Hi J.,
Yes you are in a challenging position to be sure. First let me tell you that the nutritional components of breastmilk are far superior to formula as well as the other hundreds of goodies in breastmilk (that formula does not have) that build the body to its optimal levels. Breastmilk has well over 1500 ingredients (many of which we are still studying) while formula only has about 150 - you do the math.
The risks of formula are known and well documented and soy formula has its own set of risks starting with the massive amounts of phyto-estrogens that act like the estrogen in our own bodies. There are many countries that flat out ban ALL soy formula from use for this very reason. If we as adults were to ingest the same amount of soy per day that a fully soy formula fed baby does it would be like us taking 5 birth control pills per day - yes this has been documented. Now, with all that estrogen going into the baby's body - imagine what that is doing to the child's hormone levels...the research is there...
Secondly, it bothers me tremendously that a Dr is saying rice milk or oat milk is fine to feed the child as long as the child is given a multi-vitamin. This is not healthy and could be quite risky. If baby is eating solids that would help - but there are constituents in breastmilk and formula that make them both much more appropriate than rice/oat milk with a multi vitamin. I would not recommend this route.
As a mom who was 100% dairy and soy free for almost 3 yrs I can tell you that while it isn't always a breeze, it isn't terribly difficult either. My suggestion to my clients is go 100% cow's milk products and soy free for 2-4 weeks - then challenge (by eating some of one) and see what happens. As a vegetarian, I'm sure you are already making sure you have plenty of the B vitamins (one of the most difficult to get while being vegetarian). Eliminating only 2 foods from your diet leaves you still with several hundred other foods to eat. :) Cook from scratch and you can easily eliminate soy and dairy without sacrificing too much. :) We use rice milk in place of cow's milk to this day (14 yrs later) for all cooking...
Talking to a good nutritionist to help you with your diet so you don't feel like you can't eat anything and are making sure what you are eating is nutritionally sound for your health would be a very good idea. The gal who mentioned the IgG testing and healing your own gut to help heal the baby's had some good thoughts! Worth looking in to...
Lastly, I'd talk to a good lactation consultant in your area if possible. A baby who can't nurse is a big red flag to me - something was wrong - babies SHOULD be able to nurse. And if they can't I want to know why. Many babies have structural challenges (lots of tight muscles or body misalignment) due to the birthing process and that can cause reflux...I've see this time and time again. Baby has a spinal misalignment and reflux - go see a pediatric chiropractor or Bowen therapist for body work and the reflux goes away...there never was an allergy.
You are welcome to call me if you like - I am a Lactation Consultant here in Sacramento. I work with situations like yours all the time. They are manageable...with the right help. :) But please - don't stop breastfeeding. If your daughter is willing there are so many things good things about breastfeeding that are worth the efforts you are going through. You can do this!
Warmly,
J. Simpson, IBCLC, CIIM
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