Should I Just Cut It for Her?

I would get her a cute pixie cut~ still "girly," but short enough for convenience.

Besides, even if she gets mistaken for a boy by strangers, the people who matter know already know she is a girl.

Just cut it. It's easier for her to play. You know she's a girl, she knows she's a girl. If it makes her happy, do it.

It's just hair. Get it cut short professionally before she hacks it with scissors herself. Trust me, we've spent 3 years growing out Chickpea's self-trimmed bangs.
The pixie look is cute on little girls and you can always add a sparkly hair pin or velvet headband if she has to dress up.
Why does it matter if she's mistaken for a boy?

It's hair. It will grow back.

Take her to the salon and get it cut professionally.

yes, she's 4. However, she wants her hair cut a certain way. That's absolutely fine! Tell her - okay - honey, we'll do this. However, if you don't like it - you will have to wait until it grows out. There's no turning back once it's cut until it grows out.

YOU like it long. SHE likes it short. let her try it.

It's only hair. It will grow back if she/you change your minds.

It's an area where you can let her have some control over her decisions - and at 4, there aren't many of those.

And, at 4, what's the worst that could happen if she were mistaken for a boy? I mean, what terrible harm can come from that? If she doesn't notice, it's not a problem. If she notices but doesn't care, it's not a problem. If she does notice and cares, you can casually mention that a lot of people make assumptions about gender based on hair and clothing, and she can decide how important it is to be perceived accurately. But it's also a way to help question our assumptions of what we expect, what gender roles mean, etc. I think, the more you make a big deal of it now, the more you can open the door to obsessions with looks and body image. At 7 and 9 and 12, that's going to be a huge deal, so it's probably a good time now, at 4, to start to think about how you're going to handle it down the road.

I would let her do it. When my daughter was about 4 years old, she wanted her hair really short. I took her to get it cut and the hairdresser kept asking me if that was a good length after every inch she cut. I told her "don't ask me, ask her. It's her hair and she can have it cut as long or as short as she wants". She is 8 now and her hair is past her elbows. She now likes it long, but she is having problems taking care of it. I now have told her if she wants her hair to be long, she needs to be able to keep food out of it, wash and condition it on her own (I check it to make sure it's fully rinsed if she needs help) and she is able to brush it and keep it from getting knotted up. She is having a hard time with it lately and it's really damaging her hair. I've told her to look on pintrist for a shorter hairstyle she likes. Even if it's just 3-4 inches cut off, she will still have long hair. I just want her to be able to take care of it

She know what she wants. Take her the beauty shop & let her look through the different books. She doesn't want a buzz cut. My daughter always had long hair, I had really short hair (still do) & my husband is bald. Hair doen't make us what we are. Maybe it gets in her face when she is playing or maybe it is just heavy on her head. Let her try. There will be more things in the future. Just wait until middle school......this will me minor. Some little girls look great with short hair, especially if it is curly. If she doesn't dress like a boy,she won't be mistaken for one. Good luck..you might like it.

Why would it be bad if she's mistaken for a boy?
By the way, a lot of transgendered adults say they knew from a very early age they were the wrong gender. I think it's important to honor what is heartfelt from the child, not make them what you want them to be. It's way too early to know and quite unlikely that this is what is happening with your daughter. But wouldn't you rather honor what is in her heart? Whether it's as minor as a desired haircut or as serious as gender identity? It is, for now, after all, just hair.

I would talk to her about styles and show her that she can have short hair and these are her options. Look up pictures of kids with short hair online. Our neighbor's daughter keeps her hair short and is never mistaken for a boy. But I would make it very clear to her that unlike the bun, this is a long-term thing. It will have to grow out slowly if she doesn't like it later.

When I was a little girl my mom always kept my curly hair short. I wanted it long. I finally convinced my parents to let me grow it long, and I found that long hair wasn't all it was cracked up to be. I had to waste valuable playtime looking after my hair. I had headaches all the time from wearing it in ponytails, braids and pigtails, but if I didn't it was a hot mess, and I would have to spend hours brushing all of the knots out of it. It was always flopping in my face when I was running and playing on the monkey bars etc. I must say, it did look cute in my school picture, but I was really glad to go back to short hair so I could enjoy being a kid again! I kept it short until I was in high school. I say cut it!

its hair and it grows back. Save the disagreements for the big things in life - hair is almost never one of the big things. My SIL dressed her daughters in frills, lace, ruffles, hair bows, etc - now as teens they wear the most simple plain comfortable styles they can. If you're worried about her looking like a girl - then when you get it cut get a "pixie" cut - short but not as short as dad's. But if that's not short enough then ask the hair cutter for suggestions - there are a lot of short styles that still look feminine - wispy edges, short on the sides, full & long on top, etc.

My daughter is 6 and has only had one hair cut. She was 3ish before she even had hair, so I can't bare to get it cut, it's only been trimmed. I know it's their hair, and I figure eventually she'll be the one taking care of her hair and doing it, then she can be in charge of what her haircut is.

If you and your husband are ok with a cut, maybe you could do something less drastic than short as your husbands and do a cute bob instead. Depending on how curly, it may look crazy short, like a poodle. The shorter my hair is, the crazier it is. At least when it's long the weight pulls some of the curl out. I have one friend who keeps her daughter's curly hair in a pixie cut because it's too hard to comb and hurts her head it's so curly. It looks super cute on her and not like a boy at all.

Yes, it's her hair. It doesn't matter what others think, and it's not good to make too much of a fuss over appearances, which ultimately don't matter, in the scheme of things.

I don't know what her dad's hair looks like, obviously, but maybe you can convince her to do a bob, vs. a real boy cut. But still, it's hair, it grows.

If it's long enough for a bun then it should be easy to keep it in braids so it's out of her face.
I wouldn't cut it at first but I would try to have more fun with it.
Try different styles and braids.
If she still wants it cut by summer then maybe she'll like a page boy style - it's shorter but still not too short.

I would let her cut it. With curly hair, it is better for her to learn at a young age how long it takes to grow out again! I know from experience that you don't want curly hair in the awkward growing out phase right in the middle of your adolescent, awkward, growing up phase!
She may well be mistaken for a boy, even in pink. My boys both have long hair and get called girls pretty regularly, even in super "manly" outfits. So far, they are not damaged from it, they just think people are silly.

Who cares if people think she is a boy? Let her live in a post-gender world if she wants. It's 2013.

No. It's her hair, but she's 4. You get to decide on her hair right now. And no, you don't want her mistaken for a boy at 4 years old.

No, keep putting it up for her. Tell her mommy gets to pick until she's older. If you like it don't cut it in a boy cut. That's just not right for a little girl. I know, that sounds sexist but I think girls get to have long hair when they're little and when they get older they get older girl hair styles.

It broke my heart when my granddaughter went through that phase where she started cutting her hair. It took years to get it long again and she loved it for a while then wanted it cut again. A tween can decide somewhat. If she's picking out styles that are inappropriate or not suited for her hair coarseness or curl/straightness then it's something they still can't do.

I always made the decisions until my dd was old enough to take care of her own hair (and it wasn't at the age of 4! )

"It's her hair!" could mean, "She's practically grown up - at four - so she should do whatever she wants with no interference from you." Or it could mean, "She needs to have some input into how she wants her hair, even though you need to guide her right now."

Your question reminds me of a friend's daughter who always wanted to dress like a boy - no pink-and-purple, no frills, no "cutesies." From your girl's age on, she wore boy's or boyish clothes, or as close as she could get to it, depending on the occasion. Her mother let her have her hair in a very simple style, almost boyish but not quite. As the girl grew older she decided girl clothes were OK, but she retained a very tailored style. Now that she's in college, she still has the same style; her hair's longer now, but she's simply beautiful and elegant. She doesn't need the frills to look like a girl.

If I were in your position, I think I would focus on the fact that your daughter wants caps. She wants a hairstyle that doesn't interfere with the cap. She looks at her daddy and thinks, "No problem for him, so I'll do that, too."

So your and your husband could effect a sort of compromise here with her; talk to a hair stylist about a cut that is short, simple, and suitable for baseball-cap wearing, without being totally boyish. I imagine that when your daughter's hair doesn't get in the way of her haberdashery, she'll be happy. Next year, she may decide she wants it longer. Braids are in style right now, and once she's old enough to learn how to manage her own hair, she has lots of possibilities.

There are many battles in life; this is one that you don't have to fight too hard.

It's hair. Let her have it the way she likes it. So what if people mistake her for a boy. Friends and family know she's a girl. Is it really important for total strangers to know what she has under her jeans?

I agree that it's hair and it will grow back...save your battles for the big things

you decide. at 4, or at 9 for that matter, kids don't decide. if you don't care if it's long or short then have it cut.
as for being mistaken for a boy...who cares.

shes 4...you think shes old enuff to decide about her hair? i read so many of these post that gives the child the upper hand in decisisons..shes 4..im not trying to offend anyone-but your the parent-their the child-maybe she has crossed genes n is going thru the cycle of wanting to change early..i dont know-i do know your the parent shes the 4 yr old child.

I haven't read all of the answers so maybe this was already suggested, but what about a compromise? Have it cut, but in a style or length that still looks feminine. I had traumatic hair experiences as a kid so I have mixed feelings about this issue. I have awful fine, straight hair and as a kid I was forced to wear curlers/rollers in my hair to bed on Saturday nights so I would have nice, curly hair for church Sunday morning. (This was before curling irons or even hot rollers.) It was painful. I also had a very short cut when I was about 10 and I was really small and skinny. I was mistaken for a boy by strangers and it was traumatic for me (admittedly, I was a little sensitive). Maybe at 4 it isn't a big deal to be mistaken for a boy, but it bothered me at 10. I think I did see in the answers that if she really does want it cut she might end up taking matters into her own hands if there's a scissors accessible. Better to have it done professionally IMO.

You can take her to the salon and help her choose a short yet feminine style. I'll bet she could pull off a cute little curly pixie cut... maybe with a little pink streak in it for fun. Try a salon that does Locks for Love if her hair is long enough.

How insistent is she? I have a 9 yr old who has been a complete tomboy since she was 3. She has beautiful long brown hair. She's mentioned for years that she wants short hair, but I've resisted. I let her wear whatever she wants and I fix her hair however she wants (which is to usually just let it be down), but I really love it long! Even though she'd like it short, she's not too insistent, so its not a battle. If she REALLY wants a short 'do, let her-its her hair! But if you think its just a phase, stall her until she forgets about it! Good luck- raising a little tomboy is tough, but fun!

My parents never fought us about our hair. Unfortunately, my mom picked several horrible hair cuts for me when I was in early elementary school and it still haunts me now - I'm 30. I remember being embarrassed, crying, etc. They were popular styles at the time, but I HATED them.

I think you're doing her more harm by not letting her be herself. It's hair...it grows back. I'd let her cut it.

My youngest always wanted to wear her brothers clothes, play cars, baseball, basketball. Pretty much she was "one of the boys". Then around 13 things started to change around. She started following her sister around coping her. She still is very sporty, not much into "girlie" things. But she's still a great girl. As far as the hair goes she also wanted it cut short when she was little. I stood firm on that and would only let her cut it to her shoulders. Her hair is son long now and she's thankful I held true to that rule. Just except her for who she is and embrace it. Who knows she could be the next Mia Hamm or Miss America. The only thing that matters is she's happy with herself.