Should I Go to My Niece's Wedding Shower?

I see you've already had a lot of help. I just wanted to add that I would feel the same as you, but I would also try to remember that family is forever, not just a moment of obnoxiously judgmental behavior.

Go!
I know that my mother could not make me go anywhere. So, I doubt she had any control. They are young and selfish. When they have babies they'll "get" how important they are.

I know our daughter would not be able to miss College to go to a shower and would much rather save her money and time to see the actual baby.

You are wasting energy on this.

Breath in and then slowly let this out. Do not think another thing about it. Follow your daughters lead.

Your sister and nieces live far enough away to have to fly to see you? And they actually flew out to see the baby after she was born? Why the resentment then? Sounds like they made an effort to see the new baby and their cousin (your daughter). Maybe you shouldn't take offense where none was intended.

How do you know for certain that they didn't attend because your daughter wasn't married? Did they personally tell you that? If they were appalled about the whole situation, why did they fly out to see the baby just a couple of weeks later? I think you should stop fretting over this and go to the shower. You really do need to get past this. Take a cue from your daughter, who sounds like a really nice person.

I don't know but I would just let my daughter handle it however she wanted to.

Good luck.

You are still upset, even though your daughter isn't, because the deepest hurt is felt when it is done to those we love. I can understand. Now for the future of your hurt. How wonderful it is that your daughter is using all you taught her, her strength, her confidence and her love, to get past this. So just for one day, go to the shower, think how happy you are for the bride-to-be and for how proud you are of your daughter and grandchild. Time really does give us an opportunity to heal our wounds, if we allow it . Blessings.

Since your daughter has let things go, it would be healthy for you to let things go too. Think about your attendance at your niece's shower as support for your daughter. It shows that you have a big heart and unconditional love. for family.

I would also be careful about assuming that your daughter's cousins didn't attend her baby shower because she wasn't married yet. It's not so uncommon or unacceptable in that generation to have unwed parents, especially if the parents are adults and still together planning to marry. If the cousins are in college, don't assume either that they could easily take time away from classes and exams. You may be holding a grudge for nothing.

Edited after your update: They actually SAID that they didn't come because they didn't support having a baby shower while your daughter wasn't married? ::sigh:: I'm sorry they were so judgmental. You do/did have every right to be upset with your nieces over that. Hopefully now that time has passed and your sister did support your daughter you can support your sister now even if you have feelings of hurt about your nieces. So I still say "do it for your daughter" and now I'll add "do it for your sister." You'll get to see other family and have a nice dinner and dancing all on your niece's tab. :-)

honestly, how much energy is it costing you to even think about feeling resentment. don't lower yourself to that level. go to the shower, have a nice time and move on. life is full of so many serious challenges and this is not one of them....unless you choose to make it one of them.

Of course you should go. It is between your daughter and them. Be a good role model of understanding and forgiveness.

Go.

They may not have felt right supporting your daughter pregnant and not married. It may be how they were raised. It is their moral choice. It is not really a bad decision on their part to stick to what is right with them. Even though it may be hard. To not support them because they did not support your unwed daughter is pretty petty. Had they lied about their tru feelings it might be different but they were straight forward. If you need to get over it write them a letter explaining how you feel and then BURN IT! We have a choice to be offended and carry it with us. You will be hurt, not them. Have a wonderful time.

It must be the mamma tiger in us. I can forgive someone who hurt me much more easily than someone who hurt my child. There are no easy answers. I would ask you to closely examine your own feelings. You mentioned "we all knew that it was because..." But HOW do you know that? Are you assuming that? They flew out when the baby came and agreed to be in the wedding. That doesn't sound like they were looking down on her for to me. Would they have had to fly out for the babyshower AND then turn around and fly again 2 weeks later when the baby was born? Maybe they were making a choice to do one or the other and decided that it would be better to bring a gift when they baby came. If your daughter is close enough to ask them to be in her wedding, and holds no resentments, I say follow her lead.

I would go to the shower. But if you can't let go of the resentment, then don't go. It would ruin the day. Hopefully you can get past this and be happy for your niece!!! It sounds like your daughter isn't bothered, what is bothering you??? Maybe write it down and see if that helps. GL!

M

I would feel exactly as you do. But these events in our lives only come once, and while they were bigots in their treatment of your daughter, you can choose to take the high road. It doesn't mean anything other than what it is. As far as them, they are the ones with the problem. They use their own 'bigotry' to make themselves feel morally superior. But they aren't because the baby shower wasn't really about them or your daughter. It was about welcoming that precious, innocent child into the world. They used an excuse to not be there and do not be surprised if the same behavior rears its ugly head later, for another reason.

Back to their event, it's about the celebration of bringing two lives together and you can demonstrate real goodness and benevolence by attending.

Your daughter is lucky to have a mom like you.

Don't sink to a lower level. Follow your daughter's lead. She understands. Why can't you?
Maybe they actually couldn't "get away" from school at that particular time--tests, final reviews, etc. It's totally possible.

I love you mommy!!!!!! <3

It's hard, but you should be the bigger person. While you can't change how you feel, you can hide it for the big day. If your daughter isn't hurt by it, follow her lead. If they were willing to fly out for the birth, they have shown their support, just not in the timely manner you would have liked.

In my opinion it's always better to take the high road.

I think you're nieces were right. A baby shower is something traditional. You had one for your unmarried daugther. You can't expect everyone to support that. I wouldn't have come either. Tradtition says marriage, then baby. Your daugther was doing it non-traditional but still wanted the traditional shower. Can't have it both ways.

I, too, would be quite miffed at the nieces. Acceptably righteous or not, they made a judgment and were a bit mean about it. Coming to see the baby after birth is great, but they put a damper on her preparatory enjoyment by not showing up to "shower" her with their love and support. If she had other reasons for having a child without legal marriage (such as being gay), then would those nieces have just "disowned" her entirely?

In any case, if you have to fly to your niece's shower and wedding, I would suggest you skip the shower and just go to the wedding. (Of course, you probably risk not being invited to the wedding if you don't go to the shower...) Best wishes.

Sometimes it is not about us but about what God is trying to teach us. I have a similiar issue. My daughter had a baby out of wedlock and she still isn't married and my granddaughter is three years old as of this pass saturday. I was hurt when my church wouldn't have a baby dedication for my grandchild. However, I had to understand and respect the church. Your issue is more with family and even though that is the case always try to remember that God uses situations to help us understand how we need to be more like him. Move forward and let God heal your heart.