, I would say you need to take him somewhere else. It's their fault, not his!!