Should a Responsible 17 Y Be Allowed to Drive 6 Hours in State to Visit Friends?

Research train and bus routes. You are probably old enough to do that alone. But the driving idea seems very risky.

My very responsible 18 yo would not be allowed to do this. (She would have to borrow my car since she doesn't have her own) This is not because she is not a safe driver or that she is irresponsible but simply because I don't think it is safe. I'm sorry. I know this is not what you wanted to hear.

i'm sure you're a good and responsible teen driver and i'm all about letting teenagers flex their adult muscles and have adventures.
but this is pushing even my boundaries. i might allow this, but there would be a lot of whys and wherefores, and i'd also be likely to veto it.
since your mother, who presumably knows you better than we do, has said no, i can only assume she has valid reasons.
look into a bus or train. i hope it works out for you.
khairete
S.

I would not want to allow it, were I your parent. Six hours is a lot longer than it sounds. Especially alone in the car. Road fatigue sets in easily. And then what? A 17 year old girl stopped somewhere trying to cat-nap, alone? Or getting out walking around in a strange location, with out of county tags, alone?
I realize that with turn by turn directions on almost all cell phones, it'd be difficult to get really lost, but it could happen. Or a flat. Or unexpected debris or other hazards in the road could cause your vehicle to become disabled. Then what? Ok, sure, you could get the car towed... but then? Who's going to come get you? Most rental companies won't allow a driver under the age of 21 to operate a rental vehicle, are you aware of that? And what if you get sick? Do you know what medications are ok to take (and which are not) if you are driving? Do you have experience driving 6 hours while ill?

Driving completely alone versus following another vehicle, with a passenger to keep you company, are very different things. You have no idea how strong the urge will become to reach out and text... Or call (which is also a distraction, and even more so for a less experienced person behind the wheel)...

Yes, all of those things could happen with an older adult traveling alone. But older adults tend to have more practical experience/wisdom about dealing with such matters, *and the means to do so. Also, you are young. Do you think that other drivers on the road won't be aware of that? That you become invisible behind the wheel? No. I'm not a paranoid person, but I am cautious and try to be aware. You have no idea who will be in the other vehicles on the road... observing you, young, female, alone, a long way from home (as evidenced by your tag, your map app, your checking in on the phone, your bathroom stops, etc.) and discovering opportunity for nefarious behavior. I promise you, a break down on the side of the road sounds easy to deal with, when you think, "I have my trusty phone," but sitting on the side of the road realizing that you are at the mercy of WHOEVER stops is unsettling to say the least.

A trip under 2 hours would be something I would consider. Not 6 hours. Not to mention the fact that when you and your friends all get together you are likely to stay up late, not rest properly and then have the return trip, also alone.

My son is almost 19, and is a good driver. I would be worried about HIM making a trip like you describe, and he has spent time working in an auto shop/garage! I'm assuming you are still in high school... responsible or not, a high school student just is going to be too inexperienced to make a trip like you are asking to take. Yes, you have to try new things to gain experience, but this is a leap, not a step. 2 hour round trip on the interstate? Has that been alone? Do you mean one hour each way or 2 each way (4 hours total)? Neither is enough to require a restroom stop/break. And that's been the same stretch of roadway... so it's familiar. Not really all that much experience in the grand scheme of things.

I would say no. Sorry. I know how much you want to see your friends (I was a student who moved in high school, so yes, I do know). But it's just too far to do it alone, in my opinion.

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ETA:
Absolutely what Barb said! If your mom allowed you to do that drive, and ANYthing happened, she would never, ever forgive herself and would blame herself for letting you do it. And you (or anyone else) trying to reassure her that it "wasn't her fault" would never assuage those feelings of guilt.

I'm sure your Mom knows and appreciates exactly how responsible you are. It's more of a safety issue. There are a lot of awful drivers out there and there are an awful lot of creeps out there that would love to target a 17 yr old alone and 6 hours from home. Mom's instinct is to protect, no matter how responsible the child. I would have a tough time with it. Could someone else responsible go with you for company?

I trusted my older daughter on long trips but then she was responsible nearly her whole like, can't really say she was a responsible toddler, so of course I trusted her judgement with driving. Thing is she learned to be responsible by trusting my judgment. If I said no she would not question why and she would not go on a parenting board trying to figure out a good argument. That you did this says to me you are not as mature and responsible as you think you are.

I don't think its really about you and your being responsible. I think its more about your mother's comfort level at you being 6 hrs away if something happens during your drive. Please don't make this into a "You don't trust me! I do everything around here to help you and when I ask you for one thing the answer is no".

S.,

Parents love their kids and are rightfully concerned for them. My niece recently graduated college. She had lived in China for nearly a year and took a job in Oklahoma recently. Their family lives in Pennsylvania. Even though she was 22, my brother in law *still* drove down with her in his car. There are a lot of weird,hinky people out there on the road. I agree with other posters who suggest the bus or train. The train is a beautiful way to travel and I've taken the bus (Grayhound) since I was pretty young. Take your phone, a book... you'll be fine and you can call your mom to let her know when you get in to Pensacola.

Frankly, visiting Florida-- your traffic scares the heck out of me. Esp on the freeways. My in laws live down there... it's crazy.

You are trying to justify your mother's NO and honestly sweetie you can't.

Moms are very protective of their children and this just isn't a good idea. Sorry might not be what you want to hear but you need to hear it. This is a safety issue. The holiday season is upon us and there will be a lot of traffic starting. While you may feel you are an experience driver on the highway, you are not. In addition, a young, single female could be a target for someone who is not the best person.

If your Mom and your friends' parents would meet 1/2 for the exchange, I would think about it; however, it is very close to Christmas and a lot of people may not want visitors this close to Christmas that weren't planned. Why not meet up after Christmas? Or how about train or bus?

If none of those options are available, no. You would not be going if you were my daughter. Sorry. Safety trumps responsible.

I agree with Julie. That you're trying to go around your mother, who knows you best and has your best interests at heart, bugs me. To me - not so mature.

If you were my teenager daughter - I would say no. I wouldn't want you to drive 6 hours without breaking it up with another driver, I wouldn't want you pulling into rest stops or gas stations - showing up as a young woman with no companion (just not a great idea, it can attract unwanted attention), I wouldn't want you to be on side of road waiting for help (should there be a blown tire or accident), etc.

I didn't drive alone on interstates long distances until I was much older when I had to for work. It wasn't at peak holiday travel time either. Even then, I would have preferred to have had a companion.

Your mom knows best.

Are you fully aware of the teen driving laws in your state? Many states don't allow an under-eighteen year old driver to drive with a passenger, unless the passenger is over 21, or a sibling. If you were to have another passenger in the car who's not 21 yet, and you were pulled over, the consequences could be severe. Also, if your friends aren't 21 and you drove them anywhere, like to a restaurant or the movies or to get some snacks, that could also have serious consequences.

This distance doesn't sound like a bus would be prohibitive. I'd suggest that.

If I were your mother, I would be worried about: 1/ the long drive or possible car breakdowns or flat tires, possibly when tired and/or alone; 2/ you, having a car for a few days in a strange city, with friends (often when problems arise - peer pressure, that feeling of freedom away from home with a readily available vehicle; and 3/ driving back with your cousin unless your cousin is over 21.

I understand your wanting to see your friends, but please, take a bus or train.

You say you know how to be responsible, but part of responsibility is not causing anxiety to the ones who care about you. It's wonderful that you have a mom who cares about you.

S.,

Welcome to mamapedia!

So you want to go behind your mama's back and show her messages from a group of people you have NO CLUE who they are and you want us to believe you are responsible?

No. Sorry. Your mom is weary for a reason. Have you discussed with her her reasons for not wanting you to drive six hours alone?

Do you have the money for gas?
You plan on driving all six hours in one day? That's a long haul for a young driver. For me? It would be different if you had a friend with you that was a licensed driver so you could switch off.
Is this in "your" car or the family car?
Can you family afford to be without a car for a week?
If you've stepped up as the parent, will your mom need you this week you're gone to help out?

Why can't you skype or facetime with your friends? it's not like you can't see them that way.

I say NO.

i think the responsible 17 year olds mom knows her better than i do and if the 17 yr old were truly responsible she would listen to her mother.

Why is your mom weary? Is she tired from the discussions? I agree with Tadpole. If you were truly a responsible young woman you'd accept your mom's decision.

I googled Clearwater to Pensacola and it's a 7 hour drive. 490 miles, one way. So it's almost a thousand miles round trip.

Let's say you get 20 miles per gallon on the highway. That's about 300 miles to a tank of gasoline. Gasoline is about $2 per gallon. Not a huge price but what if you have a flat on the highway? What if you break down? Have a wreck? Get lost because you missed an exit? Who's going to take care of you if anything happens?

Right now, this moment, there are 27 car accidents on that route. It's December, people are starting to travel for the holidays...so no, there isn't any way I'd let you drive by yourself on this trip. I might consider the trip if I were to go along.

How about you see if your friends would meet you somewhere in the middle? Are there other forms of transportation? What about Amtrak at least part of the way? Or Ferries/boats?

Your mom knows you. She knows she can trust you. It's the OTHER drivers she doesn't trust with her child. It's so much more than just letting a nearly adult person go across the state.

You need to trust your mom.

No.
Holiday travel will be starting up this weekend and the traffic will be worse than you think it's going to be.
Sorry your friends moved but Skype and email are much safer options.
Back in my day we did person to person phone calls or sent snail mail.
As it is - your trip to Virginia I don't think was legal (in Virginia at least) and if you'd have been pulled over the law might have had some issues with your family's driving arrangements.
When I started making long distance trips I was in my 20's and my Mom took me off her insurance and I got my own. Why? So if I'd got into an accident (and it doesn't matter if it was my fault or the fault of someone else) - they couldn't come after my Mom's house.

I've had PLENTY of road time during my lifetime.
I've seen flat out crazy on the roads, racing drivers, road rage, wild fires, blizzards with white out conditions, torrential rain with cars just stopped in the road, ice storms with zero traction (still slid off the road doing 5 mph), accidents, exploding truck tires (steel belts and rubber flying everywhere with cars veering to avoid debris), etc.
AND I'VE HEARD teens trying to justify themselves before.
Just relax this weekend at home, wrap a few Christmas presents, help decorate your home, and enjoy a warm cider.

Hey S.,
I totally get that you want to see your friends. Can the friends drive to you so you aren't driving in a car alone? The most responsible thing to do in this situation is to honor your mom's decision. She knows and loves you.

I live in Florida, do not do the drive. The snow birds are here and the roads have been deadly. 6 hours is way too long. Its not worth the risk.

If I were your mom, I would be worried too. And wary of you doing it. There's a big difference in driving alone and driving with someone.

There are bad drivers out there. Road rage and ugly behavior can cause all kinds of problems. And how you would handle something bad that happened is also a concern because you don't have the experience that older people have.

I'm pretty sure that nothing I say here will make an impression on you. Teens mostly feel that nothing bad can touch them. (I miss that about myself, oh so many years ago!) But one thing about teens - their parents make the rules, especially about cars - and years from now you'll understand how they feel.

Whatever happens, trust your mom to make the best decision for everyone involved. And it's not just you involved - sorry.

No. It's more than just your age and being responsible.

It's the holidays and people drive crazier than usual as they rush to get somewhere.

I'd say NO.

First of all, your mother knows you and your family situation best, so you need to work this out with her. Mamapedia members' opinions really don't matter.

For what it is worth, I would not want to do a 6 hour drive by myself and I certainly would not send a 17 year old off in a car by him/herself on a road trip like that. Far too many things could possibly go wrong which would require the experience and physical presence of a more experienced person. What is checking in every hour going to do in that kind of situation? Nothing. I'm sure you are very responsible in your conduct at home and are accumulating good experience as a driver, however there's a quantum leap from that to driving 6 hours on your own.

The idea of taking the bus sounds like a good possible compromise, though you may want to arrange for your friends to meet you at the station. Young female getting off a bus with luggage in an unfamiliar city sounds like a target. Otherwise, Skype/Facetime with your friend would be your best option.

Good luck with it!

You sound like a very responsible girl and it sounds like you've put a lot of thought into how to make this work. I don't think I would let you do it. Not because of your age, but I just don't like the idea of anyone driving alone for such a long distance. I know that both my husband and I sometimes get tired on long drives and it really helps to be able to take turns driving, or simply to have someone else to talk to so we can stay awake.

Is there another way you can get there? Could you take a bus or train? Can you fly? Is there another friend that could go on the trip with you? If it was my daughter, I'd be a lot more supportive if you had someone else going with you.

See if there's another way to make it happen. I really hope you get to see your friends.

I would have no issue with this, I did similar trips myself as young as 16, and the simple fact is in only a few months you will be 18 and considered an adult, this last year should be about helping you be ready for that kind of independence.

That said, I am not your mother and I don't get to make rules for you, so just because I find the idea perfectly reasonable does not mean your mother does. Also I know nothing about you or how responsible you really are, my decision to let my own kids go would be based on how mature they are as well as my past experiences with having more independence and freedom at those ages. I worked full time (40 hours a week) from the time I was 14, I got straight A's most semesters, and I did not drink, do drugs, or break curfew, so at 16 and 17 there was no reason not to treat me like an adult.

No way would I allow that. Sorry, I am a helicopter mom I guess, but I would feel very uneasy for such a young teenager to make such a long drive. Put it this way, I am 35. My mother still cringes every time I drive up to Orlando, which is about 4 hours away. If I told her I am driving 6 hours, she'd probably be praying to the rosary and the Virgin Mary that I make it there ok and wonder why I turned out to be so adventurous and wild when she "taught me better and was such a calm person." My last road trip was close to a 6-hour drive and I was quite exhausted. I felt like that drive went on for 8 hours. In the middle of the drive home, my headlight burned out and it was raining so hard that I could not see the car in front of me. The roads were already wet and slick too (this was during Hurricane Matthew), and windy, so it was even more of a challenge to get home.

Earlier this year, when driving, my sister's boyfriend had a tire blowout. We were all in the car and didn't know what was going on. We panicked somewhat, and we're all adults. My mom has never even had a flat on the road because she barely drives, so she was really scared. We saw the rubber tire bounce away and roll off behind us, while we skidded on the rim to the shoulder. It was scary but less scary when you have other people in the car -- safety in numbers. I cannot imagine someone being alone, at night, at a young age, wondering what to do next in this scenario. By the way, we saw a few cars with creepy-looking guys slowing down and peering into the car. When they saw my sister's boyfriend in there, they sped up and drove off. I cannot imagine had it been just me, or a younger version of me, in that car, alone, and frazzled, or what they had in mind.

If your parents are lending you their car, or even if they bought you a car, then sorry, but you're still bound by their rules, considering you still live in their house. Whether you like it or not, you have to respect their decision. Why not take a bus or train? That may be a safer option for all involved -- you get to talk on the phone, text, or nap along the way, and your parents feel safer you're on a large vehicle driven by an experienced driver, and you're not all alone in some desolate country road literally in the middle of nowhere (Google Maps has put me on those, on occasion, because of an accident on the interstate).

I have a little different opinion but I live in Texas and it was a 6.5 hour drive to my college town and I had to drive it alone many many times to come home and get back to school. I went off to school at 17 and regularly drove that long alone way back before cell phones. I had to stop at a payphone and use a calling card every two hours to call and check in with my dad.

I knew how to change a tire, jump start a car and may other real life road hazard skills. My parents knew the exact route I was driving and I did not deviate from it.

So to me personally having been your age and having to drive that long...alone...I would probably say yes, if you are as responsible as you say you are...

I do understand your parents hesitation...I would feel those same worries...but being from Texas a huge state that takes forever to drive around, eh, I would be more likely to say yes.

I see it is Saturday...did you get to go or not...???

Regardless of how responsible my child was, I wouldn't allow it, especially during the holidays. Yes, you drove to Virginia, but you had family in another vehicle in front of you. There's a big difference between that and driving 6 hours by yourself. I suspect that your mother's concern isn't about your technical driving skills. It's about your ability to anticipate and handle potentially dangerous situations along the road. It doesn't mean that you're not responsible. You just don't have enough life experience yet.

One more thing to keep in mind. You said that you've had to step up and become the 'second parent' in your family. But regardless of what you do for your siblings, you're not their parent. You can perform parental duties, but you have no idea what kind of bond exists between a parent and child, how protective parents are of their children. You don't truly understand that your mom started worrying about before you were even born, and has worried about you every day since then. And you don't know just how devastated she would be if something happened to you.

So cut your mom some slack. Give her a holiday gift and tell her that you respect her decision and will be glad to spend the holidays with her.

You do sound responsible and considerate but I know I wouldn't let you do it. I didn't have a daughter but sons who were responsible and one of my sons decided to go ahead and leave with some other friends for a stay in another state He fought with me tooth and nail and did it. There are a lot of factors why parents worry about these issues. In his case he and his friends didn't consider what would be necessary for a winter trip which was only two hours away. They didn't have extra cash to stay somewhere and they 'popped in' on a friend who couldn't house them..They didn't have warm enough clothing and shivered the night away sleeping in a car. They had no food along. And I guess barely enough money for gas.And that was the time when cel phones were starting to be affordable and popular and of course they didn't bring a charger along to call. Plus they wanted to prove they were right in going. I know lesson learned but I wish it hadn't been learned that way. And although things happen they were boys and they were together.You might consider a couple of things, too. Is this your car or your mothers? She might need it if it is hers or is worried about ITs reliability. Also, You are a girl, alone-unless you have a black belt in karate you can suffer a worse fate than that of my sons. As my mother would say there are too many nuts out there. Now I know there is no magical age to do something like this. But as a mom I would also worry about what you would do about a flat tire, broken car parts and not you-but other drivers who can't seem to navigate the road while they are texting.I have to admit once a child is out of the house permanently the worry isn't as horrible. What I can't see isn't the same as what we live with currently. But when my 26 year old son, who is a great big guy- left to drive sixteen hours to Colorado to be with his brother, I was worried for him and he in all probability better equipped to handle these things than I am. There will be plenty of future friend visits. Give your mom a chance to adapt to these kinds of comings and goings and she may lighten up next time .In the meanwhile is there a train you could take?

Can you meet halfway? That's a compromise I would give if I were your mom.. I wouldn't allow my kid to drive 6 hours away, but three would be different. you still have only legally driven a car for a year. To me, that's not enough time to drive that far away..