I am honestly perplexed about what to do for this situation, I would appreciate all and any feedback!
My twin boys slept in the same room (in their cribs) until they were almost 3. When they were able to get out of their cribs, we installed crib tents. When we started potty training, and I HAD to take them out of the crib tents, I seperated the boys into 2 different rooms. The main reason being, when they are together - they just want to play. Also, the level of mischief grows exponentially when they are together. I felt if I left them in the same room with no barrier between them, they would never sleep. And, they have different sleep patterns. One of them doesn't nap everyday, and the other one was getting up at the crack of dawn (before 6:00am), and I didn't want him to wake-up the other.
After we moved them, I got an unexpected result. The one who used to get up at the crack of dawn became a much better sleeper. Right to sleep after we tuck him in (no horseplay, talking, etc.), and sleeps until 6:30am on most occasions. He still naps solidly everyday for about 2 hours. My other son HATES being by himself. He has to have all the lights on in the room, and every night cries for me or my husband to 'sleep with him'. It got to the point where we have to lock his door, and he cries every night for 20 minutes. If we leave his door open, he will come downstairs and/or sleep in the hallway.
I honestly can't stand the heartbreak from the one who doesn't want to be alone anymore. It's so upsetting for me to see him like this and listen to him cry. He does not want to be by himself. It's been several months, and there is no change.
Part of me wants to move them back in the same room again, but I DREAD dealing with getting them to sleep. If we were to have another baby, they would have to share a room - but that would be at least 2 years out.
Any insight on room sharing would be appreciated, twins or not. I'm torn!!!
I had 3 boys in one room. Once the routine was established and consequences were set, there was little problem. My boys however, were not the same age. Two are 3 years apart and the other two are 20 months apart. When I had my nieces for the summer, I put them all in one double bed (3, 4, 5 yo). There was little problem. Same rulesd applied.
My boys share the same room they are 5 and 3 years old. Usually I have to put my 3 year old in my bed until he falls to sleep them move him to the room with his brother. My 5 year old is usually sleep too by this time. The reason being is that the younger one won't leave his brother alone. So, they would be awake playing about 2 hours after bed time. It was easier on me too because I don't have to keep getting up telling them to stay quiet and go to sleep.
Another thing is my boys make such a mess in their room. It's hard enough just trying to keep the one room clean.
All the advice given has been wonderful. My suggestion is to first install a nightlight and get one of those cool projection balls that project images, stars, fish, etc. on the wall. This may help him stay in bed and may also lull him to sleep. You may also offer incentives. I like the sibling sleepover idea. Tell him if he goes to sleep without problems in his own bed Mon-Fri that he can sleepover in his brothers room or vice versa on Saturday, Sunday, or both days. You can start off with giving him Saturday and Sunday. If any there is an incident or any inconsistency one day during the week, deduct a day. If there is more than one bedtime issue during the week, revoke the sleepover privileges. You must be consistent. Once your son sees that the rules for sleepover privileges are being enforced, I don't think you will have much of a problem after the first week or two. Like one of the other posts mentioned, I think that once you establish a consistent routine with the "sleepless" twin. You will see positive results. Perhaps after the other twin is asleep, read the "sleepless" twin a bedtime story, a long one with a soothing storyline. Oh yes, bathing children before bed is also a great sleep aid. Use lavender baby wash. Lavender has a very calming sent. Cut off sugar at a certain time, too. Hope some of this info is helpful to you.
I am a twin and always shared a room with my sister, I think we liked it (can't remeber being that youg) but when we got into middle school we wanted our own space. I went to bed early she stayed up late kinda deal. I would try to put them back together, or do "sleep overs" on the weekends and see how it goes. That way you aren't moving a whole room around over and over. But keep in mind they may want thier own space eventually.
I'd put them back in the same room. The emotional price is too high to pay. Twins need each other. I've seen this with my grandchildren. And don't you want them to have a close relationship thru their lives? Little ones shouldn't be left to cry. He's telling you in the only waya he can that he's hurting and scared. Respond to his needs. He's counting on you.
J.
I have 2 yr old twin boys I'm a little behind you but I suggest putting down the sleeper first than the crier second about 15- 20 after the first one is asleep. I have to do this myself and it works great. This way you get to have cake and eat it too! Keep them together until they ask to have their own rooms. Your one little guy should not be locked in to cry by himself. If you do decide to keep them apart try a baby gate instead of a lock. Good luck!
Tammy
J.,
As far as bedtime goes, why not put the one who falls asleep down first, and then when he is sleeping, bring his brother to the same room? Just a thought.
I agree with the previous post, I suppose you have to decide what is more important to you: not having to deal with getting them off to sleep or their independence from each other?
We have six children, and are expecting our seventh, in a 3-bedroom home. Our children have always- and will always- have to share a bedroom with one another, and and as a result, we have had to deal with various sleep issues from time to time.
We have spent many evenings visiting in the living room outside of their open doors to monitor and correct their behavior instead of retiring to our bedroom. It has also been helpful to send them to bed a little earlier so that there is time for the "winding down" to take place. Currently, we send certain children to bed early while allowing the others to stay up and play quietly. (I don't think it's fair to make the 10yo go to bed at the same time as the 3yo anyway.)
If you choose to put your boys back together, remain patient and understand that you may have to deal with some problems- though it sounds to me that you have merely traded one set of problems for another by separating them in the first place. If you are willing to work with them, to teach them to stay in bed and go to sleep when they are in the same room together, I think it would be best. None of our children like to sleep alone. In fact, they all sleep together in a pile on the floor rather than in their own beds! (That's another tactic we use- we make them sleep in their beds as a punishment for excessive chatter and horseplay before bed! How weird is that???) I would never split them up into their own rooms now when they feel more comfortable and secure being together.
Just my 2 cents... Best of luck in whatever decision you make.
C., soon-to-be mommy of 7
My twin boys shared a room until they were 4, we moved and they both wanted their own rooms. We put bunk beds in one of the rooms. Up until this year (they are 10) they have slept in the same room with the bunk beds. My older boy (2 minutes older) has been wanting to sleep in his own room.
At least with the bunk beds they can choose where they sleep. Thankfully bed time has never been an issue. They brush and change, I say prayers and they go to sleep. I think that you could allow them to share a room but that only if they will follow the rules. Go right to sleep, and when you wake up you don't wake your brother, you quietly leave the room. Of course on the weekend or when they have sleepovers they are crazy and have to be reminded to get to sleep.
You are in a rough position!! Being the girl of boy/girl twin, I was the more independent. We slept in the same room until we were...about 5. As far as the mischief goes, I'm afraid to say, you haven't seen ANYTHING yet. :) But, you could keep them apart and get the more insecure one a "special friend", who will keep him company. Tip, maybe you can buy two, and just switch them back and forth so they smell like the other twin. :) Or, put them back together, and put the better sleeper to bed first. I wish you the best of luck!! :) You're in for it!! :)
I am a twin. I always shared a room with my sister but my parents had no other choice.
Here is the thing. They will need to separate sometime. My time of separation came when I failed 2nd grade and sissy went on - made new friends and I was forced to not hide behind her shadow. But I grew.
I would keep them apart and encourgage special play time the next day.
You will need to be firm in your decision and not waiver. I think it is the best for your son who wants to be with someone. Remember too that at this young they will rarely remember any of this. Try to train confidence into him as an individual.
I hope this helps.
